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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Sometimes I Just Want To Scream
lovemykidstoo 06:32 AM 01-22-2014
I have a dcb that is 2 years old. His brother (9 months) also comes here. They've moved him to a big boy bed and are having oodles of trouble with it. They put a baby gate at his bedroom door and he climbs over it. They've closed the door and he screams, yells and throws toys. They've removed toys from the room. He got up the one night and went to the basement and was playing with the toys at 2:00 in the morning. He turned on all the lights in the house. He goes and gets in bed with them. You guys get the picture. So I tell him yesterday that if he stays in his bed than I will give him a sucker in the morning. He comes today and dad say, "oh you get a sucker today you stayed in your bed". I said, really? That's great. I asked how the night went. This is the order of events. Dad laid with him until he fell asleep. Dad got up and he went to the couch and fell asleep. Dad says that he climbed over his gate and he could see him looking at him laying on the couch a few times. Eventually dcb went back to bed. Then dad went to bed and in the middle of the night dcb went in and slept in their bed with them. Ok, this doesn't sound like sucker worthy behavior to me and I was pissed that dad said that. After he told me all of that I said, do you think that is sucker worthy? Dad says, Oh I don't know, that's what I was wondering. DUH! And they wonder why he behaves like that.
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MotherNature 07:32 AM 01-22-2014
Don't you love getting to be the parent and the bad guy?
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DaycareMom 07:42 AM 01-22-2014
Originally Posted by lovemykidstoo:
I have a dcb that is 2 years old. His brother (9 months) also comes here. They've moved him to a big boy bed and are having oodles of trouble with it. They put a baby gate at his bedroom door and he climbs over it. They've closed the door and he screams, yells and throws toys. They've removed toys from the room. He got up the one night and went to the basement and was playing with the toys at 2:00 in the morning. He turned on all the lights in the house. He goes and gets in bed with them. You guys get the picture. So I tell him yesterday that if he stays in his bed than I will give him a sucker in the morning. He comes today and dad say, "oh you get a sucker today you stayed in your bed". I said, really? That's great. I asked how the night went. This is the order of events. Dad laid with him until he fell asleep. Dad got up and he went to the couch and fell asleep. Dad says that he climbed over his gate and he could see him looking at him laying on the couch a few times. Eventually dcb went back to bed. Then dad went to bed and in the middle of the night dcb went in and slept in their bed with them. Ok, this doesn't sound like sucker worthy behavior to me and I was pissed that dad said that. After he told me all of that I said, do you think that is sucker worthy? Dad says, Oh I don't know, that's what I was wondering. DUH! And they wonder why he behaves like that.

Why are you rewarding him for behavior at home?
I wouldn't be doing that for that exact reason ... you have to be the bad guy or reward for bad behavior.

Does he nap in a bed or on a mat at your home?
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lovemykidstoo 07:52 AM 01-22-2014
I guess I had a really stupid moment. Won't happen again I'll tell you that.

Still doesn't excuse dad's stupid behavior.

I just moved him a couple of weeks ago to a mat and he does great. Doesn't move at all from it.
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DaycareMom 08:31 AM 01-22-2014
Originally Posted by lovemykidstoo:
I guess I had a really stupid moment. Won't happen again I'll tell you that.

Still doesn't excuse dad's stupid behavior.

I just moved him a couple of weeks ago to a mat and he does great. Doesn't move at all from it.
Completely agree! Definitely doesn't excuse dcd's behavior.
Live and learn

Funny how kids understand when adults mean business - he stays on his mat for you!
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lovemykidstoo 08:48 AM 01-22-2014
I know. He definitely knows I mean business. I think that my new business should be that I will move into their houses and change behavior like that. Should only take less than a week.
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Play Care 10:45 AM 01-22-2014
I would stay out of it. I wouldn't even entertain the parents nighttime stories any more. My response would be "oh, really, huh. Have a good day!"

For what it's worth, I've never understood why parents allow their children free range of the home in the middle of the night. Have they not read the stories of toddler escaping outdoors and dying of exposure? Or drowning in the toilet? Or starting deadly house fires?

I say so what Jr is having a fit because he can't roam the house at all hours. Better to be unhappy for a brief period then to die a completely preventable horrible death.
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Annalee 10:55 AM 01-22-2014
Originally Posted by Play Care:
I would stay out of it. I wouldn't even entertain the parents nighttime stories any more. My response would be "oh, really, huh. Have a good day!"

For what it's worth, I've never understood why parents allow their children free range of the home in the middle of the night. Have they not read the stories of toddler escaping outdoors and dying of exposure? Or drowning in the toilet? Or starting deadly house fires?

I say so what Jr is having a fit because he can't roam the house at all hours. Better to be unhappy for a brief period then to die a completely preventable horrible death.
Shamefully, I think this goes on more than I would like to think. I feel this is why parents are so amazed that providers can get kids to sit at the table and eat together, go to nap at the same time, share with their friends while at dc. Parents just don't get it....it is simple if you think about it..... consistency with boundaries that lead to accountability/responsibility....AND LEARNING in the process!
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coolconfidentme 10:58 AM 01-22-2014
I have a DCB who is a really good kid; polite, helps out, please, thank you, etc. At home he is totally opposite; tantrums, throws things, hits mom, destroys things, etc. His 1st steps teacher comes here now & cannot believe he is the same child. Her last report she mentioned the parent would benefit from "...following provider's Behavior Management and Discipline Policy." (I secretly smiled on that one.)
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spud912 01:30 PM 01-22-2014
I have to say there is a big difference between behavior at my house and the children's homes. Why? Yes, I am stern when necessary. But I think the real reason is because I am not their parents. Children test their parents more.

Transitioning my older dd to a big girl bed was a nightmare. It was one of the hardest transitions for all of us. I did nothing different than what I do with daycare children when they are transitioned from a crib to a cot and the daycare children never get up. In fact, I would say I was much more stern with her! It took about 2 weeks of hell before she somewhat got it. To this day, she still wakes up on occasion (once every month or two) in the middle of the night and sneaks into our bed.
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DaycareMom 02:56 PM 01-22-2014
Originally Posted by spud912:
I have to say there is a big difference between behavior at my house and the children's homes. Why? Yes, I am stern when necessary. But I think the real reason is because I am not their parents. Children test their parents more.

Transitioning my older dd to a big girl bed was a nightmare. It was one of the hardest transitions for all of us. I did nothing different than what I do with daycare children when they are transitioned from a crib to a cot and the daycare children never get up. In fact, I would say I was much more stern with her! It took about 2 weeks of hell before she somewhat got it. To this day, she still wakes up on occasion (once every month or two) in the middle of the night and sneaks into our bed.
You are 100% correct. My kids are always testing me and pushing me more than the daycare kids, but they eventually get it because I stick to my guns - which is what you did. I think the problem is most parents don't do the work. They get lazy and give up.
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EntropyControlSpecialist 05:58 AM 01-23-2014
Originally Posted by coolconfidentme:
I have a DCB who is a really good kid; polite, helps out, please, thank you, etc. At home he is totally opposite; tantrums, throws things, hits mom, destroys things, etc. His 1st steps teacher comes here now & cannot believe he is the same child. Her last report she mentioned the parent would benefit from "...following provider's Behavior Management and Discipline Policy." (I secretly smiled on that one.)
I have a similar child. The parents tend to know their children are well behaved here, too, yet refuse to follow any advice. I just say, "Oh, really?" when they tell me stories after giving advice.
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nannyde 06:15 AM 01-23-2014
Originally Posted by DaycareMom:
I think the problem is most parents don't do the work. They get lazy and give up.
I don't think it's laziness as much as it is that the parents don't want them to cry.
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lovemykidstoo 06:41 AM 01-23-2014
Well, after yesterdays fiasco, I just don't even want to hear it anymore. After dad told me about how the boy was up and down, up and down, climbing over the gate etc and then expected him to get a sucker and then mom picked up and said, "oh he did pretty good last night". I don't know why in their wildest dreams they think that was a pretty good night. Sounds like no one slept. Then she says how he came in in the middle of the night and snuck in their bed as she smiles and says he was so quiet he just snuck in haha. Geez, I wonder why he keeps getting up. DUH! totally done with that situation. Why is he doing this behavior? Because he can!!!!! I'm taking your advice here and saying "oh" when they bring it up.
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My3cents 07:25 AM 01-23-2014
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I don't think it's laziness as much as it is that the parents don't want them to cry.
I was thinking the same thing.

I agree that what goes on at home is up to the parent to reward or discipline not your area at all. I would have said to Dad that if you want him to have a lolly you can give it to him at home on your time.
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My3cents 07:28 AM 01-23-2014
Originally Posted by lovemykidstoo:
Well, after yesterdays fiasco, I just don't even want to hear it anymore. After dad told me about how the boy was up and down, up and down, climbing over the gate etc and then expected him to get a sucker and then mom picked up and said, "oh he did pretty good last night". I don't know why in their wildest dreams they think that was a pretty good night. Sounds like no one slept. Then she says how he came in in the middle of the night and snuck in their bed as she smiles and says he was so quiet he just snuck in haha. Geez, I wonder why he keeps getting up. DUH! totally done with that situation. Why is he doing this behavior? Because he can!!!!! I'm taking your advice here and saying "oh" when they bring it up.
I think I would say oh and then go onto say, sounds like your going to have to set some boundaries and rules at home about bed time otherwise your going to be up all night and if he doesn't get good sleep at home and is disruptive and not able to function at daycare your going to have to find another provider.
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Blackcat31 09:05 AM 01-23-2014
Originally Posted by DaycareMom:
Why are you rewarding him for behavior at home?
I wouldn't be doing that for that exact reason ... you have to be the bad guy or reward for bad behavior.

Does he nap in a bed or on a mat at your home?
Originally Posted by lovemykidstoo:
I guess I had a really stupid moment. Won't happen again I'll tell you that.

Still doesn't excuse dad's stupid behavior.

I just moved him a couple of weeks ago to a mat and he does great. Doesn't move at all from it.
When I have certain kids working toward a goal (behavior wise) I will reward/punish them here based on what happens at home.

I have one little one here right now who is working on the same thing (staying in their own bed for the whole night) and mom and I are working TOGETHER to help the child.

It's also beneficial for the child to know that BOTH myself and their parent are on the same page.

I agree that behavior at home *most* times has NOTHING to do with behavior here but I disagree that we should stay out of it all together.

There are times in which partnering with the other caregiver in the child's life helps support the learning process.

Of course, there HAS to be certain facts in play to make it work... like not expecting the parent or the provider to be the ONLY "bad guy" and the parent MUST be the one working hardest toward this goal.
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DaycareMom 09:43 AM 01-23-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
When I have certain kids working toward a goal (behavior wise) I will reward/punish them here based on what happens at home.

I have one little one here right now who is working on the same thing (staying in their own bed for the whole night) and mom and I are working TOGETHER to help the child.

It's also beneficial for the child to know that BOTH myself and their parent are on the same page.

I agree that behavior at home *most* times has NOTHING to do with behavior here but I disagree that we should stay out of it all together.

There are times in which partnering with the other caregiver in the child's life helps support the learning process.

Of course, there HAS to be certain facts in play to make it work... like not expecting the parent or the provider to be the ONLY "bad guy" and the parent MUST be the one working hardest toward this goal.

Every daycare relationship I have started has been me saying I want to have open communication, work together on goals, etc.

I would love to have parents that would do the same at home as they do here. Unfortunately, I have yet to find a parent that will even follow my nap time schedule so I just do what I have to do here. It used to bother me A LOT, but I have learned that I can't control what a parent does at home.
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My3cents 11:01 AM 01-23-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
When I have certain kids working toward a goal (behavior wise) I will reward/punish them here based on what happens at home.

I have one little one here right now who is working on the same thing (staying in their own bed for the whole night) and mom and I are working TOGETHER to help the child.

It's also beneficial for the child to know that BOTH myself and their parent are on the same page.

I agree that behavior at home *most* times has NOTHING to do with behavior here but I disagree that we should stay out of it all together.

There are times in which partnering with the other caregiver in the child's life helps support the learning process.

Of course, there HAS to be certain facts in play to make it work... like not expecting the parent or the provider to be the ONLY "bad guy" and the parent MUST be the one working hardest toward this goal.
I see where your going with this....... it depends on what it is. I would not make it my job to give this child in this situation a lolly for staying in his bed. I would want the parent to do that. It would put me in a position to be the bad guy over something I don't have any control about. If I wanted to reward the child for staying on his mat here at daycare then I would do that. I do agree with working together with parents but for this issue I would stay out of it, other then verbal praise.
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Blackcat31 02:00 PM 01-23-2014
Originally Posted by My3cents:
I see where your going with this....... it depends on what it is. I would not make it my job to give this child in this situation a lolly for staying in his bed. I would want the parent to do that. It would put me in a position to be the bad guy over something I don't have any control about. If I wanted to reward the child for staying on his mat here at daycare then I would do that. I do agree with working together with parents but for this issue I would stay out of it, other then verbal praise.
For me, the "reward" or "consequence" is an activity.

If you are a big kid, you get to do big kid things.

If you aren't a big kid, you don't get to do those big kid things.

NOT allowing a child to do the big kid things on a day they didn't sleep in their bed for the entire night does not make me the bad guy....it supports what the mother is already trying to teach her child...be a big kid and you get to do big kid things.

NOT saying that rewarding at daycare for ALL things parents do at home is the right or wring thing to do...it definitely depends on tons of different variables and factors.

I commented on this thread because I am going through the same thing (staying in their own bed) and having a ton of positive results working WITH the parent.

In my case though compared to the OP's the parent is actually working on it at home and with me.
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lovemykidstoo 02:22 PM 01-23-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
For me, the "reward" or "consequence" is an activity.

If you are a big kid, you get to do big kid things.

If you aren't a big kid, you don't get to do those big kid things.

NOT allowing a child to do the big kid things on a day they didn't sleep in their bed for the entire night does not make me the bad guy....it supports what the mother is already trying to teach her child...be a big kid and you get to do big kid things.

NOT saying that rewarding at daycare for ALL things parents do at home is the right or wring thing to do...it definitely depends on tons of different variables and factors.

I commented on this thread because I am going through the same thing (staying in their own bed) and having a ton of positive results working WITH the parent.

In my case though compared to the OP's the parent is actually working on it at home and with me.
This is the key. In the beginning we were, but the more it happens at home, the more I see that they are not 100% working on it. So, I'm out. He's sleeping just fine for me, so I'm calling it good!
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Blackcat31 02:47 PM 01-23-2014
Originally Posted by lovemykidstoo:
This is the key. In the beginning we were, but the more it happens at home, the more I see that they are not 100% working on it. So, I'm out. He's sleeping just fine for me, so I'm calling it good!
Exactly what I would do.

I never spend more time or worry on an issue than a parent would.
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dave4him 02:50 PM 01-23-2014
Trouble i am running into is my own kids do not like sleeping in their beds, they prefer the couch
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