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Old 01-18-2016, 05:43 PM
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Ariana Ariana is online now
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Default Pick Up Craziness

I have a 2 yr old DCG. With me she is good as gold. Tested a lot at first of course but knows I am the boss and is a great listener and is super happy to be here. I have zero issues with her.

With mom she is a nightmare. Slaps her, runs away, won't listen etc. It is becoming a circus at pick up time. So I decided to have her dressed before mom comes to the door. The dressing circus has calmed but now she is emptying baskets in my entryway and trying to pull her clothes off. Today she even tried to bite mom when mom was taking the basket away from her. I don't need to tell you of course that mom has no backbone and kid basically hates her.

Any suggestions on what else to do? I'm not sure I feel comfortable with tossing them out the door upon arrival....although I would like to. This kid becomes like a demon when mom arrives. Is this even normal???
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Old 01-18-2016, 05:52 PM
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I have one like that too! He will slap, pinch, bite, kick and pull her hair. And every day he has a fit about one thing or another, and refuses to leave.
Last week, I had him get ready to go 10 minutes before pick up and reminded him not to hit or kick Mom. It worked only about 50% of the time.
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Old 01-18-2016, 06:29 PM
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I wouldn't feel bad at all about opening the door when mom knocks, pushing the little darling out, and locking the door.
Your options are:

A. Just hand the child off outside and you'll never have any drama inside your house;
B. Coach the mom on how to handle pick ups (aka how to parent), and let her know that the behaviors have to stop yesterday. If she responds by giving it an honest try, work with her;
C. Step in and make the child listen. Most providers think that they are stepping on the parents' toes when they discipline a child in their presence, but I have no problem. Although we shouldn't have to. The main reason kids act like hellions at pick up is that they sense a shift in the power: parents think providers have it, providers think parents have it, and kids just steal it and run.
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Old 01-18-2016, 06:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NoMoreJuice! View Post
I wouldn't feel bad at all about opening the door when mom knocks, pushing the little darling out, and locking the door.
Your options are:

A. Just hand the child off outside and you'll never have any drama inside your house;
B. Coach the mom on how to handle pick ups (aka how to parent), and let her know that the behaviors have to stop yesterday. If she responds by giving it an honest try, work with her;
C. Step in and make the child listen. Most providers think that they are stepping on the parents' toes when they discipline a child in their presence, but I have no problem. Although we shouldn't have to. The main reason kids act like hellions at pick up is that they sense a shift in the power: parents think providers have it, providers think parents have it, and kids just steal it and run.
I have been doing C for the past 3 months and it is just wearing on me to be honest. The behavior is not getting any better and is escalating. The mom just stands back and lets me deal with it and I am sick of it because this child is not normal when mom is here!! Mom is pregnant and is already using at an excuse to not bend down...meanwhile she is 12 weeks along. To be honest I think both of them are getting on my nerves at pickup. I have already had to give her so much parenting advice. ugh.

I am leaning more and more towards A but want to give mom a heads up as to why first.
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Old 01-18-2016, 07:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariana View Post
I am leaning more and more towards A but want to give mom a heads up as to why first.
That's fair! Trust me, you won't feel guilty when you have peace, quiet, and sanity instead of that hot mess described.
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Old 01-19-2016, 05:02 AM
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If you like to have dcps come in, could you walk away and let dcm deal? She might be more comfortable to step in if you are not there? Maybe remind dcg "It is time to get your coat on and go home with mommy." and walk away and busy yourself with the rest of the group or getting dinner started? Sometimes I find that verbally stating the expectation, in front of dcm, helps them to assert themselves with the child, too. Then if it isn't working, have a chat with dcm and tell her she needs to put her foot down or you will do the hand off at the door?

I do the hand off. I have all dcks ready, take them to the door, give dcm a brief overview of the day, say goodbye, and that's it. 1-2 mins per family so I don't view it as throwing them out. In the nicer weather, we are already outside so it's easier for me to just let dcps deal as we are all ready for home. I can also have a longer chat with dcps if I need to.
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Old 01-19-2016, 11:34 AM
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I totally agree. Often times if the child respects you, you can prep them for when the parent is about to arrive and what type of behavior they should have when they get there. Having the child dressed and ready to go can shave off some of the craziness, but trying talking to her and telling her to say hello to mom and to listen when she says its time to go. Remind her it is not a time to play or empty any baskets. It's time to go home and get ready for tomorrow. Hopefully, this will work and MAYBE, just MAYBE mom will follow suit and direct her own child (fingers crossed).
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Old 01-19-2016, 12:01 PM
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I had to hand a kid out the door before.

Rather than being put out, mom was GRATEFUL.

Yes, she could have wrestled her kicking screaming child down to get coats and such on. Yes she could have dragged child out while still kicking and screaming. But, by taking away the option of the inside pick up, it eliminated all that - with NO extra work on my part. Win, win.
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Old 01-19-2016, 12:03 PM
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Originally Posted by childcaremom View Post
If you like to have dcps come in, could you walk away and let dcm deal? She might be more comfortable to step in if you are not there? Maybe remind dcg "It is time to get your coat on and go home with mommy." and walk away and busy yourself with the rest of the group or getting dinner started? Sometimes I find that verbally stating the expectation, in front of dcm, helps them to assert themselves with the child, too. Then if it isn't working, have a chat with dcm and tell her she needs to put her foot down or you will do the hand off at the door?

I do the hand off. I have all dcks ready, take them to the door, give dcm a brief overview of the day, say goodbye, and that's it. 1-2 mins per family so I don't view it as throwing them out. In the nicer weather, we are already outside so it's easier for me to just let dcps deal as we are all ready for home. I can also have a longer chat with dcps if I need to.
Yes summer was so much better! Being outside during the handoff worked so well. I would hand her off and walk away but she is my last child to be picked up and I have a very small group of part time kids so mom would think it was weird to just leave her there...plus we have developed the habit of chatting for a few minutes so it is hard to break that.

I am going to write mom an email outlining the new short and sweet pickup routine and go from there. They just informed me that grandma is retiring so they will only be with me for another few months anyway!
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Old 01-19-2016, 12:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Play Care View Post
I had to hand a kid out the door before.

Rather than being put out, mom was GRATEFUL.

Yes, she could have wrestled her kicking screaming child down to get coats and such on. Yes she could have dragged child out while still kicking and screaming. But, by taking away the option of the inside pick up, it eliminated all that - with NO extra work on my part. Win, win.
Honestly I think mom will like this better too...or at least I am hoping. She is the sort of mom though that looks for sympathy/empathy/attention so it might backfire. Either way I need to do this for myself and the child. The child sees her mom for roughly 3 hours a day so I think the lack of attention is causing this chaos.
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