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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Who Gets To Pick Up?
Puddleduck 03:26 AM 09-23-2017
Hello! I have a question I was hoping you could please help with. Daycare parents are in the process of divorcing and they have a custody arrangement. The mother, the father, and the father's mother take turns doing pick up throughout the week. Since the end of their relationship the daycare dad's parents have sided with the daycare mom. Last night I received an email from the dad asking me not to let his mother pick up anymore. I just want to verify that legally I can't do that. I'm under the impression that who ever has custody on that particular day gets to decide things like this. I haven't been able to find the information online and I'm hoping one of you knows. 😁 I'm in Canada if that makes a difference. Thanks!
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HappyEverAfter 06:29 AM 09-23-2017
I'm in the US so the laws may be different but it is my understanding that the custody/divorce agreement determines who can pick up the children. Meaning that if he does not want his parents picking up the children then he has to have his lawyer out that in writing and add it to the custody/divorce agreement. If it isn't specified in the agreement then it is up to the parent with primary custody as to who picks up the children. It's an issue for them to work out without your involvement. I'd just let DCD know that you are happy to oblige his request provided that he has legal paperwork showing the grandparents can't do pickups but that without that legal paperwork the issue is out of your hands and he should speak to the mother.
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springv 12:28 PM 09-23-2017
In in the us and we have to have a court order depending on circumstances if the other parent is not allowed to pick up
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hwichlaz 08:30 AM 09-25-2017
yeah, I think that either parent can ask that a non-parent be unable to pick up until an agreement is in place. So they may be out of luck. Once there is an agreement in place...both parents can choose who picks the children up during THEIR custodial time...unless otherwise put in writing.
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amberrose3dg 08:47 AM 09-25-2017
I don't think you can keep the child from mom unless there is a court order stating that it is his time. I would be upset dad is putting you in the middle of their divorce. I would tell him without the court order you cannot do that. If it was me and that continued I would tell dad you will need to terminate.
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Mom2Two 09:00 AM 09-25-2017
If dad shows up instead of grandma or before (or at the same time) you should be able to hand dck over to dad instead of grandma then he can watch his child til dcm is free for her custody time. But you'd need to have dcd follow thru and verify to you if that is the law. Otherwise, dcm would choose who picks up/sits on her days.
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Ariana 09:03 AM 09-25-2017
This might help:
http://www.familylawhelp.ca/grandpar...grandchildren/

Basically in Ontario there is no law protecting grandparent rights to grandchildren so it would seem the dad is within his rights to bar them from picking the child up. Having said that I would make this the dads problem. HE needs to be the one to tell grandma and make arrangements and HE needs to be the one to pickup instead. This would not be MY problem and I would not be getting in the middle of it.
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Cat Herder 10:05 AM 09-25-2017
I agree with Arianna.

I also hope PGMA realizes what a lifetime mistake she is making in alienating her son during his divorce. When DCM moves on to a new relationship, and she will, nobody will care about PGMA's continued relationship with the kids.
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Rockgirl 10:09 AM 09-25-2017
If I'm understanding correctly, grandma is picking up on some of dcm's, days, even though it's dcd's mom. I would think if dcm arranges that on her own days, it would be allowed, but I'm certainly not an expert on these matters.

This sounds like a very sticky situation, for sure.
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Puddleduck 01:20 PM 09-25-2017
Thank you for your help! The father is not allowed to pick up on the days the mother has custody (according to their custody agreement) so I've told the dad that he will need to talk to his lawyer and have it changed if he doesn't feel comfortable with the current situation.
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amberrose3dg 03:52 AM 09-26-2017
Sorry I read that as he didnt want the childs mother to pick up. Well when it is mom's time i do not think he can tell her who can pick up but im not sure. I feel bad you are in the middle.
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Puddleduck 04:12 AM 09-26-2017
Sorry about that- I could've explained it better. The dcd has a history of being verbally and emotionally abusive to both DCM and to his mother so when DCM left, dcd's mother chose to stick with her. DCD is trying to control who can pick up the child just to make the mom's life harder.
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midaycare 05:17 AM 09-26-2017
He's probably within his rights at this point, but dcm will just have it added to a divorce decree that GMA can pickup.

I would also have something like this in place, if hubby and I were to divorce (no contact with my mom). That woman is crazy. But DH would agree, so....anyhoo, just don't pick a side and don't always believe what you hear, and even what you see.

My mom is literally one of the most respected people in the community. Also a horrible mother. But you would never know that unless you were in my immediate family. You would think *I* was evil and she was a saint.
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Tags:custody arrangements, divorced parents
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