It's too late, as I gave already sent this, but just looking for your opinions. Did this sound harsh or okay? These parents can't handle their three year old and cater to his every whim. It is ridiculous. The kid has major tantrums at home and gets whatever he wants. He doesn't pull that crap with me because it doesn't get him anywhere. I am certain they just want me to do it because they don't want to deal with his tantrums.

Hi xxx,

I have been debating on whether to talk to you guys about L coming to daycare in pajamas or not.

As mentioned in the handbook, children need to come to daycare dressed for the day. I am 100% okay with pajamas, but I am not okay with the expectation that is my responsibility to dress him in his clothes so he can go outside. I will do it today, only because he has feetie pajamas on, but from this point forward, L needs to be dressed in clothes that he can fully function in, indoors and out. If that includes pajamas, I am fine with that, however short of having an accident and wetting himself, I won't be changing him into regular clothing.

Thank you for your understanding and cooperation.

K

What do you think? Should I be expecting any arguments that I may need to be prepared for?

Reply

Sometimes, i also take the path of least resistance - as a mom. I let my kids sleep in their clothes, wear a PJ top under a t-shirt to school, etc. It's just flame retardant clothing, you know? I understand why not footies, but if a kiddo wants to wear PJ's all day, I don't see a problem.

As a mom, i think I'd be a tad miffed getting this note. As a provider, i completely understand your not wanting to change the kid, and footie jammies are not outdoor wear.

Reply

It's in your handbook that kids come dressed for the day. His parents must abide by that. A note telling them that is not out of line.

Reply

I think you had to say something, as children need to come to care ready to participate in activities.

Reply

I think it's totally fine. You point out that pajamas are fine, just not the footie kind because he can't go outside in those. I wouldn't be offended. I'd be embarrassed that I let my kid run the show and someone called me out on it. Good for you.

Reply

At 3yo I would think he could get himself dressed for the most part? I probably wouldn't have said anything and just had the kid stat dressing himself.

Reply

I would have said it too. I'm not a fan of wearing pajamas as clothes anyways but getting the child dressed is where I would draw the line too. Even if the kid can get dressed in his own it should be done at home. The only time I'd consider it is if I had a dck come super early (like 4-5am, rare that I would ever do that but in that case, OK, send their clothes lol).

Reply

Short and sweet -As stated in handbook ....child needs to arrive dressed for the day .No pajamas allowed .That is what I would hand to parent no if and or buts. The less they hear /read the better.I ran into this a long time ago next thing I knew everyone wanted to come in pj's. We as providers have enough to do parents need to dress and feed their children before arrival is my take.

Reply

Seriously?

The provider isn't dictating to the parents what the child can and can't wear, she is saying she won't take over a PARENTAL responsibility .

As a parent, I'd be EMBARRASSED getting a note like this...as I rightfully should feel if I couldn't manage my child.

OP~ I think your letter sounds great and that it is absolutely necessary. All too many parents get a free pass when it comes to regular daily activities that are required as a parent. If I decided to let my child live in PJ's, that's my prerogative but never in a million years would I expect my provider to have to dress my child after dropping off.

Maybe it's just me but I don't offer those types of services to daycare families. It is NOT part of the array or things I offer.

Reply

Reply

I think if the kid was younger maybe I'd be more understanding, but a 3yr old, I expect dressed ready to function for the whole day!

Reply

I'd have this convetsation face to face, with my serious face on. No letter, no email, unless there was continued violation. Then it would be in a two weeks probation letter.

Reply

Op here. So i am trying to make him dress himself and he is soooooo lazy, he refuses and is just laying there. I'm not doing it. I know he can, but because his parents do so much (even handing him something that is RIGHT beside him - true story), he is weaker at these skills than he should be. It's ridiculous. Even the other three yo tries to do it for him, not that I am allowing it.
Why don't parents understand tgat tgey are not helping their kids in the long run? I would love to be a fly on the wall in a few years. Lol

Reply

I would have popped shoes over the pj feet And called it good.

Reply

i think i have come to a point in all of years of doing this that I have had to adopt this saying..


I will not be responsible for the way that you feel..............


I guess part of me has just quit caring and as bad as that sounds, I actually feel so much better about things. I don't stress over all the little things like i used to,

Reply

I have a 3.5 yo boy who had a poop "accident" last week. I handed him his clothes and told him to get dressed after cleaning him up. He said no. So, he sat in that corner until he got dressed (he ate lunch in that corner, too!). I told him that he needed to be dressed to play with us and that as soon as he chose to put his clothes on, he could come play. He spent about 45 minutes sitting there until he decided to put his clothes on and join us again.

Reply

I think it comes down to this - I wouldn't send a note like that. I'd talk to the parent at pick up time. I'd say something like, "Hey, can you not send X in footie jammies, he can't wear shoes for outside time." It's a pretty easy conversation to have and I don't think it requires a formal note. That's why i'd be miffed, for cripes sake, just say something, it's not that big of a deal. I think sometimes we get too caught up in the "I'm not going to do "whatever it is" because it's not how I would do it". The OP states that this is due to the child's tantrums at home, but who knows, maybe the kid just likes his PJ's? It doesn't really matter either, but a simple conversation can sometimes be more effective and less offensive than a letter.

Reply

Most don't care because some caring loving provider that feels bad will pick up their slack.

Reply

We r at the 20 minute mark. I took the other kids away and we are watching a movie, because I am refusing to give him an audience. He thinks he will beat me at the waiting game, but I told him I have 7 more hours to wait. If we don't get outside today, every parent will know why. Of course with no names, but they all know of this boy - they can all see it too.

Reply

I was commenting on your comment about being miffed as a parent to get the letter.

You mentioned taking the path of least resistance but didn't mention your preference to a face to face convo verses a letter.

That makes more sense.

Reply

I've been this parent, the one with the kiddo who is dropping my kid off in PJ's, and i didn't have any desire for the DCP to change her, just put regular clothes in her bag in case of an accident. If she had sent me something like this, i'd be like, why didn't you just say something?

I think so much is lost in text form, and when we deal with parents, whose little people we are providing so much for, that there is definitely a hard line we need to keep as a business owner, but that gets a little blurry when we deal with things like this.

Reply

I commend you for receiving info by word of mouth about happenings with your child and how that would be more appropriate. But, not all clients in our child care programs are this way so many times we do the best we can choosing the best of two evils. There is NEVER a cut/dry approach to issues that arise in the daycare. Providers simply learn from experience. Every issue is trial/error and too often can't be used again due to the changing in clientale. We are renovating and I sent a letter out last month because one of my parents was griping about the mud!!!! Not a little gripe but, to the point, she wanted me to buy her new white scrubs for work. I typed a letter up that day to be given to each client about how i had been in business 20+ years and the new renovations were necessary to make my home and daycare better. They knew up front with no pretense what would be taking place over a period of months. You know what? This parent has been my best friend since because she took the hint. The parents that were NOT causing a problem just took the letter at face value but I got my point across to the "griper". HA! She even bought some muck boots to wear in my daycare and she changes when she gets back to the car Bottom line,providers do the best they can as the situation arises.

Reply

Not on the pj topic, but the letter/face to face thing.

I prefer to send letters/notes/newsletters/etc. for 2 reasons:

1. It's in writing and nobody can claim I didn't tell them.

2. I have major social anxiety with adults and having face to face conversations is really hard for me. I'd rather send a letter than have a panic attack for the rest of the evening.

On a side note, the OP said she didn't mind pj's just not footie pj's.

Reply

You also have to consider the time it takes to have this conversation. You can do it face to face, but at the times when you are face to face, it's likely that other parents are coming and going. And you wouldn't want to embarrass mom in front of other parents. That's why, sometimes, a letter/email is better. IMHO.

Reply

I chose to do it via email because pick-up/drop off times are often crazy. I also want a record of it. Dcd dropped him off almost every day last week and tells me his change of clothes are in his bag and leaves. Then at pick-up he makes a comment about how dcb is still in pajamas (we are usually playing outside at pick-up). I have been saying "yes he is" and leaving it, but his tone this am about the clothes in his bag, was more "I expect you to change him today" and the feetie pajamas felt like a powerplay move. Like I said, I don't care if he wears pajamas day in or day out, but don't expect me to do a parents job. Like someone else mentioned, if he was a baby getting up five minutes before leaving ok. If he was dropped off at 5 okay, but this kid gets here at 730.

On the plus side, dcb finally decided to get dressed after I took away his audience and he is so proud of himself by doing it independently.

Reply

spot on with the paper trail!

Reply

What gets me is would they dare send him to school like this? The whole principle of this matter seems to be letting the 3 yo get his way all the time. Yes, some battles are too small to be fought but where do you draw the line?

Reply

Sadly, kids from elementary to high school get sent home daily for inappropriate attire and parents just don't get it

Reply

I have a couple teacher moms/dads.

One of them consistently dresses in pajama pants FOR work.

I'd probably be a little less surprised if she was in her 20ies but she is 37 so.....

Reply

I know and it is only getting worse. you can't tell who is a teacher or student when you enter the school anymore

Reply

If they did that in our school district, nobody would be in school.

Reply

Why would you have to get a 3 yr old dressed? My 22 mo olds can put on their own pants and only need minimal help with shirts. When children arrive wearing inappropriate clothing I hand them their extra clothes, have them change, then send both sets home.

Reply

It always bugs me when a parent is unwilling to dress ONE child, then sends clothes to daycare, where a provider has a group of children. Imagine if every parent did this.

Reply

THIS! They can't dress one kid but they expect you to do it with a full house of children.

Reply

That's because they're mean rotten parents if they make their precious cry. As soon as a dck starts crying here, I come right out and tell them it doesn't bother me, heard it before and will hear it again so crying will not get you your way.

Reply

Reply