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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>I Am So Tired Of SA Kid. Is It School Time Yet??
mrsnj 06:44 AM 08-08-2013
Summer started off with my whiner SA kid complaining about my daughter and another SAer who are being "mean" to her. The girls are all friends, live near eachother and go to the same school. If you remember he said she felt peer pressured to do things she didn't want to do. He indicated in a passive aggressive way about peer pressure and bullies and girls being 'catty' etc without actually coming out and calling my child and the other child that directly. Totally rubbed me the wrong way. This child is the princess at home. She whines and gets what she wants. Not used to not getting her own way and if a playmate doesn't do what she wants she cries to Daddy. My daughter hates going to her house as a playdate for this reason. She prefers her to come here cause I don't put up with that. So.....
My solution was to tell the kids that they were not to ask her directly to do things. This way she was not "forced" to do anything. To word it like "Hey lets go ride bikes!" and whomever goes, goes. Then I had a talk with the SA child about using her voice and if she doesn't tell the kids what she wants or tell me what she wants then we don't know and she can't really complain if she goes ahead and does things and everyone thinks it is what she wants to do.
That lasted about a week and then, after a day of swimming in the pool, she comes in and cries and says MY daughter is forcing her to swim and she didn't want to. So....my daughter forced her to put on a swim suit, walk outside, drug her by her heel over the ladder into the pool and demanded she smile and laugh and have fun or else? I even took pics of her laughing that day in the pool. I was mad. Told her to remove her swimsuit and she was done swimming. That the choices she makes are hers alone and she is not going to blame others. An hour later she is back in the swimsuit and running out after the kids. I openly stopped her and said "You understand YOU are making this choice and you will not blame anyone else for the choice you make?!" and she said yes. I get a talking to from dad the next day. Yes I did. Child whines. I tell him the reality.
So move to yesterday........SA child is quiet all day. She brought a blanket and stuffy from home (she is 8 BTW) and sits on the porch wrapped in the blanket, holding the stuffy and not playing. She says she is tired and cold. Ok. Well it is VBS week for her and late nights. I check on her several times she says the same thing. Finally after a bit she gets up and goes and plays. Sometimes it is with the girls and sometimes it was with a SA boy I have here. Fine. She would play with the boy and then find the girls later. And the day cycled like that. Nothing to report. Fairly quiet. I mention to dad about her being tired and what occurred just so he knew and concurred it was the late nights etc. As dad and I are talking the SA girls and this child are on the front lawn doing cart wheels and laughing. She gets in the car with the window down and yells bye and laughing. Asks for a hug from them, etc. Goes down the road yelling 'Bye" and laughing out the window. Now let me point out, this family lives in my development. It is a small 1/4 mile circle. I watch them go till I can't see them anymore as she is yelling bye and we go back inside. He drives around the circle and back into my drive. About a min. Comes marching up.....
His daughter is in tears. Says the girls were mean to her today. That they wouldn't talk to her and left her out of things! It IS after all "my daughter" he says and he is upset that she is crying. I point out that I find it really odd she was just laughing and smiling and now she is CRYING? Wow. Fast don't ya think? Ya well she is clearly upset. He doesn't know what to do anymore. He doesn't want to see her upset. And the girls need to include her in and stop. That she doesn't say anything here cause she is ' to scared to'. Scared of what??! I think it is more an attention thing and she doesn't say anything to ME cause there is nothing to say. She knows I don't put up with this stuff. Afraid my tush! If she is afraid to voice her needs or tell me that she is upset, then she should look for a place where she isn't afraid!
Ok....so you itch that they force her to do things and now you are itching cause they are 'excluding' her. I explained the rules and told him that if she feels left out it is of her own making.This is the dad who told me I should tell the kids not to go in the pool if she didn't want to go in cause he didn't want her to feel left out. Not happening! I am not going to tell the kids that they must spend the day doing what this child wants! She doesn't want to do what everyone else is doing...fine. Do something else. But I am not going to tell all the children to cater to just her! I am sorry. I understand this child has the princess syndrome but that isn't done here.
The other SA kids are now complaining about her to me. All she says is "I don't want to do that' and they are telling me they are tired of hearing it. So walk away. You don't have to listen to that. You ask her to do something, she says she doesn't want to, so find something/someone else to do things with. How long do they have to put up with that and keep asking? Well her dad says he doesn't want her excluded out. How do I work THAT one? I mean really!
This child has placed a complaint against every single SA child here at some point in time or another. Every single one. AND against my 20 yr old son who she says was mean to her when they were playing hide and seek one day (meanwhile she was laughing and squealing and having a blast) I mean, doesn't dad kinda see a pattern here? No one else has issues. No one else complains. Just this child.
I want to tell her she is shadowing me tomorrow when she comes. That, since I cannot hear and see everything, then she will have to be near me so I can make sure everything is 'ok'. Yes. More a form of punishment and I know she will go home and whine to dad about it too. But seriously, if I cannot see and you feel there is an issue then you will have to be where I can see. My littles dont ride bikes or swim in the pool. So.......... But I know that will come back to bite me in the butt cause she will certainly voice her displeasure to dad.
Yes....before its mentioned....I would love to term. Yes it has come to mind. I do not feel this child is allowing herself to fit in and making the divide greater by her own actions and that of her father. I am tired of dad coming and talking for her. Like yesterday...why did you not bring her out of the car? Instead you come up and talk for her. Again. I mean come on! She won't do it cause she knows I will not be as compliant as daddy. She even asked him not to come back and say something. Hum. Wonder why
BUT....I do not term at this time because it is a friend and these girls have to go to school together. Terming won't make this go away completely. It only changes the times it happens here. So I am looking for suggestions on what to do at this point. How to handle it. Or should I leave it as it is and move on and let the SA child work it out? I am concerned that if he comes on my door step one more time, I might not be so professional. This isn't just about my business. This is about my daughter. I don't tell you that your daughter is a whine bag. But you have no issue coming and placing complaints about my daughter (excluding the other kids here) and saying she is catty and a bully in so many words. Its getting old. Its getting annoying and I am trying to be the better person. One can only be pushed so far though.
Ideas?
My solution was to tell the kids that they were not to ask her directly to do things. This way she was not "forced" to do anything. To word it like "Hey lets go ride bikes!" and whomever goes, goes. Then I had a talk with the SA child about using her voice and if she doesn't tell the kids what she wants or tell me what she wants then we don't know and she can't really complain if she goes ahead and does things and everyone thinks it is what she wants to do.
That lasted about a week and then, after a day of swimming in the pool, she comes in and cries and says MY daughter is forcing her to swim and she didn't want to. So....my daughter forced her to put on a swim suit, walk outside, drug her by her heel over the ladder into the pool and demanded she smile and laugh and have fun or else? I even took pics of her laughing that day in the pool. I was mad. Told her to remove her swimsuit and she was done swimming. That the choices she makes are hers alone and she is not going to blame others. An hour later she is back in the swimsuit and running out after the kids. I openly stopped her and said "You understand YOU are making this choice and you will not blame anyone else for the choice you make?!" and she said yes. I get a talking to from dad the next day. Yes I did. Child whines. I tell him the reality.
So move to yesterday........SA child is quiet all day. She brought a blanket and stuffy from home (she is 8 BTW) and sits on the porch wrapped in the blanket, holding the stuffy and not playing. She says she is tired and cold. Ok. Well it is VBS week for her and late nights. I check on her several times she says the same thing. Finally after a bit she gets up and goes and plays. Sometimes it is with the girls and sometimes it was with a SA boy I have here. Fine. She would play with the boy and then find the girls later. And the day cycled like that. Nothing to report. Fairly quiet. I mention to dad about her being tired and what occurred just so he knew and concurred it was the late nights etc. As dad and I are talking the SA girls and this child are on the front lawn doing cart wheels and laughing. She gets in the car with the window down and yells bye and laughing. Asks for a hug from them, etc. Goes down the road yelling 'Bye" and laughing out the window. Now let me point out, this family lives in my development. It is a small 1/4 mile circle. I watch them go till I can't see them anymore as she is yelling bye and we go back inside. He drives around the circle and back into my drive. About a min. Comes marching up.....
His daughter is in tears. Says the girls were mean to her today. That they wouldn't talk to her and left her out of things! It IS after all "my daughter" he says and he is upset that she is crying. I point out that I find it really odd she was just laughing and smiling and now she is CRYING? Wow. Fast don't ya think? Ya well she is clearly upset. He doesn't know what to do anymore. He doesn't want to see her upset. And the girls need to include her in and stop. That she doesn't say anything here cause she is ' to scared to'. Scared of what??! I think it is more an attention thing and she doesn't say anything to ME cause there is nothing to say. She knows I don't put up with this stuff. Afraid my tush! If she is afraid to voice her needs or tell me that she is upset, then she should look for a place where she isn't afraid!
Ok....so you itch that they force her to do things and now you are itching cause they are 'excluding' her. I explained the rules and told him that if she feels left out it is of her own making.This is the dad who told me I should tell the kids not to go in the pool if she didn't want to go in cause he didn't want her to feel left out. Not happening! I am not going to tell the kids that they must spend the day doing what this child wants! She doesn't want to do what everyone else is doing...fine. Do something else. But I am not going to tell all the children to cater to just her! I am sorry. I understand this child has the princess syndrome but that isn't done here.
The other SA kids are now complaining about her to me. All she says is "I don't want to do that' and they are telling me they are tired of hearing it. So walk away. You don't have to listen to that. You ask her to do something, she says she doesn't want to, so find something/someone else to do things with. How long do they have to put up with that and keep asking? Well her dad says he doesn't want her excluded out. How do I work THAT one? I mean really!
This child has placed a complaint against every single SA child here at some point in time or another. Every single one. AND against my 20 yr old son who she says was mean to her when they were playing hide and seek one day (meanwhile she was laughing and squealing and having a blast) I mean, doesn't dad kinda see a pattern here? No one else has issues. No one else complains. Just this child.
I want to tell her she is shadowing me tomorrow when she comes. That, since I cannot hear and see everything, then she will have to be near me so I can make sure everything is 'ok'. Yes. More a form of punishment and I know she will go home and whine to dad about it too. But seriously, if I cannot see and you feel there is an issue then you will have to be where I can see. My littles dont ride bikes or swim in the pool. So.......... But I know that will come back to bite me in the butt cause she will certainly voice her displeasure to dad.
Yes....before its mentioned....I would love to term. Yes it has come to mind. I do not feel this child is allowing herself to fit in and making the divide greater by her own actions and that of her father. I am tired of dad coming and talking for her. Like yesterday...why did you not bring her out of the car? Instead you come up and talk for her. Again. I mean come on! She won't do it cause she knows I will not be as compliant as daddy. She even asked him not to come back and say something. Hum. Wonder why
BUT....I do not term at this time because it is a friend and these girls have to go to school together. Terming won't make this go away completely. It only changes the times it happens here. So I am looking for suggestions on what to do at this point. How to handle it. Or should I leave it as it is and move on and let the SA child work it out? I am concerned that if he comes on my door step one more time, I might not be so professional. This isn't just about my business. This is about my daughter. I don't tell you that your daughter is a whine bag. But you have no issue coming and placing complaints about my daughter (excluding the other kids here) and saying she is catty and a bully in so many words. Its getting old. Its getting annoying and I am trying to be the better person. One can only be pushed so far though. Ideas?
mrsnj 06:47 AM 08-08-2013
Wow That was long!
Unregistered 07:11 AM 08-08-2013
I wouldn't listen to another word of it or discuss it any more.
Tell her father that she plays and is happy while in your care.
That you understand that he is concerned but she is complaining simply for attention.
Let him know that that you will no longer discuss this every day,if there is a real concern then sure,but not just whining and complaining.
Also tell him that if he truly believes she is unhappy then to start looking for other care.
Have this talk today,if it happens again,terminate.
Tell her father that she plays and is happy while in your care.
That you understand that he is concerned but she is complaining simply for attention.
Let him know that that you will no longer discuss this every day,if there is a real concern then sure,but not just whining and complaining.
Also tell him that if he truly believes she is unhappy then to start looking for other care.
Have this talk today,if it happens again,terminate.
MyAngels 07:23 AM 08-08-2013
I would talk to both the father and the daughter at the same time. She's playing you against each other and that would stop. Is she done at the end of summer?
BumbleBee 07:24 AM 08-08-2013
1. His daughter has learned that she gets more attention when she complains then when she tells him she has fun.
Or
2. Dad thinks he's better then women and is trying to intimidate you into "a woman's role." If this is the case, his dd is probably being intimidated into her role as well.
Others will have better/more advice - but I truly believe one of these 2 things is going on. From your description dad sounds like he's power hungry.
Or
2. Dad thinks he's better then women and is trying to intimidate you into "a woman's role." If this is the case, his dd is probably being intimidated into her role as well.
Others will have better/more advice - but I truly believe one of these 2 things is going on. From your description dad sounds like he's power hungry.
Familycare71 07:25 AM 08-08-2013
I would lean toward the shadowing idea- I would say: I understand that when you leave here you are upset about the way others treated you. I don't want you to be upset so you are going to be by me today- that way if anything happens ill be right here.
If Dad complains I would say: I asked them not push her, I asked them to include her- everything I see indicates she is happy... So the only other thing I could think of was to monitor interactions closely. No one else is having issues with w each other so there was no need for them to be with me. If he is still not happy ask what he would suggest you do... Well- that could open Pandora's box!
If Dad complains I would say: I asked them not push her, I asked them to include her- everything I see indicates she is happy... So the only other thing I could think of was to monitor interactions closely. No one else is having issues with w each other so there was no need for them to be with me. If he is still not happy ask what he would suggest you do... Well- that could open Pandora's box!
mrsnj 07:40 AM 08-08-2013
Well...he is a police officer. So...yeah. Power hungry? Maybe a little Truly he is a nice guy. And I do think he is heart felt in that he simply doesn't know what else to do but then neither do I. I think he has to step back and allow her to deal with this and giving her attention isn't helping matters.
And the whole woman thing....yea will that whole 'catty' comment was about women in general. I just looked at him like "Um..you do know who you are talking too right?" But the truth is girls ARE more catty than boys. They play the game where boys beat each other up and move on. I understood his point but the way it was said wasn't exactly appropriate since he was saying it to a woman.
I personally am just over it. I am so completely tired of having this convo. The child says nothing. So I am not sure what he expects me to do. I feel I handled it to the best I can and really, this falls on his daughter. SHE has to speak for herself. SHE has to make choices she is comfortable with and understand SHE made them.
I told him that nothing happens here. That they play and it was a nice day. He tells me I simply don't see what is happening. I have three other SA kids here. Since the consensus is against the SA girl then I have to say, I will take the side of the majority. I am not sure what else he wants me to do.
I have been doing this for 20 something years. I have raised three children of my own one of which was extremely shy and quiet herself. I have never put up with whining. Not in toddlers. Not in SA kids. And this whole thing is grating on my nerve.
Ok......so......just continue on and keep the rules in place and let the SA child deal? (Debating on the shadow thing. I KNOW I will get a call on that one. She will say I was being mean to her now )
Truly he is a nice guy. And I do think he is heart felt in that he simply doesn't know what else to do but then neither do I. I think he has to step back and allow her to deal with this and giving her attention isn't helping matters.And the whole woman thing....yea will that whole 'catty' comment was about women in general. I just looked at him like "Um..you do know who you are talking too right?" But the truth is girls ARE more catty than boys. They play the game where boys beat each other up and move on. I understood his point but the way it was said wasn't exactly appropriate since he was saying it to a woman.
I personally am just over it. I am so completely tired of having this convo. The child says nothing. So I am not sure what he expects me to do. I feel I handled it to the best I can and really, this falls on his daughter. SHE has to speak for herself. SHE has to make choices she is comfortable with and understand SHE made them.
I told him that nothing happens here. That they play and it was a nice day. He tells me I simply don't see what is happening. I have three other SA kids here. Since the consensus is against the SA girl then I have to say, I will take the side of the majority. I am not sure what else he wants me to do.
I have been doing this for 20 something years. I have raised three children of my own one of which was extremely shy and quiet herself. I have never put up with whining. Not in toddlers. Not in SA kids. And this whole thing is grating on my nerve.
Ok......so......just continue on and keep the rules in place and let the SA child deal? (Debating on the shadow thing. I KNOW I will get a call on that one. She will say I was being mean to her now
)
Unregistered 07:59 AM 08-08-2013
Yes,just continue on.You are focusing too much time and energy on it.Have the conversation with dad and not another word about it.It's all for attention,which is exactly what dad and you are giving her.
Play Care 10:31 AM 08-08-2013
A couple of years ago I had a school aged girl who was/is friends with my daughters. It became clear very early on that she was NOT a good fit. Never wanting to do anything offered, always putting my kids up to asking to do things I legally could not allow (and then telling them I was mean and didn't treat her well because of it
) There were also issues with the parents taking her word for everything without ever addressing the issues. The straw that broke the camels back was when she told my younger daughter that she wished I was dead - all because I couldn't legally allow them to play in the woods behind my house.
I let her go before last summer and it was the BEST thing I ever did. The drama and nonsense went away almost immediately. Of course when she sees my own kids out she will say things like "your mom was mean" or imply she wasn't treated well, etc. and honestly, I am still very angry with her and her parents for their behavior. But at least my workday isn't filled with her nonsense.
My point is, keeping a child who is unhappy, complaining and telling LIES is a recipe for disaster. No good can come of it. The bottom line is I no longer take my kids friends on as clients - if they want a play date they can do it on the weekends. And I try to get my own kids signed up for as many camps, lessons, workshops, etc. during day care hours so that they are busy. I find too many parents think my own kids were part of the entertainment. They are not.
) There were also issues with the parents taking her word for everything without ever addressing the issues. The straw that broke the camels back was when she told my younger daughter that she wished I was dead - all because I couldn't legally allow them to play in the woods behind my house. I let her go before last summer and it was the BEST thing I ever did. The drama and nonsense went away almost immediately. Of course when she sees my own kids out she will say things like "your mom was mean" or imply she wasn't treated well, etc. and honestly, I am still very angry with her and her parents for their behavior. But at least my workday isn't filled with her nonsense.
My point is, keeping a child who is unhappy, complaining and telling LIES is a recipe for disaster. No good can come of it. The bottom line is I no longer take my kids friends on as clients - if they want a play date they can do it on the weekends. And I try to get my own kids signed up for as many camps, lessons, workshops, etc. during day care hours so that they are busy. I find too many parents think my own kids were part of the entertainment. They are not.
daycarediva 11:34 AM 08-08-2013
ABSOLUTELY call the child out in FRONT of the Dad. Then put him on the spot.
"Well, dcd, you asked that your daughter not be peer pressured into joining the kids. That solved the "bullying" problem. Now your daughter CHOOSES not to join, and the other kids are being accused of excluding her. Should I force the other children to play something that they don't want to? Or should I force your daughter to join them so she isn't excluded? How EXACTLY would you like me to handle this?"
If he persists, I will tell him that she has fun and plays here all day with no complaints to you or anyone else and that she is doing it for attention, including a "You know how catty us girls can be." for good measure.
Good grief stop coddling your 8 year old.
"Well, dcd, you asked that your daughter not be peer pressured into joining the kids. That solved the "bullying" problem. Now your daughter CHOOSES not to join, and the other kids are being accused of excluding her. Should I force the other children to play something that they don't want to? Or should I force your daughter to join them so she isn't excluded? How EXACTLY would you like me to handle this?"
If he persists, I will tell him that she has fun and plays here all day with no complaints to you or anyone else and that she is doing it for attention, including a "You know how catty us girls can be." for good measure.
Good grief stop coddling your 8 year old.
nannyde 02:40 PM 08-08-2013
The dad wants attention and he's using the fact that you want his money to force you into hosting his attention seeking behavior.
If you want his money you have to host it. If you don't care if you have his money then tell him you are done discussing it. His daughter is fine and doing fine. The kids need to figure it out and it's easier for everyone if they figure it out off your clock.
If you want his money you have to host it. If you don't care if you have his money then tell him you are done discussing it. His daughter is fine and doing fine. The kids need to figure it out and it's easier for everyone if they figure it out off your clock.
mrsnj 04:29 AM 08-09-2013
You're probably right. I'm just gonna let it go. Can't do much else. Just gets old
Oh and yes. I have her year round but she is before and after so except for half days she isn't here as much. Nope. I don't completely get rid of her in a few weeks.
Oh and yes. I have her year round but she is before and after so except for half days she isn't here as much. Nope. I don't completely get rid of her in a few weeks.
Meyou 04:47 AM 08-09-2013
I would term. I'm not getting involved in any situation where someone believes a child over me...the person they chose to keep their child safe and happy. I'm not playing she said she said with an 8 year old. JMO.
Crystal 09:56 AM 08-09-2013
Stop entertaining it.
I wouldn't wait for the next time Dad brings it up. I would, today, tell him that I have grown tired of hearing the complaints. That the complaints are not valid and I am not going tolerate false accusations against my child or any other child again. I would explain to him that I understand his concern, but he needs to understand that his child is manipulating him with LIES to get attention and that LIES put you at risk of being held liable for something that never happened. If he doesn't trust you to adequately supervise and protect his child then he MUST find other child care arrangements, as you will no longer allow YOUR child or the other children to be bullied in to doing everything her way and you can no longer risk that she may make a serious accusation that can put your entire business and livelihood at risk. (BTW, she is bullying your daughter and so is Dad..... every time this child lies and dad comes accusing your child of mistreating his daughter they are bullying her and you)
Tell him the TRUTH. His daughter is manipulating him with lies and you will no longer tolerate it. Either stop with the unwarranted complaints or find other care.
And, even though the girls will be in school together and they live nearby, does not mean your child should have to remain friends with her. Would you remain friends with someone who treated you the way this girl is treating your daughter?
If she stays, empower the other children to say "I do not like the way you are treating me and I choose not to play with you. When you decide to treat me better, then we can talk"
I wouldn't wait for the next time Dad brings it up. I would, today, tell him that I have grown tired of hearing the complaints. That the complaints are not valid and I am not going tolerate false accusations against my child or any other child again. I would explain to him that I understand his concern, but he needs to understand that his child is manipulating him with LIES to get attention and that LIES put you at risk of being held liable for something that never happened. If he doesn't trust you to adequately supervise and protect his child then he MUST find other child care arrangements, as you will no longer allow YOUR child or the other children to be bullied in to doing everything her way and you can no longer risk that she may make a serious accusation that can put your entire business and livelihood at risk. (BTW, she is bullying your daughter and so is Dad..... every time this child lies and dad comes accusing your child of mistreating his daughter they are bullying her and you)
Tell him the TRUTH. His daughter is manipulating him with lies and you will no longer tolerate it. Either stop with the unwarranted complaints or find other care.
And, even though the girls will be in school together and they live nearby, does not mean your child should have to remain friends with her. Would you remain friends with someone who treated you the way this girl is treating your daughter?
If she stays, empower the other children to say "I do not like the way you are treating me and I choose not to play with you. When you decide to treat me better, then we can talk"
EntropyControlSpecialist 10:45 AM 08-09-2013
Originally Posted by Crystal:
Stop entertaining it.
I wouldn't wait for the next time Dad brings it up. I would, today, tell him that I have grown tired of hearing the complaints. That the complaints are not valid and I am not going tolerate false accusations against my child or any other child again. I would explain to him that I understand his concern, but he needs to understand that his child is manipulating him with LIES to get attention and that LIES put you at risk of being held liable for something that never happened. If he doesn't trust you to adequately supervise and protect his child then he MUST find other child care arrangements, as you will no longer allow YOUR child or the other children to be bullied in to doing everything her way and you can no longer risk that she may make a serious accusation that can put your entire business and livelihood at risk. (BTW, she is bullying your daughter and so is Dad..... every time this child lies and dad comes accusing your child of mistreating his daughter they are bullying her and you)
Tell him the TRUTH. His daughter is manipulating him with lies and you will no longer tolerate it. Either stop with the unwarranted complaints or find other care.
And, even though the girls will be in school together and they live nearby, does not mean your child should have to remain friends with her. Would you remain friends with someone who treated you the way this girl is treating your daughter?
If she stays, empower the other children to say "I do not like the way you are treating me and I choose not to play with you. When you decide to treat me better, then we can talk"
Stop entertaining it.
I wouldn't wait for the next time Dad brings it up. I would, today, tell him that I have grown tired of hearing the complaints. That the complaints are not valid and I am not going tolerate false accusations against my child or any other child again. I would explain to him that I understand his concern, but he needs to understand that his child is manipulating him with LIES to get attention and that LIES put you at risk of being held liable for something that never happened. If he doesn't trust you to adequately supervise and protect his child then he MUST find other child care arrangements, as you will no longer allow YOUR child or the other children to be bullied in to doing everything her way and you can no longer risk that she may make a serious accusation that can put your entire business and livelihood at risk. (BTW, she is bullying your daughter and so is Dad..... every time this child lies and dad comes accusing your child of mistreating his daughter they are bullying her and you)
Tell him the TRUTH. His daughter is manipulating him with lies and you will no longer tolerate it. Either stop with the unwarranted complaints or find other care.
And, even though the girls will be in school together and they live nearby, does not mean your child should have to remain friends with her. Would you remain friends with someone who treated you the way this girl is treating your daughter?
If she stays, empower the other children to say "I do not like the way you are treating me and I choose not to play with you. When you decide to treat me better, then we can talk"
Absolutely! It is absurd to let this go on any longer. How stressful for you and how stressful for those little girls.
kimsdaycare 04:14 AM 08-12-2013
Sounds like she is used to being entertained by adults. Playing with adults is EASY, they hand over the toy you want, they role play whatever role they are told to. The child becomes accustomed to never having conflict during "entertain me" time. Then they go to daycare, with a group of children with their own play agenda, doesn't matter if its all fun ideas, the concept of not being the leader causes conflict and stress for the 1st child. First child tattles to dad, dad then confronts provider who is then expected to set the others straight. She knows this is what the outcome will be, she is banking on that complaint to start putting everyone in the position of giving her the leadership role she wants. Dad doesnt see it because after all she doesnt do this at home...she is the leader already, she is always happy right?
It will only pass when dad stops entertaining the complaints. Playing with kids is harder than playing with adults. She recognizes this and is trying to work whatever angle gets the group to submit to her. I'd tell dad to try to step back and allow her to adjust to group play without so much "help", she will learn so much more from that and be on her way to making many friends. Avoiding conflict in play is learned. It's merely a step in the process she hasn't had to deal with yet. As a parent it is hard to watch without stepping in, but in the long run it is better for the child to not be rescued so much. I would promise to watch that she isnt bullied, but we have to be careful that she isnt allowed to be the bully either. She is walking that line when she sends dad after the group with her complaints, that must be addressed as exactly what that is.
It will only pass when dad stops entertaining the complaints. Playing with kids is harder than playing with adults. She recognizes this and is trying to work whatever angle gets the group to submit to her. I'd tell dad to try to step back and allow her to adjust to group play without so much "help", she will learn so much more from that and be on her way to making many friends. Avoiding conflict in play is learned. It's merely a step in the process she hasn't had to deal with yet. As a parent it is hard to watch without stepping in, but in the long run it is better for the child to not be rescued so much. I would promise to watch that she isnt bullied, but we have to be careful that she isnt allowed to be the bully either. She is walking that line when she sends dad after the group with her complaints, that must be addressed as exactly what that is.
coolconfidentme 04:19 AM 08-12-2013
Originally Posted by mrsnj:
Wow That was long!
(giggle)Wow That was long!
mrsnj 06:18 AM 08-12-2013
Kim. Wow. You hit that really on the nose. She isn't a first child. She is the baby BUT her sister is 20. There is no others between. Basically an only child. Her parents baby her (she gets what she wants, knows how to turn on tears, does things for her like brushes her teeth for her and wipes her tush, whines) and are her entertainment. That is exactly the situation! Exactly why my daughter doesn't like to play there cause here all that is not entertained.
Crystal. Interesting bullying point of view and true. Had not thought of it that way. I do not envision my daughter being bffs with this child forever. No. Your right. She tolerates only so much. My daughter is independent and adventurous. She won't hang long with someone unwilling to try things and who whines about it.
During one of dads gripe sessions he brought up how his older daughter went through the same things and how he had to knock on friends doors because all her friends were being mean to her and she has no girl friends because how "catty" girls are. I thought it odd that both his children 14 yrs apart are going through the same thing and he had to knock on parents doors to complain. I have a 15 yr old girl and I didnt have issues. I asked my son (who is the same age as the older sister) what she was like in school and he said she was not nice. Mean and bossy to everyone (that was the nice way to put it. He used stronger wording lol)and the girls didnt like her because of it. Interesting. An enabler even back then where his child did no wrong and everyone else is at fault.
I think you guys got it
Crystal. Interesting bullying point of view and true. Had not thought of it that way. I do not envision my daughter being bffs with this child forever. No. Your right. She tolerates only so much. My daughter is independent and adventurous. She won't hang long with someone unwilling to try things and who whines about it.
During one of dads gripe sessions he brought up how his older daughter went through the same things and how he had to knock on friends doors because all her friends were being mean to her and she has no girl friends because how "catty" girls are. I thought it odd that both his children 14 yrs apart are going through the same thing and he had to knock on parents doors to complain. I have a 15 yr old girl and I didnt have issues. I asked my son (who is the same age as the older sister) what she was like in school and he said she was not nice. Mean and bossy to everyone (that was the nice way to put it. He used stronger wording lol)and the girls didnt like her because of it. Interesting. An enabler even back then where his child did no wrong and everyone else is at fault.
I think you guys got it
itlw8 07:16 AM 08-12-2013
Originally Posted by Crystal:
Stop entertaining it.
I wouldn't wait for the next time Dad brings it up. I would, today, tell him that I have grown tired of hearing the complaints. That the complaints are not valid and I am not going tolerate false accusations against my child or any other child again. I would explain to him that I understand his concern, but he needs to understand that his child is manipulating him with LIES to get attention and that LIES put you at risk of being held liable for something that never happened. If he doesn't trust you to adequately supervise and protect his child then he MUST find other child care arrangements, as you will no longer allow YOUR child or the other children to be bullied in to doing everything her way and you can no longer risk that she may make a serious accusation that can put your entire business and livelihood at risk. (BTW, she is bullying your daughter and so is Dad..... every time this child lies and dad comes accusing your child of mistreating his daughter they are bullying her and you)
Tell him the TRUTH. His daughter is manipulating him with lies and you will no longer tolerate it. Either stop with the unwarranted complaints or find other care.
And, even though the girls will be in school together and they live nearby, does not mean your child should have to remain friends with her. Would you remain friends with someone who treated you the way this girl is treating your daughter?
If she stays, empower the other children to say "I do not like the way you are treating me and I choose not to play with you. When you decide to treat me better, then we can talk"
Yes what she said in spades. then tell him he is welcome to find other care for her and you will waive the required notice and it can be effective immediately if she is that unhappy.Stop entertaining it.
I wouldn't wait for the next time Dad brings it up. I would, today, tell him that I have grown tired of hearing the complaints. That the complaints are not valid and I am not going tolerate false accusations against my child or any other child again. I would explain to him that I understand his concern, but he needs to understand that his child is manipulating him with LIES to get attention and that LIES put you at risk of being held liable for something that never happened. If he doesn't trust you to adequately supervise and protect his child then he MUST find other child care arrangements, as you will no longer allow YOUR child or the other children to be bullied in to doing everything her way and you can no longer risk that she may make a serious accusation that can put your entire business and livelihood at risk. (BTW, she is bullying your daughter and so is Dad..... every time this child lies and dad comes accusing your child of mistreating his daughter they are bullying her and you)
Tell him the TRUTH. His daughter is manipulating him with lies and you will no longer tolerate it. Either stop with the unwarranted complaints or find other care.
And, even though the girls will be in school together and they live nearby, does not mean your child should have to remain friends with her. Would you remain friends with someone who treated you the way this girl is treating your daughter?
If she stays, empower the other children to say "I do not like the way you are treating me and I choose not to play with you. When you decide to treat me better, then we can talk"