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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Potty Training/Mom Driving Me Nuts
lovemykidstoo 05:55 PM 04-03-2017
So dcb is almost 3 (this week) and we've been training now for a few months. He will go on the toilet if I set him there, but he has not told me that he has to go. He has a wonderful vocabulary and is very smart. Mom has asked like 3 times if she can send him in underwear and not a pull up. I've told her that I require that they are telling me that they have to go (not me just randomly setting him on the toilet) and that he has to be dry for 2 weeks straight before I allow regular underwear. So today she asks again and said well over the weekend he wore regular underwear and never wet in them. She seems to think that if he is wearing pullups that he won't ask to go. I told her that I put him on the toilet before nap (he didn't tell me that he had to go) and that he did go and that his pullup was dry all day. I also told her that the last person that said their child was trained (new child) and wore underwear, she peed all over my hallway floor which is vinyl flooring and then down the carpeted hallway. So no way until he's telling me and is dry for 2 weeks. She seems miffed. Is this not a typical rule?
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Mike 06:38 PM 04-03-2017
Most of the providers on here require 2 weeks dry AT CARE before they allow underwear. Others have suggested letting the child wear underwear, with the pullups over them. You could sugest that to mom and see if he stays dry at your place for 2 weeks, without you having to put him on the toilet.
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lovemykidstoo 06:43 PM 04-03-2017
Originally Posted by Mike:
Most of the providers on here require 2 weeks dry AT CARE before they allow underwear. Others have suggested letting the child wear underwear, with the pullups over them. You could sugest that to mom and see if he stays dry at your place for 2 weeks, without you having to put him on the toilet.
That's always been my rule too is 2 weeks dry before regular underwear and I keep telling her that and she keeps pushing it. She seems to think that he'll "tell" me he has to go if he has regular underwear on because he doesn't like wet underwear. I am not a fan of the rubber pants with underwear. The problem is, he needs to tell me that he has to go. Sure, he'll go if I put him on there, but me putting him on there all the time is not potty trained.
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JackandJill 06:50 PM 04-03-2017
A child who is truly potty trained will voice their need to go to the bathroom, regardless of what they're wearing!

I have the same rule, children must be dry two weeks IN DAYCARE before wearing cloth underwear. They also must be able to tell me before they need to go.
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lovemykidstoo 06:56 PM 04-03-2017
Originally Posted by JackandJill:
A child who is truly potty trained will voice their need to go to the bathroom, regardless of what they're wearing!

I have the same rule, children must be dry two weeks IN DAYCARE before wearing cloth underwear. They also must be able to tell me before they need to go.
I agree. I don't understand what her deal is. Why she so insistent that he wears regular underwear? Driving me crazy. I just keep repeating 2 weeks dry rule. About tired of it. These parents wonder why their kids don't listen, they don't either! ugh
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Mike 07:13 PM 04-03-2017
I don't mean the rubber pants. I mean actual diapers, but with underwear underneath so it doesn't feel like a diaper. Someone else mentioned that idea on here a while back. If he has an accident, the mom will have a pair of underwear in a bag for her at pickup. And, first accident, no more underwear for a while.
or...
Stop putting him on the potty. Make it clear to him that he has to let you know when he has to go. If he doesn't, it'll be diaper change time eventually. If he wants underwear, he'll quit the accidents on his own.
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lovemykidstoo 07:17 PM 04-03-2017
Originally Posted by Mike:
I don't mean the rubber pants. I mean actual diapers, but with underwear underneath so it doesn't feel like a diaper. Someone else mentioned that idea on here a while back. If he has an accident, the mom will have a pair of underwear in a bag for her at pickup. And, first accident, no more underwear for a while.
or...
Stop putting him on the potty. Make it clear to him that he has to let you know when he has to go. If he doesn't, it'll be diaper change time eventually. If he wants underwear, he'll quit the accidents on his own.
Oh got ya. I do remember someone mentioning the underwear under the diaper. I honestly don't know why this dcb doesn't tell me that he has to go. He has the best vocabulary and talks non stop all day long, but does not tell me when he has to go. Today I had to ask him 5 times if he had to go and he kept saying no, finally I put him on there because I knew he'd pee during nap.
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Sunchimes 09:16 PM 04-03-2017
I just came here to ask the exact same question. We tried underwear with rubber pants, but the pee just went right through. He is not quite 3 wearing size 5, so a big kid. We tried pants under a pull up, nut he got the pull up so soaked that it leaked. Mom went to pull ups because he outgrew diapers. He isn't ready, but I don't know the next step. Mom is cooperative and interested.
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JackandJill 09:38 PM 04-03-2017
Originally Posted by lovemykidstoo:
I agree. I don't understand what her deal is. Why she so insistent that he wears regular underwear? Driving me crazy. I just keep repeating 2 weeks dry rule. About tired of it. These parents wonder why their kids don't listen, they don't either! ugh
Tell her you will allow him to wear cloth underwear for an outrageously high, non-refundable cleaning deposit. A new deposit will be required after each accident. She will need to pick up early when he has an accident.

Honestly, so many parents try to pawn the hard work onto daycare providers, like we don't have other children to tend to during the day.

Before I opened my daycare, I took a week of UNPAID time off work to train my oldest son, and then my husband took a week off (unpaid) to make sure he was fully trained. It was not fun spending seperate vacation times cleaning up messes left and right, but it was our resposibility.

So many parents seem to forget that this is what comes with having children. No one said it was fun, or easy!
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lovemykidstoo 05:30 AM 04-04-2017
If she brings it up again (last night I told her no) I'm going to flat out ask her, why is she so adamant on him wearing underwear? Why doesn't she focus on him telling me he has to pee? Probably the way other stuff goes with her and her son is he wants to wear them and we don't want to tell him no. ugh! I've had a daycare for 16 years and have potty trained 100's of kids. I think I know what I'm doing She's so irritating!
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Blackcat31 07:25 AM 04-04-2017
Originally Posted by lovemykidstoo:
If she brings it up again (last night I told her no) I'm going to flat out ask her, why is she so adamant on him wearing underwear? Why doesn't she focus on him telling me he has to pee? Probably the way other stuff goes with her and her son is he wants to wear them and we don't want to tell him no. ugh! I've had a daycare for 16 years and have potty trained 100's of kids. I think I know what I'm doing She's so irritating!
Because you are essentially telling her no.

You are the road block as to why Timmy won't complete the process of toilet training.

She is convinced that her child is not fully trained because YOU are blocking him from completing the process.

I would allow her to have him in underwear IF she provides you with $100 deposit for professional carpet cleaning (a family members urine in your carpet is one thing but someone else's urine in your carpet....um, yeah no.)

OR

I would allow him to be in underwear WITH plastic covering over the top. A Pull up OVER underwear provides the same coverage.

OR

She can take some time off work and FULLY train him to tell you every.single.time he needs to use the bathroom and then bring him back in underwear when he's done that 100% for a set amount of time.

Ugh, I get so tired of the parents that insist they want X or Y for their child but don't want to do X or Y themselves and instead want you to do it FOR THEM.
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CeriBear 07:26 AM 04-04-2017
Originally Posted by JackandJill:
A child who is truly potty trained will voice their need to go to the bathroom, regardless of what they're wearing!
I agree completely. If a child is potty trained he/she will let you know if they need to go-- even if they are wearing diapers or a pull-up. Just the other day a little girl ( age 2.5) who still wears pull-ups let me know out on the playground that she needed to go in and potty. She's been consistent with this and is about ready to graduate to underwear.
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lovemykidstoo 08:09 AM 04-04-2017
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Because you are essentially telling her no.

You are the road block as to why Timmy won't complete the process of toilet training.

She is convinced that her child is not fully trained because YOU are blocking him from completing the process.

I would allow her to have him in underwear IF she provides you with $100 deposit for professional carpet cleaning (a family members urine in your carpet is one thing but someone else's urine in your carpet....um, yeah no.)

OR

I would allow him to be in underwear WITH plastic covering over the top. A Pull up OVER underwear provides the same coverage.

OR

She can take some time off work and FULLY train him to tell you every.single.time he needs to use the bathroom and then bring him back in underwear when he's done that 100% for a set amount of time.

Ugh, I get so tired of the parents that insist they want X or Y for their child but don't want to do X or Y themselves and instead want you to do it FOR THEM.
Exactly. Real easy for momma, she has him 2 days a week. He's with me 50 hours a week. I'm not bending at all. Not even suggesting underwear under pullup. I do it the way I do it and she's not getting her way. Worked for all my other kids. I already told her that the last one that told me that their daughter was trained and wore underwear (she was a new child, 3 years old) she peed on the floor and fell in it and then went down my carpeted hall peeing all the way to the bathroom. I was pissed (hahaha) an termed.
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Ariana 11:12 AM 04-04-2017
Originally Posted by lovemykidstoo:
Exactly. Real easy for momma, she has him 2 days a week. He's with me 50 hours a week. I'm not bending at all. Not even suggesting underwear under pullup. I do it the way I do it and she's not getting her way. Worked for all my other kids. I already told her that the last one that told me that their daughter was trained and wore underwear (she was a new child, 3 years old) she peed on the floor and fell in it and then went down my carpeted hall peeing all the way to the bathroom. I was pissed (hahaha) an termed.
Exactly!! You do what works for you. How many kids have you trained? How many kids has she trained? I always make it a point to say that to the parents "I have trained 12 kids over the years and this is what has worked for me". They cannot graspt the fact that you might know a bit more than they do.

A child who is ready to be trained will take a few days not months. He is not ready.

I remember my girlfriend blaming her daycare for the reason her 11 month old was not fully potty trained. Yup 11 months. My friend wanted the daycare to put a potty out in the middke of the floor in the infant room for him to use whenever he wanted. Had no idea whay they wouldn't do it
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Leigh 11:16 AM 04-04-2017
Here's the thing, IMO. Potty training doesn't take months. It takes days (if that). If the child can't say that he or she needs to go, they are not ready. I'd insist on diapers until the child can tell you that they need to go consistently for 2-3 weeks AT YOUR HOUSE. Diapers/underwear/pull ups-it doesn't matter which they use-they'll use the toilet when THEY are physically and emotionally ready to. Until then, it's diapers here.
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Mike 11:33 AM 04-04-2017
Originally Posted by lovemykidstoo:
Exactly. Real easy for momma, she has him 2 days a week. He's with me 50 hours a week. I'm not bending at all. Not even suggesting underwear under pullup. I do it the way I do it and she's not getting her way. Worked for all my other kids. I already told her that the last one that told me that their daughter was trained and wore underwear (she was a new child, 3 years old) she peed on the floor and fell in it and then went down my carpeted hall peeing all the way to the bathroom. I was pissed (hahaha) an termed.

It's good when we can make humor out of problems.
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lovemykidstoo 11:56 AM 04-04-2017
Originally Posted by Ariana:
Exactly!! You do what works for you. How many kids have you trained? How many kids has she trained? I always make it a point to say that to the parents "I have trained 12 kids over the years and this is what has worked for me". They cannot graspt the fact that you might know a bit more than they do.

A child who is ready to be trained will take a few days not months. He is not ready.

I remember my girlfriend blaming her daycare for the reason her 11 month old was not fully potty trained. Yup 11 months. My friend wanted the daycare to put a potty out in the middke of the floor in the infant room for him to use whenever he wanted. Had no idea whay they wouldn't do it
Oh my gosh an 11 month old? That's insane.

She tells me every week about how great he does over the weekend "and he wears regular underwear". Yes, but she's putting him on the toilet herself. He's not telling her.
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lovemykidstoo 11:57 AM 04-04-2017
Originally Posted by Mike:

It's good when we can make humor out of problems.
lol it's either laugh or cry right? haha
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EntropyControlSpecialist 12:49 PM 04-04-2017
Originally Posted by lovemykidstoo:
Oh my gosh an 11 month old? That's insane.

She tells me every week about how great he does over the weekend "and he wears regular underwear". Yes, but she's putting him on the toilet herself. He's not telling her.
I'd just smile and move along without a comment anymore. Parents kill me sometimes.
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hwichlaz 04:25 PM 04-04-2017
I've had it happen both ways honestly. My own oldest child was still using pull ups at bed time. So we put her in one for a long car trip because there were several stretches whithout places to stop if she suddenly had to go. She immediately peed in the pull up.

When asked why, her answer as,"well you put me in a diaper, so I peed in it"

However, that doesn't trump my responsibility to keep my environment free from bodily waste.

I'd not necessarily require he be telling me for two weeks....but would def require he be dry for two weeks.
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lovemykidstoo 05:09 PM 04-04-2017
I don't mind asking him or doing the bathroom at certain times, but he never, never tells me he has to go. So, imo, me putting him on the toilet at designated times or asking him every time if he has to go tells me that he's far enough along to wear underwear.
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Meeko 12:18 PM 04-05-2017
My rule is two weeks clean and dry at daycare without any prompting from us. Once the child is always telling US they need to go, we consider them trained.

Parents tend to only hear the "two weeks"part and figure if they can get through those two weeks keeping the child dry (even if they put them on the potty every ten minutes to ensure catching them)...then they are good to go.

So I make sure the "without any prompting from us" is foremost!
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ColorfulSunburst 12:47 PM 04-05-2017
I have two kids 2.7yo. Both of them do not say that they need go to bathroom, but both of them wear underwear during the last year and use potty by my request.
At September I had 12 kids, eight of them used diapers. Now (seven month after) only two of them do that. They are 16mo and 18mo).
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lovemykidstoo 03:29 PM 04-05-2017
Originally Posted by Meeko:
My rule is two weeks clean and dry at daycare without any prompting from us. Once the child is always telling US they need to go, we consider them trained.

Parents tend to only hear the "two weeks"part and figure if they can get through those two weeks keeping the child dry (even if they put them on the potty every ten minutes to ensure catching them)...then they are good to go.

So I make sure the "without any prompting from us" is foremost!
Same thing. I guess she just doesn't hear the part where I say that he has to tell me. It's really easy to have a dry pant if you're putting them on there all the time. That, imo is not trained.
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kendallina 08:08 PM 04-05-2017
I don't require that the child needs tell me that he needs to go. When they've had couple of successful weekends and evenings at home, Im more than happy to have them in underwear here to try. Yes, its more work for few days or week of reminding them. I find that they are quickly letting me know when they have to go. And, yes, there is an occasional accident, but of course there is, they're little kids. I've had several potty train this way and it hasn't been a problem for me.
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Unregistered 09:17 PM 04-05-2017
I work at a center and, obviously since it's not a home it's different, we will not take them to the potty unless they come in underwear and several changes of clothes. We suggest parents begin at home and decide when to transition at school. We also throw away number 2 accident undies. After two weeks dry they take off the diaper change fee.
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CeriBear 07:34 AM 04-06-2017
An 11 month old? It's hard to believe that anyone would think a child that young could be potty trained.
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Tags:parental responsibility, potty issues, potty training, toilet training, toilet training - not, underwear
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