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Parents and Guardians Forum>Am I Just Being A Picky Mom?!
worriedandstuckmom 05:54 PM 02-26-2015
So my son is 3 and a half and has been at this daycare for about 1 and a half yrs. It was going really well. The last 6 months or so I'm seeing and hearing things I don't like. For example I've been trying very hard to get him potty trained well he keeps getting sent home with a pull up on and they say it's cause he won't take it off after nap. I told them he doesnt even have pullups here and shouldnt be wearing them they said its there personal stash and there excuse is they have alot of kids to take care of so it's hard to remember everything. When he comes home in underwear there is always streaks on them cause they tell me they don't help them go to the bathroom so he isn't wiping good I asked them to help him he is young and just learning and they just simply say they don't help the kids.
My other major concern is that one of the providers told me they don't do timeouts they will seperate the kids distract them and in some circumstances they told me they have held my son and other children down in there lap kicking and screaming until they are calmed down is this legit? Shouldnt they have a different form of timeouts?
They also get paid for 50 hours a week to keep him but keep asking me to pick him up early on Fridays cause he is the last kid there and there teachers wanna go home. I get him at 530 they dont even close until 545.
I am a 25 yr old single mom. I left his father over 2 yrs ago and another guy who my son called daddy I left about 4 months ago. My son has been acting out and angry with me so he sees a therapists now they have suggested alot but as an example anytime he does something good no matter how small he gets a reward. Well he slept all night with no diaper on for the first time and didn't wet the bed so I let him pick any breakfast snack and any toy to bring to daycare. He picked a blueberry muffin and a Nascar toy. The teacher in the morning was fine with it when I went and picked him up one of the head ladies came at me with an attitude in front of my son and told me to never bring a toy in again she doesn't care why. And also that a blueberry muffin isn't healthy enough for a morning snack. I told her I'm going thru alot at home and I need to stick with the rewards thing all the time and I'm not gunna change it to make her happy. My son and his happiness and well being come first she didn't like it and she walked away from me.
There has been times he has come home with bite marks on him. They tell me about it but for the same child to be biting him 5 times now I feel something needs to be done asap! They just say they have talked to the parents.
This dayacre has helped me alot schedule wise and money wise if I get behind a week or two they work with me. But there r some very concerning things to me that I need some advice if I'm just being a crazy mom or if these are legit concerns. My son loves his friends there and has definitely learned alot from them. I'm stuck on what to think here...new daycare, keep trying to talk with them?! I'm just not sure!
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Unregistered 06:05 PM 02-26-2015
It sounds like you are worried enough that you may want to consider other childcare. It is not so much that everything you have said that concerns you is wrong or bad, but more like it is not fitting with you ad your son anymore.

When it comes to potty training, I would be using pullups too, if your son is having frequent accidents. Unless he is fully trained, it is a sanitation issue, I would bet, not them actively trying to derail his potty training. In my daycare, potty trained means being able to use the bathroom on your own, including wiping, so I always recommend parents try to do a nightly bath while we are practicing the art of bathroom cleanliness It takes practice to learn how to wipe good...there are grown men who still leave skid marks in their underwear!

As for the reward thing, it sounds good to reward for exceptional behaviors (behaviors outside the norm), but rewarding for any and everything will only make your life harder down the road. And once your rewards start to interfere with daycare, they do have valid reasons to bring it up. I don't allow outside toys or food in my daycare either, so I would have probably told you at drop off to have him put the car and muffin in the car for after school. If you want to use that as a reward int he future, then tell him he can bring the car for the ride and eat the muffin in the car, but once you get to daycare, it stays in the car.

I would be more concerned with the biting. There may be a lack of supervision if he has been bitten five times. And as for the discipline, consistency is key, so I don't know why they would not follow the same routine everytime.

I am sorry for your family issues and I hope things get better, but just a forewarning...daycares won't change to better suit you or your child's needs. If you don't feel comfortable with this daycare, I would move on.
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worriedandstuckmom 07:06 PM 02-26-2015
See they don't usually dont do the pullups thing. They pushed his potty training on me. before he would get sent home with 2 sets of dirty underwear a day. As soon as I got strict with it with him they backed off for some reason. As for the snacks even tho I pay good money if he is dropped off before 730 he has to bring a snack in and they say blueberry muffin isn't healthy :/ and for the toys they let kids bring toys they just don't like certain ones cause they can get mixed with there's and get lost. Isn't that my choice then? It just seems like I have to do everything they say and they come off like they know what's best for my son better then I do. But as soon as I have a request that's pretty simple like help my 3 yr old wipe his butt so he isn't getting rashes they always have some excuse to throw at me. And as for the discipline I understand the consistency part but do u beleive it's ok to hold a child down until he is done with his tantrum?
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daycare 08:17 PM 02-26-2015
As a provider if I had to deal with every single families home problems or personal problems I would be out of business.

I think what the child care is asking regarding food and the toys is pretty much the norm for most childcare settings.

If your son gets to have special, then they have to allow everyone else to have special. then next thing you know you have kids eating donuts and pixie sticks for breakfast then breaking each others toys because their blood sugar is out of control.

As for the reward system, I would never recommend that just as the previous poster said. I don't reward children to do things that they SHOULD do. Instead set better expectations of your child and firmer boundries. Give love and attention to those things he does good. If he wants rewards, those can be earned for being a good helper to you.

Just out of curiosity, how do you know it's the same child biting your son?

This would be one thing that the DC is doing wrong that I can see that would send me packing. ONe time ok I get it, maybe even two times, but any more than that no can do.

the other thing with the time-out, NO WAY! I don't know what they meant by that, but it does not sound like any legal effective method I have ever heard of. Children to need to learn to calm in their own time and in their own space.

I am sorry that you have become a single mother and your son has been affected by this. Happy to see that you are trying to do something about it. I will tell you this, coming from being a single mother of two kids for many years, kids are resilient. You just need to be there with open arms when they fall and set tough boundaries as they grow. Don't let anyone tell you that giving tough love is wrong. Your child is still very young and their anger could be for many reasons other than your dating life.
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mommyneedsadayoff 05:56 AM 02-27-2015
Originally Posted by worriedandstuckmom:
See they don't usually dont do the pullups thing. They pushed his potty training on me. before he would get sent home with 2 sets of dirty underwear a day. As soon as I got strict with it with him they backed off for some reason. As for the snacks even tho I pay good money if he is dropped off before 730 he has to bring a snack in and they say blueberry muffin isn't healthy :/ and for the toys they let kids bring toys they just don't like certain ones cause they can get mixed with there's and get lost. Isn't that my choice then? It just seems like I have to do everything they say and they come off like they know what's best for my son better then I do. But as soon as I have a request that's pretty simple like help my 3 yr old wipe his butt so he isn't getting rashes they always have some excuse to throw at me. And as for the discipline I understand the consistency part but do u beleive it's ok to hold a child down until he is done with his tantrum?
It sounds like the daycare is sending mix messages. It is either he can bring a toy or he cannot. He can either bring food or not. He is potty training or not. I keep my daycare black and white with the rules for this reason. Then parents know what to expect and kids know what to expect. I personally would look for other care. I am not a fan of holding a kid down while they tantrum, unless they are going to harm someone or themselves, but then it would be only in extreme cases. I would find out more on what they are doig each time. But overall, it sounds like a lot of issues, so it may be time to move on.
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worriedandstuckmom 06:17 AM 02-27-2015
I do appreciate the advice on my son!! I know who
Who bites him cause my son will say a name I simply ask the provider and they tell me even Tho they say they aren't suppose to. And I'm sure he's angry over other things as well but for the last 4 months my son has been hitting and kicking me and yelling you made daddy leave I don't like you. It's just hard to hear so at this point I'm willing to try anything which I feel I already have. We r making progress tho he finally goes to bed at 8 instead of 3 in the morning.
For example this morning my sin asked to play aline with a bin so I set him at a table and built a car with him before I left a kid sat down and tried to build more on the car. My son got upset I asked the boy to please get a different bucket me and him are playing with it. The boy wouldn't stop so my son yelled "LEAVE IT ALONE" the provider came and took my son away from the table and told him its time to clean up soon anyways then the other boy broke the car and my son had a melt down. They didn't say or do anything with the other boy but separated my son from the group. I didn't agree with it at all. If they would of just helped me stop the other boy it would of been fine seeing as they r all suppose to have there own bucket anyways. I am looking for a new daycare just nice to have people to vent to cause as I'm sure u all no its very hard to find a new one.
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daycare 06:21 AM 02-27-2015
Originally Posted by worriedandstuckmom:
I do appreciate the advice on my son!! I know who
Who bites him cause my son will say a name I simply ask the provider and they tell me even Tho they say they aren't suppose to. And I'm sure he's angry over other things as well but for the last 4 months my son has been hitting and kicking me and yelling you made daddy leave I don't like you. It's just hard to hear so at this point I'm willing to try anything which I feel I already have. We r making progress tho he finally goes to bed at 8 instead of 3 in the morning.
For example this morning my sin asked to play aline with a bin so I set him at a table and built a car with him before I left a kid sat down and tried to build more on the car. My son got upset I asked the boy to please get a different bucket me and him are playing with it. The boy wouldn't stop so my son yelled "LEAVE IT ALONE" the provider came and took my son away from the table and told him its time to clean up soon anyways then the other boy broke the car and my son had a melt down. They didn't say or do anything with the other boy but separated my son from the group. I didn't agree with it at all. If they would of just helped me stop the other boy it would of been fine seeing as they r all suppose to have there own bucket anyways. I am looking for a new daycare just nice to have people to vent to cause as I'm sure u all no its very hard to find a new one.
Have you thought of in home childcare where it's more personal and your child can get more one in one attention.
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worriedandstuckmom 04:46 PM 02-27-2015
Originally Posted by daycare:
Have you thought of in home childcare where it's more personal and your child can get more one in one attention.
I have I am a single mom making crap for income and no child support. I get state aid and I can't seem to find one that takes it :/ I wish I could I have heard winders
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daycare 05:02 PM 02-27-2015
Originally Posted by worriedandstuckmom:
I have I am a single mom making crap for income and no child support. I get state aid and I can't seem to find one that takes it :/ I wish I could I have heard winders
when I was a single mom I cleaned my kids preschool for a 50% pay cut in tuition. I also had no child support or help from the state.

the preschool lost their janitor and coincidentally, I had told them that I was going to have to leave to find a daycare I afford, they offered this to me. It worked out well for about 2 years. I hated every last second of it, I did it every night after I got off my day job.

My kids would eat their cold dinner there on the tables at the preschool, while I cleaned. I felt horrible that my kids would be there with me for about 2.5 hours every night and hardly saw their home, but we had each other and that is all that mattered.

I worked all kinds of odd jobs, always with my kids in tow. I didn't have help or family within 6500 miles, so I had to make things work.

Is there any way you can make additional money. Make and sell things, anything?

I could not get child support, my ex left the country.....

Have you filed for child support?
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worriedandstuckmom 03:33 PM 03-01-2015
Wow I give u major props on doing that!! That is amazing and yes I'm sure I could figure something out to make some extra cash. It's a big long thing but yes I have filed for child support and I call every week I don't get it. They do nothing about it. Went back to the judge and he said thete is nothing we can do if we can't find him. So ya I'm kind of stuck with all that.
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JoseyJo 06:28 PM 03-02-2015
Originally Posted by daycare:
when I was a single mom I cleaned my kids preschool for a 50% pay cut in tuition. I also had no child support or help from the state.

the preschool lost their janitor and coincidentally, I had told them that I was going to have to leave to find a daycare I afford, they offered this to me. It worked out well for about 2 years. I hated every last second of it, I did it every night after I got off my day job.

My kids would eat their cold dinner there on the tables at the preschool, while I cleaned. I felt horrible that my kids would be there with me for about 2.5 hours every night and hardly saw their home, but we had each other and that is all that mattered.

I worked all kinds of odd jobs, always with my kids in tow. I didn't have help or family within 6500 miles, so I had to make things work.

Is there any way you can make additional money. Make and sell things, anything?

I could not get child support, my ex left the country.....

Have you filed for child support?
How inspiring Daycare! Thank you for sharing
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worriedandstuckmom 11:13 AM 03-05-2015
Found a wonderful in home daycare gave my 2 weeks in at my current daycare and there response was they aren't his mother but they don't agree with me and think I'm making a bad choice. I told them I think I'm making a wonderful choice for my son and his needs. They want to have a meeting to talk to me to see if I'll stay even tho I already told them no.
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