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Old 05-08-2018, 12:10 PM
AskingforAdvices
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Question Child Being Beaten Up

Hello. I am looking for some advices ďthat could be usedĒ. I have heard things such as ďgo and beat that kid up yourself, than beat the mom and caretaker.Ē Itvis not what l am looking for. I do not want to add to the black angry women people seem to have in this country.
My little one lately (he started going to the center like 3 months ago) always comes home with severe scratches, tumid eyes, and some little bruises (not as visible as it would be on a white kid or a light skinned onee). The lady in charge of his class said he might have fell (sometimes she is sure, sometiems she is just assuming). 2 weeks ago he came home with busted lips, l asked her and she said she does not know. I said said in my opinion she is SUPPOSED to know. She added she had 10 toddlers to look after and canít always keep her eyes on them all at all time. Talked to the supetvisor who said things like that happen because 10 kids is still a big number and they canít always have eyes on everyone all the time.
By the way he is a 1 year and 4 months little black boy. We moved to USA from France for my husband job and will be staying for a little while (now l am praying it goes by really quick) and l was a little worried about letting him there (l might have been influenced by things we see on tv back home about people here, but l was sure people might mistreat us.) Especially after noticing we are a huge minority in our area. Even at the center, there might be max 3 black kids in the whole center. But l had to because l had to start English classes (so excuse my mistakes) and hubby travels for work 5 weeks out of 8. one day after l dropped my boy off, l pretended to leave but lingered to observe. He picked a slide and was started to climb the stairs. A little girl (learned later she was 2, turning 3 soon), who was playing with a group of friends from her class, left them, ran to him and pulled him down by his foot. He fell. She started pushing him with her foot and sat at the bottom of the stairs blocking his way. He turned around and tried climbing from the slide itself on the other side. Little girl ran there, started pinching him. He canít talk yet, all he was doing was whimpering as he was trying to brush her off. She pushed him. He fell. She started kicking him with her foot. At this point l was finally able to move and take him from her destructive hands/feet (l was at first not only shocked but also curious to see her reaction, his as well, and the caretakers reaction). None of the caretakers looked their way (neither hers or his). I later reported to the caretaker who said the girl was not like that at all (she was calm and loving) and that l might have misunderstood their play. (Wow!) Even husband could not believe such thing was possible (bless him!). Talked to the lady supervisor who probably then told her l complained about her not keeping eyes on the kids. From there all l get is passive aggressive and low key attitude. She does not come to great us by the door anymore as he ALWAYS used to do and still does for other parents/kids. She always acts busy when we come in, and she used to help him drink (he has his cup of water, but does not remember to drink it even when he is thirsty. I know he is a little behind on that part, but l am actively working on it. My mom was leaving with us and babied him a bit too much.) She used to from time to time give him some of his water, but now she does not even pretend to try. I come back to pick him up with the cup always still full. She said she is too busy to keep track of that and he was supposed to know how to do it on his own anyway.
Yesterday my husband who was back from another work trip and was for once able to come with us since that whole thing started was able to observe as, as soon as my boy was out of the car the little girl ran to him but stopped as she saw me and my husband coming behind him. He hid behind me. I told my husband to pretend we were leaving and move away. She automatically ran to him and pushed him starting to pinch him as she squats on the ground. I went and picked him up. I honestly almost wanted to slap the hell out of her (correct me if that is not how you use that expression). Almost. But l remembered l was black in a majority white area (just kidding. I know... itís not funny). My husband said hr wanted to meet with the director of the agency and she said we could come tomorrow.
What do you all think about this situation?Do l have to leave the center with my son, do we always have to run away every time things like this happen? I believe the little girl is too young to be racist. She might just think he is looking different or just not like him. But is it our fault? Should we talk to her mom? She would probably vehemently defend her girl. Someone told us she was the head of ďmomís somethingĒ group at the center and we should not cross her. I am worried everyone will hate us and retaliate if we do something (l probably watch too many American movies). We are super young, my husband is a bit too respectful and always willing to be understanding and compromising. I do not want us to leave that meeting tomorrow after after having been gaslighted (l love this expression. I had to use it. Sorry.) ls it normal occurence in daycares in USA? I still do not know many people here and do not know how things work and where to get some helpful advices that will not be a problem for my son future. Most of those kids at the center will most likely go to the same school as him once he is old enough and if l canít convince hubby to get out of the country. If we are branded as the troublemakers who canít stay quiet, wonít it be a problem in the future? My sister said l should at least try, next time l ever see such thing, to record it. Honestly, l dont want to leave the center (it is next to our house and not far from my school) but even if l have to, l would like to address this issue and not leave as if we were the one who did wrong. Or maybe we are, maybe that is how things go here, maybe that is how American kids become those tough and strong women and men l have always admired and that l used to see.. on tv.
What would you do if you were in my shoes (l think it means in my situation. If not, sorry. I meant in my situation). I do not want me or my son to be taken advantage of, but l do not want to have to be violent, angry, manipulative, and such to be respected, listened to, or accepted. I would if l have to, but l hope there is a better way. Thank you all. I might be overreacting. I just do not want my kid to keep being beaten up. That is not normal (l think and hope).
Thanks
NB: sorry for the long text.
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  #2  
Old 05-08-2018, 12:52 PM
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Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
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Originally Posted by AskingforAdvices View Post
Hello. I am looking for some advices “that could be used”. I have heard things such as “go and beat that kid up yourself, than beat the mom and caretaker.” Itvis not what l am looking for. I do not want to add to the black angry women people seem to have in this country.
My little one lately (he started going to the center like 3 months ago) always comes home with severe scratches, tumid eyes, and some little bruises (not as visible as it would be on a white kid or a light skinned onee). The lady in charge of his class said he might have fell (sometimes she is sure, sometiems she is just assuming). 2 weeks ago he came home with busted lips, l asked her and she said she does not know. I said said in my opinion she is SUPPOSED to know. She added she had 10 toddlers to look after and can’t always keep her eyes on them all at all time. Talked to the supetvisor who said things like that happen because 10 kids is still a big number and they can’t always have eyes on everyone all the time.
By the way he is a 1 year and 4 months little black boy. We moved to USA from France for my husband job and will be staying for a little while (now l am praying it goes by really quick) and l was a little worried about letting him there (l might have been influenced by things we see on tv back home about people here, but l was sure people might mistreat us.) Especially after noticing we are a huge minority in our area. Even at the center, there might be max 3 black kids in the whole center. But l had to because l had to start English classes (so excuse my mistakes) and hubby travels for work 5 weeks out of 8. one day after l dropped my boy off, l pretended to leave but lingered to observe. He picked a slide and was started to climb the stairs. A little girl (learned later she was 2, turning 3 soon), who was playing with a group of friends from her class, left them, ran to him and pulled him down by his foot. He fell. She started pushing him with her foot and sat at the bottom of the stairs blocking his way. He turned around and tried climbing from the slide itself on the other side. Little girl ran there, started pinching him. He can’t talk yet, all he was doing was whimpering as he was trying to brush her off. She pushed him. He fell. She started kicking him with her foot. At this point l was finally able to move and take him from her destructive hands/feet (l was at first not only shocked but also curious to see her reaction, his as well, and the caretakers reaction). None of the caretakers looked their way (neither hers or his). I later reported to the caretaker who said the girl was not like that at all (she was calm and loving) and that l might have misunderstood their play. (Wow!) Even husband could not believe such thing was possible (bless him!). Talked to the lady supervisor who probably then told her l complained about her not keeping eyes on the kids. From there all l get is passive aggressive and low key attitude. She does not come to great us by the door anymore as he ALWAYS used to do and still does for other parents/kids. She always acts busy when we come in, and she used to help him drink (he has his cup of water, but does not remember to drink it even when he is thirsty. I know he is a little behind on that part, but l am actively working on it. My mom was leaving with us and babied him a bit too much.) She used to from time to time give him some of his water, but now she does not even pretend to try. I come back to pick him up with the cup always still full. She said she is too busy to keep track of that and he was supposed to know how to do it on his own anyway.
Yesterday my husband who was back from another work trip and was for once able to come with us since that whole thing started was able to observe as, as soon as my boy was out of the car the little girl ran to him but stopped as she saw me and my husband coming behind him. He hid behind me. I told my husband to pretend we were leaving and move away. She automatically ran to him and pushed him starting to pinch him as she squats on the ground. I went and picked him up. I honestly almost wanted to slap the hell out of her (correct me if that is not how you use that expression). Almost. But l remembered l was black in a majority white area (just kidding. I know... it’s not funny). My husband said hr wanted to meet with the director of the agency and she said we could come tomorrow.
What do you all think about this situation?Do l have to leave the center with my son, do we always have to run away every time things like this happen? I believe the little girl is too young to be racist. She might just think he is looking different or just not like him. But is it our fault? Should we talk to her mom? She would probably vehemently defend her girl. Someone told us she was the head of “mom’s something” group at the center and we should not cross her. I am worried everyone will hate us and retaliate if we do something (l probably watch too many American movies). We are super young, my husband is a bit too respectful and always willing to be understanding and compromising. I do not want us to leave that meeting tomorrow after after having been gaslighted (l love this expression. I had to use it. Sorry.) ls it normal occurence in daycares in USA? I still do not know many people here and do not know how things work and where to get some helpful advices that will not be a problem for my son future. Most of those kids at the center will most likely go to the same school as him once he is old enough and if l can’t convince hubby to get out of the country. If we are branded as the troublemakers who can’t stay quiet, won’t it be a problem in the future? My sister said l should at least try, next time l ever see such thing, to record it. Honestly, l dont want to leave the center (it is next to our house and not far from my school) but even if l have to, l would like to address this issue and not leave as if we were the one who did wrong. Or maybe we are, maybe that is how things go here, maybe that is how American kids become those tough and strong women and men l have always admired and that l used to see.. on tv.
What would you do if you were in my shoes (l think it means in my situation. If not, sorry. I meant in my situation). I do not want me or my son to be taken advantage of, but l do not want to have to be violent, angry, manipulative, and such to be respected, listened to, or accepted. I would if l have to, but l hope there is a better way. Thank you all. I might be overreacting. I just do not want my kid to keep being beaten up. That is not normal (l think and hope).
Thanks
NB: sorry for the long text.
Not sure if this is a legit post seeking advice or what but regardless of ANY of the above details, FEW of which are relevant to the situation, the facts are clear.....

You suspect your child is being mistreated by staff and children attending the same center.

If that IS the case, remove your child from that care center. IMMEDIATELY.

I don't care if you are red, yellow, black or white or whatever......if as a parent you feel your child is not safe in ANY WAY, it is your obligation as that parent to do what is right for your child and remove them from that situation.

Using the excuse that the center is close to your home and school is not acceptable.

Your child's physical, mental and emotional well being should be much more important that ANY of that. period.

Remove your child from this environment and if necessary report the situation to the area licensing agency.

If you do not know the contact info you can find it here.
Choose your state and then scroll to the bottom. You will find contact info listed there.
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Old 05-08-2018, 12:56 PM
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Play Care Play Care is offline
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No this is not normal and I would move my child ASAP.

Also, while racism is very much alive and well and the stats do back up black children (and boys especially) get the short shrift in preschool, I can't say 100% this is for sure a racist incident. But it absolutely is a lack of appropriate supervision and age appropriate practice, IMHO.
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Old 05-08-2018, 01:35 PM
AskingforAdvices
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Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Not sure if this is a legit post seeking advice or what but regardless of ANY of the above details, FEW of which are relevant to the situation, the facts are clear.....

You suspect your child is being mistreated by staff and children attending the same center.

If that IS the case, remove your child from that care center. IMMEDIATELY.

I don't care if you are red, yellow, black or white or whatever......if as a parent you feel your child is not safe in ANY WAY, it is your obligation as that parent to do what is right for your child and remove them from that situation.

Using the excuse that the center is close to your home and school is not acceptable.

Your child's physical, mental and emotional well being should be much more important that ANY of that. period.

Remove your child from this environment and if necessary report the situation to the area licensing agency.

If you do not know the contact info you can find it here.
Choose your state and then scroll to the bottom. You will find contact info listed there.

Thank you. I did not know there was a an agency you could report them to. I would look into it. Thanks.
You are absolutely right. But I was hoping there was a way to call out the the people creating the issue and have them punished (suspension for staff member for example, the center talking to The kidís parents, etc.) that might make them reflect, stop, or even leave. A l say, l will move him if l have to. I am not against it. I was hoping l will find a solution (that of course will be good for my child) without having to change center as they are the only place 30 minutes minimum around us. I use an uber daily for 1hr drive. It is not that bad ( l still have to get my license here), but the other one is 50min-1hr from me.
I am not prioritizing money or my little comfort over my child as you seem to believe, but if there is any way to make things easier and not pay 2hrs uber ride everyday (and my daily classes ride or errands is not even added), well l will look into it. If necessary l could stop classes until he can talk which l probably should have done. I just was not expecting such thing happening at a care center. Never imagined it was possible.
Thanks for your contribution. It is highly appreciated
And sorry if you felt like much of what l said was not related. I thought details might be needed so people get a better understanding. Such as the explanation l added above. But reading some other posts, it seems that it is not the way to do things. For me it seemed normal.
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Old 05-08-2018, 01:42 PM
AskingforAdvices
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No this is not normal and I would move my child ASAP.

Also, while racism is very much alive and well and the stats do back up black children (and boys especially) get the short shrift in preschool, I can't say 100% this is for sure a racist incident. But it absolutely is a lack of appropriate supervision and age appropriate practice, IMHO.
Thank you for your kind response.
As you said l will just have to leave that center and try another solution since there is not much tat could be done about it. Staying home until he can talk might be the best option for now l think. As for the center, l will try reporting them (as another response recommended) after listening to what the director has to say. Knowing tgey will not be getting away with it makes me feel better.
Thanks.
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Old 05-08-2018, 01:59 PM
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Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
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Thank you. I did not know there was a an agency you could report them to. I would look into it. Thanks.
You are welcome! If you need assistance in locating a more local agency to report to, please feel free to post your location (state/county) and someone can probably point you in the right direction.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AskingforAdvices View Post
You are absolutely right. But I was hoping there was a way to call out the the people creating the issue and have them punished (suspension for staff member for example, the center talking to The kidís parents, etc.) that might make them reflect, stop, or even leave.
The best way to punish anyone that has done anything illegal or against licensing regulations is to report them.

I understand your wish for them to reflect, stop and/or realize what they are doing is wrong but I honestly wouldn't focus any time and energy trying to do that if it means continuing to leave my child in the care of people you aren't sure will even listen or care about changing.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AskingforAdvices View Post
l say, l will move him if l have to. I am not against it. I was hoping l will find a solution (that of course will be good for my child) without having to change center as they are the only place 30 minutes minimum around us. I use an uber daily for 1hr drive. It is not that bad ( l still have to get my license here), but the other one is 50min-1hr from me.
I am not prioritizing money or my little comfort over my child as you seem to believe, but if there is any way to make things easier and not pay 2hrs uber ride everyday (and my daily classes ride or errands is not even added), well l will look into it. If necessary l could stop classes until he can talk which l probably should have done. I just was not expecting such thing happening at a care center. Never imagined it was possible.
Please do not misunderstand what I said. I did not say you were prioritizing money or anything over the well being of your child, I simply stated that none of that matters when it comes to deciding to remove your child from a harmful environment. Clearly you value your child's well being or you wouldn't have sought out advice in the first place.
I don't doubt your concern or your priorities.

I just hate seeing anything feel that they are "stuck" due to location, cost or whatever else...


Quote:
Originally Posted by AskingforAdvices View Post
Thanks for your contribution. It is highly appreciated

And sorry if you felt like much of what l said was not related. I thought details might be needed so people get a better understanding. Such as the explanation l added above. But reading some other posts, it seems that it is not the way to do things. For me it seemed normal.
It's hard to take in so many details in one post.... and although many of them may be important and relevant to your complaint to the licensing agency, I didn't see any of them as factors that would cause me to change the advice I posted....

For me, I read, your child is being abused.
The solution in my mind is remove him immediately from that environment and do not return.

It IS that simple.

I understand that it may create other difficulties or barriers in regard to expenses and/or logistics but again, as a parent...none of that matters above and beyond the well being of your child.

Good luck and please don't hesitate to join the forum!!
We are a super helpful bunch of men and women from all walks of life! It never hurts to know what child care is like in other areas of the country and from other people's perspectives. Both parents and providers.
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