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  #1  
Old 11-09-2011, 10:31 AM
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sahm2three sahm2three is offline
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Default Normal 2 Year Old Behavior???

I had a conversation with a parent yesterday about their 2 year old and some behaviors we are dealing with here at daycare. When he is getting put in time out, he swings and kicks at me and my assistant. And look out if he gets upset about something at meal time. He has taken to throwing his food across the room. Yesterday he got upset at breakfast because he didn't get the sippy cup he wanted (they never get the same one), and he took his bowl of cereal and threw it! I had milk running down my walls!!! He threw his snack yesterday too because 2 of the boys were leaving and we put teh rest of their snack in a baggie to let them take it home with them. The 2 yo then asks for a baggie too. I say, No buddy, they are leaving so they need one. You get to stay here so you can use a bowl. He took his bowl and threw it once again and started screaming. Tried to put him in time out and he refused to go or stay there. I had to stand there and MAKE him stay in time out. He ususally is very good about time outs. To me, these new behaviors are more a show of disrespect than "normal" 2 yo behaviors. Don't you think so? In all of my experience with toddlers, I have NEVER encountered another child with so little respect for authority figures. I try to praise him as much as I can, even if I am reaching, like "X, I like how you put that toy in the toybox so gently" Not sure what else to do. Parents think it is just normal. Thoughts?
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Old 11-09-2011, 11:29 AM
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Those are not normal behaviors. He is clearly going through something at home or somewhere. Children do not throw things like that for no reason. Something is going on in his life. I would start documenting these behaviors...
If you decide to document you can only state the facts of the incident don't put your feelings in it. After a couple of weeks I would have another conference with the parents and show them your documents of his behavior and recommend they take him to see the pediatrician it could be anything.
Here's a story......
When I was teaching a class of pre-k's I had a little boy who would do those types of behaviors. Throw food, pick up chairs and launch across the room, punch me, go after the other children and just have these crazy fits and they were every day. All of these incidents were non provoked it was just something he did. I started documenting and having regular conferences with the parents both of whom were middle school teachers. Finally after going through with this for a long time it came out that he was being abused by a cousin with MRDD. He finally got the help that he needed and is better He is in college now.
I am not saying your child is being abused because it could really be anything.....change in diet, maybe mom and dad are fighting, maybe he saw something on t.v.....who knows.
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Old 11-09-2011, 11:39 AM
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Absolutely 100% normal 2 year old behavior!! If he was older, say 3-4 and it was "all of sudden" then no not typical. He's a grumpy testing his limits toddler. My daughter used to be a happy go lucky girl but recently has been going through this stuff too. The most important thing is for you to remain calm, get down to his level and acknowledge his feelings and try to calm him down. Does he have a lot of words for expressing himself? Can he say "i'm angry" instead of throwing that type of thing? Thats what I'm working on rigt now.

I'm not a big believer in time outs for toddlers and it sounds like when he's losing it, the last thing you should be doing is struggling to get him into a time out, it's defeating the purpose really because it's making you both more upset. Just my opinion
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Old 11-09-2011, 11:42 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariana View Post
Absolutely 100% normal 2 year old behavior!! If he was older, say 3-4 and it was "all of sudden" then no not typical. He's a grumpy testing his limits toddler. My daughter used to be a happy go lucky girl but recently has been going through this stuff too. The most important thing is for you to remain calm, get down to his level and acknowledge his feelings and try to calm him down. Does he have a lot of words for expressing himself? Can he say "i'm angry" instead of throwing that type of thing? Thats what I'm working on rigt now.

I'm not a big believer in time outs for toddlers and it sounds like when he's losing it, the last thing you should be doing is struggling to get him into a time out, it's defeating the purpose really because it's making you both more upset. Just my opinion

I agree. My own son tests his limits too. He will scream "NOOOOO!" at the top of his lungs on occassion if he gets really mad. Be calm and consistent and he will learn that those behaviors are not tolerated at daycare and he will stop.
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Old 11-09-2011, 11:46 AM
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I had a kid do this, guess what, they also get to clean their mess up. As for time outs, you shouldn't stand there, you put on the mat, if he gets off, you put him back on, if it takes you 15 min. well then it does. I find at that age they want to see how far they can get away with it. If you have to, you sit with him at all meals and don't allow it. If you see him starting to do it, you remove his plate and then thats it, he's done.
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Old 11-09-2011, 11:49 AM
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I have 3 & 4 yo sibs who still pull that stuff, although it is less every day. Unfortunately, the 15 mo twin sibs have seen it too many times, and now they try it, too. It doesn't get them anywhere, but they still all try.

I would try to give more natural consequence vs. time outs. You throw a toy, it's put away. You throw food, you're done eating. You throw a fit, no one pays attention to you.
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Old 11-09-2011, 11:53 AM
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Here we cannot put in time out under age 3. I like to redirect anyway. Never had a child like that here, but hear some of the 2 year olds do that at home. Good luck!

As far as throwing food. I would be giving him little bits at a time, even sips of drink. Stand right there. The minute he throws it, it is thrown away. Hope you and parents figure it out soon!
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Old 11-09-2011, 12:13 PM
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Aggressive defiance - I've had a few of those, not often thank goodness.

Yes it could be something going on at home or a diet thing, but you still have to deal with the symptoms while you try to figure that part out.

Time-Out - I have a couple right now that a time-out elicits the whole freak out thing and makes them angrier. BUT, they have responded well to being given a task that occupies their hands and mind for a few minutes until they have calmed. Instead of getting a timeout after being reminded of the rules I'll ask them to pick up the blocks or sort the bins of toys instead. They are the only ones dealing with their consequence and the playroom looks better. Surprisingly, I don't get the defiance with this. Weird I know.

Throwing food? Give him small portions served on paper products or directly on a high chair tray. It's not as satisfying to launch a piece of paper with three pieces of dry cereal on it as it is a whole bowl covered with milk.

Sippy cup issue? Assign his own. I pick my battles.

Wants the to go baggie? Again, I'd just serve his food in a baggie at snacktime and be done with it. Hard to throw a fit over something you already have.

Some kids seem to like conflict. Take away the expected response and sometimes you can eliminate the attempt to take it there in the first place
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Old 11-09-2011, 12:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jojosmommy View Post
I agree. My own son tests his limits too. He will scream "NOOOOO!" at the top of his lungs on occassion if he gets really mad. Be calm and consistent and he will learn that those behaviors are not tolerated at daycare and he will stop.
Telling me no is one thing. Crying is one thing. It is the aggression that has come out all the sudden that I don't get. He is almost 3, talks very well. I have had LOTS of experience with little kids. My own, neices, nephews, and years ago before I had my own kids I did daycare. I have never come acrossed this before. Sad that it is becoming looked at as normal.
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Old 11-09-2011, 12:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kimsdaycare View Post
Aggressive defiance - I've had a few of those, not often thank goodness.

Yes it could be something going on at home or a diet thing, but you still have to deal with the symptoms while you try to figure that part out.

Time-Out - I have a couple right now that a time-out elicits the whole freak out thing and makes them angrier. BUT, they have responded well to being given a task that occupies their hands and mind for a few minutes until they have calmed. Instead of getting a timeout after being reminded of the rules I'll ask them to pick up the blocks or sort the bins of toys instead. They are the only ones dealing with their consequence and the playroom looks better. Surprisingly, I don't get the defiance with this. Weird I know.

Throwing food? Give him small portions served on paper products or directly on a high chair tray. It's not as satisfying to launch a piece of paper with three pieces of dry cereal on it as it is a whole bowl covered with milk.

Sippy cup issue? Assign his own. I pick my battles.

Wants the to go baggie? Again, I'd just serve his food in a baggie at snacktime and be done with it. Hard to throw a fit over something you already have.

Some kids seem to like conflict. Take away the expected response and sometimes you can eliminate the attempt to take it there in the first place
I see your point, but at 5 snacks a week, I am not going to give him a new baggie every day. And then he would throw a fit about everyone else having a bowl. That's just the way he is!
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Old 11-09-2011, 01:36 PM
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Ok there's a big difference between 2 and 3 so exactly how old is he? Also how are your emotions when dealing with him? Are you calm or are you angry?
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Old 11-09-2011, 01:37 PM
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For my just turned 2 year old, I would say normal. Maybe not for an almost 3 year old.

The only 2 year old I have right now is my own kid. He has started behaving horribly at daycare. Think of two year olds as little cave men. Can't remember which book that came from, but for me it helps. They are learning 100s of social norms at one time, and frustration sets in easily! For my situation, I know what it is about, but there is no quick fix. His little life has been turned upside down as I started doing daycare 3 mos ago. He is not getting as much attention as he did before, as I have 5 other kids I am caring for.

Just try to remain calm and consistent. Take a deep breath before you react. For me, food being thrown on the wall would likely make me really mad. I would need to get my own emotions in place before calmly requiring the child clean up their mess and be done eating. Make it clear that is not okay. Then, like a PP mentioned, serve smaller amounts until he proves he can eat without causing messes for you! Teach him to deal with his emotions in an appropriate manner. "You are angry, say MAD, MAD." Show him how, practice with him.

Easier said than done. You are not alone! 2 year olds are a fun bunch!
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Old 11-09-2011, 01:40 PM
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Quote:
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Ok there's a big difference between 2 and 3 so exactly how old is he? Also how are your emotions when dealing with him? Are you calm or are you angry?
He will be 3 in March.
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Old 11-09-2011, 06:15 PM
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I have a 2 year old (3 in April) that is acting very similar to what you're describing as your 2 year olds behavior. I do not think it's normal for what my little guy is doing either. He too, throws his food (rakes his plate off the table). He throws toys, screams at me, and has hit me a few times. I'm close to ready to terminate because some of my other toddlers are picking up on his behavior. I've tried time outs, and redirecting....nothing seems to work. I wish I had ideas for you but I'm reading the replies to your thread in hopes that this will help me too. I had a provider friend see one of his little tantrums the other day. I said "so, want me to refer him to you when I term him?" She said "no way, I thought we were in the Exorcist movie for a min here the way he was thrashing around and screaming" lol, at least I got a laugh out of it.
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Old 11-09-2011, 06:24 PM
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ahh two.

Got to love that age...or not...its a difficult time in their little lives....So much growing in that brain of theirs and so many frustrations..

You just have to love them.... When he does bad things give him his own space to validate his feelings....let him work through it away from the group with no or little attention, but with supervision..

Their minds are absorbing and racing a million miles a minute and their mouths just can't spit the words out fast enough.

There are so many things that could be causing this, but I would just really try to find my patience if you want to keep him there. Patience will be hard to find when a child is like this, but this is what he really needs and deserves..
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