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Logged out 10:04 AM 05-05-2014
Do you expect that the older child will take at least a few days off after the birth?

I was shocked when I received an email that dcm had her baby (early) last night, and then a few hours later, an email saying dcg would be in today.

They have family up visiting because it coincidentally happens to be the same weekend as dcg's birthday-the timing couldn't have worked out better to have a baby since everyone was already in town.

I could see if they had no back-up or support, but...

I know, people will say it's important to keep dcg on a routine, and gma probably wanted the day to herself to spend with the new baby, right?

But, this poor child never misses a day, and I even stopped charging in an attempt to get them to keep her home more often.

Also, they gave me a ton of crap when I had my baby about 2 weeks being far too much time for them to find coverage, and I worked until the day I gave birth at 41 weeks...

Is it typical for kids to come back to daycare as soon as possible after a new baby?
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Meyou 10:08 AM 05-05-2014
All of my parents have brought the older kids on a regular schedule after a new baby. They may pick up or drop off early but they rarely miss a day right around the birth.
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TaylorTots 10:08 AM 05-05-2014
I have 2 DCFs due in December. I know at least one will be sending DCG full time ASAP after baby's birth. When my DD was born, I sent DS (2.5) to daycare the next 3-4 days until I was able to handle a toddler and a newborn. I remember being pretty sore and tired that first week home

Originally Posted by Logged out:
Also, they gave me a ton of crap when I had my baby about 2 weeks being far too much time for them to find coverage, and I worked until the day I gave birth at 41 weeks...
Water under the bridge.
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Play Care 10:17 AM 05-05-2014
Originally Posted by Logged out:
Do you expect that the older child will take at least a few days off after the birth?

I was shocked when I received an email that dcm had her baby (early) last night, and then a few hours later, an email saying dcg would be in today.

They have family up visiting because it coincidentally happens to be the same weekend as dcg's birthday-the timing couldn't have worked out better to have a baby since everyone was already in town.

I could see if they had no back-up or support, but...

I know, people will say it's important to keep dcg on a routine, and gma probably wanted the day to herself to spend with the new baby, right?

But, this poor child never misses a day, and I even stopped charging in an attempt to get them to keep her home more often.

Also, they gave me a ton of crap when I had my baby about 2 weeks being far too much time for them to find coverage, and I worked until the day I gave birth at 41 weeks...

Is it typical for kids to come back to daycare as soon as possible after a new baby?
My two dc boys did - mom had baby on the weekend and the family had worked together to watch the boys and keep them on schedule. I saw it as a positive thing because things were topsy turvey for them, but Ms. K was consistent, KWIM? Also, I don't know every families dynamics. Some relatives aren't capable of caring for young children all day, many probably have jobs, some relatives are virtual strangers, etc. The dcparents probably feel as though at least they know their older child is safe and having their routine, etc.
It sounds as if this family may be buying the new train of thought that day care is the same as school and that kids shouldn't miss it. It also sounds as if they are not the best fit for your program (based on their behavior when you had your child) have you looked into replacing them?
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Unregistered 10:17 AM 05-05-2014
Originally Posted by Meyou:
All of my parents have brought the older kids on a regular schedule after a new baby. They may pick up or drop off early but they rarely miss a day right around the birth.
Interesting. I guess it is common then. I figured family that never sees dcg might want to spend time with her, but maybe this is more common than I thought.
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Unregistered 10:20 AM 05-05-2014
Originally Posted by Play Care:
It sounds as if this family may be buying the new train of thought that day care is the same as school and that kids shouldn't miss it. It also sounds as if they are not the best fit for your program (based on their behavior when you had your child) have you looked into replacing them?
Yes, I have definitely thought about replacing! Very soon...
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Play Care 10:21 AM 05-05-2014
Originally Posted by TaylorTots:
I have 2 DCFs due in December. I know at least one will be sending DCG full time ASAP after baby's birth. When my DD was born, I sent DS (2.5) to daycare the next 3-4 days until I was able to handle a toddler and a newborn. I remember being pretty sore and tired that first week home
.
I had dd 2 in the summer when DH was off. It was AWESOME! He took care of older dd and I ate, nursed and slept. Had he not been home I totally would have enlisted MIL to take older dd for a few days. I felt as though I healed much faster after dd2 because I was able to rest.
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countrymom 10:29 AM 05-05-2014
ok, I've never had it happen till last month. I thought it was wierd. So I have dcb on the same schedual as before.
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childcaremom 10:34 AM 05-05-2014
I've only had one pregnant DCM and as soon as her mat leave started, her little one stayed home with her.
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Play Care 10:41 AM 05-05-2014
Originally Posted by childcaremom:
I've only had one pregnant DCM and as soon as her mat leave started, her little one stayed home with her.
Not sure where the OP is, but if she's in the States the parents hardly get any mat leave - a barbaric 6-8 weeks. Hardly enough time for mom to heal, bond and establish nursing and then it's back to work. If I knew I was getting a year off my kids would be home.
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Chellieleanne 10:44 AM 05-05-2014
I haven't experienced this, nor with my own kids. However I would probably keep my kids on their routine with a new baby, just shorter days. That way they don't have a dramatic adjustment to being home with another sibling on top of not going to daycare. It would also give me time to bond with the baby without needing to worry what my older kids were getting into kwim?
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taylorw1210 10:55 AM 05-05-2014
I have had four kiddos myself - #3 and #4 both came during a deployment for my significant other and I have hardly any family nearby. I know how rough it is having a baby and trying to care for older siblings at the same time. I literally had #4 at 4am and was up at 3 hours later at 7am getting my older two fed breakfast, off to school and running around after my 2 year old.

I would totally expect my families to bring siblings right after they had a baby because I can totally relate!

Plus the kiddos most likely benefit from something in their life staying routine while they have the hard adjustment of adding a sibling.
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TaylorTots 11:02 AM 05-05-2014
Originally Posted by Play Care:
Not sure where the OP is, but if she's in the States the parents hardly get any mat leave - a barbaric 6-8 weeks. Hardly enough time for mom to heal, bond and establish nursing and then it's back to work. If I knew I was getting a year off my kids would be home.
Agree!

Both DCFs that are expecting here are teachers who get 6-8 weeks for maternity leave. One will be taking 6 weeks because her employer basically told her that she has taken too much time off for her DCG's illnesses this past year (had horrible ear infections, ended up with tubes = blessing). I think it is (as you said it perfectly) barbaric to require someone to take a shorter leave due to prior issues.

On that same note, I told DCM to prepare DCD to take off time as needed then when either child was ill - that my illness policies were not bendable regardless of their time off available and again suggested finding a back up care provider.
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Soccermom 11:27 AM 05-05-2014
Sadly, this is completely normal.

What shocks me the most is when they continue to bring them regularly for an entire year while they stay home and enjoy their new baby.

It boggles my mind that these DCPs don't realize the affect this has on their child and the possible aggression the child may have towards their sibling later on.

Note to all Daycare Parents - Kids would NOT rather be at daycare and if they would rather be at daycare then YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING WRONG!

YOU would rather they be at daycare.......and for that reason, you probably shouldn't be reproducing anymore!
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Unregistered 11:32 AM 05-05-2014
Originally Posted by Soccermom:
Sadly, this is completely normal.

What shocks me the most is when they continue to bring them regularly for an entire year while they stay home and enjoy their new baby.

It boggles my mind that these DCPs don't realize the affect this has on their child and the possible aggression the child may have towards their sibling later on.

Note to all Daycare Parents - Kids would NOT rather be at daycare and if they would rather be at daycare then YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING WRONG!

YOU would rather they be at daycare.......and for that reason, you probably shouldn't be reproducing anymore!
OP here- I was just thinking a few minutes ago how dcg has literally no idea what is happening. She "knows" she saw the baby yesterday, but today she is back at daycare like nothing has happened. I think she will be in for a big shock when dcm comes home from the hospital in a day or two, and dcg sees that this baby is staying
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Unregistered 11:33 AM 05-05-2014
Yes I've had a few older siblings full time for the entire 1 year mat leave. It is the norm now. Keeps me in business for sure, but yes it is hard comforting the weeping older sibling who is in their own words "angry" that their mom no longer loves them. I've noticed it does not exactly help with sibling bonding either.
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Blackcat31 11:33 AM 05-05-2014
I think every family does what is best for them.

Either way, some providers complain because parents don't keep their kids home and some complain because they can't find parents interested in full time care.

To each his/her own. I wouldn't judge a family for whatever choice they make as ultimately only they know what is best for their family unit.
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saved4always 11:54 AM 05-05-2014
I think each family does do what is best for their situation. Actually, in my experience with my own kids, sometimes the family who comes to "help" only mean they want to come hold the baby. Not every family actually steps up and helps around the house or with the older kids. With my second, I didn't even have any family stay with me. It was easler. As long as they are paying for care, I don't think it should be a concern.
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saved4always 11:59 AM 05-05-2014
Originally Posted by TaylorTots:
Agree!

Both DCFs that are expecting here are teachers who get 6-8 weeks for maternity leave. One will be taking 6 weeks because her employer basically told her that she has taken too much time off for her DCG's illnesses this past year (had horrible ear infections, ended up with tubes = blessing). I think it is (as you said it perfectly) barbaric to require someone to take a shorter leave due to prior issues.

On that same note, I told DCM to prepare DCD to take off time as needed then when either child was ill - that my illness policies were not bendable regardless of their time off available and again suggested finding a back up care provider.
I thought that with the Family Medical Leave act or whatever it is called, they had to let moms take up to 12 weeks....not necessarily paid. I had my last child 12 years ago before that law so I could be confused.
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EntropyControlSpecialist 12:00 PM 05-05-2014
I have never had a child present that left early to see their sibling be born, left early to go visit their newly born sibling, or who stayed home any time after that sibling was born. At this point, I would be SURPRISED if the child was picked up early or kept home at all for that reason.

When I had my daughter last year, we picked up our older child from school and he was there during the vast majority of my natural labor and childbirth. It was LOUD and he was glad he was there (although, he turned his back and didn't want to see a thing). I want my children to be a part of big events like that. But, some don't and some feel that rest is a big priority immediately following their delivery (during the hours or days after). I can't blame them. I was physically weak, in severe pain, and enjoyed the rest during my 2 week maternity leave. I have never had anyone baby-sit my youngest child, but I can TOTALLY see having someone baby-sit (I know, not quite the same...) for a day or two of my recovery time if I had a young child.
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taylorw1210 12:12 PM 05-05-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I think every family does what is best for them.

Either way, some providers complain because parents don't keep their kids home and some complain because they can't find parents interested in full time care.

To each his/her own. I wouldn't judge a family for whatever choice they make as ultimately only they know what is best for their family unit.

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Unregistered 12:16 PM 05-05-2014
Originally Posted by saved4always:
I thought that with the Family Medical Leave act or whatever it is called, they had to let moms take up to 12 weeks....not necessarily paid. I had my last child 12 years ago before that law so I could be confused.
Only with a certain number of employees in the company. If you have less than I believe its 50 lives then you don't qualify.

We don't get maternity we get 6 weeks disability (maybe 8 but a doctor has to approve if its a C-section) . If you adopt. You get no time.
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Blackcat31 12:20 PM 05-05-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Only with a certain number of employees in the company. If you have less than I believe its 50 lives then you don't qualify.

We don't get maternity we get 6 weeks disability (maybe 8 but a doctor has to approve if its a C-section) . If you adopt. You get no time.
A company must have 50 or more employees.

The FML includes adoption as well.

There are 4 basic situations in which you can invoke and use FMLA leave:
• Childbirth and newborn care
• Adoption or accepting a child for foster care
• Caring for a family member (a son, daughter, spouse, or your parent) who has a serious health condition
• Undergoing care and treatment for your own serious health condition.
(http://www.hr.commerce.gov/Employees/Leave/DEV01_005926)


http://www.dol.gov/dol/topic/benefits-leave/fmla.htm
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saved4always 12:38 PM 05-05-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Only with a certain number of employees in the company. If you have less than I believe its 50 lives then you don't qualify.

We don't get maternity we get 6 weeks disability (maybe 8 but a doctor has to approve if its a C-section) . If you adopt. You get no time.
That's the part I was missing....the 50 employees...forgot about that.
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TwinKristi 01:35 PM 05-05-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I think every family does what is best for them.

Either way, some providers complain because parents don't keep their kids home and some complain because they can't find parents interested in full time care.

To each his/her own. I wouldn't judge a family for whatever choice they make as ultimately only they know what is best for their family unit.
The bolded came to mind. You can't please everyone, so do what you can to please the most people. We expect parents to pay for their spot, but then not use it, but then if they're not working pay to hold the spot. If moms are on a reduced income for disability or maternity leave it can be a lot to ask. Plus if they pull their child out for 6-12wks and you fill the spot what can they do? So either bring their kid and use the spot they pay for or pull out and risk losing the spot. Plus then you have to completely retransition the child AND their new sibling upon return! Daycare may be the most stable place for them during this new time.

Originally Posted by saved4always:
I thought that with the Family Medical Leave act or whatever it is called, they had to let moms take up to 12 weeks....not necessarily paid. I had my last child 12 years ago before that law so I could be confused.
And you have to take all paid leave (vacation time, sick days, etc.) before they will pay you. And even if the entire company has 50+ employees, if your individual office has less they can protest if it creates a hardship for their business. There are ways around it. I was able to take my 12wks plus use my vacation time even though I worked for a small business... granted my mom was my immediate supervisor!

Personally, when I was on the other end of this business, we usually brought our older kids for a shorter day to keep normalcy for them and allow time to bond, go to doctor's appts, etc.
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renodeb 02:05 PM 05-05-2014
I actually had two moms on mat leave around the same time. One was home the whole time mom was off and the other was here for a while b/c the baby had to stay in the NICU until she started eatting enough and gaining and stuff then he was home the whole rest of the time mom was. I have found that more kids stay in dc around the birth of the baby and just have grma or someone dropping off and picking up to help mom and dad out. I have had quite a few kids that never missed a day and it is sad. You would think the child would miss some but guess not!
Deb
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countrymom 06:34 PM 05-05-2014
the only problem that posses to parents is the fact they are the first ones to complain how they can't get anything done with 2 kids or can't go anywhere with 2 kids. Well, dummies thats because you never trained yourself to deal with 2 kids, its easier to dump one off and only deal with one kid at a time.
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TaylorTots 07:24 PM 05-05-2014
Originally Posted by saved4always:
I thought that with the Family Medical Leave act or whatever it is called, they had to let moms take up to 12 weeks....not necessarily paid. I had my last child 12 years ago before that law so I could be confused.
The DCM I was referring to is due in December. Her employer stated she needed to be "back by February and take no leave until school is out in June."

Regardless of legality (I am not familiar with FMLA in regard to maternity leave), that's what she was told (she's not prone to exaggeration and was definitely a little worried when she was sharing).

6-8 weeks seems really standard based on what I have heard from other providers in my region and not usually paid.
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childcaremom 02:34 AM 05-06-2014
I can't believe mat leave is so short in the US. Craziness!!
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Maria2013 05:39 AM 05-06-2014
Originally Posted by Logged out:
Do you expect that the older child will take at least a few days off after the birth?

I was shocked when I received an email that dcm had her baby (early) last night, and then a few hours later, an email saying dcg would be in today.

They have family up visiting because it coincidentally happens to be the same weekend as dcg's birthday-the timing couldn't have worked out better to have a baby since everyone was already in town.

I could see if they had no back-up or support, but...

I know, people will say it's important to keep dcg on a routine, and gma probably wanted the day to herself to spend with the new baby, right?

But, this poor child never misses a day, and I even stopped charging in an attempt to get them to keep her home more often.

Also, they gave me a ton of crap when I had my baby about 2 weeks being far too much time for them to find coverage, and I worked until the day I gave birth at 41 weeks...

Is it typical for kids to come back to daycare as soon as possible after a new baby?
most of my parents did think that they would keep dck home while on maternity leave, but it never worked out and kids were back in daycare after a day or two
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Mom of 4 04:54 PM 05-10-2014
Originally Posted by countrymom:
the only problem that posses to parents is the fact they are the first ones to complain how they can't get anything done with 2 kids or can't go anywhere with 2 kids. Well, dummies thats because you never trained yourself to deal with 2 kids, its easier to dump one off and only deal with one kid at a time.
This is a friend of mine. I used to take 8 kids out everywhere, and once in awhile, I had a 9th. This girl did nothing but complain about how her ONE child was costing her too much for childcare and she couldn't get anything done. I just stared at her while she was complaining. She said "What?" I said "Oh, nothing, I've taken 9...to the store, out to eat, to the park, to the zoo, etc...so I dont' really feel sorry for you. And K who works with you making the same money is paying my FULL rate at $100/week x 2 kids, so you must not be budgeting for this" She shut up really quick. I just got tired of her whining so I let her have it.

To this day, she hasn't changed, and in fact, gave up her child to her ex rather than takes the child at all and STILL cannot pay ANY of her bills. It's just her and the boyfriend moocher living with some lady who doesn't charge them rent, so IDK HOW she is unable to afford ANYTHING on her salary which is NOT bad.
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cheerfuldom 10:36 PM 05-10-2014
Originally Posted by childcaremom:
I can't believe mat leave is so short in the US. Craziness!!
I don't know the statistics but MANY mothers get no paid maternity leave at all and can't afford to take more than a few days. After my third daughter was born, I was back to work within the week. I, like many American mothers, do not have the option to not work.

Let's not be too hard on each other. We never know the whole story of why someone is doing what they are doing. If a mother is paying for the spot for an older child, I don't feel it is my place for faulting her for using it. Consistency while transitioning in a new child is very important and there are many parenting experts/outlets/doctors that encourage mothers to keep their older children on the exact same schedule. When a new sibling is coming, that is not the time to shake up big siblings' schedules, if it can be avoided. Recovering from child birth and caring for a newborn is work so I still fulfill my own personal rule to only care for the children of working parents
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wdmmom 06:27 PM 05-11-2014
I have four children and all of my kids were with me when they weren't in preschool/school.

I was floored at how common it now is to have the oldest continue regular daycare while mom is home recovering.

One of my dcm's was off for 3.5 months. Dcb came in full time, every single day for the same 9 hours a day he did when mom was working. (Drove me nuts!)

Other dcm kept older boy home with her the first 3 days recovering since family was in town. They then cut him down to part time 5 hours a day 4 days a week which was about half the time he normally came. (That schedule worked great!)
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My3cents 11:03 AM 05-12-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I think every family does what is best for them.

Either way, some providers complain because parents don't keep their kids home and some complain because they can't find parents interested in full time care.

To each his/her own. I wouldn't judge a family for whatever choice they make as ultimately only they know what is best for their family unit.
I feel this way too!

I often think to myself your child is going to grow up so fast and if you could spend that time with your child you should. I encourage it, because not only is it good for the child/family/parents its good for the provider to get that break from a child that comes full time everyday~ Ultimately I too feel it is the parents choice to make- The parents know what their needs are.

Someone that abuses your program is a whole other ball game and as a provider it is up to me to speak up and not allow that.
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MrsSteinel'sHouse 12:02 PM 05-12-2014
my dd went to Kindergarten the day after ds was born and was brought to the hospital in the afternoon to visit. My sister (who was in college) had her and so she went to school as usual. I was 40 min away in the hospital for 5 days. My sister would get dd up in the morning and take her to kindergarten and pick her up at noon. Dh would go to work. Stop and see us at the hospital. Go home and have dinner with dd. But basically, after I had ds, dd and dh continued on their normal routine until I got home.

If dd had been in daycare at that point I am sure they would have dropped her off there.
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Jack Sprat 12:13 PM 05-12-2014
I have a dcm who is being induced on Thursday. Last time we talked dcg would be here while she was on maternity leave. Dcm has been home the last 3 weeks and dcg has come to daycare at least 3 days of the week. This is fine with me. They are paying for her spot regardless if she is here or not. I am rather happy she will still come while dcm is home, that way we don't break routine.
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lilcupcakes09 04:36 PM 06-23-2014
This totally made my night after a rough day!!!! I have families that would fall under this category!! It makes my heart ache to see the kids in this situation, but all I can do is have a big heart and keep everything normal for them here. I'm due in November and there is no way in this world my other child will be put on the back burner....he will be with Daddy, Baby, and I at all times(besides times that may be a little unsuitable), but the nurses know how to deal with these "times".





Originally Posted by Soccermom:
Sadly, this is completely normal.

What shocks me the most is when they continue to bring them regularly for an entire year while they stay home and enjoy their new baby.

It boggles my mind that these DCPs don't realize the affect this has on their child and the possible aggression the child may have towards their sibling later on.

Note to all Daycare Parents - Kids would NOT rather be at daycare and if they would rather be at daycare then YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING WRONG!

YOU would rather they be at daycare.......and for that reason, you probably shouldn't be reproducing anymore!

Reply
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