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  #1  
Old 05-26-2011, 06:52 PM
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Default Update to 2 Year Old With Bottle

I talked to my food program lady, and she said that I cannot give him a bottle, that he must be drinking from a cup unless they have a doctor's note stating he must have a bottle. If he wants rice cereal, it must be in a bowl with a spoon.

She said at almost 2 years old he should be eating independently and using utensils. In the 2 months I've had him, he has not eaten a single bite of food. As soon as I say "Let's sit down to eat" he starts screaming.

They have told me that he doesn't eat well at home. Probably because they are only giving him rice cereal in a bottle! Every time I change his diapers, he is poopy. Another sign of not eating any solids? The food program lady said it almost sounds like border-line neglect, since the parents are not letting/encouraging him to advance in areas he should be.

The boy doesn't talk or try to communicate in any way, doesn't play with others, doesn't play with toys, doesn't eat, doesn't smile. All he does is cry, scream, stare at the ground, and stand around.
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Old 05-26-2011, 08:50 PM
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kinda of good that you have the food lady standing behind you. That is very odd for a 2 yr old.
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Old 05-26-2011, 08:57 PM
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I went through the same thing with one of my DCK. bottle at 2 and would not drink while here. I also called the food program and they said same thing as well. NO BOTTLE.

I wonder if the parents feed the child at home. Are you ready for this. My niece is almost 4 and she sits in a high chair and gets spoon feed for every meal. If she wont stay in the high chair she runs around the house and her family chases her with the bowl of food to feed her.

This could be the case for this kid. i would start talking to the parents ASAP.
let them know that child needs to be able to drink from a cup and they need to get him off the bottle at home. Bottle drinking at this age causes major tooth decay aka bottle rot. If they dont get the child off of the bottle at home you wont be able to either. Tell them the child needs to also be able to feed himself, as this is group care and you need for him to function as a group.... ugh so sorry you have to deal with this.
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Old 05-27-2011, 07:02 AM
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I went through the same thing with one of my DCK. bottle at 2 and would not drink while here. I also called the food program and they said same thing as well. NO BOTTLE.

I wonder if the parents feed the child at home. Are you ready for this. My niece is almost 4 and she sits in a high chair and gets spoon feed for every meal. If she wont stay in the high chair she runs around the house and her family chases her with the bowl of food to feed her.

This could be the case for this kid. i would start talking to the parents ASAP.
let them know that child needs to be able to drink from a cup and they need to get him off the bottle at home. Bottle drinking at this age causes major tooth decay aka bottle rot. If they dont get the child off of the bottle at home you wont be able to either. Tell them the child needs to also be able to feed himself, as this is group care and you need for him to function as a group.... ugh so sorry you have to deal with this.
The parents realllly baby him. The other day, the mom texted me and said she was going to bring her 11 year old daughter. She never asked, and I didn't feel comfortable with it. I told her I wasn't planning on adding any more children this summer. She brought her that day anyways, and I felt like I was being watched all day.

When the boy got tired, she said he wanted his bottle. I said he needed to sit at the table. She tried to put him down (she had been holding him since he walked in the door, 5 hours earlier.) He started screaming, and she took him to the recliner with his bottle. She cradled him like a baby and HELD the bottle FOR him. He would not nap, so I put him in my bedroom in a pnp like I usually do. She was upset that he was crying, but I told her it's worse today because she had been holding him ALL day.

She will not be coming back. The food program ladies also told me to call a local hospital and see if it sounds like an eating disorder of any sort. I think it sounds more like a parental-forced eating disorder, if that makes sense. If they are not offering food at home, of course he won't eat it here. That would explain his constant diarrhea.
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Old 05-27-2011, 08:54 AM
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Has he been evaluated for autism or Asperger's? It sounds like his issues go beyond his parents babying.
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Old 05-27-2011, 09:08 AM
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Originally Posted by littlemommy View Post
The boy doesn't talk or try to communicate in any way, doesn't play with others, doesn't play with toys, doesn't eat, doesn't smile. All he does is cry, scream, stare at the ground, and stand around.
As a parent of a child with autism, this would concern me.

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Originally Posted by littlemommy View Post
The parents realllly baby him. The other day, the mom texted me and said she was going to bring her 11 year old daughter. She never asked, and I didn't feel comfortable with it. I told her I wasn't planning on adding any more children this summer. She brought her that day anyways, and I felt like I was being watched all day.
You should have of turned her away at the door. Never allow a parent to over ride your authority.

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Has he been evaluated for autism or Asperger's? It sounds like his issues go beyond his parents babying.
I agree, there is something more going on here.
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Old 05-27-2011, 09:09 AM
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do you mind if I ask a question?
what is the childs race?
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Old 05-27-2011, 09:16 AM
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It's a hard thing to approach the parents with, but this child needs some serious intervention, soon.

I have one with autistic tendencies and sticking your head in the sand does not help.
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Old 05-27-2011, 09:32 AM
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do you mind if I ask a question?
what is the childs race?
He is Caucasian
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Old 05-27-2011, 09:39 AM
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Originally Posted by sharlan View Post
It's a hard thing to approach the parents with, but this child needs some serious intervention, soon.

I have one with autistic tendencies and sticking your head in the sand does not help.
I'm in a bind with this. I don't want to scare the parents away. His dad's mother had been watching him since birth, but she fell and hurt her hip so that's why they looked into daycare. His dad did NOT want him in daycare. He (kind of rudely) said in the beginning that his mother would be okay enough to watch him, but his gf (the boy's mother) wanted him to be in daycare for socialization. I don't want to step on the parent's toes and tell them he may have an underlying problem. According to them, he's fine at home. Or at least they act that way.

I have asked if he eats at home. Mom said he is not a good independent eater, but he does eat. His constant runny poop does not tell me that he's eating ANYTHING at home besides milk and rice cereal. I would think the rice cereal would bind it up a little more, but I guess not if he only gets liquids.

He has 2 half siblings that are 11 and 15, but they do not live with him. He is an only child. I wonder if his lack of participation in everything stems from his previous lack of socialization. If grandma was watching him, she may have been the one that pushed the bottle, because it was easier for her. Who knows.

I guess I'm just really hesitant to say anything to the parents. I know it may be in the best interest of the child, but if they act like everything is fine they wouldn't follow thru with anything anyways. I've seen this happen before, where DCP suggests therapy and parent gets upset and denies.

I am going to give them a revised copy of my contract (made a late payment charge, and stated I will not hold spots) and add a typed note referring to the food program not allowing bottles. I guess if they get that upset about it they can leave. I won't be too upset.
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Old 05-27-2011, 09:51 AM
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I think this is somewhat commom with families that have much older siblings. I am a prime example. I have two teenagers and a 3 year old. The first two from my first marriage and the 3yr old current.

Having older kids with younger kids is good and bad....

Good, you always have an exrtra helping hand/eye, baby sitter when needed, someone to show them the ropes

Bad- older kids talk for younger child instead of allowing child to speak, ending up with a speech delayed child (mine is)

they baby the younger one, treating them like an infant at times. they do everything for them, thinking that they still cant do it on their own.

They undermine the parents rules and allow the child to do things that the parents would not.

They give in and never say NO, unless the child is about to get hurt, but not always.

I have been trying to find ways to parent my teenagers to help me parent my 3 year old. It is very hard and my 3 year old is very baby like. I admit, I baby him too. He is my little miracle baby and I cannot have any more so I spoil him rotten.
My son still to this day will make noise like uh-uh-uh and point to an object AND my teenagers will get it for him....UGH let him talk...I think I say that at least a million times a day.

I don't think this sounds like a medical disorder, but I could be wrong.... It is hard to help resolve matters likes these, especially if the parents are in denial.
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Old 05-27-2011, 09:51 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by littlemommy View Post

I know it may be in the best interest of the child..........



I am going to give them a revised copy of my contract (made a late payment charge, and stated I will not hold spots) and add a typed note referring to the food program not allowing bottles. I guess if they get that upset about it they can leave. I won't be too upset.
You need to do what is in the best interest of this child!!!!!

Don't just hand them a type written note....

Use your words to her face and tell her no more bottles.
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Old 05-27-2011, 09:59 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by daycare View Post
I think this is somewhat commom with families that have much older siblings. I am a prime example. I have two teenagers and a 3 year old. The first two from my first marriage and the 3yr old current.

Having older kids with younger kids is good and bad....

Good, you always have an exrtra helping hand/eye, baby sitter when needed, someone to show them the ropes

Bad- older kids talk for younger child instead of allowing child to speak, ending up with a speech delayed child (mine is)

they baby the younger one, treating them like an infant at times. they do everything for them, thinking that they still cant do it on their own.

They undermine the parents rules and allow the child to do things that the parents would not.

They give in and never say NO, unless the child is about to get hurt, but not always.

I have been trying to find ways to parent my teenagers to help me parent my 3 year old. It is very hard and my 3 year old is very baby like. I admit, I baby him too. He is my little miracle baby and I cannot have any more so I spoil him rotten.
My son still to this day will make noise like uh-uh-uh and point to an object AND my teenagers will get it for him....UGH let him talk...I think I say that at least a million times a day.

I don't think this sounds like a medical disorder, but I could be wrong.... It is hard to help resolve matters likes these, especially if the parents are in denial.
He barely ever sees his older half siblings, so I don't think they would be adding to his developmental delays. I think it's more of a parenting thing.

He has been here for a half an hour, and has sat and cried the entire time. If he stops, he looks at the window and cries. I give him toys, and he pushes them away. He would rather sit by the door and play with his shoes or the straps on his diaper bag.
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Old 05-27-2011, 10:03 AM
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how long has he been in your care and how many days? Is it full time consistent schedule?
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Old 05-27-2011, 10:05 AM
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how long has he been in your care and how many days? Is it full time consistent schedule?
Tuesday thru Friday, 10-4:30.
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Old 05-27-2011, 10:55 AM
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do you think that it could be that he is not there enough to really know how to get a hang of things? I mean the bottle thing is 100% parent fault, as is the being spoon fed, but it's really hard for kids of this age to grasp how things are done when they are so part time.

Some kids have no problem being part time and others will never get it unless they are full time or more consistent days, I don't do less than 3 a week. Even at 3 I have still had to term kids who really needed to be full time, but did not have the space for them.
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Old 05-27-2011, 11:24 AM
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Tuesday thru Friday, 10-4:30.
How many months old is he?
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Old 05-27-2011, 11:31 AM
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I believe she said that he will be two in August, so about 21/22 mos.
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Old 05-27-2011, 02:31 PM
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I believe she said that he will be two in August, so about 21/22 mos.
Yep, he'll be 2 in August.

He should be saying at the very least, ONE word, shouldn't he? Again, could be related to not being socialized. His parents barely talk to him, and don't make/let him do anything himself.
The kid barely knows how to crawl up and down steps, at least in my care. Parents carry him to and from the car, which is understandable on rainy days and such. Even when they pick him up in the backyard, they don't make him walk to the front.
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Old 05-27-2011, 06:01 PM
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This is a tough one. I wish I could see video of him.

Cereal bottles is pretty old school but it was most likely VERY common in the grandmas culture. I used to do cereal bottles with every baby back in the day. It was what I knew to do. There's a chance the grandma is doing what her mom taught her and this mom is doing what her mom taught her.

The loose stools don't fit in with the cereal bottles. They would more likely cause constipation. They MAY be putting baby food fruit in with the cereal at home. They may be really sweetening up the cereal with a lot of fruit to get him to keep drinking it. If he's refusing the plain cereal bottles at your house in the past it MAY be that he is used to really sweet bottles and they are JUST sending cereal and milk bottles without the sweet to you.

His sitting and staring behavior doesn't sound right. He should be up running around like a crazy man at his age.

It's hard now because the care of this generation of kids is so poor that it's hard to tell the difference between kids who are organically ill (like autism or pervasive developmental delays) and kids who are a product of suboptimal parenting.

Unfortunately it is very hard for providers to tell parents when the child presents such pervasive delays as this child does. If he were here I would TELL them exactly what I thought. I wouldn't worry about offending them. I would document every loose stool... every refusal to eat.. every refusal to engage the other kids... everything I saw that concerned me.

I would hand that over to them and require them to have it signed by a physician within two weeks of the time I gave it to them. I would require they have him evaluated and show proof that the kids doctor read my documentation. I would also REQUIRE they sign a medical release so I could speak directly to their doc... immediately.

I don't care if I upset parents about things like this. Doesn't bother me a bit. I am not qualified to diagnose but I am qualified to say what I see in the child that I haven't seen in my general population.

I wouldn't allow it to get this far. If a kid this age went weeks not eating and crying so much I would have interceded with specific behavioral management and parent consulting. I would also require evaluations both medically and developmentally.

I can't fix what I don't know. I can't deny what I do know.
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Old 06-02-2011, 07:51 AM
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i didn't read everything, read the first half...

do you think they are fighting the bottle stopping because once grandma is better, they will be bringing him back to her, and since she probably won't be 100% they would rather keep it easy on her, so she just has to mix the cereal in the bottle from her chair or something?

something's telling me they are planning on pulling out as soon as grandmas better.
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Old 06-02-2011, 11:32 AM
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i didn't read everything, read the first half...

do you think they are fighting the bottle stopping because once grandma is better, they will be bringing him back to her, and since she probably won't be 100% they would rather keep it easy on her, so she just has to mix the cereal in the bottle from her chair or something?

something's telling me they are planning on pulling out as soon as grandmas better.
Within one week of him starting here, his dad told me that his mom was better and that he may keep him there. The boys mom told me the next day that they fought over it because she has wanted to put him in daycare for a while for socialization. That was all about 3 months ago...and he's still here.

If they do pull him and keep him at grandma's, I won't be heartbroken.
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Old 06-02-2011, 12:11 PM
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I'm in a bind with this. I don't want to scare the parents away. His dad's mother had been watching him since birth, but she fell and hurt her hip so that's why they looked into daycare. His dad did NOT want him in daycare. He (kind of rudely) said in the beginning that his mother would be okay enough to watch him, but his gf (the boy's mother) wanted him to be in daycare for socialization. I don't want to step on the parent's toes and tell them he may have an underlying problem. According to them, he's fine at home. Or at least they act that way.

I have asked if he eats at home. Mom said he is not a good independent eater, but he does eat. His constant runny poop does not tell me that he's eating ANYTHING at home besides milk and rice cereal. I would think the rice cereal would bind it up a little more, but I guess not if he only gets liquids.

He has 2 half siblings that are 11 and 15, but they do not live with him. He is an only child. I wonder if his lack of participation in everything stems from his previous lack of socialization. If grandma was watching him, she may have been the one that pushed the bottle, because it was easier for her. Who knows.

I guess I'm just really hesitant to say anything to the parents. I know it may be in the best interest of the child, but if they act like everything is fine they wouldn't follow thru with anything anyways. I've seen this happen before, where DCP suggests therapy and parent gets upset and denies.

I am going to give them a revised copy of my contract (made a late payment charge, and stated I will not hold spots) and add a typed note referring to the food program not allowing bottles. I guess if they get that upset about it they can leave. I won't be too upset.
Sounds like dad may be avoiding allowing others exposure to him b/c of the potential for neglect like your fodd program person mentioned.

I would get tough and say no bottles. If he doesnt eat/drink at your house then so be it. Exposing him to the opportunity to eat like a typical 22month/2 yr old (with spoons and forks etc) is important even if he doesn't take to it right away.

I would call your local early intervention/public health and ask them to come out and eval him right away. Some can come out and give you advice on what you can do at daycare without moms consent. If you want it to go any further though you will need mom to get on board with seeking professional help/opinions. I think by mom saying she wants him in daycare she is attempting to let others into her world and is maybe trying to see if anyone thinks there are issues.

I would not allow the 11yr old at daycare and I NEVER ALLOW ANYONE AT DAYCARE TO PICK UP OTHER KIDS. No siblings even. Asking for trouble there.

By being clear about what you see and what concerns you the family might pull him out and you will be left to wonder if he ever got the help he needed. That is VERY hard. I have had that happen a number of times. Letting the child be is worse. Address specifically what you think is going on, provide mom with numbers/agencies, and a plan for what you intend to do to support this child at daycare (including feeding him like a 2 yr old). See what comes of it.
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