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Unregistered 09:41 AM 08-03-2009
So, I have 2 boys in my care, brothers, who I have had for going on a year now. The younger one just turned 3 and his big brother is 5.5. They are super great for me. There's some typical stuff that goes on, but really on the whole, wonderful children who are very low maintenance and a joy to be around.
But.
There mom just informed me that she may be selling them to gypsies soon.
I guess they are being AWFUL at home, so much that she doesn't want to take the younger one anywhere. At all. Fighting, screaming, hitting, pinching, NO everything, mealtime is a mess, dumping their milk in their food, throwing food, destructive monsters.
I see non of this behavior. Zero. I am so disappointed with this news. We even went on a field trip with lots of other kids there and they were angels. She stays and watches them here and sees how they behave and she says it's just not the same children. She also mentioned that they don't act that way for their dad (intact family).
There is a new baby coming in January and mom knows this may be part of it. Also she went from being a full time SAHM to working and student, but that was over a year ago. and she says she is just happy they behave for me, grateful is the term she used.
What can I do to help her out? I gave her a book about positive discipline, but I don't know what else to do.
"Well, they don't behave that way with me" probably doesn't help much.
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GretasLittleFriends 03:42 PM 08-03-2009
I would think that telling the mom that they are well behaved for you may frustrate her more; make her wonder what she's suddenly doing wrong.

As far as helping her have you tried talking to the boys? I'd ask them how come they're being turkeys for their mom. They could disclose some helpful information for their mom. Also, everyday as they go home to remind them to be good. Every little bit helps.
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Unregistered 06:12 PM 08-03-2009
As far as helping her have you tried talking to the boys? I'd ask them how come they're being turkeys for their mom. They could disclose some helpful information for their mom. Also, everyday as they go home to remind them to be good. Every little bit helps.[/quote]

We did a little talking today about what's going on, so we'll see if that helps. I really think they may be just hitting the attention getting behavior (negative) really hard, and it's become habit when their with mom. The younger one has a bit of a speech delay but he said he's mad a mommy and the older one says everything he does is because of something the younger one does. He's really bright so sometimes I can be rational with him and he seems to get it. Of course he's also very emotional...
I almost feel like a mom who just found out her well behaved children are little tyrants at school. I'm not sure why this bothers me so much.
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Chickenhauler 08:24 PM 08-03-2009
I'm going to go out on a limb and assume that at daycare, and in Dad's care, bad behavior is dealt with swiftly, firmly, consistently and not tolerated.

I'm going to bet that mom is a "softie" and has uttered in the past something similar to "boys will be boys".
'
In my house, my children know that pulling a stunt like you described-"mealtime is a mess, dumping their milk in their food, throwing food" would tell me that they are no longer hungry, and since they are done with dinner, the dog can eat the rest, no dessert, no playtime, and straight to bed.

IDK how you're going to tactfully put this to the mother, but I'm seeing a common denominator with bad behavior, and it's MOM.
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Tags:discipline - consistency, discipline tips, parent - its a verb, parenting styles
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