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  #1  
Old 12-15-2018, 03:17 PM
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Default I Want to Be Done with This Kid :(

So Iíve had this dcb 2yrs old for about 7 mo and heís just really hard to have. Parents let me know at interview that heís ďvery busyĒ and they were looking for new care because the provider was keeping him confined a lot (high chair, play pen, play yard, gated areas). At our second interview (which is in my home so I can see how the kiddo behaves and interacts with the daycare environment, etc) he played fine and wasnít out of control or gave me any indication that heís difficult in any way, behaving in a typical young 2 manner. However within the first week I could tell exactly why his previous provider kept him gated a lot!! ďBusyĒ was an understatement!! Over the last 7 mo he has gotten much worse. Heís into everything under the sun, climbing and jumping on the furniture, constantly in areas he knows heís not supposed to be, ruins group time by crying the entire time, during dance party time he runs around purposefully bumping into others and knocking them down, etc. Pick up and drop off are terrible I dread them because heís over the top in the presence of either of his parents. The second he sees them itís an immediate meltdown. Screaming, crying, running away, thrashing and fighting when they try to get him out the door or hanging on moms leg as sheís trying to get out to go to work. During the day he does have good moments but itís not often and Iím exhausted at the end of the day from constantly having to redirect him or send him to time out. Parents leave him from 7 am when I open to 5:45 every night Mon thru Fri rain or shine even if theyíre not working. I need someone to please tell me some good wording to let these people know I just canít watch their kid anymore! The very few days he hasnít been here show me how much he disturbs our day and how much of my time and energy he takes up. I just donít know what/how to say it to them. I want to sound professional and unbiased and nonjudgmental. They constantly tell me how glad they are to have dcb here because heís happy here and I take such good care of him and how much they see heís learning. That makes me feel so guilty and unsure!
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Old 12-15-2018, 03:24 PM
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I get that they are happy to have you. I think its great that there are facilities that just don't take cogs in the wheel types of clientele, but at some point you reach your limit and it may be the time to move this one along. You've probably done the most you could.

Here are a lot of threads relating to Termination Letters: https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.p...ination+letter

Here is a thread that relates to hyper-active kids that may help: https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.php?tag=hyperactive

Overactive
https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=30394
https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=37353

Last edited by Michael; 12-15-2018 at 03:28 PM.
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Old 12-15-2018, 03:37 PM
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Short and sweet leaves no room for manipulation or trying to make you feel guilted into changing your mind. Just tell them your dc no longer meets their child's needs. It could be he needs to be in with more children his own age or a differently structured environment, needs an environment more conducive to his activity style, whatever you can tell them to make it sound like it'd be a positive change for him, etc. I can understand why they leave him from 7- almost 6. Sad for dcb. Better for them. BUT way too stressful and long for you!! You don't need to go into details, just keep repeating that a different environment would be more beneficial for him.
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Old 12-16-2018, 03:00 AM
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Wow! That's a long day. No way would I let hin stay that long. If for some reason you don't term limit his hours!!!
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Old 12-16-2018, 10:07 AM
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So far I have:
Dear dcf, As of (date) I will no longer be able to offer my childcare services. While I have really enjoyed having dcb here I feel that this environment is not ideal for him. Dcb might get more from a more structured classroom type of environment with more teachers available to give him much closer supervision, support, and one on one time and be able to be with kids that are all his own age. Having him in a family home childcare environment is setting him up for failure and disappointment in that he is being redirected or receiving consequences at a high level per day and I donít feel that he would be experiencing this outside of group home care. A nanny might even be a great option for him. Please know that this decision is difficult for me but I truly feel a different environment will help dcb thrive. (Iím going to include the information for my ccr&r at the end)
Too much?? I donít want to seem too judgmental. Ugh. Iím terrible at this!
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Old 12-16-2018, 12:27 PM
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Iím in the short and sweet camp. Do not get wordy. Donít give any ammunition that they can argue about.

Due to health reasons I am terminating daycare services to dcb on such and such date. Enclosed is a list of licensed providers in our area. Good luck in your daycare search.

You donít have to elaborate on the health reasons. And stress is a legitimate health reason. Anytime a child puts so much stress on a provider, itís ok to say no, enough.
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Old 12-16-2018, 01:11 PM
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Short and sweet.
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Old 12-16-2018, 03:08 PM
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Short and sweet

It doesn't matter what reason you give them they are going to be angry because you broke up with them. No need to get worried. You may want to check out the chapter in my book about the Terminated parent because it will give you a playbook of how they react once you give them the boot.

I think I would say something like "Dear parents, as of x date I will no longer be providing child care to Billy. Enclosed is the number for resource referral place. They will be happy to assist you in finding care.

They will want specifics on that... just say "oh like you said in the interview... he's very busy. It's the same here as it is at home but there are two of you at home for one child. Here I have one adult for x children. I would need another adult here to keep up with his busy."

This will make them mad but believe me... ANY reason you give them will make them mad and they won't stop until you give them a reason.

Or you could go the route of giving them the above in writing and when they ask why just tell them that it's your policy that when you terminate care you don't discuss reasons with parents. You have learned in past terminations that giving reasons causes more conflict than the termination itself and you would like to have the transition go as smoothly as possible.

Get your house ready for an inspection if you are licensed or registered.
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Old 12-16-2018, 04:37 PM
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Originally Posted by nannyde View Post
Short and sweet

It doesn't matter what reason you give them they are going to be angry because you broke up with them. No need to get worried. You may want to check out the chapter in my book about the Terminated parent because it will give you a playbook of how they react once you give them the boot.

I think I would say something like "Dear parents, as of x date I will no longer be providing child care to Billy. Enclosed is the number for resource referral place. They will be happy to assist you in finding care.

They will want specifics on that... just say "oh like you said in the interview... he's very busy. It's the same here as it is at home but there are two of you at home for one child. Here I have one adult for x children. I would need another adult here to keep up with his busy."

This will make them mad but believe me... ANY reason you give them will make them mad and they won't stop until you give them a reason.

Or you could go the route of giving them the above in writing and when they ask why just tell them that it's your policy that when you terminate care you don't discuss reasons with parents. You have learned in past terminations that giving reasons causes more conflict than the termination itself and you would like to have the transition go as smoothly as possible.

Get your house ready for an inspection if you are licensed or registered.
^ This is spot on -
Parents - even those who don't want to spend time with their own children - don't want to believe that others don't want to spend time with their child. Just remember that you are not responsible for their feelings, but you are responsible for your own sanity. There have been parents I felt bad about bothering in the past, and I can honestly say that none of those prior interactions still bother me today. Good luck and hugs to you!
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Old 12-17-2018, 05:52 AM
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Thanks everybody!! Youíre right, Iíve rewritten it and Iím going to go with the ďIíd rather not give reasons as itís caused conflict in the pastĒ route. Iíve planned this to coincide with my yearly license inspection anyway, Iím sure theyíre going to be pretty mad unfortunately I just canít do this kid anymore and itís not fair to the group or me. He exhausts all of us! Nannyde I bought your book a while ago and love it, itís spot on!!! Again thanks so much for the advice everyone.
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  #11  
Old 12-17-2018, 06:05 AM
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Have you talked at all with the parents about his behavior? Have they asked? I had this child. He ultimately ended up going to a church center and it was like I was on vacation every day. Same as your family, he was here every single day no matter what. He was here 10 hours a day/5 days a week. He left, I was so happy. He came back for summer a couple of days a week because I forgot how bad he was lol. It was then that I quickly remembered. He told me his dad was going to beat me up, that he himself was going to kick me in the face. Yea, he will NEVER be back. I had talked to his parents very often, so it was no surprise to them, that's why I wondered if they've asked you how he is and whether you've told them or not. If they think things are going well and are going to be surprised. Doesn't matter, the end game is the same. You will be so much happier!
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Old 12-17-2018, 06:16 AM
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Theyíre very aware of his behavior but rely heavily on the ďheís just a really busy kidĒ. They took him to a Christmas party over the weekend and he knocked over the Christmas tree and broke the top off and then proceeded to scream and thrash for an hour until they finally just left.
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Old 12-17-2018, 06:20 AM
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Theyíre very aware of his behavior but rely heavily on the ďheís just a really busy kidĒ. They took him to a Christmas party over the weekend and he knocked over the Christmas tree and broke the top off and then proceeded to scream and thrash for an hour until they finally just left.
Oh my gosh, honestly, this sounds exactly like the dcb I had. Exactly! I just wondered if when they pick up if they're aware of how he acts for you. I have a friend that has a daycare and has a troubling little girl and when the parents pick up she tells them the day was fine. She doesn't tell them of her troubles with her, which I think is a mistake. I just wondered if you've told them how he is for you. They probably don't ask hahaha because they know.
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Old 12-17-2018, 06:59 AM
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Originally Posted by lovemykidstoo View Post
Oh my gosh, honestly, this sounds exactly like the dcb I had. Exactly! I just wondered if when they pick up if they're aware of how he acts for you. I have a friend that has a daycare and has a troubling little girl and when the parents pick up she tells them the day was fine. She doesn't tell them of her troubles with her, which I think is a mistake. I just wondered if you've told them how he is for you. They probably don't ask hahaha because they know.
Yes, itís so important to communicate about behavior!

Sounds like this dcbís parents are aware, so Iíd term, and Iíd let them know itís because of his behavior. Of course, you donít have to give a reason, but these parents need a wake-up call!
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Old 12-17-2018, 11:27 AM
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Originally Posted by littlefriends View Post
Theyíre very aware of his behavior but rely heavily on the ďheís just a really busy kidĒ. They took him to a Christmas party over the weekend and he knocked over the Christmas tree and broke the top off and then proceeded to scream and thrash for an hour until they finally just left.
Holy Toledo!! I'll bet he's everybody's favorite child. Is he not being disciplined or guided? Or is he totally unmanageable?
I once had a dcg, parents had her as their only child and I think dcm was in her early 40's at the time. She was 2-4 yos here. I also had the dd of another friend of theirs. So I heard of an adventurous dinner out with all of them where dcps were allowing the 4 yo dcg running room in a restaurant. Dcg ran right into the kitchen doors while a waiter was coming through, knocking all the food everywhere. No boundaries. Dcm pulled from my dc because at the time I only had boys and they wanted darling precious to play with girl toys, not cars and trucks. So they took dcg to a dc where the owner's dd and her hated each other with a passion. Dcm asked if I could take their dd back. It took all I had not to say "Are you effin kidding me?"

You're doing the best thing for everyone concerned, especially you and your dc, and that's what counts!!! Let us know how dcm reacts. Nosy minds want to know.
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Old 12-17-2018, 12:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by littlefriends View Post
Theyíre very aware of his behavior but rely heavily on the ďheís just a really busy kidĒ. They took him to a Christmas party over the weekend and he knocked over the Christmas tree and broke the top off and then proceeded to scream and thrash for an hour until they finally just left.
Always use the same reason or diagnosis the parent uses. If you want to give a reason why just say "he's just a really busy kid".
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Old 12-17-2018, 12:27 PM
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Sorry that you're having such a hard time with a child. It stinks on our end when we try everything we can, and still can't get positive results. Your sanity is more important then the income coming in from the child.

I was going to terminate a family many years ago. I knew the mom would badmouth me all over social media if I told her the real reason I was getting rid of her two children. I opted to take the easy way out for my reputation, and that was to tell a little white lie. I told her that I was going to be transporting the children to school ,before and after school, and with her children, I simply did not have enough room in the car. I didn't tell her that I was sick and tired of her daughter spoiled little snotty attitude, or her son crying every minute he didn't get his way. I told her I was going on seniority.

Sometimes honesty is not the best policy if it's going to come back and cause problems for you. Instead of coming at them with all negative things, I tend to turn it around on me. I live in a small town, and sure don't need my reputation being trashed on social media.

Good luck, and stay tough. It's always hard when you're dismissing a family.
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Old 12-18-2018, 11:51 AM
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Originally Posted by lovemykidstoo View Post
Oh my gosh, honestly, this sounds exactly like the dcb I had. Exactly! I just wondered if when they pick up if they're aware of how he acts for you. I have a friend that has a daycare and has a troubling little girl and when the parents pick up she tells them the day was fine. She doesn't tell them of her troubles with her, which I think is a mistake. I just wondered if you've told them how he is for you. They probably don't ask hahaha because they know.
At first I didnít. At first I thought it was probably going to get better but now that 7 mo has gone by and Iím seeing the way I feel at the end of each day I no longer try to make the end of day reports sweet and happy. I tell them how many time outs he had (at least 7 or even 10 some days!!) and Iíve even called for early pick up before because of his behavior and crying/fits. They know. I think a center would be better for him so that heís got more supervision and peers all his own age. I definitely donít think group care in a home setting is a right fit for him.
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Old 12-18-2018, 01:25 PM
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Parents who minimize...ugh! And that child's behavior...ugh!!! Your life will feel so wonderful when that child is gone.

I'd be one who tried to communicate (to the extent possible) about the behavior every day. I don't have it in me to go along with the "just busy" line.

I would probably let them know somewhere along the way that their child isn't able to work well with my daycare routine or with the other children. I would probably let them know the part where their child is actually a danger to my home and to other children.

If they blew me off, I think I'd end up letting them know that "regretfully it's just not working out."

This is possibly why I've offended several parents enough that they left.

I've helped children with behavior problems before, but it's really hard when the parents are not on the same page as me. It's hard to get anywhere with the children and the denier-type parents are NEVER grateful.
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Old 12-18-2018, 01:26 PM
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*
Sorry...having problems editing
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Old 12-18-2018, 04:22 PM
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How did it go?
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Old 12-18-2018, 06:14 PM
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How did it go?
Well I got everything typed up but now my husband is trying to convince me to wait to give it to them until next Friday after Christmas. He says itís not right to give it to them this Friday. Iím closed Christmas Eve and Christmas so I was planning on giving it to them this Friday at pick up and then not seeing them until next Wednesday. Not sure what to do now as of which Friday to do it?? Any suggestions? It doesnít help that they gave me $100 in my Christmas card this morning
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Old 12-18-2018, 07:15 PM
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Well I got everything typed up but now my husband is trying to convince me to wait to give it to them until next Friday after Christmas. He says itís not right to give it to them this Friday. Iím closed Christmas Eve and Christmas so I was planning on giving it to them this Friday at pick up and then not seeing them until next Wednesday. Not sure what to do now as of which Friday to do it?? Any suggestions? It doesnít help that they gave me $100 in my Christmas card this morning
If it were me and I have been in that situation with a child just like that, I would wait until after the holidays. You probably don't have him much during that time. I also would give them the $100 back when I did term them. I would just feel funny keeping it and then saying oh I'm terming you. Even though you are 1,000% correct in doing so it may look like you waited just to get the cash. Even though you dang sure deserve it!
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Old 12-20-2018, 07:33 AM
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Are you giving them 2 weeks?If so I would give them notice on Friday28th.That way you are not stressing over Christmas.I would not return your bonus/gift,you put in your time and earned that.
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Old 12-20-2018, 08:33 AM
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Well I got everything typed up but now my husband is trying to convince me to wait to give it to them until next Friday after Christmas. He says itís not right to give it to them this Friday. Iím closed Christmas Eve and Christmas so I was planning on giving it to them this Friday at pick up and then not seeing them until next Wednesday. Not sure what to do now as of which Friday to do it?? Any suggestions? It doesnít help that they gave me $100 in my Christmas card this morning
I understand what your husband is trying to say but there are no "rules" to doing whatever you need to do for sanity reasons.

Your DD could watch them so you don't have too.... lol!!

In regards to the $100 gift, it seems almost all the daycare parents that have "difficult" kids give the best gifts.
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Old 12-20-2018, 09:24 AM
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Your husband doesnít run your daycare so why does he get a say in it? Is it for financial reasons? My husband can be similar because he just does not get it!

You have to do what you feel comfortable with. I had a kid who I waited WAY too long to terminate. Mainly because the parents were very nice and seemed to want to help the situation. They gave me a crapload of stuff at Christmas which made the situation even worse. In the end I should have termed sooner rather than later because I was enduring a lot of stress just because some people were nice
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Old 12-20-2018, 09:59 AM
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Thatís exactly what I said to him! He doesnít do much with the daycare and misses a lot. He just hears it at the end of the day when Iím complaining/venting/ranting about it! He would make a terrible manager because itís literally impossible for him to be strict or stand up to people and he does think Iím being ďmeanĒ or ďunfairĒ with the dcfís often but I generally tell him to butt out. Blackcat, yes, Iíve told him to watch them for me if he knows what heís doing better than I do-Iíd love to go take a nap!! Iím going to give them the letter on Wednesday at pick up when we come back next week and Iím going to keep the gift. This kid has already torn up two books and put his hands down the back of his diaper and wiped poop on my kitchen floor today!
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Old 01-15-2019, 04:46 PM
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Parents leave him from 7 am when I open to 5:45 every night Mon thru Fri rain or shine even if theyíre not working.

Umm I think this is the problem. Please term and PLEASE consider shorter or contracted hours!!!
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