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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>What's With All The Constant Praising?
Naptime yet? 09:27 AM 09-05-2014
Good job eating all your peas! Good job putting on your coat! Good job drinking all your juice!
It seems like kids are being praised for every little thing nowadays and it's driving me crazy! Is "good job" the hottest buzz phrase? And then when kids don't hear those two magic words, it becomes look at me, look at me, look at me until they hear them.
I'm having a very bitter day. Good job, moodiness
!
It seems like kids are being praised for every little thing nowadays and it's driving me crazy! Is "good job" the hottest buzz phrase? And then when kids don't hear those two magic words, it becomes look at me, look at me, look at me until they hear them.
I'm having a very bitter day. Good job, moodiness
!
Blackcat31 09:35 AM 09-05-2014
Originally Posted by Naptime yet?:
Good job eating all your peas! Good job putting on your coat! Good job drinking all your juice!
It seems like kids are being praised for every little thing nowadays and it's driving me crazy! Is "good job" the hottest buzz phrase? And then when kids don't hear those two magic words, it becomes look at me, look at me, look at me until they hear them.
I'm having a very bitter day. Good job, moodiness!
Good job voicing your stresses!! Good job eating all your peas! Good job putting on your coat! Good job drinking all your juice!
It seems like kids are being praised for every little thing nowadays and it's driving me crazy! Is "good job" the hottest buzz phrase? And then when kids don't hear those two magic words, it becomes look at me, look at me, look at me until they hear them.
I'm having a very bitter day. Good job, moodiness
!
Good job!! < currently my LEAST favorite phrase ever...it's like fingernails on a chalk board for me!!
I agree too! WAY to much praise for little or no effort, other than simply breathing or standing there.
laloolee 09:39 AM 09-05-2014
As a parent I have to watch out for this myself. The words do lose their meaning when in a constant shuffle of absent-minded praise. Thinking it will hopefully work out to replace this with "Thank you" instead until I can break the habit. Sometimes I am just thankful something has gone smoothly on rough days so I overpraise the good stuff and the littlest of things. 
Hope your day goes better!
Hope your day goes better!
Sunshine74 09:42 AM 09-05-2014
I have a co-worker who does this constantly. Thank goodness she works in a different room. But the kids could walk by her on their way outside and she will say, "good job, good job." Good job at what, walking?!
MBF 09:44 AM 09-05-2014
I posted this elsewhere and was kinda slammed, but I absolutely hate the phrase "good job" it is waaay overused and for the simplest task. I think of every other way to encourage rather than just praise. I had a child whose mom used it constantly, who then used it here on his friends and me. had to put a stop to it. this is why I have such a hard time going to the local park, makes me cringe to hear all the parents use it.
daycarediva 09:54 AM 09-05-2014
Originally Posted by Sunshine74:
I have a co-worker who does this constantly. Thank goodness she works in a different room. But the kids could walk by her on their way outside and she will say, "good job, good job." Good job at what, walking?!
Ok, this made me LOL literally. GOOD JOB MAKING ME LAUGH! I have a co-worker who does this constantly. Thank goodness she works in a different room. But the kids could walk by her on their way outside and she will say, "good job, good job." Good job at what, walking?!
I say
You did it all by yourself!
That took quite a bit of effort!
You sure must like peas!
Wow, lots of COLORS!
My annoyance today is "Am I being a good boy?" to a kid who is ALWAYS told how good he is. "You are such a good boy for putting your shoes away." "Good boy getting your papers."
If you weren't, don't you think I'd be saying something? LOL! Also, this kid is one of my most challenging kids, so "good" isn't the word I'd use to describe him. Funny as all get out, I hope he becomes a comedian because I've never seen a snarkier 4 year old who understands sarcasm and hope to see his stand up one day. But GOOD? No.
KSDC 09:56 AM 09-05-2014
I hate to qualify every thing as "good".
Better to say: "You ate all your peas. Wow, you must have been hungry"
or "You put your coat on all by yourself. You must feel proud to be able to do that!"
Kids need to not be addicted to us thinking they are "good". They need to be proud of their own accomplishments!
Better to say: "You ate all your peas. Wow, you must have been hungry"
or "You put your coat on all by yourself. You must feel proud to be able to do that!"
Kids need to not be addicted to us thinking they are "good". They need to be proud of their own accomplishments!
Naptime yet? 10:03 AM 09-05-2014
Originally Posted by MBF:
I posted this elsewhere and was kinda slammed, but I absolutely hate the phrase "good job" it is waaay overused and for the simplest task. I think of every other way to encourage rather than just praise. I had a child whose mom used it constantly, who then used it here on his friends and me. had to put a stop to it. this is why I have such a hard time going to the local park, makes me cringe to hear all the parents use it.
Sorry, MBF, I didn't mean to bring this up again. I posted this elsewhere and was kinda slammed, but I absolutely hate the phrase "good job" it is waaay overused and for the simplest task. I think of every other way to encourage rather than just praise. I had a child whose mom used it constantly, who then used it here on his friends and me. had to put a stop to it. this is why I have such a hard time going to the local park, makes me cringe to hear all the parents use it.
And I say, slam away!
I tend to say, "I knew you could do it", which is probably a phrase that's listed on the other thread....
It's like that Nickmom commercial, where the old man says," I don't get a reward for pottying" or something to that effect. Just because a child doesn't hear "good job" at every move doesn't mean he/she will have low self esteem...does it?
Heidi 10:24 AM 09-05-2014
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
Ok, this made me LOL literally. GOOD JOB MAKING ME LAUGH!
I say
You did it all by yourself!
That took quite a bit of effort!
You sure must like peas!
Wow, lots of COLORS!
My annoyance today is "Am I being a good boy?" to a kid who is ALWAYS told how good he is. "You are such a good boy for putting your shoes away." "Good boy getting your papers."
If you weren't, don't you think I'd be saying something? LOL! Also, this kid is one of my most challenging kids, so "good" isn't the word I'd use to describe him. Funny as all get out, I hope he becomes a comedian because I've never seen a snarkier 4 year old who understands sarcasm and hope to see his stand up one day. But GOOD? No.
I like those. I also use good, old-fashioned "Thank you". But, ""good job" does slip out sometimes. Just not for every breathe. Ok, this made me LOL literally. GOOD JOB MAKING ME LAUGH!
I say
You did it all by yourself!
That took quite a bit of effort!
You sure must like peas!
Wow, lots of COLORS!
My annoyance today is "Am I being a good boy?" to a kid who is ALWAYS told how good he is. "You are such a good boy for putting your shoes away." "Good boy getting your papers."
If you weren't, don't you think I'd be saying something? LOL! Also, this kid is one of my most challenging kids, so "good" isn't the word I'd use to describe him. Funny as all get out, I hope he becomes a comedian because I've never seen a snarkier 4 year old who understands sarcasm and hope to see his stand up one day. But GOOD? No.
TwinKristi 10:30 AM 09-05-2014
I'm probably guilty of this myself. After working in a center environment where we were pushed to use that phrase all the time and to save NO only for the absolute most extreme cases. LOL then parents say it so I kinda carry it over in their coming in and such. It's not a phrase I use normally but do from time to time to pump the kids moods up. "Oh my gosh you guys are going such a good job eating your lunch! You must be super hungry today from all that fun we had!" That kinda stuff. Just to schmooze things over when they need that extra umph to finish. LOL
Cat Herder 11:09 AM 09-05-2014
The pendulum swings back and forth.
My parents generation were really only acknowledged by adults if they messed up.
Then the "catch them doing good" phase started because they did not want to be like their parents.
We felt we were only acknowledged when we performed a desired task or messed up really bad (the time out kids felt they were simply ignored) and here we are....
Pendulum swish... what comes next?
My parents generation were really only acknowledged by adults if they messed up.
Then the "catch them doing good" phase started because they did not want to be like their parents.
We felt we were only acknowledged when we performed a desired task or messed up really bad (the time out kids felt they were simply ignored) and here we are....
Pendulum swish... what comes next?
Heidi 11:14 AM 09-05-2014
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
The pendulum swings back and forth.
My parents generation were really only acknowledged by adults if they messed up.
Then the "catch them doing good" phase started because they did not want to be like their parents.
We felt we were only acknowledged when we performed a desired task or messed up really bad (the time out kids felt they were simply ignored) and here we are....
Pendulum swish... what comes next?
SNOW, lots of SNOW!!!!The pendulum swings back and forth.
My parents generation were really only acknowledged by adults if they messed up.
Then the "catch them doing good" phase started because they did not want to be like their parents.
We felt we were only acknowledged when we performed a desired task or messed up really bad (the time out kids felt they were simply ignored) and here we are....
Pendulum swish... what comes next?
melilley 11:15 AM 09-05-2014
I was actually taught to not say "good job" in my CHDV classes.
You're supposed tell them what they are doing instead.
I'm guilty and say it sometimes, but every time I do, I think of my professor telling us to not say that.
You're supposed tell them what they are doing instead.
I'm guilty and say it sometimes, but every time I do, I think of my professor telling us to not say that.
Thriftylady 02:58 PM 09-05-2014
I am all for praising our kids when they are good, but I think the whole praise thing has gone overboard. Kind of like every kid gets a trophy or certificate. I went to DD's middle school awards ceremony a couple years ago (she was leaving for the connected HS lol). EVERY child got a certificate for something. Many just got a "citizenship" certificate. Our school isn't huge, but every home room teacher came up and called each child in the class and told each certificate they got. So we had to go through every student walking up there. I started to feel like a hostage who could never go home. If kids are going great, I think we should tell them. But when they aren't we make up a reason to praise them? Not in my book, tell them to shape up lol.
daycare 03:28 PM 09-05-2014
there are a million other ways that you can praise other than saying good job. I make it my personal goal that each child hears 25+affirmation and no more than 2 prohibitions.
But I guess there is a difference between praising and affirming.
But I guess there is a difference between praising and affirming.
midaycare 03:52 PM 09-05-2014
My phrase that I use it, "I like it when you ..." (Eat your peas, color in the lines, sit quietly, etc.) I use, "I don't like it when you..." (push someone, take a toy away, etc.)
Probably wrong, but hey, I'm consistent.
Probably wrong, but hey, I'm consistent.
SignMeUp 03:54 PM 09-05-2014
That title there ^ was the name of a class I took thirty years ago. How do I still remember that? Because it made a big impression on me, and related to how I already dealt with my child care children as well as my own.
It did not, however, mean that you praised excessively, mindlessly, or non-specifically. You didn't even have to "catch them" with words. It's more a matter of noticing the good, and not giving undue attention to the negative, because when we care for young children, we are helping them form a self-image. We want that self-image to be positive, but realistically positive, not in a pumped-up, false way.
I "notice" some of my preschoolers with a grin, an ASL "thanks", a thumbs-up, or a high-5, because they already know they are doing something nice, doing something well, but I want to give them the acknowledgement.
Sometimes it's more complicated input that I want to give them, so I will say something specific to what I liked about what they are doing.
"Good job" may have its place. But like a time-out, it can be way over-used, to the point that it means nothing at all. In my opinion, that's what needs to be avoided.
It did not, however, mean that you praised excessively, mindlessly, or non-specifically. You didn't even have to "catch them" with words. It's more a matter of noticing the good, and not giving undue attention to the negative, because when we care for young children, we are helping them form a self-image. We want that self-image to be positive, but realistically positive, not in a pumped-up, false way.
I "notice" some of my preschoolers with a grin, an ASL "thanks", a thumbs-up, or a high-5, because they already know they are doing something nice, doing something well, but I want to give them the acknowledgement.
Sometimes it's more complicated input that I want to give them, so I will say something specific to what I liked about what they are doing.
"Good job" may have its place. But like a time-out, it can be way over-used, to the point that it means nothing at all. In my opinion, that's what needs to be avoided.
Heidi 04:01 PM 09-05-2014
Originally Posted by midaycare:
My phrase that I use it, "I like it when you ..." (Eat your peas, color in the lines, sit quietly, etc.) I use, "I don't like it when you..." (push someone, take a toy away, etc.)
Probably wrong, but hey, I'm consistent.
I like that, and use it too.My phrase that I use it, "I like it when you ..." (Eat your peas, color in the lines, sit quietly, etc.) I use, "I don't like it when you..." (push someone, take a toy away, etc.)
Probably wrong, but hey, I'm consistent.
But......
I am sure my QIP consultant said something to like it would teach children to only feel validated when they please adults.
Uh..
Wow, the horror of raising children to please their parents and teachers!Seriously, of course I want children to be self-motivated. But, like so many things, we learn to practice the skills first, then internalize them. We work with infants, toddlers, and preschoolers, not teenagers.
Josiegirl 04:05 PM 09-05-2014
Good Job! Good Job! Good Job!
The start of the snowflake syndrome
Prek dcg came in at lunch with a painting she'd made at school, couldn't wait to show me. I told her I thought it was beautiful and I loved how the purple was all swirly. But at least I didn't say Good Job.
The start of the snowflake syndrome
Prek dcg came in at lunch with a painting she'd made at school, couldn't wait to show me. I told her I thought it was beautiful and I loved how the purple was all swirly. But at least I didn't say Good Job.
Heidi 06:49 PM 09-05-2014
Originally Posted by Heidi:
SNOW, lots of SNOW!!!!
Nobody got this...you know...snowflakes? Special snowflakes? SNOW, lots of SNOW!!!!
Bookworm 08:06 PM 09-05-2014
I figured it out, Heidi. God forbid Snowy's self esteem is damaged. He might have to grow up and live in the real world. I totally get the hate for the overuse of " good job". To me it sounds like they're getting praise for doing something they're supposed to do.
Unregistered 08:44 PM 09-05-2014
Originally Posted by Sunshine74:
I have a co-worker who does this constantly. Thank goodness she works in a different room. But the kids could walk by her on their way outside and she will say, "good job, good job." Good job at what, walking?!
As a former teacher, I would often say this to child going out to recess/gym or walking down the stairs. Maybe it's an inner city thing, where I taught, but some children don't know how to walk in a line and not scream and push. I'm talking elementary age. I have a co-worker who does this constantly. Thank goodness she works in a different room. But the kids could walk by her on their way outside and she will say, "good job, good job." Good job at what, walking?!
I'm guilty of overpraising because I know some student get no attention at home. My compliments are always sincere. Like Xavier is a good artist. If Gina asks, I'll say "You're a great singer" or "Mommy sent you in a pretty dress". I always make sure to give sincere compliments.