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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>I Should Have Termed A Long Time Ago :(
williams2008 10:08 AM 01-31-2013
I have twins that are now 20 months old. I first started to care for them when they were 5 months. Today has made me realize that when I started to term them a few months after they started, I should have! They didn't do anything but scream then and that is all they do now, I literally hate to see them pull up in the driveway. Crying I can deal with, but these boys have a very high pitch scream that will give you a headache the entire day.
Anyway I hope everyone else day and week has been going great!
Anyway I hope everyone else day and week has been going great!
EAP 10:11 AM 01-31-2013
Sorry you are having that day 
dreading their arrival is a sure sign to let them go - not worth it.
dreading their arrival is a sure sign to let them go - not worth it.
EntropyControlSpecialist 10:56 AM 01-31-2013
Can you replace them?
williams2008 11:06 AM 01-31-2013
Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist:
Can you replace them?
Yes I can, I've had at least 6 calls this week. I'm kind of stuck on what I will tell the parents my reason for terming them is. They are here from 6a-6p every single day, the parents used to keep them on their days off and that kind of made seeing them a little more bearable. Can you replace them?
I thought about telling them that my hours are changing, wyt???
williams2008 11:07 AM 01-31-2013
Originally Posted by EAP:
Sorry you are having that day dreading their arrival is a sure sign to let them go - not worth it.
The sad part about it is that I know it's not worth it, but have continue to let it drive me nuts.Sorry you are having that day
dreading their arrival is a sure sign to let them go - not worth it.
Unregistered 11:08 AM 01-31-2013
I had ONE that did that, so couldn't even imagine TWO...seemed every day I wrote a text to mom to let her know I could no longer care for him, but didn't have the guts to send it because I loved the family so much.
He never slept...just screamed. He never played...just screamed. followed me all over...and screamed. Couldn't get out of his sight...he'd scream.
Finally after 9 months (I had him from 9 months till he was 18 months), his mom said she was going to take him some place closer and I SCREAMED for joy. 3 days later, she called to see if I could take him back....NOPE!!!!
It doesn't get any better, as I'd hoped it would. There were just different phases of screaming he went through. And the entire daycare is so much more relaxed and at peace without him here. I'm SOOOOOOO much less stressed.
IT'S NOT WORTH IT!!!!!!
He never slept...just screamed. He never played...just screamed. followed me all over...and screamed. Couldn't get out of his sight...he'd scream.
Finally after 9 months (I had him from 9 months till he was 18 months), his mom said she was going to take him some place closer and I SCREAMED for joy. 3 days later, she called to see if I could take him back....NOPE!!!!
It doesn't get any better, as I'd hoped it would. There were just different phases of screaming he went through. And the entire daycare is so much more relaxed and at peace without him here. I'm SOOOOOOO much less stressed.
IT'S NOT WORTH IT!!!!!!
Play Care 11:16 AM 01-31-2013
I would tell them that while you have loved providing care for the children, you are no longer able to meet their needs and will be ending the care arrangment as of X date. You can even include the number for your child care resource and referral agency if you want. I'm sure the parents know the kids scream all the time (which is probably when they stopped keeping them home on days off lol)
I am comfortable with a fib (I loved caring for your kids ) but an outright lie (changing your hours) is something I am not comfortable with. What if they call you on it? Say they can change their hours? Then you are stuck. I always find that I always get caught in a lie, but fibs are harder to prove
Good luck!
I am comfortable with a fib (I loved caring for your kids
) but an outright lie (changing your hours) is something I am not comfortable with. What if they call you on it? Say they can change their hours? Then you are stuck. I always find that I always get caught in a lie, but fibs are harder to proveGood luck!
williams2008 11:21 AM 01-31-2013
Originally Posted by Play Care:
I would tell them that while you have loved providing care for the children, you are no longer able to meet their needs and will be ending the care arrangment as of X date. You can even include the number for your child care resource and referral agency if you want. I'm sure the parents know the kids scream all the time (which is probably when they stopped keeping them home on days off lol)
I am comfortable with a fib (I loved caring for your kids ) but an outright lie (changing your hours) is something I am not comfortable with. What if they call you on it? Say they can change their hours? Then you are stuck. I always find that I always get caught in a lie, but fibs are harder to prove
Good luck!
Thanks for the advice and I'm pretty sure that is why they stopped keeping them on their days off. I really would change my opening time. They are the only two that comes at 6.I would tell them that while you have loved providing care for the children, you are no longer able to meet their needs and will be ending the care arrangment as of X date. You can even include the number for your child care resource and referral agency if you want. I'm sure the parents know the kids scream all the time (which is probably when they stopped keeping them home on days off lol)
I am comfortable with a fib (I loved caring for your kids
) but an outright lie (changing your hours) is something I am not comfortable with. What if they call you on it? Say they can change their hours? Then you are stuck. I always find that I always get caught in a lie, but fibs are harder to proveGood luck!
williams2008 11:26 AM 01-31-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I had ONE that did that, so couldn't even imagine TWO...seemed every day I wrote a text to mom to let her know I could no longer care for him, but didn't have the guts to send it because I loved the family so much.
He never slept...just screamed. He never played...just screamed. followed me all over...and screamed. Couldn't get out of his sight...he'd scream.
Finally after 9 months (I had him from 9 months till he was 18 months), his mom said she was going to take him some place closer and I SCREAMED for joy. 3 days later, she called to see if I could take him back....NOPE!!!!
It doesn't get any better, as I'd hoped it would. There were just different phases of screaming he went through. And the entire daycare is so much more relaxed and at peace without him here. I'm SOOOOOOO much less stressed.
IT'S NOT WORTH IT!!!!!!
I can surely relate to this! I have written countless term notes and put them in the trash..lol. Since the parents have stop keeping them on their off days, everyday for me has been a nightmareI had ONE that did that, so couldn't even imagine TWO...seemed every day I wrote a text to mom to let her know I could no longer care for him, but didn't have the guts to send it because I loved the family so much.
He never slept...just screamed. He never played...just screamed. followed me all over...and screamed. Couldn't get out of his sight...he'd scream.
Finally after 9 months (I had him from 9 months till he was 18 months), his mom said she was going to take him some place closer and I SCREAMED for joy. 3 days later, she called to see if I could take him back....NOPE!!!!
It doesn't get any better, as I'd hoped it would. There were just different phases of screaming he went through. And the entire daycare is so much more relaxed and at peace without him here. I'm SOOOOOOO much less stressed.
IT'S NOT WORTH IT!!!!!!
Parents can hear them outside coming to drop their kids off, and if they didn't know any better they would think I was in here harming them.
coolconfidentme 11:32 AM 01-31-2013
I have one baby & feel so blessed! He is 3 months old & a real joy. He loves watching the others play & he is the little mascot they can't touch. I do have a 3 yr old DCB who whines like a baby from time to time, lol.
williams2008 11:42 AM 01-31-2013
Originally Posted by coolconfidentme:
I have one baby & feel so blessed! He is 3 months old & a real joy. He loves watching the others play & he is the little mascot they can't touch. I do have a 3 yr old DCB who whines like a baby from time to time, lol.
You are soooo lucky to have a good baby!! Since I have been keeping the twins, I no longer keep babies anymore! Yep they taught me a lesson....I have one baby & feel so blessed! He is 3 months old & a real joy. He loves watching the others play & he is the little mascot they can't touch. I do have a 3 yr old DCB who whines like a baby from time to time, lol.
Heidi 12:12 PM 01-31-2013
How about if you just cut back your hours for real, then? 6-6 is such a long day!
If you didn't have these two, what would your hours be?
I don't think it's a coincidence that these kiddos are in DC 12 hours a day, 5 days a week, and they are already having behavior issues at 20 months.
Be prepared though, if you say you are cutting your hours, and the parents say "oh, no problem, we'll just do xx and xx to make that work". Then what?
Then you'll have to say..."well....I really didn't want to have to say this, but as much as I love these 2 rugrats, I think they are honestly just too much for me"
?????
If you didn't have these two, what would your hours be?
I don't think it's a coincidence that these kiddos are in DC 12 hours a day, 5 days a week, and they are already having behavior issues at 20 months.
Be prepared though, if you say you are cutting your hours, and the parents say "oh, no problem, we'll just do xx and xx to make that work". Then what?
Then you'll have to say..."well....I really didn't want to have to say this, but as much as I love these 2 rugrats, I think they are honestly just too much for me"
?????
williams2008 12:21 PM 01-31-2013
Originally Posted by Heidi:
How about if you just cut back your hours for real, then? 6-6 is such a long day!
If you didn't have these two, what would your hours be?
I don't think it's a coincidence that these kiddos are in DC 12 hours a day, 5 days a week, and they are already having behavior issues at 20 months.
Be prepared though, if you say you are cutting your hours, and the parents say "oh, no problem, we'll just do xx and xx to make that work". Then what?
Then you'll have to say..."well....I really didn't want to have to say this, but as much as I love these 2 rugrats, I think they are honestly just too much for me"
?????
I really would change my hours. The twins I'm wanting to term are the only two that are here at 6am..... The rest of my kids don't show up until 7:30. I was thinking I could change my hours to 7:30-6:00, I would rather do 7:30-5:30 but I have 2 other kids that are here til 6p. Both parents work at the same job and work the same hours. The only option they have in changing their schedule is to work 6p-6a and I don't work those hours, or keep them themselves since they have different off daysHow about if you just cut back your hours for real, then? 6-6 is such a long day!
If you didn't have these two, what would your hours be?
I don't think it's a coincidence that these kiddos are in DC 12 hours a day, 5 days a week, and they are already having behavior issues at 20 months.
Be prepared though, if you say you are cutting your hours, and the parents say "oh, no problem, we'll just do xx and xx to make that work". Then what?
Then you'll have to say..."well....I really didn't want to have to say this, but as much as I love these 2 rugrats, I think they are honestly just too much for me"
?????
cheerfuldom 12:36 PM 01-31-2013
12 hour days are just insane. please stop doing this to yourself and let these twins go.
for me, its against my values as a parent to provide care for so long for other kids of any age. I just dont feel it is appropriate for children to be away from both parents for all of their waking hours. now is the time to just change your hours for yourself and for these kids. maybe the parents will find someone else to do 12 hour days but at least it wont be you.
for me, its against my values as a parent to provide care for so long for other kids of any age. I just dont feel it is appropriate for children to be away from both parents for all of their waking hours. now is the time to just change your hours for yourself and for these kids. maybe the parents will find someone else to do 12 hour days but at least it wont be you.
kitykids3 12:53 PM 01-31-2013
Yeah, I wouldn't tell a lie about my hours changing. They'd probably find some way around it. Just tell them you can no longer meet their needs.
williams2008 02:25 PM 01-31-2013
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
12 hour days are just insane. please stop doing this to yourself and let these twins go.
for me, its against my values as a parent to provide care for so long for other kids of any age. I just dont feel it is appropriate for children to be away from both parents for all of their waking hours. now is the time to just change your hours for yourself and for these kids. maybe the parents will find someone else to do 12 hour days but at least it wont be you.
I really want to stop doing 12 hours so bad, I'm just worn out by the end of the week. If I did change my hours I will still need to stay open until 6 becasue I have 2 other dck's that is here until then. I can afford to lose the twins, but I definitely can not afford to lose a total of 4 kids.12 hour days are just insane. please stop doing this to yourself and let these twins go.
for me, its against my values as a parent to provide care for so long for other kids of any age. I just dont feel it is appropriate for children to be away from both parents for all of their waking hours. now is the time to just change your hours for yourself and for these kids. maybe the parents will find someone else to do 12 hour days but at least it wont be you.
williams2008 02:27 PM 01-31-2013
Originally Posted by kitykids3:
Yeah, I wouldn't tell a lie about my hours changing. They'd probably find some way around it. Just tell them you can no longer meet their needs.
What if they ask, "What needs can I not meet"??? I have had them since they were 5 months old and now they are 20 months.Yeah, I wouldn't tell a lie about my hours changing. They'd probably find some way around it. Just tell them you can no longer meet their needs.
Heidi 03:34 PM 01-31-2013
Originally Posted by williams2008:
What if they ask, "What needs can I not meet"??? I have had them since they were 5 months old and now they are 20 months.
I think that this is just a pretty way to take the blame. I would be a little more direct. After long and hard consideration, you've decided that you need to cut back hours and children. You love their little guys, but at this point, you've come to realize that's it's just a little too much with the twins in the group. What if they ask, "What needs can I not meet"??? I have had them since they were 5 months old and now they are 20 months.
You might suggest that they find a place where the twins are part of a larger group of age mates (like a center), so that they can get some experience in a different dynamic.
The same thing that makes family childcare great-one caregiver with a small group-is what makes it especially challenging with sibling groups, especially twins. The children being in a classroom that has a larger group and two teachers (or two seperate classrooms) "dilutes" the dynamics a bit and gives the twins a chance to learn other choices.
I got a real lesson in this last year when 4/5 of my dc kids where from one family, and the youngest were a set of twins! A lot of the behaviors that you are describing is what I was seeing, too. I ended up terminating, mostly because the younger children were copying the older two's tantrums, hitting, etc. I just couldn't imagine 4 more years of that!
williams2008 04:05 PM 01-31-2013
Originally Posted by Heidi:
I think that this is just a pretty way to take the blame. I would be a little more direct. After long and hard consideration, you've decided that you need to cut back hours and children. You love their little guys, but at this point, you've come to realize that's it's just a little too much with the twins in the group.
You might suggest that they find a place where the twins are part of a larger group of age mates (like a center), so that they can get some experience in a different dynamic.
The same thing that makes family childcare great-one caregiver with a small group-is what makes it especially challenging with sibling groups, especially twins. The children being in a classroom that has a larger group and two teachers (or two seperate classrooms) "dilutes" the dynamics a bit and gives the twins a chance to learn other choices.
I got a real lesson in this last year when 4/5 of my dc kids where from one family, and the youngest were a set of twins! A lot of the behaviors that you are describing is what I was seeing, too. I ended up terminating, mostly because the younger children were copying the older two's tantrums, hitting, etc. I just couldn't imagine 4 more years of that!
I think being direct as you stated is the best approach. They know it's to much for me, the mom always says " I don't see how you do it". They live at least 40 minutes from here and she said one of them screams the entire way home. I thought they would have grown out of the screaming by nowI think that this is just a pretty way to take the blame. I would be a little more direct. After long and hard consideration, you've decided that you need to cut back hours and children. You love their little guys, but at this point, you've come to realize that's it's just a little too much with the twins in the group.
You might suggest that they find a place where the twins are part of a larger group of age mates (like a center), so that they can get some experience in a different dynamic.
The same thing that makes family childcare great-one caregiver with a small group-is what makes it especially challenging with sibling groups, especially twins. The children being in a classroom that has a larger group and two teachers (or two seperate classrooms) "dilutes" the dynamics a bit and gives the twins a chance to learn other choices.
I got a real lesson in this last year when 4/5 of my dc kids where from one family, and the youngest were a set of twins! A lot of the behaviors that you are describing is what I was seeing, too. I ended up terminating, mostly because the younger children were copying the older two's tantrums, hitting, etc. I just couldn't imagine 4 more years of that!
Heidi 04:11 PM 01-31-2013
Originally Posted by williams2008:
I think being direct as you stated is the best approach. They know it's to much for me, the mom always says " I don't see how you do it". They live at least 40 minutes from here and she said one of them screams the entire way home. I thought they would have grown out of the screaming by now
Then that's another thing to add to your argument, if you need it. The long ride is obviously hard on the kid.I think being direct as you stated is the best approach. They know it's to much for me, the mom always says " I don't see how you do it". They live at least 40 minutes from here and she said one of them screams the entire way home. I thought they would have grown out of the screaming by now
I am doing the math here: 12 hours at daycare, then 2 40-minute rides each day. Uhhhh!
What a life for a little kid!Be honest with them. Tell them that it's really hard to say this, but it IS too much for you, and honestly, you think it's too hard for the boys. I'd be blunt enough to say that maybe mom and dad need to sit down and figure out how they can be with them more. Honestly, they must all be exhausted. Now I feel just awful for the whole lot of 'em.
williams2008 04:17 PM 01-31-2013
Originally Posted by Heidi:
Then that's another thing to add to your argument, if you need it. The long ride is obviously hard on the kid.
I am doing the math here: 12 hours at daycare, then 2 40-minute rides each day. Uhhhh! What a life for a little kid!
Be honest with them. Tell them that it's really hard to say this, but it IS too much for you, and honestly, you think it's too hard for the boys. I'd be blunt enough to say that maybe mom and dad need to sit down and figure out how they can be with them more. Honestly, they must all be exhausted. Now I feel just awful for the whole lot of 'em.
I think that may be the reason I have been holding on because they never get to see their parents. Now even on the parents off days, they go in and work overtime. I think it's so sad that they rather work then spend time with their kids.Then that's another thing to add to your argument, if you need it. The long ride is obviously hard on the kid.
I am doing the math here: 12 hours at daycare, then 2 40-minute rides each day. Uhhhh!
What a life for a little kid!Be honest with them. Tell them that it's really hard to say this, but it IS too much for you, and honestly, you think it's too hard for the boys. I'd be blunt enough to say that maybe mom and dad need to sit down and figure out how they can be with them more. Honestly, they must all be exhausted. Now I feel just awful for the whole lot of 'em.
EntropyControlSpecialist 05:37 PM 01-31-2013
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
12 hour days are just insane. please stop doing this to yourself and let these twins go.
for me, its against my values as a parent to provide care for so long for other kids of any age. I just dont feel it is appropriate for children to be away from both parents for all of their waking hours. now is the time to just change your hours for yourself and for these kids. maybe the parents will find someone else to do 12 hour days but at least it wont be you.
I agree!!! 12 hour days are just insane. please stop doing this to yourself and let these twins go.
for me, its against my values as a parent to provide care for so long for other kids of any age. I just dont feel it is appropriate for children to be away from both parents for all of their waking hours. now is the time to just change your hours for yourself and for these kids. maybe the parents will find someone else to do 12 hour days but at least it wont be you.
I just changed my hours back to 8-5.
williams2008 04:35 AM 02-01-2013
8-5 would be lovely!!!
daycarediva 06:48 AM 02-01-2013
Term them! I had a kid here 6-6 and I changed to a max of 10 hours a day in my program and changed my hours JUST to get rid of ONE family.
AND Change your hours! Goodness, I did 12-14's for over 2 years and I could NOT BELIEVE the difference between opening at 6 and 7:30. It is WONDERFUL.
I am now open from 7:30-6. Some days I am able to close at 5:15! It has made me such a happier person in general.
Those poor boys, honestly 14+ hours a day devoted just to getting ready, going to daycare, being away from their parents, driving home. That's SAD!
AND Change your hours! Goodness, I did 12-14's for over 2 years and I could NOT BELIEVE the difference between opening at 6 and 7:30. It is WONDERFUL.
I am now open from 7:30-6. Some days I am able to close at 5:15! It has made me such a happier person in general.
Those poor boys, honestly 14+ hours a day devoted just to getting ready, going to daycare, being away from their parents, driving home. That's SAD!
Crystal 07:11 AM 02-01-2013
It is your business and your perogative to choose who will be a part of your program. You do not need to make excuses or justify yourself at all.
Frankly, you sound like this has seriously stressed you out and that you are extremely resentful of these children. I think you would be doing everyone a favor, the children, the parents and yourself, by terminating services. The sooner, the better.
Frankly, you sound like this has seriously stressed you out and that you are extremely resentful of these children. I think you would be doing everyone a favor, the children, the parents and yourself, by terminating services. The sooner, the better.
countrymom 07:24 AM 02-01-2013
first change your hours. Notify all the parents.
second term these children. obviously there is a problem at home too because the children are there all the time. Its really not going to get better.
have you complained to the parents before about them and their behavior, if you have then they shouldn't be surprised. Let them know that you can't meet their needs anymore without the other kids suffuring. You have to look at the whole picture, if you didn't have any other kids then it wouldn't be a big deal, but when you have other kids, you need to see how the naughty behavior is effecting the other children.
I termed one because of this, and it was the best thing ever.
second term these children. obviously there is a problem at home too because the children are there all the time. Its really not going to get better.
have you complained to the parents before about them and their behavior, if you have then they shouldn't be surprised. Let them know that you can't meet their needs anymore without the other kids suffuring. You have to look at the whole picture, if you didn't have any other kids then it wouldn't be a big deal, but when you have other kids, you need to see how the naughty behavior is effecting the other children.
I termed one because of this, and it was the best thing ever.