Daycare.com Forum

Go Back   Daycare.com Forum > Main Category > Daycare Center and Family Home Forum

Daycare Center and Family Home Forum Daycare Center and Family Home owners, Directors, Operators and Assistants should post and ask questions here.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 09-08-2014, 04:25 PM
Unregistered
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Can't Work With Special Needs Kids

I am a member, but logged out for privacy because of the nature of this topic.

I feel bad about this, and I have tried numerous times to work with them, but I just don't have the patience for special needs kids or children who are slow minded. I keep trying to make myself work with them. But I just don't have the patience for them. I feel like I am wasting my time trying to teach them. It takes months for them to learn something that a typical child can learn in a week. I have to repeat myself 10 times with a simple command, such as, 'sit in the chair.' and they still don't comprehend me or willingly do what I tell them to. Meanwhile, the 'typical' children have sat down minutes ago and are getting impatient waiting for the special needs kid. I just feel bad that I don't have the patience for them.

Then I tell myself that I shouldn't feel bad and that I shouldn't keep trying to force myself to work with them. There are different types of teachers such as special needs teachers, preschool teachers, elementary school teachers, middle school teachers, high school teachers, and college professors. I don't think college professors would have the patience to work with kindergartners, so why don't I think it's okay for me not to work with special needs kids? In the childcare world, there are teachers who only work with infants and could not handle working with the school agers. There are 4 year old teachers who could not handle working with the infants.

So, why do I, a home daycare provider think I am supposed to be able to work with all ages including special needs kids? And why do I feel like a horrible person because I can't handle working with special needs kids?

I love working with ages 3-5 who are more along the gifted and talented level. I get a kick out of teaching them and seeing them get excited when they learn a new concept. I put a lot of time and energy into my daycare and my kids to provide a really good preschool educational program. I feel proud of myself, my company, and my daycare children when I am working with a more able-minded group. But if you put one special needs child in the group, I lose all sense of purpose because that one child slows the entire program down and I wind up frustrated all day, every day. Then I feel like a horrible person.

I guess I'm trying to get your opinion about the paragraph I wrote regarding the different types of teachers and if you agree that it's okay to not be able to work with every age and type of child or if you think that something's wrong with me for not having patience with slower-minded children. Does that make me heart-less, a horrible person, etc. Or is it just that I, like a college professor who knows they couldn't work with kindergartners, have simply learned what type of children I can work with?
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 09-08-2014, 04:50 PM
Mom o Col's Avatar
Mom o Col Mom o Col is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 127
Default

I think you hit the nail on the head: each of us, not just child care providers, are made to help in our own way and according to our abilities. It's ok that you'd rather teach and care for a certain kind of child. It's a positive thing in my opinion that you realize that about yourself. Similarly, I've recently come to the conclusion that I don't want to care for infants or school age kids any longer. When I do I find I'm less patient with the group as a whole because I'm not enjoying my work. In this case I'm not doing anyone including myself as much good as I know I could and should be. What I'm saying is infants, school agers, gifted, special needs, rich, poor, every kid deserves a provider who at the very least sees his or her potential and wants to bring it out in them. I feel I can best do that in young children. You feel you can best do that in gifted children. The kids with special needs are as full of potential as any other child. If that is not your niche that's ok. Thank God there are people who love to see those kids eyes light up when they learn. If that is not you then by doing what is right for you by not caring for them opens more potential for them to find that teacher or provider who will help them shine as much as they should.

Last edited by Mom o Col; 09-08-2014 at 04:52 PM. Reason: misspelled word
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 09-08-2014, 05:27 PM
Heidi's Avatar
Heidi Heidi is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 6,837
Default

Hey, you are who you are. That's ok! Knowing your strengths and "shortcomings" and accepting that is ok!

It would be worse, IMO, to take on kiddos you just don't have the capacity for and then maybe lose patience or treat them badly. Not that you would, but sometimes people just can't say "not a good fit" and then have problems.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 09-08-2014, 05:42 PM
NightOwl's Avatar
NightOwl NightOwl is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Alabama
Posts: 2,716
Default

You recognize the limits on your patience and what pushes your buttons.

Imho, full inclusion is not always the best thing. As the mom of two gifted children, I saw the effects of full inclusion on them and these effects were mostly negative. But God forbid I speak up, then I'm a horrible person who doesn't like disabled children. That's the farthest from the truth since I never, EVER rule out a new enrollment based on ability. I take them on an individual basis after deciding if i can meet their needs and if they will fit well into my program.

So no, you are not a horrible person. You know which age group you like best and mesh with best. I don't feel the same way about disabled or slow to learn children, but I respect the way you feel and how you choose the children you enroll.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 09-08-2014, 07:11 PM
Sunchimes's Avatar
Sunchimes Sunchimes is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,795
Default

There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling that way. My child of choice would be a 2-4 yo smart girl. I have always been a teacher, started at the high school level, and keeps dropping. ;-) I loved teaching the little one who just headed off to pre-k. It was a joy seeing her learn and made my job worthwhile.

Then, her baby brother turned out to have some issues, and this was my introduction to special needs. I didn't choose to do it, I just couldn't term him-I loved him. I'd had him since he was 6 weeks old. If I'd been asked if I wanted to do it, I probably would have said, 'Not really". But, I wasn't asked and so I jumped into the ring and started learning about special needs. And, at 60 years old, I found what I was meant to do. Now, I am a special needs daycare-all of my kids are in the ECI program.

Sometimes, for any of the reasons you mentioned, I wish for a room of smart, typical kids. Sometimes, I look longingly at themes and coloring pages and folder games on sequencing. But then, my ASD child will, out of the blue, sit down in the floor and play with a toy appropriately, for the first time ever!!! Or the child with motor issues jumps and both feet clear the floor!! I may not see them "get excited when they learn a new concept", because they don't know how stupendous it was, but I know. And their parents know.

Honestly, I've shed a lot of tears in the 1 1/2 years I've been working with special needs kids, but most of them have been happy tears when I see positive results for something I taught them.

There may come a day when I won't be a special needs provider. When I have an opening, I take the child who needs me. I thought my last space would be taken by a typical child because I couldn't find a special needs to take the spot. But suddenly, out of the blue, here she came. When the oldest goes off to PPCD in a few months, I'll hope for a special child. They may or may not have needs, but I know they will be special either way.

There is room in the teaching profession for all of us. I think you covered it quite well. I can't think of anything I would add to your post.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 09-08-2014, 08:05 PM
Controlled Chaos's Avatar
Controlled Chaos Controlled Chaos is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,128
Default

Don't be too hard on yourself. As others have said, knowing your strengths and your limits is important.

I had a moment today where I got way too frustrated with a slow little boy. I didn't express my frustrations outwardly but my mind was spinning. I felt angry he wouldn't sit in the chair. He is 3 and the 2s were already waiting patiently with the 4s. I had to take some time to think through my reaction this afternoon. For me, I realized I was more angry that I think the reason he is slow is he is essentially malnourished as he eats NO foods with nutritional value and mom isn't working on it. He is not underweight but only eats cracker/bread like things. I am going to make a contract with mom that I won't term if she gets me a drs note with a plan for proceeding with dkb's eating and behavior issues (which again I think stem from having no fuel for his poor developing brain). Sorry for the tangent...my point is figure out what your limit is and then take steps to change your situation if you can't deal. I have decided my limit is I can't care for a high needs child with no parental support. I just don't have it in me right now. My heart breaks for this little boy, but I can't help him without mom's and dr's support.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 09-08-2014, 09:33 PM
NightOwl's Avatar
NightOwl NightOwl is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Alabama
Posts: 2,716
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunchimes View Post
There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling that way. My child of choice would be a 2-4 yo smart girl. I have always been a teacher, started at the high school level, and keeps dropping. ;-) I loved teaching the little one who just headed off to pre-k. It was a joy seeing her learn and made my job worthwhile.

Then, her baby brother turned out to have some issues, and this was my introduction to special needs. I didn't choose to do it, I just couldn't term him-I loved him. I'd had him since he was 6 weeks old. If I'd been asked if I wanted to do it, I probably would have said, 'Not really". But, I wasn't asked and so I jumped into the ring and started learning about special needs. And, at 60 years old, I found what I was meant to do. Now, I am a special needs daycare-all of my kids are in the ECI program.

Sometimes, for any of the reasons you mentioned, I wish for a room of smart, typical kids. Sometimes, I look longingly at themes and coloring pages and folder games on sequencing. But then, my ASD child will, out of the blue, sit down in the floor and play with a toy appropriately, for the first time ever!!! Or the child with motor issues jumps and both feet clear the floor!! I may not see them "get excited when they learn a new concept", because they don't know how stupendous it was, but I know. And their parents know.

Honestly, I've shed a lot of tears in the 1 1/2 years I've been working with special needs kids, but most of them have been happy tears when I see positive results for something I taught them.

There may come a day when I won't be a special needs provider. When I have an opening, I take the child who needs me. I thought my last space would be taken by a typical child because I couldn't find a special needs to take the spot. But suddenly, out of the blue, here she came. When the oldest goes off to PPCD in a few months, I'll hope for a special child. They may or may not have needs, but I know they will be special either way.

There is room in the teaching profession for all of us. I think you covered it quite well. I can't think of anything I would add to your post.
Beautifully said.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 09-08-2014, 10:05 PM
itlw8's Avatar
itlw8 itlw8 is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Missouri
Posts: 2,199
Default

I agree you should probably not be working with them but I do have a HUGE problem with you referring to children as slow minded. Even special needs children wrong the child may have some special needs but is a child first.

You are right some people do not have patience to work with any except the brightest. But the joy is no less when the child they thought may never crawl learns to walk. Or the day he spent all day trying to teach you the sign for Daddy. Who was slow minded ?? I think it was me that day. Do children that are not perfect slow my group down ?? no the others are great about teaching by example. Some times it is OUR program that is the problem not the child. Expecting preschoolers to do worksheets, sit in a chair and listen to the adult teach. All preschoolers learn better by doing not being told.

I am sorry if I offended you but really by signing out you knew it would bother some. Calling a child slow minded is as offensive as it gets.
__________________
It will wait
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 09-09-2014, 04:26 AM
sugar buzz's Avatar
sugar buzz sugar buzz is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Indiana
Posts: 133
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by itlw8 View Post
I agree you should probably not be working with them but I do have a HUGE problem with you referring to children as slow minded. Even special needs children wrong the child may have some special needs but is a child first.

You are right some people do not have patience to work with any except the brightest. But the joy is no less when the child they thought may never crawl learns to walk. Or the day he spent all day trying to teach you the sign for Daddy. Who was slow minded ?? I think it was me that day. Do children that are not perfect slow my group down ?? no the others are great about teaching by example. Some times it is OUR program that is the problem not the child. Expecting preschoolers to do worksheets, sit in a chair and listen to the adult teach. All preschoolers learn better by doing not being told.

I am sorry if I offended you but really by signing out you knew it would bother some. Calling a child slow minded is as offensive as it gets.
I don't think that there's anything wrong at all with knowing and setting your limitations and strengths. My issue was with the word, "slow-minded," too. Not all children with special needs are learning disabled. Many disorders have normal to above average IQ's. (Albert Einstein had special needs and was labeled "dumb.") High ability and giftedness is actually a form of special needs, also. The children who are learning disabled have enough on their plate, without being termed, offensively and generalized. (I don't mean to sound preachy--this is near and dear to my heart. My younger brother has a learning disability and speech impediment and ended up graduating with honors.)
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 09-09-2014, 06:08 AM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 16,628
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by itlw8 View Post
I agree you should probably not be working with them but I do have a HUGE problem with you referring to children as slow minded. Even special needs children wrong the child may have some special needs but is a child first.

You are right some people do not have patience to work with any except the brightest. But the joy is no less when the child they thought may never crawl learns to walk. Or the day he spent all day trying to teach you the sign for Daddy. Who was slow minded ?? I think it was me that day. Do children that are not perfect slow my group down ?? no the others are great about teaching by example. Some times it is OUR program that is the problem not the child. Expecting preschoolers to do worksheets, sit in a chair and listen to the adult teach. All preschoolers learn better by doing not being told.

I am sorry if I offended you but really by signing out you knew it would bother some. Calling a child slow minded is as offensive as it gets.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sugar buzz View Post
I don't think that there's anything wrong at all with knowing and setting your limitations and strengths. My issue was with the word, "slow-minded," too. Not all children with special needs are learning disabled. Many disorders have normal to above average IQ's. (Albert Einstein had special needs and was labeled "dumb.") High ability and giftedness is actually a form of special needs, also. The children who are learning disabled have enough on their plate, without being termed, offensively and generalized. (I don't mean to sound preachy--this is near and dear to my heart. My younger brother has a learning disability and speech impediment and ended up graduating with honors.)
Often times those who aren't familiar with or comfortable with special needs, are also not familiar with or aware of the proper terms. Or what terms and words are offensive.

I know I struggled with this when I first started out as I had no education as far as special needs and had no familiarity with anything to do with different.

I didn't feel she used the term in a hurtful manner but more so as not having a better word/phrase/description to use. kwim?

If there is an issue or some may be offended by the words OP used, perhaps it would be beneficial or useful then to suggest an alternate word.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 09-09-2014, 06:54 AM
Kabob's Avatar
Kabob Kabob is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,105
Default

As others said, there is nothing wrong with knowing your limits.

A friend's mother runs a foster home that only takes in children with special needs. She does this primarily because she got frustrated with the children that didn't have special needs as they usually had too much "family drama" for her liking. So, it can go both ways.

It is a sensitive topic because no one wants their child to be excluded for something they can't control but life is not fair and it also isn't fair to force someone to take their child, with or without special needs, if that child isn't going to fit in with that provider's program. How often on here have we complained about a parent telling us to rub a child's back to go to sleep when other providers say this request is perfectly reasonable? It is what it is and what works for one provider may not work for another.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 09-09-2014, 07:10 AM
sugar buzz's Avatar
sugar buzz sugar buzz is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Indiana
Posts: 133
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Often times those who aren't familiar with or comfortable with special needs, are also not familiar with or aware of the proper terms. Or what terms and words are offensive.

I know I struggled with this when I first started out as I had no education as far as special needs and had no familiarity with anything to do with different.

I didn't feel she used the term in a hurtful manner but more so as not having a better word/phrase/description to use. kwim?

If there is an issue or some may be offended by the words OP used, perhaps it would be beneficial or useful then to suggest an alternate word.
I didn't feel that she was being hurtful either. I was trying to be gentle and non-judgemental. I apologize to the OP, if it didn't come across that way. I used the term "learning disabled" in my post to show an alternative--I apologize if it wasn't clear. Whether intended or not, those terms are very hurtful.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 09-09-2014, 07:44 AM
NeedaVaca's Avatar
NeedaVaca NeedaVaca is online now
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: The Middle
Posts: 2,239
Default

I feel like this is discrimination and I'm not sure exactly how you would go about running a daycare and refusing to care for children with special needs. I do understand what you are trying to say but comparing special needs children and using examples of teachers preferring different age groups (Kindergarten, High School, College, etc) are really different things IMO Each one of those teachers has to include students with special needs.

I also feel like all children learn differently, special needs completely aside. I have a certain number of DCK's and there always seems to be one that can't recognize ABC's or numbers when all the other kids can, they eventually catch up but that sounds like a child you wouldn't want in your care either because they aren't learning fast enough and keeping up with the others in your group.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 09-09-2014, 07:54 AM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 16,628
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by sugar buzz View Post
I didn't feel that she was being hurtful either. I was trying to be gentle and non-judgemental. I apologize to the OP, if it didn't come across that way. I used the term "learning disabled" in my post to show an alternative--I apologize if it wasn't clear. Whether intended or not, those terms are very hurtful.
Thank you for this!

I too, was trying to respectful and not offend but I also know that there were many times early on in my career that I did not know proper or correct terminology and sometimes, even asking people get offended so I just thought I'd mention that.

Again, thank you for taking the time to post again!
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 09-09-2014, 08:04 AM
sugar buzz's Avatar
sugar buzz sugar buzz is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Indiana
Posts: 133
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Thank you for this!

I too, was trying to respectful and not offend but I also know that there were many times early on in my career that I did not know proper or correct terminology and sometimes, even asking people get offended so I just thought I'd mention that.

Again, thank you for taking the time to post again!
It's so darn hard to convey tone in a text. I sound really sweet on the phone.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 09-09-2014, 08:13 AM
TaylorTots's Avatar
TaylorTots TaylorTots is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 576
Default

Taken in your context, I don't think you should feel bad.

I can't work with children over 4 years. I have termed numerous 4 year olds that I had been in my care multiple years. I've tried before/after school agers... and NOPE. I do not have the patience
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 09-09-2014, 08:17 AM
TwinKristi's Avatar
TwinKristi TwinKristi is offline
Family Childcare Provider
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,386
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by NeedaVaca View Post
I feel like this is discrimination and I'm not sure exactly how you would go about running a daycare and refusing to care for children with special needs. I do understand what you are trying to say but comparing special needs children and using examples of teachers preferring different age groups (Kindergarten, High School, College, etc) are really different things IMO Each one of those teachers has to include students with special needs.

I also feel like all children learn differently, special needs completely aside. I have a certain number of DCK's and there always seems to be one that can't recognize ABC's or numbers when all the other kids can, they eventually catch up but that sounds like a child you wouldn't want in your care either because they aren't learning fast enough and keeping up with the others in your group.
Well unfortunately we all deal with discrimination in different settings, but we aren't usually told about it. If someone is not trained, skilled or desires to work with special needs or delayed children, they shouldn't work with them. If I tell a parent I've never worked with a preemie before and I'm worried about a baby getting seriously ill from even the common cold or flu with 5 other children around, that's not discrimination, it's just knowing your capabilities. You can try really hard but can't prevent the spread of the common cold and if a baby needs to have extra care in the prevention of that a nanny may be a better idea. If a child isn't capable of using the toilet at 3.5-4+ yrs old, that may be something some providers just don't have experience in. That's not their fault, it's just reality.
I don't blame this OP for feeling this way at all. I can completely relate. But part of it is control and pride. You have to throw those out the window. I realize with the guy I have here, no amount of singing the ABCs or doing circle time will correct his delays. His crying is often hard to handle and if someone didn't have patience and understanding of his limitations they may get frustrated. Perhaps snap! I read or hear stories on the news about special ed teachers abusing special needs children in classrooms and it really bothers me. Why even go to that field if you cant't handle it? It's not safe.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 09-09-2014, 08:27 AM
KiddieCahoots's Avatar
KiddieCahoots KiddieCahoots is offline
FCC Educator
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Utopia
Posts: 1,351
Default

I completely understand where op is coming from, and feel it really all comes down to the "meshing", or "right fit" of your childcare.
There are some children that very intelligent, excel, and need extra care or attention to occupy them to keep them from getting into inappropriate behaviors.
Same could be said for children with special needs, with needing extra attention to help them learn.
For any child that requires more attention, an assistant could help, but if you are alone, then you have to make the decision that's best for you, your families and children on whether they should be in your childcare.
I feel that the conclusion you've come to, with the understanding of your limits and running your business according to that is a must to keep your business healthy for everybody, and to be able to continually and successfully promote your strengths with the children in your care.
Nothing to feel guilty about.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 09-09-2014, 08:48 AM
Unregistered
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Thank you all. After reading all of your posts, I do think it's good that I know what I am good at and what I am not good at. I think it would benefit a child for me to realize that they are not a good fit for me and actually admit that to the parents. That would allow them to find a daycare that will have more patience with their child and be better at helping that child reach his/her full potential; whether it's because of the child having special needs or being an age that I don't work well with. I take pride that I offer a really good quality daycare, but if I am not performing my best with a particular child, then that child is not receiving quality daycare services.

I didn't mean to offend anyone with the terms 'special needs' or 'slow minded' like someone said in my defense. I honestly don't know any other terms to have used.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 09-09-2014, 08:57 AM
Annalee's Avatar
Annalee Annalee is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 4,155
Default

Dealing with "special needs" or any other child is a provider's choice....we know our limitations. The difference I see is with the law you have different criteria when dealing with turning down enrollment to/termination of a special needs. Licensing helped me draw up a clause to protect me from a discrimination suit. We stated I could not care for a special needs child that required extra staff, materials, etc.. There is a fine line when the laws are involved. I have 2 special needs nephews and I know how frustrating it can be when someone doesn't understand or shows little empathy, but I also know most people do not intend to be hurtful. They just don't know what it is like to be around special needs for long periods of time. I have a large family but there are 3 persons the my bro and his wife will leave their children with if needed....mom, myself and my niece....there is NO ONE else that can or will deal with an 18 year old that acts like a 4 year old and needs meds throughout the day for seizures, etc. The 11 year old is easier but has multiple learning disabilities (can't read) but can put tedious mechanical things together???? He gets a little spastic which makes him hard to deal with. I think he feels threatened by watching others knowing he can't do what they do but he wants to....Just some cards we are dealt and everyone does the best they can with those cards.
Reply With Quote
  #21  
Old 09-09-2014, 09:02 AM
Play Care's Avatar
Play Care Play Care is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 6,609
Default

Quote:
I read or hear stories on the news about special ed teachers abusing special needs children in classrooms and it really bothers me. Why even go to that field if you cant't handle it? It's not safe.
Not to hijack, but I don't think anyone goes into something knowing they will snap. Most get worn down over many years, or in some cases with a particularly challenging case.

If the OP knows her limits, that's fine. I do think the OP needs to be VERY careful about how she words it to the parents.
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 09-09-2014, 09:05 AM
Annalee's Avatar
Annalee Annalee is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 4,155
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Play Care View Post
Not to hijack, but I don't think anyone goes into something knowing they will snap. Most get worn down over many years, or in some cases with a particularly challenging case.

If the OP knows her limits, that's fine. I do think the OP needs to be VERY careful about how she words it to the parents.
Wording and emotions are critical....our family has dealt with the school issues for many years...some years it is smooth, some years I fear for the school because my sister is forced to "take care of business"....it is a shame that some teachers/administrators have to be so difficult!
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 09-09-2014, 09:36 AM
Kabob's Avatar
Kabob Kabob is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,105
Default

As a parent of a child with a speech delay, I would rather put him in a daycare that is comfortable working with him rather than one that dreads having him there or is frustrated with his delay as I know he would pick up on that and it would make everyone (including the other children) miserable. I would want that provider to be honest with me so I can make sure everyone's needs are met. But that's just me.

I don't see it as discrimination if you tell the parents that you are not adequately able to meet the needs of their child while providing proper supervision and care to the other children. It's the same line we use when dealing with a child that simply has parents that "spoil" them so they scream all day if not held, stared at, or told they are special all day. That situation doesn't involve a child with special needs but it would affect the provider in the same way (stress, frustration, etc).

Also, a child with special needs often requires the provider to have extra knowledge or training for that situation. I wouldn't magically expect a provider to know everything about allergies, seizures, autism, etc because they aren't usually exposed to those situations every day. If the parents aren't willing to work with the provider to provide the information/assistant/extras to make sure their child is happy at daycare, then I don't see it as discrimination.

Of course, it's best to check your local laws and carefully check your wording when dealing with these situations. Again, this is a touchy subject...

(Pardon my rambling...not enough coffee and I'm typing on a small screen.)
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 09-09-2014, 09:53 AM
Shell's Avatar
Shell Shell is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,743
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by KiddieCahoots View Post
I completely understand where op is coming from, and feel it really all comes down to the "meshing", or "right fit" of your childcare.
There are some children that very intelligent, excel, and need extra care or attention to occupy them to keep them from getting into inappropriate behaviors.
Same could be said for children with special needs, with needing extra attention to help them learn.
For any child that requires more attention, an assistant could help, but if you are alone, then you have to make the decision that's best for you, your families and children on whether they should be in your childcare.
I feel that the conclusion you've come to, with the understanding of your limits and running your business according to that is a must to keep your business healthy for everybody, and to be able to continually and successfully promote your strengths with the children in your care.
Nothing to feel guilty about.
totally agree
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 09-09-2014, 10:44 AM
spinnymarie's Avatar
spinnymarie spinnymarie is offline
mac n peas
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Illinois
Posts: 889
Default

I think it's great to know your limits, especially in this business.
I don't think it's ok to automatically assume that all children with special needs will act similarly, and in-turn create similar situations in your childcare.
I think it's great to have a plan and to know what you are getting into and that it may not be a great fit, but I also think that automatically discounting all children with special needs from your care is a bit discriminatory. There are many kinds and levels of severity, and on top of that all children are different, of course. So, in my opinion, it's not ok to rule them out as a general population.
I don't think you should feel bad at all about not being able to meet someone's needs, whether it be a typically developing child or a child with special needs, but ruling out all children with special needs as clients goes a bit too far.
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 09-09-2014, 11:10 AM
midaycare's Avatar
midaycare midaycare is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 5,659
Default

Working with special needs children is a gift. Some people only want to do that. Some people know they can't. My limits are infants. One at a time, and I prefer none. I like them walking. But ... I'm happy to work with special needs. I have 2 who get help right now from outside sources. Early On, etc. I would love to be a special needs daycare . So you have your limits and so does everyone else.
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 09-09-2014, 11:42 AM
Sunchimes's Avatar
Sunchimes Sunchimes is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,795
Default

Midaycare, if you want to have a special needs daycare, work closely with the Early On therapists, learn what they are suggesting for the child and follow through. Ask them questions and for reading recommendations. Let them know when you have an opening and ask if they would pass your name on to parents. In my experience, parents are thrilled to learn of a provider with a willingness to work with therapists. My last 2 spots were filled that way.The therapist told me today that she has already passed on my info to a mom for a spot that won't open up until the end of Jan when the oldest moves on to PPCD.
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 09-09-2014, 11:56 AM
itlw8's Avatar
itlw8 itlw8 is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Missouri
Posts: 2,199
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Often times those who aren't familiar with or comfortable with special needs, are also not familiar with or aware of the proper terms. Or what terms and words are offensive.

I know I struggled with this when I first started out as I had no education as far as special needs and had no familiarity with anything to do with different.

I didn't feel she used the term in a hurtful manner but more so as not having a better word/phrase/description to use. kwim?

If there is an issue or some may be offended by the words OP used, perhaps it would be beneficial or useful then to suggest an alternate word.
not knowing PC words is not that huge of a deal but We also need to think about what we say. Most of us would never allow a child to call another one stupid. But to say a child is slow minded is below calling them extremely stupid. It kinda ranks with the word simple or the R word. I was not trying to be hateful But we need to think first.

And running a gifted only preschool is fine if you can get the clients. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. but name calling should not be one of our strengths.
__________________
It will wait
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 09-09-2014, 12:47 PM
midaycare's Avatar
midaycare midaycare is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 5,659
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunchimes View Post
Midaycare, if you want to have a special needs daycare, work closely with the Early On therapists, learn what they are suggesting for the child and follow through. Ask them questions and for reading recommendations. Let them know when you have an opening and ask if they would pass your name on to parents. In my experience, parents are thrilled to learn of a provider with a willingness to work with therapists. My last 2 spots were filled that way.The therapist told me today that she has already passed on my info to a mom for a spot that won't open up until the end of Jan when the oldest moves on to PPCD.
Thanks for the advice
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old 09-09-2014, 01:08 PM
Thriftylady's Avatar
Thriftylady Thriftylady is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Ohio
Posts: 5,887
Default

I think that we as providers need to be sure we can properly care for any child we take. To me, that means if a child has needs I can't accommodate then I shouldn't accept them into my care. It doesn't matter why I can't properly care for them. It could be age, it could be behavior, it could be maturity, it could be a disability, or the parents inability to pay. I don't see it as discrimination. I see it as me being open and honest enough with myself and parents to say "I can't give your child what he/she needs". There are plenty of other providers who can and will, but no one provider can or should accept all children.
Reply With Quote
  #31  
Old 09-09-2014, 01:11 PM
daycare's Avatar
daycare daycare is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Mars
Posts: 16,021
Default

I can't STAND TEENAGERS AND I have 2 of them...

lol I am horrible.
Reply With Quote
  #32  
Old 09-09-2014, 01:27 PM
TwinKristi's Avatar
TwinKristi TwinKristi is offline
Family Childcare Provider
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,386
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thriftylady View Post
I think that we as providers need to be sure we can properly care for any child we take. To me, that means if a child has needs I can't accommodate then I shouldn't accept them into my care. It doesn't matter why I can't properly care for them. It could be age, it could be behavior, it could be maturity, it could be a disability, or the parents inability to pay. I don't see it as discrimination. I see it as me being open and honest enough with myself and parents to say "I can't give your child what he/she needs". There are plenty of other providers who can and will, but no one provider can or should accept all children.
Exactly!!!
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 09-09-2014, 01:57 PM
Butter Biskets's Avatar
Butter Biskets Butter Biskets is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 102
Default

As a mother of a special needs kid, I commend you for knowing that special needs kids is HARD and is not for you!! I wish that all care providers knew their limits. Don't feel bad. No one with any idea of what it's like will judge you. I took care of another special needs child, aside from my own, and I lasted just under two years before I HAD to call it quits for my own mental health; and I don't think that I will ever mix such a severe case with typical kids again.
Reply With Quote
  #34  
Old 09-09-2014, 06:02 PM
Margarete's Avatar
Margarete Margarete is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: California
Posts: 289
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by itlw8 View Post
not knowing PC words is not that huge of a deal but We also need to think about what we say. Most of us would never allow a child to call another one stupid. But to say a child is slow minded is below calling them extremely stupid. It kinda ranks with the word simple or the R word. I was not trying to be hateful But we need to think first.

And running a gifted only preschool is fine if you can get the clients. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. but name calling should not be one of our strengths.
I have an uncle who was labeled the "R" word. He had some medical issues as a baby which caused some delays. At the time the "R" word was the medically correct terminology, and included a host of different diagnosis today. Politically correct language is always changing. I think most people try to be sensitive, but don't always know the 'correct' language to use, which may vary year to year, and from person to person.

Of my grandfathers children, the "R" one was the only one who graduated high school on time, because he worked hard to do so. The others dropped out to join the military.
Reply With Quote
  #35  
Old 09-10-2014, 06:10 AM
cheerfuldom's Avatar
cheerfuldom cheerfuldom is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 7,415
Default

I think it is certainly okay to limit your group. It is important to be honest with parents about what you can and can't handle. For me, I will do some special needs or delayed children but they must be walking and I don't do any medications or treatments here although I will allow therapists to come to my house. I don't do aggressive children at all. I have had some parents try to sneak in severely delayed children as if I wouldnt notice. I have had parents lie about diagnosis and needs. This said, part of the reasons why some providers won't take special needs kids is the parents! They lie and sneak about their kids needs, they don't provide the correct supplies (like trying to potty train a delayed child that is clearly not ready and then refusing to provide diapers), they dont work with therapists well, etc. I can't handle parents that just toss a child into a setting that is clearly not the right fit. I have a special needs brother as well as a delayed child of my own and so I know it is not easy.

I believe the current PC word is "intellectual disability" although I have also heard "mentally challenged or mentally disabled". When my brother was growing up, they did say things like "slow minded" as well as the general term "mentally handicapped".
Reply With Quote
  #36  
Old 09-10-2014, 08:27 AM
NightOwl's Avatar
NightOwl NightOwl is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Alabama
Posts: 2,716
Default

Another I've heard in recent years is differently-abled.
Reply With Quote
  #37  
Old 09-11-2014, 02:39 PM
grateday's Avatar
grateday grateday is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 203
Default Special Needs

All I have ever known from day one of running daycare are those with special needs it was not untill people moved, or transitioned out of childcare that I realized I had been providing childcare to special needs children. It wasn't until I wanted to rip my hair out of my head and I started taking more classes and educating myself that it was possible.

Is it for everyone, no? I am not a type A kind of person, I am a flexible person, I have a big heart, and a lot of patience. Does every kind of parent want that kind of provider.........No

Some parents dislike me the minute that I start talking, I can tell they are looking for a more rigid structure and I don't have that because of special needs.

The needs range from medical disabilities, to ADHD, sesory processing, and autism spectrum.

I have had to adapt so much of how I do things that a 'typical' childcare/preschool would not work.

Mixed ages is a problem for me. I can handle mostly 9mo-4yrs. Then 5 and 6 years old a few hours is all. But special needs, once I get a routine that works for the both of us, it works out. The biggest thing is a love to see that time when things do change and when there are moments between the two of you and between others.

Sometimes a special needs child is so much better at handling certain things than a typical child can in some areas and that is one of the most amazing things I see in them. They are special and you will find that something if you look hard enough it is were they shine as an individual and it is your key to working with them.
Reply With Quote
  #38  
Old 09-11-2014, 04:03 PM
Unregistered
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

I'm a SN mom. I don't find the terms really offensive at all. I think we have to look at
intent on how things are said. If someone is using the R word to pick on my son, that's
rude and uncalled for. If it's on his medical chart, then it simply means "slowing"or "stopping"
and no one is picking on him. Example of when someone gets seriously offended and doesn't need to be: The word abortion (means to stop) A woman who has a miscarriage experiences an abortion. A mission in the air is aborted upon command of a general. ALL mean the same thing, and yet everyone gets their arms up in air over a WORD that really has ONE meaning. "To Stop"

Special-Needs could turn into a 'bad word', learning disabled can, all kinds of PC words turn
bad. It's up to us not to feel offended or hurt by what other people are trying to express as long as they are not doing it maliciously, because if we didn't (myself included) I would be offended ALL the time. My son DOES have special needs. That's a fact and not a bad thing. NOT everyone wants to handle him. Do I think they're bad? NOPE!!!! I think that they are honest and I'd rather a DCP tell me "I don't have the capacity to help with these things" rather than have someone tell me they're willing to work with me only to feel resentful, burnt out, overwhelmed, scared, unsure or whatever else. Even if it IS only a preference, that's not a bad thing. I'd rather someone not take my child than to do so, and then back out later. It is PRUDENT that he has consistency.

If someone really doesn't want to do a job, they don't stay in that job or maybe they just don't do the job as well as they could; child care is no exception. Quality of work IS affected by how you feel, no matter how hard you try to stifle it, it will eventually come up.

Everyone, EVERYONE, really has special needs. It is a matter of WHAT special needs a person has and whether or not another person is able to accomodate to the BEST of their ability. You are saying you ARE NOT able to do so...therefore I wouldn't try.
Reply With Quote
  #39  
Old 09-11-2014, 05:08 PM
Mom o Col's Avatar
Mom o Col Mom o Col is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 127
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wednesday View Post
Another I've heard in recent years is differently-abled.
I like this one.
Reply With Quote
  #40  
Old 09-11-2014, 06:22 PM
e.j.'s Avatar
e.j. e.j. is online now
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,972
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I'm a SN mom. I don't find the terms really offensive at all. I think we have to look at
intent on how things are said. If someone is using the R word to pick on my son, that's
rude and uncalled for. If it's on his medical chart, then it simply means "slowing"or "stopping"
and no one is picking on him. Example of when someone gets seriously offended and doesn't need to be: The word abortion (means to stop) A woman who has a miscarriage experiences an abortion. A mission in the air is aborted upon command of a general. ALL mean the same thing, and yet everyone gets their arms up in air over a WORD that really has ONE meaning. "To Stop"

Special-Needs could turn into a 'bad word', learning disabled can, all kinds of PC words turn
bad. It's up to us not to feel offended or hurt by what other people are trying to express as long as they are not doing it maliciously, because if we didn't (myself included) I would be offended ALL the time. My son DOES have special needs. That's a fact and not a bad thing. NOT everyone wants to handle him. Do I think they're bad? NOPE!!!! I think that they are honest and I'd rather a DCP tell me "I don't have the capacity to help with these things" rather than have someone tell me they're willing to work with me only to feel resentful, burnt out, overwhelmed, scared, unsure or whatever else. Even if it IS only a preference, that's not a bad thing. I'd rather someone not take my child than to do so, and then back out later. It is PRUDENT that he has consistency.

If someone really doesn't want to do a job, they don't stay in that job or maybe they just don't do the job as well as they could; child care is no exception. Quality of work IS affected by how you feel, no matter how hard you try to stifle it, it will eventually come up.

Everyone, EVERYONE, really has special needs. It is a matter of WHAT special needs a person has and whether or not another person is able to accomodate to the BEST of their ability. You are saying you ARE NOT able to do so...therefore I wouldn't try.
Reply With Quote
  #41  
Old 09-11-2014, 07:04 PM
itlw8's Avatar
itlw8 itlw8 is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Missouri
Posts: 2,199
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I'm a SN mom. I don't find the terms really offensive at all. I think we have to look at
intent on how things are said. If someone is using the R word to pick on my son, that's
rude and uncalled for. If it's on his medical chart, then it simply means "slowing"or "stopping"
.
so you are fine with someone calling your child slow minded??? I have trouble seeing how that would ever be appropriate. I guess I must be wrong as I seem to be the only one it bothers.
__________________
It will wait
Reply With Quote
  #42  
Old 09-11-2014, 07:10 PM
Butter Biskets's Avatar
Butter Biskets Butter Biskets is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 102
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by itlw8 View Post
so you are fine with someone calling your child slow minded??? I have trouble seeing how that would ever be appropriate. I guess I must be wrong as I seem to be the only one it bothers.
I felt the same way when I read the slow minded part, but I am thinking that the poster is of another generation. It doesn't excuse the terminology, but I don't she meant to be rude.
Reply With Quote
  #43  
Old 09-12-2014, 07:16 AM
originalkat's Avatar
originalkat originalkat is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Kansas
Posts: 1,389
Default

I have worked with kids with special needs, and I can say it is not my "gifting". But I have loved the experience of watching them grow and learn over time. I have also learned a lot about myself.

I think every teacher and child care provider has their strengths and weaknesses. However, its important to remember that every child and family is different. So IMO having a mentality to never work with kids of differing abilities is short sighted. I think we should assess every child and family for your ability to meet their needs. You may just miss out on some awesome things by never reaching out of your comfort zone.

But, many times, home providers do not have all of the resources and extra hands needed to care for kids with special needs (especially when severe behavior problems are involved). And it is only wise to not accept kids who will cause too much stress on you and the children/environment. That is not healthy for anyone involved.
__________________
Originalkat
Reply With Quote
  #44  
Old 09-12-2014, 08:12 AM
NightOwl's Avatar
NightOwl NightOwl is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Alabama
Posts: 2,716
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by originalkat View Post
I have worked with kids with special needs, and I can say it is not my "gifting". But I have loved the experience of watching them grow and learn over time. I have also learned a lot about myself.

I think every teacher and child care provider has their strengths and weaknesses. However, its important to remember that every child and family is different. So IMO having a mentality to never work with kids of differing abilities is short sighted. I think we should assess every child and family for your ability to meet their needs. You may just miss out on some awesome things by never reaching out of your comfort zone.

But, many times, home providers do not have all of the resources and extra hands needed to care for kids with special needs (especially when severe behavior problems are involved). And it is only wise to not accept kids who will cause too much stress on you and the children/environment. That is not healthy for anyone involved.
Yes! When I worked at/owned a center, we had a dcg with severe issues including autism, deafness, mental capacity of an 18 month old, IQ test registered a score in the 30s, etc. She came from an orphanage in Romania where physical and emotional neglect was rampant. She wasn't picked up from her crib for the first 18 months of her life. She was a handful, but we loved her so much.

She started at the center at 8 years old (even before I started there) and we kept amending our license's age limit (normally only went to 12 years old) to continue her care until she finally left for a group home at age 19 years old. She became very defiant at times and would close her eyes (that was her way of ignoring us because she is deaf) to ignore us when we signed for her to stop the behavior. But we handled it. WE. As a group. In a home setting with a single provider, this would never, ever, ever have worked.

You have to know your limits and what you are capable of. I was capable of caring for her at the center, I would NOT be capable at home.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
special needs children

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Special Needs Unregistered Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 15 05-16-2014 01:00 PM
Special Needs Kids Unregistered Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 14 04-27-2014 03:42 PM
Help With My Own Children!! kppzbw Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 4 05-17-2013 07:53 PM
Is There Anyone That Has Done Daycare With Four Young Kids Of Their Own? cheerfuldom Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 11 01-17-2013 12:27 PM
Teacher Kids and Summer Schedule E Daycare Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 5 06-18-2012 06:50 AM


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:05 AM.



Daycare.com         Find A Daycare         List Your Daycare         Toys & Products                 About Us

Daycare.com
Please read our Disclaimer before continuing.

Topics pertain mainly to the following States:

Alabama Alaska Arizona Arkansas California Colorado Connecticut Delaware District of Columbia Florida Georgia Hawaii Idaho Illinois Indiana Iowa Kansas Kentucky Louisiana Maine Maryland Massachusetts Michigan Minnesota Mississippi Missouri Montana Nebraska Nevada New Hampshire New Jersey New Mexico New York North Carolina North Dakota Ohio Oklahoma Oregon Pennsylvania Rhode Island South Carolina South Dakota Tennessee Texas Utah Vermont Virginia Washington West Virginia Wisconsin Wyoming