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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Pending Divorce For DCPs....Need Advice
Unregistered 10:26 AM 09-29-2017
So I have these 2 long term parents/clients and they currently bring both of their kids to my daycare. I have always had a good relationship with both of them. These DCPs have been having marital issues since before the pregnancy of the second child (I don't know why they would have a second child, but I digress). Things have finally escalated and now it looks like they will be separating and eventually divorcing. There has been no abuse or cheating from either of them. They are both just a little weird, flaky and difficult with each other but pretty normal to me.

We are in a VERY high cost of living area. She makes more money than him now, but that wasn't the case before. He was working as a (boots on the ground?) contractor overseas making a lot more money than he is now but she complained all the time about his absence for 2-3 months a pop so she made him quit. He was able to get a job here but for only $36k a year. Here's the reason for that info....

At 36k a year, there's no way he can even really afford a 1 bedroom apartment on his own here plus child support. He is set to return from out of state new job training in 1 month. Due to their current income, they will have to most likely live together in the jointly owned house during the separation. She doesn't want him there even though he is entitled to be there. She's a bit weird, flaky and immature. For example, they got in a mild argument once and she took they kids to a furnished apartment complex, paid the $1200 for one month and then returned home 3 days later of her own accord like nothing happened and wasted $1200.

So now, she's trying to do something similar except its going to directly affect me. She wants to empty their house of everything (while he's at work for training, out of state) and move to her folks house for just a month or two. Her parents are three hours away in the country. Supposedly her job has OKed this, but I have some doubts about that. Of course she does not want to pay for daycare during this time away (even though they can afford it) but then wants to come right on back after 1-2 months of pouting at her parents house. I can tell you the husband will be a lot less likely to pay his half of daycare while she's at her parent house out in the middle of nowhere, working from there all day with the kids.

How exactly should I convey to her that she/they has to pay for the month or two she leaves and if she leaves and doesn't pay, she won't be welcomed back. I also want to express to her that she's risking losing care for her two kids over doing something really emotional and unwise (like she did before with the apartment). She's fairly picky over her DC accommodations so she won't be happy if she has to find a new place.
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sharlan 10:36 AM 09-29-2017
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
So I have these 2 long term parents/clients and they currently bring both of their kids to my daycare. I have always had a good relationship with both of them. These DCPs have been having marital issues since before the pregnancy of the second child (I don't know why they would have a second child, but I digress). Things have finally escalated and now it looks like they will be separating and eventually divorcing. There has been no abuse or cheating from either of them. They are both just a little weird, flaky and difficult with each other but pretty normal to me.

We are in a VERY high cost of living area. She makes more money than him now, but that wasn't the case before. He was working as a (boots on the ground?) contractor overseas making a lot more money than he is now but she complained all the time about his absence for 2-3 months a pop so she made him quit. He was able to get a job here but for only $36k a year. Here's the reason for that info....

At 36k a year, there's no way he can even really afford a 1 bedroom apartment on his own here plus child support. He is set to return from out of state new job training in 1 month. Due to their current income, they will have to most likely live together in the jointly owned house during the separation. She doesn't want him there even though he is entitled to be there. She's a bit weird, flaky and immature. For example, they got in a mild argument once and she took they kids to a furnished apartment complex, paid the $1200 for one month and then returned home 3 days later of her own accord like nothing happened and wasted $1200.

So now, she's trying to do something similar except its going to directly affect me. She wants to empty their house of everything (while he's at work for training, out of state) and move to her folks house for just a month or two. Her parents are three hours away in the country. Supposedly her job has OKed this, but I have some doubts about that. Of course she does not want to pay for daycare during this time away (even though they can afford it) but then wants to come right on back after 1-2 months of pouting at her parents house. I can tell you the husband will be a lot less likely to pay his half of daycare while she's at her parent house out in the middle of nowhere, working from there all day with the kids.

How exactly should I convey to her that she/they has to pay for the month or two she leaves and if she leaves and doesn't pay, she won't be welcomed back. I also want to express to her that she's risking losing care for her two kids over doing something really emotional and unwise (like she did before with the apartment). She's fairly picky over her DC accommodations so she won't be happy if she has to find a new place.


That's not your problem.

I tell parents that when they leave, that's it. Their space is gone. There is no way I would hold a spot for a month or two without pay. She either pays for her spot or she loses it.
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Unregistered 10:40 AM 09-29-2017
Originally Posted by sharlan:
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That's not your problem.

I tell parents that when they leave, that's it. Their space is gone. There is no way I would hold a spot for a month or two without pay. She either pays for her spot or she loses it.
Yeah...I bet she's doubting how quickly I can fill two spots and thinks that they will be open by the time she comes back. So of course I'd let her come back rather than have them empty.
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laundrymom 10:42 AM 09-29-2017
"As much as I enjoy having your kids here, I understand your position and will respect your decision if you need to pull them. In this economy I am not able to hold two spots without tuition. It's really unfair to ask me to"
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daycarediva 10:45 AM 09-29-2017
I would tell her that her choices cannot affect your income, and that while you love her children you WILL NOT accept them back into care should she return and want to re enroll, even if the spaces are available. That you need steady, reliable income to be able to pay your own bills and child care overhead.

NO WAY would I allow anyone to do this to me and accept them back.

SO, she would either continue to pay for their spaces or withdraw them from care KNOWING up front they could not return.

I would advertise NOW, too.
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rosieteddy 10:46 AM 09-29-2017
I would just tell her no.No you can not save spots.If you can not fill spots I would let her come back but rates would increase.She should pay for the spots regardless of attendance.
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Unregistered 11:01 AM 09-29-2017
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
I would tell her that her choices cannot affect your income, and that while you love her children you WILL NOT accept them back into care should she return and want to re enroll, even if the spaces are available. That you need steady, reliable income to be able to pay your own bills and child care overhead.

NO WAY would I allow anyone to do this to me and accept them back.

SO, she would either continue to pay for their spaces or withdraw them from care KNOWING up front they could not return.

I would advertise NOW, too.
I like this a lot. It expresses what I was thinking. Why should I suffer because she wants to be bratty and go on a bender for a month or two?
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Ariana 11:03 AM 09-29-2017
He won't need to pay child support if he has 50/50 custody and if she makes more she will have to pay him alimony.

Just wanted to throw that out there. They need a mediator and fast. This will not end well for her.
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Cat Herder 11:11 AM 09-29-2017
Like Ariana said he won't necessarily have to pay child support if he files quick, gets back in his home until divorce is final and requests a 50/50 parenting time arrangement before settling finances.

The higher income earner is typically the payor of child support. Sex has no bearing in that.
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Unregistered 11:16 AM 09-29-2017
Originally Posted by Ariana:
He won't need to pay child support if he has 50/50 custody and if she makes more she will have to pay him alimony.

Just wanted to throw that out there. They need a mediator and fast. This will not end well for her.
They don't have anything worked out formally yet. They both have lawyers so a separation agreement should be forthcoming. He used to make 6 figures as a contractor so not sure he could get alimony. No abuse, no cheating, just a lot of resentment from both of them (they both tell me quite a bit at pick up).
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Cat Herder 11:28 AM 09-29-2017
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
They don't have anything worked out formally yet. They both have lawyers so a separation agreement should be forthcoming. He used to make 6 figures as a contractor so not sure he could get alimony. No abuse, no cheating, just a lot of resentment from both of them (they both tell me quite a bit at pick up).
That wont matter. "He left his job to save the marriage" is what a lawyer will say, "at her request". They will go by what he earns, now. SAHM's do it all the time.

You need to stop them both from telling you anything further other than about the kids. Daycare business only or things are going to get ugly at your house.
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midaycare 12:14 PM 09-29-2017
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
That wont matter. "He left his job to save the marriage" is what a lawyer will say, "at her request". They will go by what he earns, now. SAHM's do it all the time.

You need to stop them both from telling you anything further other than about the kids. Daycare business only or things are going to get ugly at your house.

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Max 01:44 PM 09-29-2017
I think most (if not all) of the DCP's personal info isn't of importance (IMO). I agree with PP to have them leave you out of things.

She wants to have her spot held without paying and you don't want to lose the income. I agree with others to let her know she has to pay or you can't guarantee the spots will be available when she gets back. Send reminders to both parents. Avoid communicating with one parent unless you all come to an agreement that one parent will handle daycare. Remind them of your policies for withdrawing. If they abide by all of them, then I see no reason for not allowing them back if the spaces are still available and you want to fill them (provided their aren't other issues with these parents that negatively effect your daycare).

It's a business, people come and go and as long as policies are followed, I'd allow back. But I'd also be trying to fill it as soon as they give notice
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Unregistered 09:41 AM 09-30-2017
I've told them both I don't want to be in the middle of their stuff so that has already been taken care of.

If she leaves, I'm not going to allow her to come back even if the spots are not filled. If she's willing to make my business suffer for her whim why would I allow her back? Chances are she will repeat the same behavior in the near future.
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midaycare 03:02 PM 09-30-2017
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I've told them both I don't want to be in the middle of their stuff so that has already been taken care of.

If she leaves, I'm not going to allow her to come back even if the spots are not filled. If she's willing to make my business suffer for her whim why would I allow her back? Chances are she will repeat the same behavior in the near future.
Yes! That's the perfect way to look at this.
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Max 03:05 PM 09-30-2017
If she follows your withdrawal procedures, then how is your business suffering?
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MarinaVanessa 07:07 PM 09-30-2017
Originally Posted by Max:
If she follows your withdrawal procedures, then how is your business suffering?
I think at this point it's more of the point that DCM can potentially do this again in a whim in the future. Taking the effort to advertise and interview replacements also takes time, time that could be spent focusing on other aspects of our business or spending time with our families to prevent burn out.

The frustration alone from having this DCM abruptly decide to leave and expect to be able to come back and be received with open arms after not paying that time would also show she's not a stable client. DCM is looking out for her own personal benefit first and she's entitled to that. We as providers are also entitled to look out for our own financial well being.
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midaycare 10:47 AM 10-01-2017
Originally Posted by Max:
If she follows your withdrawal procedures, then how is your business suffering?
Dcg wanted to leave, not pay, then come back a few months later.
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Ariana 02:37 PM 10-01-2017
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
That wont matter. "He left his job to save the marriage" is what a lawyer will say, "at her request". They will go by what he earns, now. SAHM's do it all the time.

You need to stop them both from telling you anything further other than about the kids. Daycare business only or things are going to get ugly at your house.
Yes! Many people *think* courts are biased against men but men are usually the ones who make the most money and men get 50/50 rights to their children if they want it and there has been no abuse etc. Many men forfeit their rights to the children. A friend of mine went through this and she had to pay alimony to her pothead ex husband and share custody.
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Max 06:31 PM 10-01-2017
Originally Posted by midaycare:
Dcg wanted to leave, not pay, then come back a few months later.
I know but if DCM follows withdrawal policies (gives proper notice, pays all fees on time, etc.), I don't see how any harm is being done. I mean, of course you'd want to advertise to fill her spot as soon as she gives notice (not hold it for her).

Originally Posted by MarinaVanessa:
I think at this point it's more of the point that DCM can potentially do this again in a whim in the future. Taking the effort to advertise and interview replacements also takes time, time that could be spent focusing on other aspects of our business or spending time with our families to prevent burn out.

The frustration alone from having this DCM abruptly decide to leave and expect to be able to come back and be received with open arms after not paying that time would also show she's not a stable client. DCM is looking out for her own personal benefit first and she's entitled to that. We as providers are also entitled to look out for our own financial well being.
But if she's following withdrawal procedures then it's not abrupt or on a whim. It's either not an abrupt termination or OP needs to change her withdrawal notice policy so it's a timeframe she's happy with.

DCPs always ask/expect for things like this - 1 wk for a vacation, 1 month cause grandma is in town and can watch DCK, etc. - and need to be told/reminded that spots aren't held for free. I think OP planned to explain this to DCM (I believe that's what the post was asking for help with, can't view it as I type this). Depending on how DCM reacts (if she gets upset) THEN I could see not allowing back even if she follows OP's policies.

But if DCM responds politely that she understands, chooses to withdraw anyways (and follows all policies!), OP can't fill spot, and DCM wants to come back... I honestly can't see the harm. Business is business. If anything, OP doesn't have to worry about DCM Being an unstable client because she gave proper notice before and is likely to do so again.

Again this is ALL assuming DCM withdraws and gives proper notice, pays all fees, etc...
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midaycare 08:29 PM 10-01-2017
Originally Posted by Max:
I know but if DCM follows withdrawal policies (gives proper notice, pays all fees on time, etc.), I don't see how any harm is being done. I mean, of course you'd want to advertise to fill her spot as soon as she gives notice (not hold it for her).



But if she's following withdrawal procedures then it's not abrupt or on a whim. It's either not an abrupt termination or OP needs to change her withdrawal notice policy so it's a timeframe she's happy with.

DCPs always ask/expect for things like this - 1 wk for a vacation, 1 month cause grandma is in town and can watch DCK, etc. - and need to be told/reminded that spots aren't held for free. I think OP planned to explain this to DCM (I believe that's what the post was asking for help with, can't view it as I type this). Depending on how DCM reacts (if she gets upset) THEN I could see not allowing back even if she follows OP's policies.

But if DCM responds politely that she understands, chooses to withdraw anyways (and follows all policies!), OP can't fill spot, and DCM wants to come back... I honestly can't see the harm. Business is business. If anything, OP doesn't have to worry about DCM Being an unstable client because she gave proper notice before and is likely to do so again.

Again this is ALL assuming DCM withdraws and gives proper notice, pays all fees, etc...
No way would I want that hot mess back! OP can certainly do what she wants, but it sounds like dcm has a history of picking up and leaving, even for just a few days.

It's not harming her if she follows the procedures. Even if the spots are not filled after dcms hissy fit, I would not let her back because my I need consistent income.
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Unregistered 05:06 AM 10-02-2017
Originally Posted by MarinaVanessa:
I think at this point it's more of the point that DCM can potentially do this again in a whim in the future. Taking the effort to advertise and interview replacements also takes time, time that could be spent focusing on other aspects of our business or spending time with our families to prevent burn out.

The frustration alone from having this DCM abruptly decide to leave and expect to be able to come back and be received with open arms after not paying that time would also show she's not a stable client. DCM is looking out for her own personal benefit first and she's entitled to that. We as providers are also entitled to look out for our own financial well being.
This exactly!

I require a month notice and she hasn't given it. She told me she was planning on doing what I described above, but that was several weeks ago and she hasn't confirmed that's what's happening for sure.

I have since told her that I have someone lined up to take her 2 spots (I don't). If she leaves, the spots will be filled and when the tantrum is over and she return to town she wont have care here. I guess that takes the pressure off of me trying to find a nice way to explain to her that she's making a poor decision. Sh'e also started coming late for pick up and pulling some other stuff. I'll never understand why parents think we have to make allowances for their divorce. They need to realize that they are going to have to use a lot of their sick and vacation days to now get personal stuff done. Not show up 40 minutes late for pickup because you were at the dentist at your pickup time.

Fun times...
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Unregistered 05:11 AM 10-02-2017
I forgot to specify...she wants to leave for 2 months, not pay AND doesn't want to lose her spots. I've told he that I'm going to fill the spots if she leaves and now she wants me to "work with her" on the payment amounts while she's away. BTW, nothing is changing for them financially.
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Ariana 06:09 AM 10-02-2017
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I forgot to specify...she wants to leave for 2 months, not pay AND doesn't want to lose her spots. I've told he that I'm going to fill the spots if she leaves and now she wants me to "work with her" on the payment amounts while she's away. BTW, nothing is changing for them financially.
Of course she does! I am beginning to understand why she is divorcing. Wants her cake and to eat it too!

Sorry mom that will not work for me. The arrangement will be full payment while away or you forfeit your spots. Let me know what you have decided.

Or

Hi dcm, it seems that we are not seeing eye to eye on this situation, and since my policies are non negotiable I have decided that effective immediately I will be terminating care for X. I wish you all the best.
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Blackcat31 08:51 AM 10-02-2017
Seems like a simple issue...

Withdraw from care according to policy and that's that.

I wouldn't allow her to come back.
I wouldn't be willing to re-enroll for any reason.

I would stay out of all the other stuff....
As Max said, none of it has anything to do with your business.
If DCM chooses to leave, she leaves.

Whether or not you choose to re-enroll or not is completely up to you.
Re-enrolling for me says that I want to continue being a player in her weird game.

I feel for dad but like I said, none of any of that would be my concern.
I don't allow parents to tell me that kind of stuff. For this very reason.
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Blackcat31 08:54 AM 10-02-2017
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I forgot to specify...she wants to leave for 2 months, not pay AND doesn't want to lose her spots. I've told he that I'm going to fill the spots if she leaves and now she wants me to "work with her" on the payment amounts while she's away. BTW, nothing is changing for them financially.
DCM

Please submit your notice of withdrawal (WITH final payment...if you don't already have a deposit on hand). Please be advised that should you withdraw your children from care, re-enrollment will not be a option.

Sincerely

Daycare Provider


I wouldn't be willing to make payments for her time off and I wouldn't be willing to discuss the situation any farther.

I'd continue to tell her to follow your withdrawal policies if she plans on leaving. Rinse and repeat.
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