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MissAnn 07:23 AM 12-05-2011
What would you do with an almost 5 year old who has pulled pants down of 2 different girls.....probably a total of 4 times in two months. 2 of each girl. I've documented and talked to all parents. Parents have been understanding....but how long can they be understanding. It happened again friday (4th time).
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youretooloud 07:27 AM 12-05-2011
Sadly, I would have to tell his parents that I couldn't watch him anymore.

I don't think it's anymore than natural curiosity, and I don't think the child is some sort of predator. But, "No means no" and he's not getting it for some reason.

Our rule is "no always means no" "Stop always means stop" and if those words are not being respected by one child, I'd have to let that child go.
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Lilbutterflie 07:49 AM 12-05-2011
Can I ask what the context of his behavior is? For example, is he "mooning" them to be funny? Is he trying to show them his front parts? Or is he just not closing the door to the bathroom?

Depending on the context of the behavior, I would warn the parents that if the behavior does not stop, they may have to look for other care. If it's as simple as closing the door to the bathroom while he uses the potty... no big deal. You can make sure to follow him and remind him to close it. But if he is mooning them or showing them other things, that behavior has to stop. Even though it is natural to do it once, he is old enough to understand the word "No" and obey it.
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youretooloud 07:59 AM 12-05-2011
I read it that he was pulling THEIR pants down.

If he's pulling his own pants down, I wouldn't actually care about that too much. But, there's no pulling someone else's pants down. Especially after being told "No".
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MissAnn 08:07 AM 12-05-2011
Originally Posted by youretooloud:
I read it that he was pulling THEIR pants down.

If he's pulling his own pants down, I wouldn't actually care about that too much. But, there's no pulling someone else's pants down. Especially after being told "No".
He is pulling the back of their pants down. Now I'm not talking all the way down....but down enough to see crack. I think he's taking a peek. I cannot close the door to our bathroom....but that's never been an issue. None of the kids seem to care who's on the pot and never stop to stare or really even look. This is a very impulsive boy. I keep a keen eye on him for safety sake as well. He will all the sudden jump in the air and once gave a kid a bloody nose. He wasn't being mean....he was being impulsive. I am insisting the mom bring him to counseling. By the way...not sure if I mentioned....he is almost 5.
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MarinaVanessa 08:12 AM 12-05-2011
If he's pulling down their pants (in a playfull manner not sexual) and laughing about it I would just separate him from the kids he's pantsing. If you can't behave with them then you can't play with them type of thing. The more people he pants the less people he can play with.

I don't think there's any bad intension behind what he is doing, he's probably just teasing them and thinks it's funny but it isn't appropriate and at 5 years old he needs to know that he can't do it. If the other kids don't like it and he continues to do it eventually it can be perceived as bullying so I'd be careful. I'd curb it before it leads to the other kids feeling humiliated.

EDIT: Sorry I just read your above post and just saw that he was ALMOST 5. He's 4 and like you said, impulsive. Seperating him could still work however I would only separate him from whoever he pants for a short amount of time (starting at around 30 minutes maybe) and then doubling it each time he does it again.
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MissAnn 08:28 AM 12-05-2011
Originally Posted by MarinaVanessa:
If he's pulling down their pants (in a playfull manner not sexual) and laughing about it I would just separate him from the kids he's pantsing. If you can't behave with them then you can't play with them type of thing. The more people he pants the less people he can play with.

I don't think there's any bad intension behind what he is doing, he's probably just teasing them and thinks it's funny but it isn't appropriate and at 5 years old he needs to know that he can't do it. If the other kids don't like it and he continues to do it eventually it can be perceived as bullying so I'd be careful. I'd curb it before it leads to the other kids feeling humiliated.
I think it is playful....but yes, not appropraite. He lost the privilege of playing in the playroom and has to stick close by me today. His mom called him and talked to him on the phone. He knows this is serious. I think he's worried about Santa....but I don't play the Santa game. I talked to the girl (she wasn't going to tell even though we have been doing a whole curriculum on what is and is not appropriate and how to handle situations). I told her that she could stand up tall and yell....STOP IT! I also talked to the boy and let him know he absolutely cannot do that again. He wrote a letter to the girl with a picture to apologize....I let him use his own words. Oh boy...I worry about kindergarten.
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MarinaVanessa 08:49 AM 12-05-2011
Originally Posted by MissAnn:
I think it is playful....but yes, not appropraite. He lost the privilege of playing in the playroom and has to stick close by me today. His mom called him and talked to him on the phone. He knows this is serious. I think he's worried about Santa....but I don't play the Santa game. I talked to the girl (she wasn't going to tell even though we have been doing a whole curriculum on what is and is not appropriate and how to handle situations). I told her that she could stand up tall and yell....STOP IT! I also talked to the boy and let him know he absolutely cannot do that again. He wrote a letter to the girl with a picture to apologize....I let him use his own words. Oh boy...I worry about kindergarten.
I think you're handling the situation as best you can and appropriately. You addressed both sides of the incident and have created consequenses. Once he starts kinder if this continues DCM may get a call and have to pick up from school, but usually the child will probably have to sit in the office.
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youretooloud 09:04 AM 12-05-2011
Originally Posted by MissAnn:
He is pulling the back of their pants down. Now I'm not talking all the way down....but down enough to see crack.
That's not as bad as I was envisioning....I think I would have a consequence in place that you thought of before it happens, and use it every single time.

I'm one of those who thinks time out is a waste of time and energy. But, there are other things I bet you can think of that will make an impression on him until he realizes the consequence will be the same each time.

Of course, in a perfect world, the girl would turn around and belt him a good one...but, we can't encourage that.
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MissAnn 09:27 AM 12-05-2011
Originally Posted by youretooloud:
That's not as bad as I was envisioning....I think I would have a consequence in place that you thought of before it happens, and use it every single time.

I'm one of those who thinks time out is a waste of time and energy. But, there are other things I bet you can think of that will make an impression on him until he realizes the consequence will be the same each time.

Of course, in a perfect world, the girl would turn around and belt him a good one...but, we can't encourage that.
Thanks everyone.....He lost the privilege of playing in the playroom which is BIG for him....and since that's where it happened....it tied the offence in with the consequence. I don't like time out either.....the last thing they are going to do is sit and think about what they did.

The girl is a very mild mannered girl....but I'm trying to give her tools she needs.
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Lucy 09:28 AM 12-05-2011
LOL. This reminds me of the "Pants on the Ground" guy from American Idol.


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MissAnn 10:08 AM 12-05-2011
Originally Posted by Joyce:
LOL. This reminds me of the "Pants on the Ground" guy from American Idol.

Funny....I've been singing it to myself all morning.
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Tags:5 year old, expose, pulling pants down
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