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Old 09-01-2010, 06:23 PM
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Default What Did I Get Myself Into?

I didn't know where to turn, and I came across this forum, so I would appreciate any advice here. I have had a home day care for a few years, after quitting my job to stay home with my son. Although it can be stressful and busy, things have gone well overall. Recently, I had an opening and a friend asked if I could take on her 2 year old. She is a single mom and she struggles a bit, but she pays me the same as all the others.

The problem is that her daughter is loud, extremely whiny, and instigates fights with the other kids. She is wild and into everything, and she doesn't listen to "no no" and does whatever she wants. Time-outs do not work either. She has ruined my furniture, written on walls, and IF she naps, she takes the opportunity to take off her diaper and wipe poop on the walls. It's just endless with her. She has been a HUGE headache to me and none of the other children like her.

My problem is that I feel bad for my friend because she really has no one else to watch her daughter. I don't know if I can bring myself to tell her that I can't have her daughter in my care any longer. On the other hand, I do not want this child here any more. I know I can't have it both ways....what do I do??
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Old 09-01-2010, 08:52 PM
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safechner safechner is offline
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It sounds like she possibly have autism because of her behavior. Can she speak very well or not really? I need to know a little more about her. It kinda reminded me of someone who have the same problem.

I would put her time out in the room alone with no toys, furniture, etc.. for two mins to see if it works. If it is not work then I would confront with her to work something out what you can for her daughter. Talk to her to see if she is doing the same thing at home.
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Old 09-02-2010, 05:28 AM
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This behaviour actually sounds pretty normal for the toddlers I've dealt with ... They can be rambunctious little creatures!

How about setting up a play yard or playpen for her to play in? I do this with my dc toddlers when they're getting crazy. I give them a bunch of toys to play with (but if they throw them out they don't get them back), and when they've been playing quietly by themselves, I give them a chance to play with the other kids again. If they start the behaviour again, they go back in the play yard. If she's into things she shouldn't be, I would definitely be putting her in a playpen or high chair when you're not directly watching her (like when you're making lunch or something), for her own safety as well as your sanity!

For naptime, have you tried double-diapering or putting her in a onesie? The other option is to wait until after she poops to put her down for a nap -- I have nap scheduled to start an hour after lunch for this reason. Most of my kids fill their diapers about a half hour after lunch, so it allows time to change them before they go to sleep.

But even if you're willing to try different things, if it's stressing you out and affecting your family, that's a good enough reason to tell dc mom she needs to find alternate care. Maybe there's a center that would be better equipped to deal with toddler behaviour like this, and dc mom should be able to get some kind of subsidy if she's struggling (if she hasn't already).
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Old 09-02-2010, 06:53 AM
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To me it sounds like you are already done do not keep her in your care then if you dont want her there it will just make for a even worse situation and you wont be happy. Write the Mom a 2 week notice and give it to her and thats it its not your problem that the Mom has no one else to turn to you cant think like that there should be no personal feelings in your buisness.
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Old 09-02-2010, 06:56 AM
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Thank you for the tips, I will give it a whirl. She just turned 2 and speaks extemely well for her age. I have tried putting her in a playpen or high chair, but she screams at the top of her lungs and does. not. stop. She also does NOT like to play with toys...she would rather get into cupboards and drawers, the toilet, the cat's food, you name it.

I like the idea of waiting until after she poops to put her down for a nap. She always poops during her naptime, so I will try to hold off longer, thanks for the tip. Maybe I just got spoiled with the other kids I've had, because none of them ever behaved like this

My main concern is her behavior toward the other children in my care since she is aggressive to them. I will just continue to try some different things and hopefully find something that works. Thanks!
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Old 09-02-2010, 08:42 AM
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It sounds like you have tried to work with the situation and it's still not working. Ask yourself, if this was not your friend would you end the care? If so, don't let the fact that it is your friend cloud your decision. You have to do what is right for your family. If caring for this girl is causing this kind of pain and disrupting what you are doing with your other dcks then you know what the right thing to do is. Finding care elsewhere is not your problem to take on your shoulders. It is hers. And although you feel bad, you cannot fix her problems above taking care of your own family and business. It is a business. I only say these things because I watch a friend's child. Her older son is laden with issues I cannot deal with. I knew this before I started. I had to be firm and say no to afterschool care for the older one b/c I knew it would destroy my house, my peace, my family time, etc. It was a business decision. It was the right one! I felt awful, I wanted to fix the problem for her, she is my good friend. But my husband and all I sought wisdom with were right, she has to fix her problems. They are not mine to fix. Best of luck. I know it's tough!
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Old 09-02-2010, 03:34 PM
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missnikki missnikki is offline
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You didn't mention if you had brought these issues up to the mother. If you have, you need to document each instance and then it will be obvious to her why you cannot continue. If you haven't yet, you definitely need to, like yesterday-style.
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2 year old, autism, child from hell, destructive, friend's children, out of control

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