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lovemykidstoo 08:27 AM 04-05-2019
Hi guys, I've been gone for awhile, but just got myself back on finally! I've missed you all!

I have an issue. I have an 11 month old (12 months in a couple of weeks). I have him 3 days a week from 8:00 to 4:45. I've had him since he was born. He has never slept all night and is up several times a night. He wants to sleep here all day. When he was just an infant I let him sleep whenever he wants. Now that he's almost a year, I've tried to get rid of morning nap and having him lay down with the other kids from 1 to 3:30/4:00. Mom keeps telling me how bad he is at night and how at midnight, 2:00, 3:00 or whatever time, they put him in the car and drive him around to get him to sleep and then let him sleep the rest of the night in the carseat in the living room while they sleep. Grandma has him the other 2 days and she's trying to get him away from the morning nap and just take an afternoon nap too. Like I said, this has been a problem with him up all night since he was born. So I just got back from vacation and he came 2 days. He came today and mom said he was good all week except the last day he came here, he was up at 3:00 am and they had to drive around town. So I guess it was my fault that he slept 3 hours on Tuesday.

So I texted mom to get clarification on some things. She said grandma lets him go to sleep at 1 and wakes him after 2 hours. So she wants me to wake him up after 2 hours, but yet texts me that on the weekend if he's screaming in the morning, she lets him sleep 1 hour and then two-three in the afternoon. So she can let him sleep 3 to 4 hours a day but I"m supposed to wake him after 2 hours? Are you getting that idea? I told him he has to sleep tonight or I will get blamed for it right in front of mom. I know passive agressive, but I hate that they're trying to blame their bad decisions on mine. So they let him rule the house during the night and I'm supposed to deal with him screaming during the day? What would you do other than term?
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knoxmomof2 08:34 AM 04-05-2019
Can you try letting him take his morning nap? They say that not enough sleep can actually lead to little ones getting less sleep. Like a never ending cycle. Depends on the child, of course!
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lovemykidstoo 08:44 AM 04-05-2019
Originally Posted by knoxmomof2:
Can you try letting him take his morning nap? They say that not enough sleep can actually lead to little ones getting less sleep. Like a never ending cycle. Depends on the child, of course!
Some days I do let him go down for 45 minutes and then get him up. Then back down with other kids. The problem is, summer is coming and I can't have him in the house by himself while I go out with other kids. When he's up alot at night, then he wants to come here and sleep 4 hours in the morning, then get up as soon as the other kids go down. It's not ideal.
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Rockgirl 08:49 AM 04-05-2019
Originally Posted by knoxmomof2:
Can you try letting him take his morning nap? They say that not enough sleep can actually lead to little ones getting less sleep. Like a never ending cycle. Depends on the child, of course!
Yes, I’d try letting him have a short morning nap for awhile, then phase it out.

The parents have created their own bad routine of driving him around during the night (seriously, what the heck?!?). It’s on them to fix that.
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Ariana 08:56 AM 04-05-2019
I have dealt with this issue so many times with cosleepers who are exhausted. The only thing that will work is sleep training in his own crib at night, meaning it is the parents who are causing this issue. Driving around etc means he is not getting quality sleep. At this age they need still and quiet.

I would let them know everything I said above and tell them that if you don’t see improvement you may need to let them go. They will only change if it starts affecting them.
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lovemykidstoo 09:03 AM 04-05-2019
Not to mention them leaving him a carseat sleeping while they sleep. I have told them 100 times how bad that is. They say, oh I know but we're desperate. I said buy earplugs!!!!

The problem now is, they say he only does that when he's here for the day, which is BS!
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Cat Herder 09:20 AM 04-05-2019
Originally Posted by lovemykidstoo:
Not to mention them leaving him a carseat sleeping while they sleep.
"What would you do other than term?"

I. Just. Can't Today.
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LittleExplorers 11:40 AM 04-05-2019
Originally Posted by lovemykidstoo:
Not to mention them leaving him a carseat sleeping while they sleep. I have told them 100 times how bad that is. They say, oh I know but we're desperate. I said buy earplugs!!!!

The problem now is, they say he only does that when he's here for the day, which is BS!
Ask them what they are going to do when little one doesn't fit in a car seat any more. Its only going to get harder. If he sleeps for 4 hour naps, it likely isn't a medical issue causing sleep issues.

Many of my kiddos that age still need 2 naps. We are outside a ton, but If a child needs a nap, outside time works around the nap. Out after breakfast, in for a short nap, out until lunch then everyone naps. Can you bring a pack and play or crib outside for little one to morning nap in when the weather permits It? I would limit the length.

Maybe tell mom and dad to take a week off of work and work on the issue if they want to keep their spot.
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Rockgirl 10:24 AM 04-05-2019
If mom brings it up again that he only does that on daycare days, I’d have a hard time not saying, “Well, clearly I’m the problem. Here’s your two weeks’ notice. Would you like a list of nearby daycare providers?”
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coloradoprovider 01:36 PM 04-05-2019
Originally Posted by Rockgirl:
If mom brings it up again that he only does that on daycare days, I’d have a hard time not saying, “Well, clearly I’m the problem. Here’s your two weeks’ notice. Would you like a list of nearby daycare providers?”
Ha! Clearly outline what safe sleep consists of. Ask parents if they want to work together with you to solve this issue. Their answer will guide your next steps. If they say "yes" then have a list of non-negotiables: sleep in safe sleep environment only, consistent bedtime, etc. At 11 months of age, the child is too old to have inconsistent sleeping times. It WILL be a struggle to implement consistency, but the payoff will be worth it (stress that point). If parents aren't on board with your suggestions (you are the expert!), then the suggestion quoted above is great.
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AmyKidsCo 01:28 PM 04-08-2019
Are you licensed? Our licensing rules state that children under 1 must be kept on their own schedules, so I couldn't keep him awake or wake him early even if I wanted to. I think there may be one about not waking children over 12 months too.

It's amazing how many licensing rules I can find to back up my policies.
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Mom2Two 01:38 PM 04-08-2019
Originally Posted by AmyKidsCo:
Are you licensed? Our licensing rules state that children under 1 must be kept on their own schedules, so I couldn't keep him awake or wake him early even if I wanted to. I think there may be one about not waking children over 12 months too.

It's amazing how many licensing rules I can find to back up my policies.
Same.
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lovemykidstoo 05:56 AM 04-09-2019
I have told them several times about how unsafe his sleeping in carseats/swings is. They just take the path of least resistance. Drives me nuts. I think finally they're just putting him in bed since he is too big for those things. So they told me that grandma wakes him up after 2 hours Well, grandma picked up friday and I asked her about that and I told her that mom and dad wanted me to wake up after 2 hours. She said don't you dare, I've told them that he needs his sleep and that I wont' wake him lol. So why do they bs me and think I'm stupid? Yesterday he wasn't feeling good, so I let him sleep about an hour in the morning and then he slept 3 hours in the afternoon. She texted me this morning keeping him home because he's all runny nose etc. He slept from 9 to 5 last night, so I guess it's not me lol
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Tags:burn out, death, enforcing policies - consistency, parent - its a verb, positional asphyxia, positional asphyxiation, safety of children, termination - reasons
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