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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Driving Me Crazy!!!
lovemykidstoo 06:11 AM 02-12-2013
I have a dcg that is a month away from 2. His grandma brings him in the morning. He goes in spurts where he has a problem with it and then he is fine other times. Lately he is driving me crazy. Actually grandma is driving me even more crazy. I see them pull in so I get ready to get to the door and she is hovering over him in his carseat talking to him for like 5 minutes in the car. Then this morning she is holding him in my driveway talking to him. Then she is holding him in my garage and talking to him. Obviously he's an emotional basketcase. They are still in the garage and I finally just opened the door and said Joey, come on in. I take the bag from grandma and she takes his coat off while she's still in the garage. So I think cool, she's leaving and he can come in and find his peace. She literally goes right by me into the entryway and says oh I'll take off his shoes. Okay, he knows how to take off his own shoes, but she has to continue to hover. Nothing like prolonging a drop off that should take less than 5 minutes. Between all of these little ordeals, dropoff takes forever. I'm thinking, for God's sake, take him out of the car, walk him up, pass him to me and LEAVE!! Why does she need to counsel him 3 times before coming in? This is a child that to this day does not sleep all night without yelling for his parents and ending up sleeping with them. ahhhhhh
mrsnj 06:52 AM 02-12-2013
Maybe she feels guilty (or he is playing the guilt trip card) and doesn't know how to handle it. Maybe being honest and open and saying "If you just bring him right in and drop and go, it makes transition much faster and easier for him" type of thing. I tell all my crier kids or fussy drop off kids parents that they stop as soon as they the door closes. I have even had to call a parent on the cell to show them the child was not standing their screaming. I think they are afraid they will go and the child will cry and it makes them feel bad but stalling only makes it worse.
I had one parent who would drop their child off and the child was fine but that wasn't good enough for mommy and kept saying "Mommy is leaving.....I am leaving now....Mommy is going...Bye bye....Mommy is leaving now...." till the child WAS crying!
Guess it made HER feel better to feel loved.
I would just have a nice casual chat. Maybe she doesn't know what to do.
I had one parent who would drop their child off and the child was fine but that wasn't good enough for mommy and kept saying "Mommy is leaving.....I am leaving now....Mommy is going...Bye bye....Mommy is leaving now...." till the child WAS crying!
Guess it made HER feel better to feel loved.I would just have a nice casual chat. Maybe she doesn't know what to do.
lovemykidstoo 07:02 AM 02-12-2013
Originally Posted by mrsnj:
Maybe she feels guilty (or he is playing the guilt trip card) and doesn't know how to handle it. Maybe being honest and open and saying "If you just bring him right in and drop and go, it makes transition much faster and easier for him" type of thing. I tell all my crier kids or fussy drop off kids parents that they stop as soon as they the door closes. I have even had to call a parent on the cell to show them the child was not standing their screaming. I think they are afraid they will go and the child will cry and it makes them feel bad but stalling only makes it worse.
I had one parent who would drop their child off and the child was fine but that wasn't good enough for mommy and kept saying "Mommy is leaving.....I am leaving now....Mommy is going...Bye bye....Mommy is leaving now...." till the child WAS crying! Guess it made HER feel better to feel loved.
I would just have a nice casual chat. Maybe she doesn't know what to do.
Grandma actually does realize that she shoudl just drop and run and I think that's why we have the good 15 minutes in the car/driveway/garage now. Which does not make it easier on him. We've had the talk and maybe that's why she's doing it now, but she's making it so hard on him. Maybe she feels guilty (or he is playing the guilt trip card) and doesn't know how to handle it. Maybe being honest and open and saying "If you just bring him right in and drop and go, it makes transition much faster and easier for him" type of thing. I tell all my crier kids or fussy drop off kids parents that they stop as soon as they the door closes. I have even had to call a parent on the cell to show them the child was not standing their screaming. I think they are afraid they will go and the child will cry and it makes them feel bad but stalling only makes it worse.
I had one parent who would drop their child off and the child was fine but that wasn't good enough for mommy and kept saying "Mommy is leaving.....I am leaving now....Mommy is going...Bye bye....Mommy is leaving now...." till the child WAS crying!
Guess it made HER feel better to feel loved.I would just have a nice casual chat. Maybe she doesn't know what to do.
I have had that EXACT parent that does that with her boy. the bye bye, momma has to go to work, bye bye give me a kiss until the boy starts crying. She doesn't do it much anymore because I told her that's he's fine, dont' get him going. UGH, why do parents have to do that?
melilley 07:10 AM 02-12-2013
Ahhhhh, when I worked at a center, I had twin boys in my class. The parents would come in and sit with them at breakfast, then would hang around a little while. When they would leave they would do their dragged out goodbyes and finally we would get the boys calmed down and then they would either look in the window or open the door and say bye again. A few times mom would drop them off, then leave, the boys would calm down and be fine, then the dad would come like 5 mins. after the mom left! I also had one family that would drop their child off and the child would sit down to eat and the parent would go to leave and would actually turn around at the door and make a point to call the boys name and say bye and then he would cry...drives you nuts!
I know it can be hard for a parent or grandparent to leave their children, but I wish they would realize that a good bye should be short and sweet-it's better for the children.
I know it can be hard for a parent or grandparent to leave their children, but I wish they would realize that a good bye should be short and sweet-it's better for the children.
Unregistered 07:55 AM 02-12-2013
I have been having a similar problem with DCB 3. He has been with me for a year and a half and just started crying uncontrollably when mom or dad leaves.
Now every morning before they leave they make a point to tell him "OK now I am leaving. Don't cry." Or "I better make sure you have enough kisses/hugs so you won't cry"
The child is fine until mom or dad mention that they don't want him to cry. They are putting the idea in his head. It's driving me crazy!
Now every morning before they leave they make a point to tell him "OK now I am leaving. Don't cry." Or "I better make sure you have enough kisses/hugs so you won't cry"
The child is fine until mom or dad mention that they don't want him to cry. They are putting the idea in his head. It's driving me crazy!
lovemykidstoo 12:13 PM 02-12-2013
Mom texted me just now about pickup today so I asked her if he was sleeping okay at night because he's a mess when grandma drops off. she said nighttime going to bed has been a struggle. They start bedtime at 7:30 and he doesn't go to sleep until about 9:30 and then he hears her alarm at 5:20 and wakes up. Okay, he doesn't get picked up from here until 4:30 4 days a week. So they get home and have dinner and bath and put him right to bed? no wonder it's hard to get him to sleep at 7:30
MarinaVanessa 04:24 PM 02-12-2013
Try adding something like this into your policies. It worked for me.
Smooth Separation
When a parent departs, the child may cry and protest. This is what psychologists call separation distress. It is a part of the normal development process of establishing independence and autonomy. The intensity of a child’s distress seems to depend mainly on the child’s personality and temperament. It also depends on the manner in which the adults handle the anxiety and the way in which they leave.
Through experience the childcare provider has found that it is in the child’s best interest if, when arriving, the child is given a quick farewell hug and kiss, reminded that the adult will return and then followed by a quick exit. While there may be tears, prolonging the departure only creates more stress on the child. While sometimes a stressful departure cannot be avoided, adults can however make it shorter. Children are resilient and adapt very quickly after an adult has gone and usually within minutes have begun to play.
Smooth Separation
When a parent departs, the child may cry and protest. This is what psychologists call separation distress. It is a part of the normal development process of establishing independence and autonomy. The intensity of a child’s distress seems to depend mainly on the child’s personality and temperament. It also depends on the manner in which the adults handle the anxiety and the way in which they leave.
Through experience the childcare provider has found that it is in the child’s best interest if, when arriving, the child is given a quick farewell hug and kiss, reminded that the adult will return and then followed by a quick exit. While there may be tears, prolonging the departure only creates more stress on the child. While sometimes a stressful departure cannot be avoided, adults can however make it shorter. Children are resilient and adapt very quickly after an adult has gone and usually within minutes have begun to play.
craftymissbeth 09:44 PM 02-12-2013
Originally Posted by MarinaVanessa:
Try adding something like this into your policies. It worked for me.
Smooth Separation
When a parent departs, the child may cry and protest. This is what psychologists call separation distress. It is a part of the normal development process of establishing independence and autonomy. The intensity of a child’s distress seems to depend mainly on the child’s personality and temperament. It also depends on the manner in which the adults handle the anxiety and the way in which they leave.
Through experience the childcare provider has found that it is in the child’s best interest if, when arriving, the child is given a quick farewell hug and kiss, reminded that the adult will return and then followed by a quick exit. While there may be tears, prolonging the departure only creates more stress on the child. While sometimes a stressful departure cannot be avoided, adults can however make it shorter. Children are resilient and adapt very quickly after an adult has gone and usually within minutes have begun to play.
I'm in the middle of writing my handbook and this is great! Is this your? If so, do you mind if I use a version of this in my handbook?Try adding something like this into your policies. It worked for me.
Smooth Separation
When a parent departs, the child may cry and protest. This is what psychologists call separation distress. It is a part of the normal development process of establishing independence and autonomy. The intensity of a child’s distress seems to depend mainly on the child’s personality and temperament. It also depends on the manner in which the adults handle the anxiety and the way in which they leave.
Through experience the childcare provider has found that it is in the child’s best interest if, when arriving, the child is given a quick farewell hug and kiss, reminded that the adult will return and then followed by a quick exit. While there may be tears, prolonging the departure only creates more stress on the child. While sometimes a stressful departure cannot be avoided, adults can however make it shorter. Children are resilient and adapt very quickly after an adult has gone and usually within minutes have begun to play.
makap 04:06 AM 02-13-2013
Originally Posted by MarinaVanessa:
Try adding something like this into your policies. It worked for me.
Smooth Separation
When a parent departs, the child may cry and protest. This is what psychologists call separation distress. It is a part of the normal development process of establishing independence and autonomy. The intensity of a child’s distress seems to depend mainly on the child’s personality and temperament. It also depends on the manner in which the adults handle the anxiety and the way in which they leave.
Through experience the childcare provider has found that it is in the child’s best interest if, when arriving, the child is given a quick farewell hug and kiss, reminded that the adult will return and then followed by a quick exit. While there may be tears, prolonging the departure only creates more stress on the child. While sometimes a stressful departure cannot be avoided, adults can however make it shorter. Children are resilient and adapt very quickly after an adult has gone and usually within minutes have begun to play.
Try adding something like this into your policies. It worked for me.
Smooth Separation
When a parent departs, the child may cry and protest. This is what psychologists call separation distress. It is a part of the normal development process of establishing independence and autonomy. The intensity of a child’s distress seems to depend mainly on the child’s personality and temperament. It also depends on the manner in which the adults handle the anxiety and the way in which they leave.
Through experience the childcare provider has found that it is in the child’s best interest if, when arriving, the child is given a quick farewell hug and kiss, reminded that the adult will return and then followed by a quick exit. While there may be tears, prolonging the departure only creates more stress on the child. While sometimes a stressful departure cannot be avoided, adults can however make it shorter. Children are resilient and adapt very quickly after an adult has gone and usually within minutes have begun to play.
This is perfect!
I would like to hang this in my entrance way in very large bold letters! Maybe large bright red bold letters! Grr I can't stand parents who do this. I do not have any at the moment who do this but I did a while back. Drove me insane!! 
It got to the point where I would just leave them standing there and go and get busy doing something with the other kids and say call me when your ready for me to take him. Then I would take my time getting back there to get him because "I got busy"!
lovemykidstoo 04:30 AM 02-13-2013
Originally Posted by MarinaVanessa:
Try adding something like this into your policies. It worked for me.
Smooth Separation
When a parent departs, the child may cry and protest. This is what psychologists call separation distress. It is a part of the normal development process of establishing independence and autonomy. The intensity of a child’s distress seems to depend mainly on the child’s personality and temperament. It also depends on the manner in which the adults handle the anxiety and the way in which they leave.
Through experience the childcare provider has found that it is in the child’s best interest if, when arriving, the child is given a quick farewell hug and kiss, reminded that the adult will return and then followed by a quick exit. While there may be tears, prolonging the departure only creates more stress on the child. While sometimes a stressful departure cannot be avoided, adults can however make it shorter. Children are resilient and adapt very quickly after an adult has gone and usually within minutes have begun to play.
This is good thanks. I do tell them this during our interview, but I don't have it in writing. Good idea.Try adding something like this into your policies. It worked for me.
Smooth Separation
When a parent departs, the child may cry and protest. This is what psychologists call separation distress. It is a part of the normal development process of establishing independence and autonomy. The intensity of a child’s distress seems to depend mainly on the child’s personality and temperament. It also depends on the manner in which the adults handle the anxiety and the way in which they leave.
Through experience the childcare provider has found that it is in the child’s best interest if, when arriving, the child is given a quick farewell hug and kiss, reminded that the adult will return and then followed by a quick exit. While there may be tears, prolonging the departure only creates more stress on the child. While sometimes a stressful departure cannot be avoided, adults can however make it shorter. Children are resilient and adapt very quickly after an adult has gone and usually within minutes have begun to play.
lovemykidstoo 04:31 AM 02-13-2013
Originally Posted by makap:
This is perfect! I would like to hang this in my entrance way in very large bold letters! Maybe large bright red bold letters! Grr I can't stand parents who do this. I do not have any at the moment who do this but I did a while back. Drove me insane!!
It got to the point where I would just leave them standing there and go and get busy doing something with the other kids and say call me when your ready for me to take him. Then I would take my time getting back there to get him because "I got busy"!
This is perfect!
I would like to hang this in my entrance way in very large bold letters! Maybe large bright red bold letters! Grr I can't stand parents who do this. I do not have any at the moment who do this but I did a while back. Drove me insane!! It got to the point where I would just leave them standing there and go and get busy doing something with the other kids and say call me when your ready for me to take him. Then I would take my time getting back there to get him because "I got busy"!
UGH, I have done the same thing. So irritating!!
daycarediva 07:05 AM 02-13-2013
My drop in dcm does the 'mommy has to leave now, don't cry' blahblahblah routine until dcb starts crying. When he first gets here he is wriggling out of Mom's arms and she continues to hold him/coddle for ATLEAST 15 minutes. Really, he is FINE. JUST GO. (this is also the reason that I don't always have a spot available when she calls, the 15-20 minutes in the morning is enough to make me not want him the entire day!) 