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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Holy !@#T!!! Shortest Enrollment Ever!
flightlessbird11 01:20 PM 11-15-2011
Ok Ladies,

I need some serious support! I'll apologize now for any misspellings..etc., my hands are still shaking.

Ok, new DCG3. First day here. Came at 1. Naptime. 1:10, starts running around and kicking the other kids and completely disrupting everyone. I put her on time out. She runs.I put her back. She runs and laughs. This went on until 1:15. She starts to get really aggressive. 1:16...she winds up and slaps me in the face. Pretty hard too for a 3 yr. old. Mom gets a call. No answer. Dad gets a call. No answer. Emergency contact gets a call. No answer. OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Finally geet a call back from mom, and I tell her this will not work out, what her daughter did, and that she needs to be picked up RIGHT NOW. 1:45 child is picked up, and I actually got attitude from mom. No apologies.

I have never seen a more out of control child in all my life. She would not even sit on the step to wait for her mom. I am so shaken by this whole incident. What the hell?! Did that just happen? Wow.

Please tell me I did the right thing.....I'm sure I did, because seriously, any child that has the b#@ls to test an adult like that, a new adult, in the first 10 mins......not what I signed up for. Not worth it.

Ok, thanks for letting me vent.
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caligirl 01:24 PM 11-15-2011
You did the right thing. I would have done the same thing.
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Cat Herder 01:25 PM 11-15-2011
I have seen it before...yes, you did the right thing.

It may have to happen to Mom a few more times before she GET'S that she needs to fix this.

Parenting is hard work.
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LittleCrawfishCC 01:27 PM 11-15-2011
Girl, That child would have been gone by 1:11!!!! I DO not allow that in my home.
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daycare 01:27 PM 11-15-2011
Holy COW!!

I think we are going to see more and more of this....

less parenting these days and kids seem to be the ones always wearing the pants....

UGH

SO sorry you had to go through this....big hugs....hope the rest of your day goes better...

Oh and let the other kids know that because she made really bad decisions that she will not get to come play toys here....

I always use this on my kids just to show them that I am in charge and for them not to get any ideas and try it...
lol
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Heidi 01:28 PM 11-15-2011
Yes, you did the right thing.

Please document everything, and give your licenser a head's up. I would consider this a reason to be proactive.
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dEHmom 01:31 PM 11-15-2011
oye! So Sorry you had to deal with that. I wouldn't tolerate that either. Kids generally are upset first day, and either misbehave or they are very quiet the first few days. Then that's when all hell breaks loose once they adjust and are comfortable you see the real them. But just imagine if this isn't this child's worst!

You did the right thing. Write this off and have a glass of wine or beer when the daycare closes.
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flightlessbird11 01:33 PM 11-15-2011
Thanks everyone I just still cant believe that! And whats even funnier, i just got a text from moms friend saying that im on the verge of a breakdown and clearly not qualified to work with children.
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sharlan 01:54 PM 11-15-2011
Originally Posted by Catherder:
I have seen it before...yes, you did the right thing.

It may have to happen to Mom a few more times before she GET'S that she needs to fix this.

Parenting is hard work.
That will never happen. It's everyone else's fault, not the child's.
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dEHmom 02:06 PM 11-15-2011
Originally Posted by sharlan:
That will never happen. It's everyone else's fault, not the child's.
I don't necessarily agree with this. I think alot of a child's attitude/behavior is influenced by the people around him. BUT I also stand firm that some kids are just born with a bad streak in them, who knows maybe it's something they experienced while in the womb, or maybe they just have some little switch turned on that can make them; wild, bad, mean, sociopaths, psychopaths, murderers, etc.

I know that sounds harsh. But I don't think every murderer is born to parents who taught them this. I think sometimes a bad childhood can trigger people to do bad things, but I also believe you can have the most wonderful, maybe even religious parents who have children who that grow up to be awful members to society.
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Kaddidle Care 02:13 PM 11-15-2011
Originally Posted by momwith4:
Thanks everyone I just still cant believe that! And whats even funnier, i just got a text from moms friend saying that im on the verge of a breakdown and clearly not qualified to work with children.
Nice.. let Mom's friend watch her then!

She'll find a Center that will take her for 2 weeks, and then another for 2 weeks, and so on and so on. It's gonna be expensive!

I wouldn't put up with that behavior in my own home either.

I am curious - how did the child act during your interview - or was she not there?
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caligirl 02:23 PM 11-15-2011
We need a 'LIKE" button on this forum LOL
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nannyde 02:25 PM 11-15-2011
Not a good plan to have kids first day be arrive and go to bed. They need to have time being up with the kids before the go to bed. If they are on a p.m. schedule you still have to do a few weeks of all day schedule so they get used to the house.

I agree with immediate term. If a kid feels comfortable hitting a stranger adult it means they are COMPLETELY out of control. I don't have the experience, education, or training to deal with children with violent behavior. They need to have special needs care with highly trained adults and in a setting with mulitple adults.

Her Mom needs to find her special and pay special.
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KBCsMommy 02:28 PM 11-15-2011
Holy Cow!!! Thats exactly why I have made the choice to NOT take kids over 2. I can deal all day with screaming infants...I can not deal with the way older toddlers act these days.

Im sorry you had to deal with that. And you made the right choice by getting her out of your house immediatly!!
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youretooloud 02:29 PM 11-15-2011
I would have termed on the spot too.

But, I also wouldn't take a child that needed to arrive at nap time. It's unfair to the child. I wonder how she would have behaved while playing?

It does sound like the parents need a wakeup call though.
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Crystal 03:01 PM 11-15-2011
I disagree with terming like that. I think it was unfair for the child to arrive on day one and have to go straight to bed. I'd protest too. She hasn't had five minutes to get to know you and you're sending her to bed? I think that's just asking for a fight. You don't KNOW her, you don't KNOW if this is typical behavior for her....you didn't give yourself a chance to find out. She might be one awesome little girl, but coming into a new program and not even getting acclimated to your new surroundings before you are made to lay down just may have freaked the poor little thing out a bit. If I was Mom, I'd be mad too.
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Cat Herder 03:14 PM 11-15-2011
Originally Posted by Crystal:
I'd protest too. .
By kicking other children and slapping an adult in the face in her first 30 minutes....
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jen 03:17 PM 11-15-2011
Originally Posted by Crystal:
I disagree with terming like that. I think it was unfair for the child to arrive on day one and have to go straight to bed. I'd protest too. She hasn't had five minutes to get to know you and you're sending her to bed? I think that's just asking for a fight. You don't KNOW her, you don't KNOW if this is typical behavior for her....you didn't give yourself a chance to find out. She might be one awesome little girl, but coming into a new program and not even getting acclimated to your new surroundings before you are made to lay down just may have freaked the poor little thing out a bit. If I was Mom, I'd be mad too.
I would agree that getting a kid to go to bed right when they got there, especially on a first day, would be difficult on the child; but to be that aggressive? In my experience kids that age are more timid in strange situations.

Honestly, I don't know of any child that I have EVER had in care (and certainly not my own children) that would haul off and smack an adult at three years of age.

I think I would be more worried/uspet/horrified about my child's behavior than the fact that they got kicked out of daycare.
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Crystal 03:18 PM 11-15-2011
Originally Posted by Catherder:
By kicking other children and slapping an adult in the face in her first 30 minutes....
I should have said, I do not think her behavior is okay, BUT I can understand why she would misbehave. This may have been a one-time thing....a reaction to NEW daycare, NEW environment, NEW people....she wasn't even given a chance. I would have at least seen how she behaved when it wasn't naptime.
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Cat Herder 03:26 PM 11-15-2011
Originally Posted by Crystal:
I should have said, I do not think her behavior is okay, BUT I can understand why she would misbehave. This may have been a one-time thing....a reaction to NEW daycare, NEW environment, NEW people....she wasn't even given a chance. I would have at least seen how she behaved when it wasn't naptime.
Ok... you scared me for a sec.

I FULLY agree the interview, introduction and acclimation was mishandled (from my point of view).

My hopes are this situation will have taught that in and of itself.
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nannyde 03:26 PM 11-15-2011
Originally Posted by Crystal:
I should have said, I do not think her behavior is okay, BUT I can understand why she would misbehave. This may have been a one-time thing....a reaction to NEW daycare, NEW environment, NEW people....she wasn't even given a chance. I would have at least seen how she behaved when it wasn't naptime.
I don't care if they are brand new... have to go for a nap... have to stand on their head... are one... three... five...

It don't matter to me.

You lay your hands on me and you are OUT of here that day.

I've never had a kid raise their hand to me. Not once.

Slapping an adult across the face for making them lie down is REDICULOUS. It's not like she was asking her to jump into fire.

We need to STOP telling providers it's OKAY for kids to hit them for ANY reason.
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Crystal 03:33 PM 11-15-2011
I will just agree to disagree with you here Nan....I'm not in the mood to debate you.
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BigMama 03:35 PM 11-15-2011
I agree with Crystal. On her very first day (stress) in a very new place (stress) her mother drops her off (stress) and then a new person (stress) immediately tells her that she has to take a nap (stress). I would freak out too! I am not condoning her aggressive actions, but think about it from the little girls perspective. She may not have the verbal skills to say, "Daycare Lady, I am scared and I want my mom!" Under all that stress she probably reverted back to primal instincts!
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Crazy8 03:42 PM 11-15-2011
Originally Posted by BigMama:
I agree with Crystal. On her very first day (stress) in a very new place (stress) her mother drops her off (stress) and then a new person (stress) immediately tells her that she has to take a nap (stress). I would freak out too! I am not condoning her aggressive actions, but think about it from the little girls perspective. She may not have the verbal skills to say, "Daycare Lady, I am scared and I want my mom!" Under all that stress she probably reverted back to primal instincts!
I agree (and I usually do agree with Crystal!). I don't think I would have termed instantly like that. I am very curious as to why she arrived on her very first day during nap time - I would never have allowed that.
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countrymom 03:42 PM 11-15-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I don't care if they are brand new... have to go for a nap... have to stand on their head... are one... three... five...

It don't matter to me.

You lay your hands on me and you are OUT of here that day.

I've never had a kid raise their hand to me. Not once.

Slapping an adult across the face for making them lie down is REDICULOUS. It's not like she was asking her to jump into fire.

We need to STOP telling providers it's OKAY for kids to hit them for ANY reason.
you are absolutely right. Chrystal, the whole thing boils down to the fact that she slapped a stranger across the face, didn't even think about it, just did it. This clearly shows a child that has no self control, doesn't like rules and doesn't think she should do what she is told.

Now I do blame the mother for dropping her off at naptime, she must have been aware of the times, this was moms error, but the provider could have said "please bring her early" but I've had kids come last minute even when I have asked. Another issue is that she called 2 parents and back up and got no response, now that is scarey, if it was a real emergency (like an injury) then what was she going to do.

op you did the right thing, no child should ever hit,slap, kick or whatever to an adult (an vice versa) if the child is doing it at the age of 3 what is going to be like at 4 and 5....next don't take children at nap time, make them come early.
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Blackcat31 03:52 PM 11-15-2011
In all my years as a provider I have NEVER had a hand raised to me by a child. EVER.

I have endured tantrums, screaming, spitting and all out meltdowns due to needing sleep, odd drop off times, lack of attention, family stress, abusive situations etc. but never ever ever had I a child who hit me intentionally!

Given the chance to think it through, I would have termed on the spot.

... but more realistically, I probably would have been in shock and would absolutely have called to have the child picked up ASAP.

I would have further leaned in the direction of terming as soon as I could not reach a parent or emergency contact.

Then.....after a friend of the parent calls to berate my actions/choices...I would have termed immediately without any hesitation!
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Crystal 03:56 PM 11-15-2011
I have never had a child hit me either. I also would not tolerate it. BUT, I also would not put a child in the position she was put in. She is THREE!!!! She was totally thrown for a loop here. She didn't know this provider who was chasing her around telling her to be quiet. She was out of control and it is the providers responsibility to help her regain her self control IN A SUPPORTIVE, NURTURING manner. She was puttin the kid in time out within minutes of her arrival....how about trying to sit down, read a book, relax into the situation rather than.........ah, nevermind, it's like beating a dead horse.
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awestbrook713 04:16 PM 11-15-2011
you tend to beat that dead horse alot.....
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mismatchedsocks 04:20 PM 11-15-2011
When i first just read the initial post I thought "oh wow, poor child and poor provider". I do not condone the hitting at all. But I think I would have called mom to let her know her child had hit ( and let the child here) then give her a chance to shape up. I would definitely have a huge talk with her before laying her down again, and explained what I expected from her. Who knows where she came from, or what her issue was? Maybe mom had her nap already?

I probably would have done the 1pm drop off different, maybe read her a book just her and I then tell her "ok, its time to lay down with friends".
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Christian Mother 04:23 PM 11-15-2011
I had a little one start who had been in and out of daycare from the time she was 2. Grandma was caring for her and told me upfront what to expect. Clingy, nap time transition very hard for dcg, very needy. Granted Grandma prepared me and she dropped off right at start of day. It took me 2 wks to get her to feel comfortable with me and nap time was horrible each day she would screams and cry as long as I was in there with her. Do I blame her...no, I understood what I was dealing with bc Grandma clued me in. That helped a lot transition in with other kids and after 6 mo once mom was released to care again for dcg she was just a wonderful sweet little girl. I cried when she left bc I saw from what we went through to what she became after. I still miss that little one. I am not sure I'd have termed but I would of def. called mom to let her know what was going on and that if I was unable to get her under control she'd have to be picked up. I still have a responsibility to the others in my care. I couldn't afford to spend one on one time with her specially if she was violent. I believe 30min is def. enough time to make a call and have mom pick up. I wouldn't have termed but I would tell her that lets start again however drop off time will need to be at the beginning of the day not at nap time. Also, that if there is any hitting or kicking or biting the provider then they will again get a call for pick up with a 2 wk probation to determine if there can be a change in behavior which both parents and provider work on together.
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Crystal 04:52 PM 11-15-2011
Originally Posted by awestbrook713:
you tend to beat that dead horse alot.....
really? I share my opinion much less than many here......but yeah, like I said, me trying to prove my point is like beating a dead horse....which is not worth my time.

but, lol, thanks for the giggle
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nannyde 04:57 PM 11-15-2011
Originally Posted by Crystal:
I have never had a child hit me either. I also would not tolerate it. BUT, I also would not put a child in the position she was put in. She is THREE!!!! She was totally thrown for a loop here. She didn't know this provider who was chasing her around telling her to be quiet. She was out of control and it is the providers responsibility to help her regain her self control IN A SUPPORTIVE, NURTURING manner. She was puttin the kid in time out within minutes of her arrival....how about trying to sit down, read a book, relax into the situation rather than.........ah, nevermind, it's like beating a dead horse.
NO

This kid was asked to do something she had done thousands of times. Asking a kid to lie down is NOT something that a normal kid would be violent about.

She wasn't force feeding her raw liver
She wasn't asking her to jump off a bridge
She wasn't asking her to run thru fire

She was telling her to LAY DOWN.

It's a horse that needs to be beat to death. We need to tell providers that they do NOT have to have violence in their home. They CAN make mistakes and not expect to get slapped hard across the face by a three year old.

She might have been in the wrong asking a kid to lay down immediately on her first day but that STILL is not a situation where a child should slap an adult.

If my three year old son had slapped an adult across the face I would have DIED inside. I would have been soooooooooooo apologetic to the adult. I would have frankly been a puddle of tears. It would DEVESTATE me that my son was raised so poorly that he felt comfortable hitting an adult much less a stranger adult who was asking him to do something he had done a thousand times before.

What did this Mom do? She acted like a Mom who has had her kid smacking HER. She knew that kid was violent and didn't tell the provider. She deserves to be let go immediately. Maybe now she will get her kid in check and not leave her in someone else's care until she can trust that her child won't hurt THEM.

It's not about the kid. It's about the adult. We should be able to do our jobs without living in fear of being smacked by little kids.

Enough already with the "it's normal" crap. I'm sick of it.
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nannyde 05:03 PM 11-15-2011
Originally Posted by Crystal:
really? I share my opinion much less than many here......but yeah, like I said, me trying to prove my point is like beating a dead horse....which is not worth my time.

but, lol, thanks for the giggle
No Crystal

YOU are highly regarded here. What you say MATTERS. It matters to me a LOT.

I'm waiting for you to say that we should not tolerate any violence.

That's the horse I want you to beat.

I'm waiting for you to GET IT because you don't.
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flightlessbird11 05:09 PM 11-15-2011
Originally Posted by Crystal:
I disagree with terming like that. I think it was unfair for the child to arrive on day one and have to go straight to bed. I'd protest too. She hasn't had five minutes to get to know you and you're sending her to bed? I think that's just asking for a fight. You don't KNOW her, you don't KNOW if this is typical behavior for her....you didn't give yourself a chance to find out. She might be one awesome little girl, but coming into a new program and not even getting acclimated to your new surroundings before you are made to lay down just may have freaked the poor little thing out a bit. If I was Mom, I'd be mad too.
She was along during the interview and didn't seem that aggressive. We weren't meeting for the first time either. She HAD been around the other children just yesterday for about 1 hour. Regardless, if a child is that comfortable to hit an unfamiliar adult, I'm not interested or trained to deal with that.
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Crystal 05:11 PM 11-15-2011
Oh, I get it Nan. REALLY, I do. I don't condone violence from children either. If a child hit me, I would FIRST assess the circumstances surrounding it....in 99.9% of instances, I would agree that it is 100% unnacceptable. In this situation, I'd give it a second chance because this WAS a HIGHLY unusual situation for this child. I'd give her another day to see how she does within play times and routine times, not day one drop off and go to bed.
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nannyde 05:13 PM 11-15-2011
Originally Posted by momwith4:
She was along during the interview and didn't seem that aggressive. We weren't meeting for the first time either. She HAD been around the other children just yesterday for about 1 hour. Regardless, if a child is that comfortable to hit an unfamiliar adult, I'm not interested or trained to deal with that.
You did the right thing sistah and don't let ANYONE tell you otherwise. You have a RIGHT to live in peace in your home without fear of being hit. It's about YOU and what YOU need.
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Crystal 05:15 PM 11-15-2011
Originally Posted by momwith4:
She was along during the interview and didn't seem that aggressive. We weren't meeting for the first time either. She HAD been around the other children just yesterday for about 1 hour. Regardless, if a child is that comfortable to hit an unfamiliar adult, I'm not interested or trained to deal with that.
I get what your saying. I have to ask though, What do YOU think was different about TODAY that caused her to be aggressive? Do you think AT ALL, that it may have had something to do with it being naptime and an unfamiliar situation?

I am not saying YOU shouldn't have termed....I'm saying I wouldn't have. I would have tried a different approach tomorrow and see if there was a difference in this aggressive behavior before I would have given up.

I DO hope that Mom and her friend leave you alone though....the message was childish.....
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flightlessbird11 05:16 PM 11-15-2011
Originally Posted by Crystal:
I should have said, I do not think her behavior is okay, BUT I can understand why she would misbehave. This may have been a one-time thing....a reaction to NEW daycare, NEW environment, NEW people....she wasn't even given a chance. I would have at least seen how she behaved when it wasn't naptime.
She was kicked out of a center before she came here-mom and dad owe them $500, and her aunts best friend does daycare, but she doesn't go there. Hmmm, I think I could see why. Also, when mom picked up, she couldn't even get the kid into the car-she took off down the block, and mom did NOTHING. When she finally wrangled her into the car, she was flailing about, and screaming. I don't believe her behavior at my house was a result of being scared- I think a lack of parenting and discipline is to blame. I don't think this was that unusual for her.
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youretooloud 05:22 PM 11-15-2011
Originally Posted by momwith4:
She was kicked out of a center before she came here-mom and dad owe them $500, and her aunts best friend does daycare, but she doesn't go there. Hmmm, I think I could see why. Also, when mom picked up, she couldn't even get the kid into the car-she took off down the block, and mom did NOTHING. When she finally wrangled her into the car, she was flailing about, and screaming. I don't believe her behavior at my house was a result of being scared- I think a lack of parenting and discipline is to blame. I don't think this was that unusual for her.
The child probably has other issues, not just bad parenting. This sounds like they need to see a specialist.

The kid was set up to fail from the beginning. She never had a chance with mom dropping off at that time. (and I will not ever believe the mom didn't know it was nap time... I don't think anyone is that clueless) But, this isn't the kid's fault... this is lack of help for the child, lack of consitancty for her, and no common sense from the parents.

I've worked in centers..... a kid could be wielding knives and hatchets and the daycare won't kick them out.... I can't imagine what she must have been like.... or perhaps it was the fact that she wasn't all that pleasant, and they didn't like providing a service for free.

I think you dodged a bullet personally... I'm willing to bet this mom had no intentions of paying you.
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flightlessbird11 05:27 PM 11-15-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
You did the right thing sistah and don't let ANYONE tell you otherwise. You have a RIGHT to live in peace in your home without fear of being hit. It's about YOU and what YOU need.
Thank you Nan! I don't tolerate violence in my home either, and I totally took that slap as her walking papers.
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flightlessbird11 05:30 PM 11-15-2011
Originally Posted by youretooloud:
The child probably has other issues, not just bad parenting. This sounds like they need to see a specialist.

The kid was set up to fail from the beginning. She never had a chance with mom dropping off at that time. (and I will not ever believe the mom didn't know it was nap time... I don't think anyone is that clueless) But, this isn't the kid's fault... this is lack of help for the child, lack of consitancty for her, and no common sense from the parents.

I've worked in centers..... a kid could be wielding knives and hatchets and the daycare won't kick them out.... I can't imagine what she must have been like.... or perhaps it was the fact that she wasn't all that pleasant, and they didn't like providing a service for free.

I think you dodged a bullet personally... I'm willing to bet this mom had no intentions of paying you.
Those were my thoughts as well when she mentioned the money she owed to the center today when she dropped off.
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daycare 05:32 PM 11-15-2011
I can see where everyone is coming from on this.

I think its just a matter of what one DCP can tolerate verses another.

I know I could not tolerate this, I don't have the backbone or patience for violence.

But some providers can and I take my hat off to those who can.

It's like my sister and I.

She teachers at a high school much like the movie dangerous minds. It really does take a special person to work with difficult children who have been allowed to be the leaders. I could never do this...

In your heart of hearts if you know that you could not have helped this child, you did the right thing...
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flightlessbird11 05:40 PM 11-15-2011
Originally Posted by lilrugrats:
When i first just read the initial post I thought "oh wow, poor child and poor provider". I do not condone the hitting at all. But I think I would have called mom to let her know her child had hit ( and let the child here) then give her a chance to shape up. I would definitely have a huge talk with her before laying her down again, and explained what I expected from her. Who knows where she came from, or what her issue was? Maybe mom had her nap already?

I probably would have done the 1pm drop off different, maybe read her a book just her and I then tell her "ok, its time to lay down with friends".
I didnt just bring her in and say "ok, lay down". I'm not that mean. I sat down with her for a few minutes, we sang a little song, and she was FINE. I tried to make it nurturing and calm for her. She was fine for a couple minutes, then she kept getting off her mat, started bugging the other kids, and pulling their pillows out from under them. I talked calmly to her, and gave her remInders before even giving her a time out. You people who are arguing this are makin me sound like I didn't even try to ease her into this. I'm not cold.
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Kaddidle Care 05:50 PM 11-15-2011
I had one that slapped me so hard I saw stars. It took me a while to forgive her. She had a LOT going on in her little life and for a lack of better words, was a feral child. This was several years ago and I wonder how the School system is handling her.

I am in a Center and we have let children go for being violent towards other children. Unfortunately, we can get the brunt of it.
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nannyde 05:51 PM 11-15-2011
Originally Posted by momwith4:
Also, when mom picked up, she couldn't even get the kid into the car-she took off down the block, and mom did NOTHING. When she finally wrangled her into the car, she was flailing about, and screaming.
There it is.

When you make a choice to parent like that you get kicked out of day care on the first day within the first hour.

You gave her a blessing today.
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BigMama 06:03 PM 11-15-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
NO

This kid was asked to do something she had done thousands of times. Asking a kid to lie down is NOT something that a normal kid would be violent about.

She wasn't force feeding her raw liver
She wasn't asking her to jump off a bridge
She wasn't asking her to run thru fire

She was telling her to LAY DOWN.

It's a horse that needs to be beat to death. We need to tell providers that they do NOT have to have violence in their home. They CAN make mistakes and not expect to get slapped hard across the face by a three year old.

She might have been in the wrong asking a kid to lay down immediately on her first day but that STILL is not a situation where a child should slap an adult.

If my three year old son had slapped an adult across the face I would have DIED inside. I would have been soooooooooooo apologetic to the adult. I would have frankly been a puddle of tears. It would DEVESTATE me that my son was raised so poorly that he felt comfortable hitting an adult much less a stranger adult who was asking him to do something he had done a thousand times before.

What did this Mom do? She acted like a Mom who has had her kid smacking HER. She knew that kid was violent and didn't tell the provider. She deserves to be let go immediately. Maybe now she will get her kid in check and not leave her in someone else's care until she can trust that her child won't hurt THEM.

It's not about the kid. It's about the adult. We should be able to do our jobs without living in fear of being smacked by little kids.

Enough already with the "it's normal" crap. I'm sick of it.
Who said, "It's normal?" Who said it was acceptable? I have read through every post and everyone has said that they would not tolerate it. I think we all can agree that a child should not hit: other children, their parents, their child care provider, the mailman, anyone. HOWEVER, we are the adults. It is our job to make sure children are not set up for failure. It is our job to help children when they are out of control. Just as they do not truly like being in charge, children do not like being out of control.
You are assuming that the mother knew her child was violent. Perhaps. Perhaps not. Maybe the child was reacting to extreme stress. Maybe the mother didn't say anything because she was surprised and embarrassed and the child care arrangement she thought she'd made was now terminated in a matter of a half hour. Again, it does not excuse the child slapping her provider, but let's not make judgments without thinking about it from all sides.
You say you are "sick of" people saying that it is normal. I think you mean that you don't want anyone to defend the child because you find her actions so reprehensible. Well, I am "sick of" adults who repeatedly fail to recognize that a human being who has only been on earth for three years may react negatively, and sometimes extremely negatively to stress, separation, and fear.
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nannyde 06:06 PM 11-15-2011
Originally Posted by Kaddidle Care:
I am in a Center and we have let children go for being violent towards other children. Unfortunately, we can get the brunt of it.
See that's how this works.

Centers take money for being hit until the kid hits money. When the kid hits money (the other kids) THEN they kick out.

Center workers have one of the highest turnovers in this county... I've seen estimates as much as 400 percent meaning the average life span of a worker is about three months.

No wonder. Who wants to go to work and get hit?
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mismatchedsocks 06:21 PM 11-15-2011
Originally Posted by momwith4:
I didnt just bring her in and say "ok, lay down". I'm not that mean. I sat down with her for a few minutes, we sang a little song, and she was FINE. I tried to make it nurturing and calm for her. She was fine for a couple minutes, then she kept getting off her mat, started bugging the other kids, and pulling their pillows out from under them. I talked calmly to her, and gave her remInders before even giving her a time out. You people who are arguing this are makin me sound like I didn't even try to ease her into this. I'm not cold.

Kinda hard to see the whole picture from one paragraph. I NEVER said you were cold, I was saying what I would have done. HAVING NO IDEA what you tried. Its not til now I read about ( many posts down ) about her kicking her way to the car, running away, etc.

But good for you for not being cold.
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Hunni Bee 06:42 PM 11-15-2011
Originally Posted by Kaddidle Care:
I had one that slapped me so hard I saw stars. It took me a while to forgive her. She had a LOT going on in her little life and for a lack of better words, was a feral child. This was several years ago and I wonder how the School system is handling her.

I am in a Center and we have let children go for being violent towards other children. Unfortunately, we can get the brunt of it.
I've been scratched, bitten, hit in the face, kicked and told to shut the f*** up. All by the same two boys. Neither was termed.

One, on the day he tripped me (causing me to fall hard enough to have to go to the ER and injure myself for life), stopped coming because his mom owed the the Center so much money it was ridiculous.

The other just left me a few hours ago, as he still attends to this day. (Although his behavior is 100 times better).

This post didn't shock me at all. Because these kids that you ladies have the privilege of terming, are unleashed on us poor, defenseless Center workers . Some person like myself will be posting about this same child in a week.

My center isn't the Home for Violent Toddlers like it used to be, thank God. The director is a lot more judicious of what families she takes, but I know the feeling of meeting a child you know will make your days hell and having no choice in the matter, except to quit.
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nannyde 06:48 PM 11-15-2011
Originally Posted by Hunni Bee:
I've been scratched, bitten, hit in the face, kicked and told to shut the f*** up. All by the same two boys. Neither was termed.

One, on the day he tripped me (causing me to fall hard enough to have to go to the ER and injure myself for life), stopped coming because his mom owed the the Center so much money it was ridiculous.

The other just left me a few hours ago, as he still attends to this day. (Although his behavior is 100 times better).

This post didn't shock me at all. Because these kids that you ladies have the privilege of terming, are unleashed on us poor, defenseless Center workers . Some person like myself will be posting about this same child in a week.

My center isn't the Home for Violent Toddlers like it used to be, thank God. The director is a lot more judicious of what families she takes, but I know the feeling of meeting a child you know will make your days hell and having no choice in the matter, except to quit.
I wish you could come work for me Hunni. I really do. You would love my house. My kids are sweet as pie and you would be treated with the respect you deserve SO much.


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Hunni Bee 06:52 PM 11-15-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I wish you could come work for me Hunni. I really do. You would love my house. My kids are sweet as pie and you would be treated with the respect you deserve SO much.

Aww, thank you!! I know I would. I've been sweetening my current bunch with a lot of your strategies.
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dave4him 07:01 PM 11-15-2011
Hmmmm..... smile.... nod..... back away slowly......
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Crystal 08:35 PM 11-15-2011
Originally Posted by BigMama:
Who said, "It's normal?" Who said it was acceptable? I have read through every post and everyone has said that they would not tolerate it. I think we all can agree that a child should not hit: other children, their parents, their child care provider, the mailman, anyone. Thank you. I don't see where anyone said it is normal or acceptable and in fact read that no one would tolerate it as well.. For some reason one cannot disagree here without it being considered a personal attack.

HOWEVER, we are the adults. It is our job to make sure children are not set up for failure. It is our job to help children when they are out of control. Just as they do not truly like being in charge, children do not like being out of control. I TOTALLY agree.
You are assuming that the mother knew her child was violent. Perhaps. Perhaps not. Maybe the child was reacting to extreme stress. Maybe the mother didn't say anything because she was surprised and embarrassed and the child care arrangement she thought she'd made was now terminated in a matter of a half hour. Again, it does not excuse the child slapping her provider, but let's not make judgments without thinking about it from all sides. EXACTLY!!!
You say you are "sick of" people saying that it is normal. I think you mean that you don't want anyone to defend the child because you find her actions so reprehensible. Well, I am "sick of" adults who repeatedly fail to recognize that a human being who has only been on earth for three years may react negatively, and sometimes extremely negatively to stress, separation, and fear.AMEN!!!

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where's the LIKE button??!!!!
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flightlessbird11 09:09 PM 11-15-2011
Originally Posted by BigMama:
Who said, "It's normal?" Who said it was acceptable? I have read through every post and everyone has said that they would not tolerate it. I think we all can agree that a child should not hit: other children, their parents, their child care provider, the mailman, anyone. HOWEVER, we are the adults. It is our job to make sure children are not set up for failure. It is our job to help children when they are out of control. Just as they do not truly like being in charge, children do not like being out of control.
You are assuming that the mother knew her child was violent. Perhaps. Perhaps not. Maybe the child was reacting to extreme stress. Maybe the mother didn't say anything because she was surprised and embarrassed and the child care arrangement she thought she'd made was now terminated in a matter of a half hour. Again, it does not excuse the child slapping her provider, but let's not make judgments without thinking about it from all sides.
You say you are "sick of" people saying that it is normal. I think you mean that you don't want anyone to defend the child because you find her actions so reprehensible. Well, I am "sick of" adults who repeatedly fail to recognize that a human being who has only been on earth for three years may react negatively, and sometimes extremely negatively to stress, separation, and fear.
The bottom line, and MY reason for terming, is that this is not something that I wanted to be dealing with. There were other red flags waiving..and being slapped was it for me. Let someone else deal with them and the drama. I won't do it. Period. Maybe that sounds selfish, but I dont enjoy my job when I have to deal with such disrespect-parent or child.
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Abigail 09:16 PM 11-15-2011
To The OP, Sorry I didn't read ALL the responses......

Did you interview this family?
Did you meet the child before?
Has this 3 year old girl gone to daycare before?

I know this happens and sadly some providers DO put up with it. Where I use to work, I was slapped a lot by an almost-3-year-old but my boss didn't want to term until she had too.....meaning it got worse. I'm now opening my own daycare and will NOT put up with it! I'm glad you did what you did! Write down your experience and call your licensing person and let them know of your situation so they have a heads up if they get a phone call.
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cheerfuldom 09:17 PM 11-15-2011
OP I think you did the right thing.

One time at church nursery, a 2 year old hit me with a closed fist right in the groin and I was very very pregnant at the time. I about passed out but I took him right away to a different room and let him know he was never, ever to treat me like that EVER. He's 5 or 6 now, I see him all the time. He is a hellion for almost everyone, not me though. I would never allow anyone of any age to hit me or anyone else in my presence. It is not allowed period.

Kids try things, that part is normal (I am saying like a toddler taking a swipe out of frustration). BUT clearly this kid has issues and mom did not say anything and then have a friend send a nasty-gram text. wow.
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flightlessbird11 09:26 PM 11-15-2011
Originally Posted by Abigail:
To The OP, Sorry I didn't read ALL the responses......

Did you interview this family? Yes
Did you meet the child before? Yes- seemed ok- a little wild
Has this 3 year old girl gone to daycare before? She was kicked out of a center before me.

I know this happens and sadly some providers DO put up with it. Where I use to work, I was slapped a lot by an almost-3-year-old but my boss didn't want to term until she had too.....meaning it got worse. I'm now opening my own daycare and will NOT put up with it! I'm glad you did what you did! Write down your experience and call your licensing person and let them know of your situation so they have a heads up if they get a phone call.
Thank you! I called my licensor this afternoon.
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flightlessbird11 09:29 PM 11-15-2011
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
OP I think you did the right thing.

One time at church nursery, a 2 year old hit me with a closed fist right in the groin and I was very very pregnant at the time. I about passed out but I took him right away to a different room and let him know he was never, ever to treat me like that EVER. He's 5 or 6 now, I see him all the time. He is a hellion for almost everyone, not me though. I would never allow anyone of any age to hit me or anyone else in my presence. It is not allowed period.

Kids try things, that part is normal (I am saying like a toddler taking a swipe out of frustration). BUT clearly this kid has issues and mom did not say anything and then have a friend send a nasty-gram text. wow.
Owe : ( sorry you had that happen. Thank you for the support though. I do think this child has behavioral issues and I'm sure mom was aware. Grrr!
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Country Kids 09:31 PM 11-15-2011
So a question for those that wouldn't have termed-how long would you allow this little girl to do this before you would have termed?

I have one that started this the end of September. Spent the night with a relative and came back a total different child! One day ran me ragged at naptime hitting, spitting and kicking me. Everything had been fine up till naptime. This child hasn't really slept for me since during naptime thus creating caotic naptimes for me. Totally laughs at me when doing this type of behavior and has to be put into a pnp to contain the child. Also has screaming fits during this time to, not angry just screams and screams and screams. Finally last week started calming down, sleeping, behaving and spent the night with a relative again and the behavior started up again yesterday. The relative puts up with nothing from this child (I've witnessed it first hand) but every time this child goes there, they come back a different child.

The parents and I are at a loss of what to do! The child will not do this to the parents or anyone else just towards me or my family. Its like this child knows that I can't discipline them other than a time out. This child isn't new to my care either has been here well over a year.

My husband commented that I'm definetly working for my money with this one-. This child has always been a little harder to tell with (stubborn) but not this bad. I'm completely baffled and not sure what to do anymore with the behavior. This is the one that has been going at least 15 hours a day with no sleep!

Any ideas would be appreciated!
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Oneluckymom 10:26 PM 11-15-2011
The parents have given up on her and can't control her and don't know what to do. They need a professional...this is what I got out of this situation. How truly shocking and sad that a three year old behaved this way. You did the right thing in terminating that moment rather than waiting to SEE what would play out later.
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flightlessbird11 10:26 PM 11-15-2011
Awesome...now she is bad mouthing me on Craigslist. It's amazing how children can have children. Everybody should flag it for me why are some people so cruel? She used my name and everything. Great.
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BigMama 10:45 PM 11-15-2011
[quote=momwith4;166585]The bottom line, and MY reason for terming, is that this is not something that I wanted to be dealing with. There were other red flags waiving..and being slapped was it for me. Let someone else deal with them and the drama. I won't do it. Period. Maybe that sounds selfish, but I dont enjoy my job when I have to deal with such disrespect-parent or child.[/QUOT

Momwith4, I wasn't questioning your terming at all...that is totally your decision. It isn't selfish, it is your home, your business, your rules. My post was only meant to try and understand it from the child's perspective.

P.S. What the mom (& company) are doing is not cool at all!
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flightlessbird11 11:01 PM 11-15-2011
[quote=BigMama;166607]
Originally Posted by momwith4:
The bottom line, and MY reason for terming, is that this is not something that I wanted to be dealing with. There were other red flags waiving..and being slapped was it for me. Let someone else deal with them and the drama. I won't do it. Period. Maybe that sounds selfish, but I dont enjoy my job when I have to deal with such disrespect-parent or child.[/QUOT

Momwith4, I wasn't questioning your terming at all...that is totally your decision. It isn't selfish, it is your home, your business, your rules. My post was only meant to try and understand it from the child's perspective.

P.S. What the mom (& company) are doing is not cool at all!
Thanks, I'm just really upset right now over this. I hate these kinds of situations. I can't sleep, and I feel sick to my stomach. I wasn't trying to be snotty...sorry.
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Meyou 03:56 AM 11-16-2011
Originally Posted by momwith4:
Awesome...now she is bad mouthing me on Craigslist. It's amazing how children can have children. Everybody should flag it for me why are some people so cruel? She used my name and everything. Great.
Oh heck no!! Did you report it? I will if you send me the link.

I think it's obvious at this stage that mom is a huge part of this problem.
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SilverSabre25 05:07 AM 11-16-2011
Originally Posted by momwith4:
Awesome...now she is bad mouthing me on Craigslist. It's amazing how children can have children. Everybody should flag it for me why are some people so cruel? She used my name and everything. Great.
Give us a link...we'll flag it for you. We got your back.
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mismatchedsocks 05:26 AM 11-16-2011
Wow I saw her ad, and would definitely call licensing. I have a feeling she will be calling. I flagged it for you so hope it gets taken down soon!
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AfterSchoolMom 05:40 AM 11-16-2011
Definitely report it to Craigslist. Also, you could tell her that if she continues to bad mouth you, you will take her to court for libel...
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flightlessbird11 06:11 AM 11-16-2011
Here is the link if anyone wants to help me flag it.

Removed Link - Admin

I really appreciate all your support on here ladies. You guys are the best!
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flightlessbird11 06:12 AM 11-16-2011
Originally Posted by lilrugrats:
Wow I saw her ad, and would definitely call licensing. I have a feeling she will be calling. I flagged it for you so hope it gets taken down soon!
So I'm guessing you live across the bridge? What a small world!!
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Kaddidle Care 06:15 AM 11-16-2011
I hope you got paid for your aggravation. She's probably more mad that she lost her deposit fee.

Was that a direct quote in the ad?
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small_steps 06:26 AM 11-16-2011
Before we all flag we should all email her and tell her we do not tolerate 3 year olds slapping us across the face either. Then flag, lol. I would also consider taking her to court if she continues to post using your name and information.
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flightlessbird11 06:30 AM 11-16-2011
Originally Posted by Kaddidle Care:
I hope you got paid for your aggravation. She's probably more mad that she lost her deposit fee.

Was that a direct quote in the ad?
This is beyond rediculous of her because there was no money exchanged at all-she was county assistance. And out $0.
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flightlessbird11 06:34 AM 11-16-2011
Originally Posted by small_steps:
Before we all flag we should all email her and tell her we do not tolerate 3 year olds slapping us across the face either. Then flag, lol. I would also consider taking her to court if she continues to post using your name and information.
If it continues, I will definetely be thinking about court. Although with an outstanding daycare bill elsewhere, I'm not sure what good that will do.

I just reported this to craigslist`there is a form you can fill out. What a PITA for 30 mins. of my time. Geesh.
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Kaddidle Care 06:36 AM 11-16-2011
She is shooting herself in the foot anyway. She's telling everyone that will read that her 3 year old was hitting within 20 minutes of care and that it's OK with her. hah!
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flightlessbird11 06:37 AM 11-16-2011
Originally Posted by Kaddidle Care:
I hope you got paid for your aggravation. She's probably more mad that she lost her deposit fee.

Was that a direct quote in the ad?
NO, that was not what I said at all. I was very professional and matter of fact. I was not hysterical either. This mom has completely twisted the facts.
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Cat Herder 06:44 AM 11-16-2011
I would not worry too much. As a Mom reading that ad my first thought would be...

"Oh, wow... Your 3 year old daughter was HITTING her new provider, on her first day and you TOLD people that. I'd be so ashamed."

Of course she left out the part about her daughter kicking other children while they laid quietly on their nap mats.

THAT was the "hot button" issue for me. My clients would have hit the roof if I had allowed her to stay another day.
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nannyde 07:02 AM 11-16-2011
My favorite part is the "I felt so disrespected as a parent" That answers all the questions we have had about her being embarrassed or surprised.


You don't get respect because you have had sex, given birth to a child, and can pay for child care or be low enough income to get free child care. NONE of those result in having another adults respect.

How you GET respect is by raising your children to be respectful and being respectful to others.

In order for someone to respect you as a parent you have to actually be good at being a parent. Being a good parent is HARD work. It's not bestowed upon you.
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Blackcat31 07:12 AM 11-16-2011
Originally Posted by momwith4:
If it continues, I will definetely be thinking about court. Although with an outstanding daycare bill elsewhere, I'm not sure what good that will do.

I just reported this to craigslist`there is a form you can fill out. What a PITA for 30 mins. of my time. Geesh.
Wait...this mom receives assistance AND has an outstanding daycare bill elsewhere (or with you)? If so, you might have some recourse.... Hmmm....

How do you know about the outstanding balance?
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sassysue 07:21 AM 11-16-2011
Well it's still on there
I flagged it too,hopefully it will be off soon.
You could always post a reply to defend yourself.
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Cat Herder 07:38 AM 11-16-2011
Originally Posted by sassysue:
You could always post a reply to defend yourself.
Please don't.

It will backfire. Please Let hers speak for itself.

I understand the desire to, but I cannot imagine a good outcome.
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flightlessbird11 07:43 AM 11-16-2011
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Wait...this mom receives assistance AND has an outstanding daycare bill elsewhere (or with you)? If so, you might have some recourse.... Hmmm....

How do you know about the outstanding balance?
She actually mentioned that when she dropped off yesterday. I had asked about her county assistance case ( I had talked to her worker the day before to make sure she had an open case) and she mentioned that there was some hold up for their backpay for another month and that they owed this other place like $500. Then left. I literally stood there with my jaw firmly at the floor, then the preceding post happened.
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flightlessbird11 07:45 AM 11-16-2011
Originally Posted by Catherder:
Please don't.

It will backfire. Please Let hers speak for itself.

I understand the desire to, but I cannot imagine a good outcome.
I have no intention of giving her the satisfaction of a reply on my part. If anything, she is just making herself look silly. I have no desire to take part in her little game.
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Blackcat31 08:00 AM 11-16-2011
Originally Posted by momwith4:
She actually mentioned that when she dropped off yesterday. I had asked about her county assistance case ( I had talked to her worker the day before to make sure she had an open case) and she mentioned that there was some hold up for their backpay for another month and that they owed this other place like $500. Then left. I literally stood there with my jaw firmly at the floor, then the preceding post happened.
I PM'ed you.
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mommiesherie 08:05 AM 11-16-2011
You have to do what is best for you and your day care. If you think terminating is best then its best for you. I would have done the same thing. If she owes the other center that amount of money then chances are she will owe you too. I am shocked she told you that honestly. Sounds like mom is the one with the bad behavior and the child is set for failure. This is truly unfortunate for this child. I am not equipped to deal with this type of family. Chalk this one up to an experience you will never forget.
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nannyde 08:09 AM 11-16-2011
Originally Posted by momwith4:
She actually mentioned that when she dropped off yesterday. I had asked about her county assistance case ( I had talked to her worker the day before to make sure she had an open case) and she mentioned that there was some hold up for their backpay for another month and that they owed this other place like $500. Then left. I literally stood there with my jaw firmly at the floor, then the preceding post happened.
How in the heck do you get 500 bucks behind when you have state assistance? I haven't had a state paid kid in many years but afaikn my state does NOTHING about stopping payment if the parent is behind in co pay. They have every other dang thing on computer. You think they would have a portal set up for providers to report the co pay not being paid. If the parent knew they were going to get bounced out for non payment it wouldn't happen.
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Blackcat31 08:16 AM 11-16-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
How in the heck do you get 500 bucks behind when you have state assistance? I haven't had a state paid kid in many years but afaikn my state does NOTHING about stopping payment if the parent is behind in co pay. They have every other dang thing on computer. You think they would have a portal set up for providers to report the co pay not being paid. If the parent knew they were going to get bounced out for non payment it wouldn't happen.
My guess is that she received services and then failed to do her part so that payment is delayed to the provider. I am also betting the provider she owes money to (before Momwith4) provided services with the mom's word that the service agreement is coming and she will be paid...when in reality, if you do not have the service agreement IN HAND, you should NEVER provide services. Same as pre-pay or no stay.

Old provider probably termed because the service agreement never arrived and then this mom ended up at Momwith4's child care with the same story.

IF the mom does end up doing whatever it is she needs to do, the payment WILL come eventually but after how many providers are screwed over first and how many providers have to endure an angry child who has been moved from one provider to another every time mom messes up....

FWIW~ Our state DOES suspend assistance IF the parent owes a provider money. They have x amount of days to pay it or set up a payent plan before the case is re-opened or closed.
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cheerfuldom 08:17 AM 11-16-2011
The $500 might have been back pay, plus a two weeks notice, plus other fees....maybe even payment if her kid destroyed something, thats likely.
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countrymom 08:30 AM 11-16-2011
thank goodness you termed them. Now its not even a question about the child hitting the provider, its what the mother is doing, that is not very good.

I hope you send this to your lisencerer, she needs to see this, because this women is going to go from one person to another till she is stopped. I would have termed the minute she said that she ows 500 dollars, I will gaurentee that you would never get your money.
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MyAngels 08:35 AM 11-16-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
NO

This kid was asked to do something she had done thousands of times. Asking a kid to lie down is NOT something that a normal kid would be violent about.

She wasn't force feeding her raw liver
She wasn't asking her to jump off a bridge
She wasn't asking her to run thru fire

She was telling her to LAY DOWN.

It's a horse that needs to be beat to death. We need to tell providers that they do NOT have to have violence in their home. They CAN make mistakes and not expect to get slapped hard across the face by a three year old.

She might have been in the wrong asking a kid to lay down immediately on her first day but that STILL is not a situation where a child should slap an adult.

If my three year old son had slapped an adult across the face I would have DIED inside. I would have been soooooooooooo apologetic to the adult. I would have frankly been a puddle of tears. It would DEVESTATE me that my son was raised so poorly that he felt comfortable hitting an adult much less a stranger adult who was asking him to do something he had done a thousand times before.

What did this Mom do? She acted like a Mom who has had her kid smacking HER. She knew that kid was violent and didn't tell the provider. She deserves to be let go immediately. Maybe now she will get her kid in check and not leave her in someone else's care until she can trust that her child won't hurt THEM.

It's not about the kid. It's about the adult. We should be able to do our jobs without living in fear of being smacked by little kids.

Enough already with the "it's normal" crap. I'm sick of it.
Amen to this.

I also flagged the Craigslist ad. Hopefully you can get this resolved soon. I would definitely contact an attorney about whether or not you have a case for libel. Make sure you keep a copy of the ad, in case you do.
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daycare 08:41 AM 11-16-2011
Print out the ad from craigs list and put it in her file as proof.

Glad you went with your gut.. You have done a great job.

Sorry you are having to go through this.
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wdmmom 08:41 AM 11-16-2011
Here's my two cents worth:

If my child hit a teacher, he/she would be suspended or expelled.

If my child hit me, he/she would be punished.

If a daycare kid hit me, it'd be the last time. Termination is about our only recourse. If this child was confident enough at 3 years old to hit someone they didn't know, clearly they are comfortable doing just about anything. I fear if you would have continued, your house would have been destroyed by the end of the week and other parents would be providing you with termination if their children picked up this girls bad hahavior.

New or not, no child hits me or any other child for ANY reason here!
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Unregistered 08:45 AM 11-16-2011
Originally Posted by momwith4:
She was kicked out of a center before she came here-mom and dad owe them $500, and her aunts best friend does daycare, but she doesn't go there. Hmmm, I think I could see why. Also, when mom picked up, she couldn't even get the kid into the car-she took off down the block, and mom did NOTHING. When she finally wrangled her into the car, she was flailing about, and screaming. I don't believe her behavior at my house was a result of being scared- I think a lack of parenting and discipline is to blame. I don't think this was that unusual for her.
Just because a child acts out does NOT always mean there is a LACK of parenting problem. Some children ARE special needs wether it be Autistic, ADHD, Bi polar, SPD, etc. and the parent may not know they have a special needs yet I wish some people would open there eyes and see that SOME kids need HELP and its not always a out of control child because of the parent this make me angry to know end.
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flightlessbird11 08:53 AM 11-16-2011
You ladies have no idea how much I appreciate all of you! Thank you, thank you for supporting me on this. !!
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flightlessbird11 09:01 AM 11-16-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Just because a child acts out does NOT always mean there is a LACK of parenting problem. Some children ARE special needs wether it be Autistic, ADHD, Bi polar, SPD, etc. and the parent may not know they have a special needs yet I wish some people would open there eyes and see that SOME kids need HELP and its not always a out of control child because of the parent this make me angry to know end.
Well maybe mom should have mentioned that during the interview. I don't have the training or the desire to deal with special needs. My business, my decision. And anyway, had that actually been the case, the mom would have been apologetic and would have had an explanation for the behavior. That is NOT what she did, so I'm chalking this one up to bad parenting. Children behave how they're shown. If there is no discipline at home, the child will act accordingly.
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cheerfuldom 09:23 AM 11-16-2011
the original ad is gone from CL but there is a reply to it just posted.....
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youretooloud 09:42 AM 11-16-2011
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
the original ad is gone from CL but there is a reply to it just posted.....
I can't open any of it at all. Is the reply good or bad?
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momofawesomekid 09:53 AM 11-16-2011
I'd like to put my one little tid bit in here and then I will be done with this because it is not worth my time. First of all, I am a fantastic mother who is in the process of raising her FIRST child. EVERYONE makes mistakes. If I had done something wrong here, I would have apologized, but thats not the case. Second of all, DD has just left long term pre-school, due to the cost and billing, my husband and I wanted to try family daycare (a more homey setting where she would get care like she does when she's with me). This was a big mistake and will never be done again. When she was in a more structured setting, I would bring her in the same time, and if she did not go to sleep within 15 minutes, she was allowed quiet play with books. I have NEVER been called within 20 minutes by a hysterical woman telling me that my daughter is hitting. My 3 year old daughter does not typically hit unless she feels THREATENED. My daughter obviously felt the need to protect herself.

If this daycare provider had used a soft, kind, soothing voice and gained my daughter's trust, she might have gotten farther. If she didn't go to sleep, it would have been wise not to push it... It's called CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES PEOPLE!!! Thirdly, I was called by the daycare provider in question, accidentally hung up on her, and then I called her immediately back. I was on my way to get her "RIGHT NOW". A minute after I got my daughter away from this crazy lady, my SISTER, not my friend, told me that she just got a hysterical call from her niece's new daycare lady. She thought that there was a medical emergency with one of her kids, hence the hysterical urgency in her voice. This is how upset you get with a brand new 3 year old in your home? One that is not even your own child... This is unacceptable for a daycare provider!

I cannot believe, that someone who has been doing this for 2 YEARS cannot handle a stressed out first day! My daughter was tired, but when it comes down to it, my daughter was threatened by this angry woman, and felt like she needed to protect herself. On the way home, she said "Mommy, I don't wanna go this daycare." ******, I hope that you broaden your skills as a daycare provider, otherwise, find a new profession. So that is my take on this incessant hen squabble. Have a nice day!
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flightlessbird11 09:53 AM 11-16-2011
Originally Posted by youretooloud:
I can't open any of it at all. Is the reply good or bad?
the reply was supporting me! I'm so grateful to whoever did that! She basically said that any provider would have done the same thing. The ad is gone now. VICTORY!!!! Thank you soooo much ladies!!!
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mrsp'slilpeeps 10:00 AM 11-16-2011
Originally Posted by youretooloud:
The child probably has other issues, not just bad parenting. This sounds like they need to see a specialist.

The kid was set up to fail from the beginning. She never had a chance with mom dropping off at that time. (and I will not ever believe the mom didn't know it was nap time... I don't think anyone is that clueless) But, this isn't the kid's fault... this is lack of help for the child, lack of consitancty for her, and no common sense from the parents.

I've worked in centers..... a kid could be wielding knives and hatchets and the daycare won't kick them out.... I can't imagine what she must have been like.... or perhaps it was the fact that she wasn't all that pleasant, and they didn't like providing a service for free.

I think you dodged a bullet personally... I'm willing to bet this mom had no intentions of paying you.
Could someone please explain to me why as soon as a child throws a temper tantrum, they need to see a specialist???
The child needs a good time out and a good talking to, not a dang doctor.
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momofawesomekid 10:01 AM 11-16-2011
you will be sued now! that stuff is confidential.
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Tags:craigs list, craigs list warfare, termination - behavioral, violence, violent, violent behaviour
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