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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>How to NICELY, and GENTLY Get Parents to Pick Up and LEAVE
caligirl 05:02 PM 01-27-2016
Ok, I know I'm not the ONLY one who has this issue.....
I have two moms....they have become friendly....only during DC pick ups and drop offs.... but they both get here at 4:30 to pick up, and stand around and chit chat........for 15-20 minutes EVERY SINGLE NIGHT! I love these moms, they are sweet and I enjoy talking to them, but I do NOT want to have this go on every single night.....week after week after week. I've had these kids since 7am... I am done for the day. .. how do you find just the right words, or whatever, to usher them out the door without causing bad, or hurt feelings??? I mean, today, I had to get on a fake phone call and say 'i have to take this call, so I'm rushing you out today'..... I can't do that every day..........

Oh, and it would be easier if they were the last two to leave, but I usually have at least one more here until 5:00. So I can use the old 'I'm leaving' or something to that effect
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KayB 05:15 PM 01-27-2016
I have this A LOT! The only thing that works for me is that I take the kids to the door ready to leave when the parent rings the doorbell. I don't allow them to step a foot in my house if at all possible. When that happens then I do the ignoring route. Say my goodbyes and go on about my business.
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nannyde 05:34 PM 01-27-2016
Tell them you have to charge them for when the kids are on the property. You love that they chit chat but they need to take it off property. Tell them the fee they pay is for up to the pick up time. If the kids are onsite after them you have to charge a buck a minute.
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Indoorvoice 05:37 PM 01-27-2016
I usually start getting the other kids ready to go outside while my problem mom is here which requires my 100% attention so I can't talk and its very obvious. Otherwise, I usher all the kids to a different part of the house to "do an activity." Also, my entrance opens right up into my living room which is the main daycare area so I blocked off the entrance with a long bookcase to make it feel cramped and uncomfortable so parents wouldn't want to stand there and talk. It also makes it awkward to talk to someone over a bookcase.
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caligirl 06:02 PM 01-27-2016
Well, I know I won't tell them I'll charge more. I just can't do that. I am open until 5 and they can leave them here until 5, they get here at 430.... and the entrance goes right into my playroom. I have thought about having them ready to go, but one is 9 months and the dad drops off and leaves the car seat. I could have her in it ready to go, but it's when the OTHER mom gets here, that they start chatting.
I am just trying to figure out a way to hand them off and say TTFN!!
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MunchkinWrangler 07:05 PM 01-27-2016
I clean. Honestly, it works every time. I'm all one floor though and so it makes since that I'm picking up and wiping down things at the end of the day. I still engage but it seems if I'm tidying up the place this makes them leave quicker.
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Josiegirl 03:24 AM 01-28-2016
Ugh, I wouldn't mind if it were to happen once in awhile but happening every single day for that length of time would bug me. I have no answer for you, only commiseration because it has happened in the past.

My problem at the moment is, a dcm who BF's her 2 but also brings in her other 2 a lot of the time. This family is wonderful, really they are and probably have no idea how I feel about all this and being too much of a wimp about it, they'll never know either. Her usual stay is 30 minutes. Sometimes even after she finishes BFing, they still stick around another 10-15 minutes. I think what I'm going to start doing is getting the dcks ready to go outside at that time because it's when we usually do in the afternoons anyways. It's just awkward and uncomfortable for me.
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lovemydaycare0912 04:58 AM 01-28-2016
I know exactly how you feel. I close at 6pm. Dcm came at 558pm to pick up dcb. She stayed until 613!!!!! I guess take it as a compliment that they like you and want to chit chat. I have tried having kids ready and it doesn't work. Good luck.
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caligirl 06:37 AM 01-28-2016
Ok, how does this sound.,,, I slept on it and came up with this.... I let my late boy go. He was here until 530, and I finally gave them notice and sent him off to preschool... so now the last one to pick up is here just before 5:00........ so, I was thinking..... I'm in California, so weather is nice here, and I think I'm going to tell them when they drop off this morning that now that late boy is gone, and I'm off before 5, I am going to start meeting them at the door with the kiddos because BFF and I are going to start walking and I want to quickly get ready so we can leave as soon as last DC child is picked up....... cross your fingers that works!!
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Snowmom 06:56 AM 01-28-2016
Hope it works for you!

I just addressed this (chatting at pick up) in a recent memo/newsletter to all my families.

It's not identical to your situation, but here's my verbiage:

• I am more than happy to discuss your child’s development here, however, if you require more than a brief daily conversation about your child, I suggest making an appointment outside daycare hours or sending me an email regarding your concerns. As I’m sure you’re aware, pick up and drop off time can be quite chaotic and my focus needs to be on the children that are still in my care instead of at the front door. Please make both pick up and drop off time as brief as possible. It is less stressful for your child, for myself and for the other children present.
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MunchkinWrangler 06:57 AM 01-28-2016
Whatever works! I think because we work from home they think that it's not a big deal, when I think most of us are trying to get away from home at night because we've been 'stuck in the house.'
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laundrymom 09:47 AM 01-28-2016
"Well ladies, I need to go change baby's diaper and read a couple more stories, see us tomorrow"
And hold open the door. Smile. And wait.
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Unregistered 10:25 AM 01-28-2016
Originally Posted by Indoorvoice:
I usually start getting the other kids ready to go outside while my problem mom is here which requires my 100% attention so I can't talk and its very obvious. Otherwise, I usher all the kids to a different part of the house to "do an activity." Also, my entrance opens right up into my living room which is the main daycare area so I blocked off the entrance with a long bookcase to make it feel cramped and uncomfortable so parents wouldn't want to stand there and talk. It also makes it awkward to talk to someone over a bookcase.
Great idea! That's how my joysemis. I constantly telling kids to go play away from the door.

I wI'll also go pretend to write stuff, usually doodling, just to avoid talking so they will leave!
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Rockgirl 10:35 AM 01-28-2016
I address this issue in my contract. Something to the tune of: drop off/pick up time should be kept short, so we can continue on with our routine.

If these two moms need to chat that much every day, they should just meet for happy hour! After taking their kids home to dads, of course.
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MunchkinWrangler 10:46 AM 01-28-2016
Originally Posted by Rockgirl:
I address this issue in my contract. Something to the tune of: drop off/pick up time should be kept short, so we can continue on with our routine.

If these two moms need to chat that much every day, they should just meet for happy hour! After taking their kids home to dads, of course.

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KIDZRMYBIZ 12:40 PM 01-28-2016
OP's problem sounds a little more unique, with 2 DCMs wanting to chat it up with EACH OTHER, and would be content to do so for 15-20 mins without the provider even around. I think pretending to leave will be the ONLY way to get these two out.

When they want to treat me like their new best friend or their $135-per-week-therapist-plus-babysitting, just looking REALLY busy with the other DCKs or my DSs (if they are the last one to pick up) works like a charm.

I've had some kids not getting picked up till 5:20-5:30 most days the last 2 weeks, and I had been enjoying everyone being picked up by 5:00 for about 6 months now. Not sure why it's getting pushed again till the last possible moment for pick-up time again. Sigh...
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lovemykidstoo 02:01 PM 01-28-2016
Originally Posted by Josiegirl:
Ugh, I wouldn't mind if it were to happen once in awhile but happening every single day for that length of time would bug me. I have no answer for you, only commiseration because it has happened in the past.

My problem at the moment is, a dcm who BF's her 2 but also brings in her other 2 a lot of the time. This family is wonderful, really they are and probably have no idea how I feel about all this and being too much of a wimp about it, they'll never know either. Her usual stay is 30 minutes. Sometimes even after she finishes BFing, they still stick around another 10-15 minutes. I think what I'm going to start doing is getting the dcks ready to go outside at that time because it's when we usually do in the afternoons anyways. It's just awkward and uncomfortable for me.
She comes in at pickup time and breastfeeds 2 kids? How old are they and how far from your house does she live? ugh!

OP I have those 2 moms. They like to talk to each other FOREVER! What I've been doing is having the kids outside playing when everyone gets picked up, that way when the last kid is picked up and they're still talking I say well goodnight and I go in the house. Sometimes they will stand outside for 15 more minutes and talk. At least they're not in my house though. I think your comment about you and your boyfriend going for a walk is a great idea. Tell them you don't care if they talk to each other outside but you have to get ready to go.
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mommyneedsadayoff 02:09 PM 01-28-2016
My dh comes home right about pick up time, so they tend to scoot once they see him. Not sure why. He is a really nice guy, but he has spent 10 hours at work and has sort of an "eff off" look to his face after work (even though he is not cranky or in a bad mood!), so they take it as a "we should get going" kind of moment If possible, I would have them ready to go, shoes and coat on, open door, say bye and see you tomorrow and shut door. It is kind of tricky sometimes, but we do need to draw a line. I do like to converse with parents about life, but we are also ALMOST done with work, so we just want them to GO!
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Josiegirl 02:23 PM 01-28-2016
Originally Posted by lovemykidstoo:
She comes in at pickup time and breastfeeds 2 kids? How old are they and how far from your house does she live? ugh!
Her twins are 19 months old. They only live maybe 5-10 minutes away and the thing is we are usually just barely cleaning up from our snack at 3 when she gets here so she's not doing it because they're hungry. I think the reason she does stay is because she gets here so early and feels she's still within her time frame of picking up. I'll let it happen until summer, then they're off because dcd is a teacher and will keep them with him. But we'll tackle it if the issue returns in the fall.
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MunchkinWrangler 05:16 PM 01-28-2016
Honestly, regarding the breastfeeding thing, I'll probably be the odd one out on this but that can easily happen at home and shouldn't have to happen at your home. If it is that important to the mom she needs to scoot! Personally, as much as I support breastfeeding, it doesn't need to be done on my time. I've had people ask if they can come and breastfeed midday and I ask them if that's when they'll be picking up. I don't have space for that and it's disruptive to my routine AND I don't think it helps the infant transition to have me provide feeding during the day...they'll hold out for mom.
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lovemykidstoo 06:19 PM 01-28-2016
Originally Posted by MunchkinWrangler:
Honestly, regarding the breastfeeding thing, I'll probably be the odd one out on this but that can easily happen at home and shouldn't have to happen at your home. If it is that important to the mom she needs to scoot! Personally, as much as I support breastfeeding, it doesn't need to be done on my time. I've had people ask if they can come and breastfeed midday and I ask them if that's when they'll be picking up. I don't have space for that and it's disruptive to my routine AND I don't think it helps the infant transition to have me provide feeding during the day...they'll hold out for mom.
Especially 19 month old twins as Josiegirl explained that just HAD a snack. ugh.
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lovemykidstoo 06:20 PM 01-28-2016
Originally Posted by MunchkinWrangler:
Honestly, regarding the breastfeeding thing, I'll probably be the odd one out on this but that can easily happen at home and shouldn't have to happen at your home. If it is that important to the mom she needs to scoot! Personally, as much as I support breastfeeding, it doesn't need to be done on my time. I've had people ask if they can come and breastfeed midday and I ask them if that's when they'll be picking up. I don't have space for that and it's disruptive to my routine AND I don't think it helps the infant transition to have me provide feeding during the day...they'll hold out for mom.
Oh dear Lord. 19 month old twins that can perfectly well eat a snack and she wants to sit there and breast feed them when she can drive 5 minutes home? oh heck no lol
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MunchkinWrangler 07:09 PM 01-28-2016
Originally Posted by lovemykidstoo:
Oh dear Lord. 19 month old twins that can perfectly well eat a snack and she wants to sit there and breast feed them when she can drive 5 minutes home? oh heck no lol
Yeah, I'm honestly not okay with the breastfeed til they're in kindergarten thing. I honestly think they should start transitioning at about 6 to 8 months. Food is going to start being the main source of their nutrition the rest of their lives! I just don't think it's needed for their growth and development, it's time to cut the cord, I just don't think it's good for a child's independence. And I find a toddler acting like a baby not easy to deal with.

I don't want to open a can of worms with this statement.
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Laurel 07:32 PM 01-28-2016
Originally Posted by caligirl:
Ok, I know I'm not the ONLY one who has this issue.....
I have two moms....they have become friendly....only during DC pick ups and drop offs.... but they both get here at 4:30 to pick up, and stand around and chit chat........for 15-20 minutes EVERY SINGLE NIGHT! I love these moms, they are sweet and I enjoy talking to them, but I do NOT want to have this go on every single night.....week after week after week. I've had these kids since 7am... I am done for the day. .. how do you find just the right words, or whatever, to usher them out the door without causing bad, or hurt feelings??? I mean, today, I had to get on a fake phone call and say 'i have to take this call, so I'm rushing you out today'..... I can't do that every day..........

Oh, and it would be easier if they were the last two to leave, but I usually have at least one more here until 5:00. So I can use the old 'I'm leaving' or something to that effect
I'm thinking that would be a good time to give the child left some band instruments (think a pot and a spoon) and announce it is 'music' time. Turn some music on and let them bang away! Or how about that be your vacuuming time and give the child that leaves later a play vacuum to 'help' you. I'm in a mood right now. I'm remembering when we got really fast service at a furniture store because my sister in law and I gave our kids sticky lollipops to hold while we were 'browsing'. We weren't really thinking about it but then realized why we got such fast service!

But seriously, I had this same problem. I went to the kitchen and started dinner and that wasn't even a big enough hint. They just sat on my sofa and chatted. Then one of their 4 year olds came out to the kitchen and said they were thirsty. I was so ticked but I calmly told her in a loud enough voice so the parents could hear that watching them was my 'job' and compared it to a store. I said that at 5:30 my job was over and I was now closed like a store closes so she would have to ask her mom for anything she wanted. I didn't even get her a drink of water. After that, the moms didn't stay.
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kitykids3 07:49 PM 01-28-2016
I've got one that wants to sit around and chat with kid and me, a lot of the time trying to puff herself up regarding her kid. Even when I give hints like looking at the clock, start closing curtains etc, she doesn't get that after 10 hours, I want to be DONE. For the parents that want to talk, or can't get their kids out the door due to behavior, I get them all ready before the parents come so they can sign them out and go. No reason to stay. In the summers we stay outside all afternoon and close to pick up time we go to front yard so they pull up and can grab their kid and go. If it's the last one, I say good night and head into the house.
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Unregistered 09:02 PM 01-28-2016
Have a giant flashing arrow sign drop from the ceiling pointing to the doorway, while an announcement plays in the daycare announcing "Attention the daycare is closing in 5 minutes, will all remaining parents please escort your children to the nearest exit. Thank you, and have a good night!"
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daycare 09:27 PM 01-28-2016
For confidentially reasons we ask that you make your pick up time brief.
Other parents may call or Enter into the daycare to discuss personal matters, please give them the respect of being able to participate in conversation privately.

Thanks now get out. lol. Jk
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Josiegirl 03:23 AM 01-29-2016
Originally Posted by Laurel:
I'm thinking that would be a good time to give the child left some band instruments (think a pot and a spoon) and announce it is 'music' time. Turn some music on and let them bang away! Or how about that be your vacuuming time and give the child that leaves later a play vacuum to 'help' you. I'm in a mood right now. I'm remembering when we got really fast service at a furniture store because my sister in law and I gave our kids sticky lollipops to hold while we were 'browsing'. We weren't really thinking about it but then realized why we got such fast service!

But seriously, I had this same problem. I went to the kitchen and started dinner and that wasn't even a big enough hint. They just sat on my sofa and chatted. Then one of their 4 year olds came out to the kitchen and said they were thirsty. I was so ticked but I calmly told her in a loud enough voice so the parents could hear that watching them was my 'job' and compared it to a store. I said that at 5:30 my job was over and I was now closed like a store closes so she would have to ask her mom for anything she wanted. I didn't even get her a drink of water. After that, the moms didn't stay.

Oh my, those dcms are way too comfortable!!! Definitely write up something friendly but firm about appreciating the relationship between dcfs but please consider dc a business and when their contracted hours end, well tally-ho! (yeh, not good with endings)
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Josiegirl 03:25 AM 01-29-2016
Originally Posted by daycare:
For confidentially reasons we ask that you make your pick up time brief.
Other parents may call or Enter into the daycare to discuss personal matters, please give them the respect of being able to participate in conversation privately.

Thanks now get out. lol. Jk
Perfect!! In fact, might add something similar to my policies!
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Play Care 03:33 AM 01-29-2016
Originally Posted by laundrymom:
"Well ladies, I need to go change baby's diaper and read a couple more stories, see us tomorrow"
And hold open the door. Smile. And wait.


According to the OP, the issue is that the moms are chatting with each other, so they are not involving the provider at all. And the provider may or may not have other children in care at that time as it's still her operating hours.

If there are other kids still there, I like this. As we know kids tend to act up when parents come in, so even if their kids are fine the other kids may be acting up.

If not a simple "Hey ladies, I need to leave now, have a great night!" And hold open the door and wait.

Or, you could do what I did with my families one night at pick up when two moms were chatting in my driveway while their kids acted up - taking out bikes, riding around the driveway, etc "Hey guys! See you tomorrow! You don't have to go home but you can't stay here!" said with a big of course.
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Laurel 04:21 AM 01-29-2016
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Have a giant flashing arrow sign drop from the ceiling pointing to the doorway, while an announcement plays in the daycare announcing "Attention the daycare is closing in 5 minutes, will all remaining parents please escort your children to the nearest exit. Thank you, and have a good night!"

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Unregistered 07:44 AM 01-29-2016
Originally Posted by MunchkinWrangler:
Yeah, I'm honestly not okay with the breastfeed til they're in kindergarten thing. I honestly think they should start transitioning at about 6 to 8 months. Food is going to start being the main source of their nutrition the rest of their lives! I just don't think it's needed for their growth and development, it's time to cut the cord, I just don't think it's good for a child's independence. And I find a toddler acting like a baby not easy to deal with.

I don't want to open a can of worms with this statement.
So since formula is worse for babies than breastmilk, do you think they should start transitioning at 4 to 6 months or something?
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MunchkinWrangler 07:52 AM 01-29-2016
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
So since formula is worse for babies than breastmilk, do you think they should start transitioning at 4 to 6 months or something?
Don't even start with the formula is bad argument with me. Because we in America have an option to feed our children if our bodies can't so no I don't believe whichever method is best or worst.

I truly believe that unless you are a stay at home mom, you should teach your infant to bottle feed because how the hell do you expect anyone else to feed your child while your gone? Whip out their own? Also, I never said not to feed breastmilk, this can be done as long as the mother wants or physically can. Some people who work extensive schedules find it hard to keep having to pump and want to stop for that reason alone. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS!!!! The act of breastfeeding an older child, IMO, inhibits them becoming more independent and wanting to suckle at inappropriate times. I have had holdouts in which I have to send baby home because they want the breast instead of the bottle. I believe it's inappropriate for a toddler to suck on a bottle or breast as they should be on a cup and eating table food. That is all.
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Crystal 12:33 PM 01-29-2016
Originally Posted by MunchkinWrangler:
Don't even start with the formula is bad argument with me. Because we in America have an option to feed our children if our bodies can't so no I don't believe whichever method is best or worst.

I truly believe that unless you are a stay at home mom, you should teach your infant to bottle feed because how the hell do you expect anyone else to feed your child while your gone? Whip out their own? Also, I never said not to feed breastmilk, this can be done as long as the mother wants or physically can. Some people who work extensive schedules find it hard to keep having to pump and want to stop for that reason alone. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS!!!! The act of breastfeeding an older child, IMO, inhibits them becoming more independent and wanting to suckle at inappropriate times. I have had holdouts in which I have to send baby home because they want the breast instead of the bottle. I believe it's inappropriate for a toddler to suck on a bottle or breast as they should be on a cup and eating table food. That is all.
Wow! This thread took an entirely different turn than I was expecting!
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daycare 12:37 PM 01-29-2016
Originally Posted by CoachingForQualityImprovement:
Wow! This thread took an entirely different turn than I was expecting!
I dont like popcorn and ran out of hummus. so don't go there...lol
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Crystal 12:40 PM 01-29-2016
Originally Posted by daycare:
I dont like popcorn and ran out of hummus. so don't go there...lol
lol!
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lovemykidstoo 07:54 AM 01-30-2016
Originally Posted by daycare:
I dont like popcorn and ran out of hummus. so don't go there...lol
WHAT YOU DON'T LIKE POPCORN??? Now that is a horrible thing. bwahahahahah! Sorry just trying to lighten the mood. I think popcorn should be in it's own foodgroup because I love it that much haha
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MunchkinWrangler 08:14 AM 01-30-2016
OMG! I'm sorry! I had a slight back and forth about the topic of a mom of the OP who is also breastfeeding at the end of her shift with a PP and someone, probably a troll I should know better, made it out to be something it wasn't.

I honestly could care less what people do with their children but I felt the need to defend myself. Long week! I guess sometimes I write too matter of fact.

I apologize! LOL!
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Blackcat31 08:43 AM 01-30-2016
Originally Posted by lovemykidstoo:
WHAT YOU DON'T LIKE POPCORN??? Now that is a horrible thing. bwahahahahah! Sorry just trying to lighten the mood. I think popcorn should be in it's own foodgroup because I love it that much haha
x's 100000000

I would die without popcorn.
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daycare 09:19 AM 01-30-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
x's 100000000

I would die without popcorn.
What is it about popcorn. Lol
Maybe it's an American thing like apple pie.
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lovemykidstoo 09:50 AM 01-30-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
x's 100000000

I would die without popcorn.
me too lol
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MotherNature 10:24 PM 02-01-2016
Originally Posted by Snowmom:
Hope it works for you!

I just addressed this (chatting at pick up) in a recent memo/newsletter to all my families.

It's not identical to your situation, but here's my verbiage:

• I am more than happy to discuss your child’s development here, however, if you require more than a brief daily conversation about your child, I suggest making an appointment outside daycare hours or sending me an email regarding your concerns. As I’m sure you’re aware, pick up and drop off time can be quite chaotic and my focus needs to be on the children that are still in my care instead of at the front door. Please make both pick up and drop off time as brief as possible. It is less stressful for your child, for myself and for the other children present.
perfection
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valyrian 05:17 AM 02-02-2016
Originally Posted by Snowmom:
Hope it works for you!

I just addressed this (chatting at pick up) in a recent memo/newsletter to all my families.

It's not identical to your situation, but here's my verbiage:

• I am more than happy to discuss your child’s development here, however, if you require more than a brief daily conversation about your child, I suggest making an appointment outside daycare hours or sending me an email regarding your concerns. As I’m sure you’re aware, pick up and drop off time can be quite chaotic and my focus needs to be on the children that are still in my care instead of at the front door. Please make both pick up and drop off time as brief as possible. It is less stressful for your child, for myself and for the other children present.
This note is terrific. It's exactly how I'd recommend handling it. The director at our school is always friendly and warm but when it comes to schedules and making the school run smoothly, she's straight to the point.

Some parents respect it more than others, and sometimes it takes more than one memo, but it usually does the trick.
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Tags:lingering parents, pick up issues
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