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Old 11-14-2014, 09:07 AM
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Default Just Done W/ Potty-Training This Kid; What Would You Do?

I've posted about this kid before -- he is 2 years old and just does not give one crap about using the potty. He has never once told me when he needs to go, and will not go unless I make him. His parents, however, insist that he must be potty trained. They refuse to put him back in diapers and try again later -- mom said "I'm not doing the whole diaper thing again, I'm just not."

This "let's force the kid to potty-train" thing has gone on for 2-3 months now, and I am just so done with it. I am sick of asking the kid 100x a day "Do you have to go potty?" when I know that every time he will say no. I am sick of forcing him to go potty at certain intervals, when half the time he has already peed in his Pull-Up anyway. He always, ALWAYS poops in the Pull-Up, and will never, EVER tell me when he has pooped/peed himself. He is Just. Not. Ready.

I have already told the parents about a month ago that I didn't think he was ready, and described all the things I just stated above. That's when dcm told me she refused to go back to diapers and try again later. I just found out via facebook that she is due with baby #2 this summer, so now she has even more motivation to get the kid potty-trained ASAP.

I don't know what to do, as this is the only issue I have ever had with this family, and I don't want to lose them if I give them some ultimatum ("put him back in diapers at daycare or take him somewhere else"). I only have 2 families right now. But I can't keep doing this anymore. I want to tell them, "If you want him to stay in Pull-Ups and you want to keep trying to PT him at home, fine. But I won't do it anymore. I am not going to keep forcing him to use the bathroom all day long when he is showing no interest. When he can tell me 'I need to go potty', then I will work on PT him again. Until then, I want him back in diapers at daycare." My reasoning for the diapers is that Pull-Ups are not made to absorb as well as diapers do, and when he pees a full load in them, they leak.

What would you do in this situation? Am I being to rigid? It's been 3 months of this and he has made Zero progress, and it's stressing us both out. I just don't see the point in forcing the kid to PT if he clearly doesn't care and won't cooperate.
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Old 11-14-2014, 09:45 AM
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Leigh Leigh is offline
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What would **I** do? I'd tell parents "your son is not ready to potty train. He may not be ready for a year or more. I can no longer try to force something that is not going to happen. He needs to come in diapers until he is READY to potty train." At this point, I would explain to them what READY means. If they refuse to budge: "I'm sorry, but I'm not going to negotiate on this. He is not ready, and I believe that pushing him at this point is the wrong thing to do. I must insist that he stay in diapers until he is ready, and am not willing to do anything else. I will not be providing care for him unless he is diapered." If they choose to walk, I'd let them.
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Old 11-14-2014, 09:47 AM
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What would **I** do? I'd tell parents "your son is not ready to potty train. He may not be ready for a year or more. I can no longer try to force something that is not going to happen. He needs to come in diapers until he is READY to potty train." At this point, I would explain to them what READY means. If they refuse to budge: "I'm sorry, but I'm not going to negotiate on this. He is not ready, and I believe that pushing him at this point is the wrong thing to do. I must insist that he stay in diapers until he is ready, and am not willing to do anything else. I will not be providing care for him unless he is diapered." If they choose to walk, I'd let them.
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Old 11-14-2014, 10:05 AM
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I guess I don't see the difference between the pullups and putting him back in diapers. I would just let the whole thing go at daycare. Change him like any other kid in diapers.

If they want to buy expensive pullups instead of diapers for a child that isn't ready, then that's their choice. You can not force him. He's not ready.

BTW: I like your choice of words..."he doesn't give a crap"....lol...
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Old 11-14-2014, 10:16 AM
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I guess I don't see the difference between the pullups and putting him back in diapers. I would just let the whole thing go at daycare. Change him like any other kid in diapers.

If they want to buy expensive pullups instead of diapers for a child that isn't ready, then that's their choice. You can not force him. He's not ready.

BTW: I like your choice of words..."he doesn't give a crap"....lol...
I would drop it at daycare. If they ask how he's doing, say "same".

The end.

Do you have a potty training policy in place? If not, GET ONE and make it part of your handbook and give it out when need be. Forcing a child to PT when they aren't ready often delays it and causes a HUGE power struggle and such negativity and frustration towards the process.
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Old 11-14-2014, 10:24 AM
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Pull ups don't hold as well as diapers though. Pull ups are not meant to be used as diapers. If OP were to drop the issue and just change the child as she would with diapers she would have leaks all over her home. I think she is going to have to insist on diapers.
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Old 11-14-2014, 10:49 AM
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Can you afford the time to change him more often? Or would he be able to fit 2 pull ups on at the same time? PUs are more expensive than diapers and maybe going through more will help persuade DCMs mind? Sorry, that's all I can think of right now, if you don't want to risk losing them. I WOULD stop asking him to use the potty, though. Maybe visit occasionally until you see him expressing interest/ability for the time being.

I REALLY want my youngest DD2 to potty train, and we are working on it, but I know it is up to her not me... I want some diaper free time (would be the first in over 5 years as my three are all 16 months apart) before the baby comes in February, but I understand I can't force her to do it. I wish parents would do the best for their kids instead of having selfish timelines in mind!
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Old 11-14-2014, 11:00 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Heidi View Post
I guess I don't see the difference between the pullups and putting him back in diapers. I would just let the whole thing go at daycare. Change him like any other kid in diapers.

If they want to buy expensive pullups instead of diapers for a child that isn't ready, then that's their choice. You can not force him. He's not ready.

BTW: I like your choice of words..."he doesn't give a crap"....lol...
The difference between Pull-Ups and diapers really does matter, bc Pull-Ups do not absorb as well or hold as much a diapers. They are made to be a "just in case", not to be flooded with pee. And when this kid pees, he FLOODS. His Pull-Ups leak all over the place if I let him just pee in them.
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Old 11-14-2014, 11:05 AM
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Originally Posted by TheGoodLife View Post
Can you afford the time to change him more often? Or would he be able to fit 2 pull ups on at the same time? PUs are more expensive than diapers and maybe going through more will help persuade DCMs mind? Sorry, that's all I can think of right now, if you don't want to risk losing them. I WOULD stop asking him to use the potty, though. Maybe visit occasionally until you see him expressing interest/ability for the time being.

I REALLY want my youngest DD2 to potty train, and we are working on it, but I know it is up to her not me... I want some diaper free time (would be the first in over 5 years as my three are all 16 months apart) before the baby comes in February, but I understand I can't force her to do it. I wish parents would do the best for their kids instead of having selfish timelines in mind!
and I agree with Heidi. Double up the pull ups or have them buy the night time ones- make it stress free as possible for him. Ask him if he has to go during transition times and of not, no big deal.
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Old 11-14-2014, 11:10 AM
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I'm trying to find a way to get dcm to understand that PT here is stressing her son out & that he feels guilty and ashamed when he pees/poops his pants, without her being able to turn it around on me and saying I must be doing something "bad" or "wrong" with him for him to be feeling that way. I have tried everything they have suggested, from putting him in underwear (NEVER happening again until he is completely trained), asking/making him go, using a sticker chart, etc. How do I get them to understand that NOTHING is going to make him "more ready" for PT? Idk why or how they think I can force him to recognize the urge to go; it's just not going to happen. I don't know what they're doing at home, but I can bet THEY are not asking/forcing him to go every couple hours, putting him in underwear, or any of that. I just can't be responsible for it anymore, and I need to find a way to word it so it can't come back on me, and also so it doesn't come across as arrogant or condescending to the parents.
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Old 11-14-2014, 11:17 AM
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Also I don't think it's right or fair for me not to be honest with the parents in order to avoid confrontation; I'd rather be honest and have the open communication about the issue and them choose to walk based on truthful information, than to deceive them into thinking I'm supporting their child's potty-training when in fact I'm not. To double-up the Pull-Ups and let him wet himself all day as if they were diapers seems to me to be deceiving.
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Old 11-14-2014, 02:19 PM
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Offer to continue but in diapers not pullups. Diapers pull up and down just as easily as pullups so it shouldn't affect a child who is ready in any way. I train ALL my DC kids in diapers. I don't allow pullups. We go from dry 2 weeks in diapers straight to undies. We pull the diapers up and down no problem. I trained 2 two year olds in June and while one of the had a little trouble with pants neither had a problem pulling a diaper down. Just do the tabs a little looser.

As for what to say to mom I would say it's a sanitation issue. He's a heavy wetter who floods the pullups which then leak urine and/or feces on the floor, toys and furniture. It is unsanitary and hard to manage with multiple other children in care. Mom should understand that other parents don't want their children playing in an area with urine puddles or stains. She wouldn't want that for her child. Mom can buy one package of diapers for use at your house (less than the cost of the pullups she would have provided anyway) and do whatever she wants at home.
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