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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Uggg What Would You Do?
anicks 01:58 PM 04-04-2012
So I have a really sweet little boy that comes to my daycare and he is a only child. This week so far he has been a problem child (not just this week, its a weekly thing). Today I couldn't do it anymore. He refused to eat breakfast and wouldn't sit in his chair properly kept moving and getting into stuff ext. He know when this happens he will have to sit in the high chair (he is 2.5yr) That was a crying and that just began the chain of events for stress! After that he goes up to other daycare boy and pushes him down because he wanted the toy. He had a warning and talked to him about not pushing and keeping our hands to our selves. After that he goes and hits boy so he gets time out. He refuses to sit in time out and ignores me every time I get down on his level to talk to him. Crying ensues and fit throwing occurs. Finally after about 30 min he sits in time out for 3 min. Then gets out and takes toys from kids hits and pushes so on so on. More time out more crying more fits. I have 5 kids all together and they are getting to the point of just retaliating and rioting, so I say ok while I make lunch and get the table ready you may watch a movie. Happiness abounds ( we don't watch tv often or at all), all sit where I place them so no fighting about seats happens. As soon as I start lunch sweet little boy starts to hit other little boy. So I move him to a different seat. Fit throwing about not sitting where I first put him so I put him in time out because he refuses to listen and screams so loud my ears are gonna bleed. So I call parent and give warning that if he refuses to take a nap he will need to be taken home (all week he refuses to nap and keeps all kids up) So before that happens he hits again. I call parent to pick up and its all ok. Grandma comes and picks up and I get the cold shoulder and her talking to boy like she was talking to me. "we will go home and play in the snow burn off your energy and spend some time together" (we go out in the after noon because of negative temps in the morning Kind of in a lashing voice for me to hear. Now I feel bad about sending him home but the other kids need to be where its safe and enjoyable. Did I over react or would you do the same thing? I'm feeling a bit discouraged.
Mary Poppins 02:12 PM 04-04-2012
Don't take it personally, you did what was best for you and your group. And for the little guy who is obviously struggling to adjust.
I had a similar issue a few months ago, except in my case it was a little boy who was teething BADLY and his mom wouldn't allow any teething relief. No pain relievers, no oragel, no teething tablets (which, ok I understand some people don't want to use those but whatever). She didn't want me using even a cold washrag or a cold teething ring, though. She asked me not even to let him chew on MY fingers in case I hadn't sanitized my hands well enough (she was a nurse).
So basically she expected me to just watch him suffer and let him chew on his hands, screaming nonstop for hours.
It affected my entire group so badly. Other parents saw him and one even said "give that boy something! He is teething HARD!!" and it was starting to make me look bad, like I was neglecting his needs.
I finally called one day and said I wasn't putting up with it, he needed to be picked up NOW. She sent her mom and I got the cold shoulder from he** and a termination email from dcm that night. I was so relieved! I was actually drafting one when she sent it.
I hate to watch a child suffer and when my hands are tied, or I get treated like crap because I know when I've reached my personal limit, it is time for them to move on.
If I were you, I'd mention to dcp that you didn't appreciate the way grandma treated you and you won't allow disrespect of any kind at your home. If they try to argue it, tell them nicely that maybe it's time they move on....
I had a similar issue a few months ago, except in my case it was a little boy who was teething BADLY and his mom wouldn't allow any teething relief. No pain relievers, no oragel, no teething tablets (which, ok I understand some people don't want to use those but whatever). She didn't want me using even a cold washrag or a cold teething ring, though. She asked me not even to let him chew on MY fingers in case I hadn't sanitized my hands well enough (she was a nurse).
So basically she expected me to just watch him suffer and let him chew on his hands, screaming nonstop for hours.
It affected my entire group so badly. Other parents saw him and one even said "give that boy something! He is teething HARD!!" and it was starting to make me look bad, like I was neglecting his needs.
I finally called one day and said I wasn't putting up with it, he needed to be picked up NOW. She sent her mom and I got the cold shoulder from he** and a termination email from dcm that night. I was so relieved! I was actually drafting one when she sent it.
I hate to watch a child suffer and when my hands are tied, or I get treated like crap because I know when I've reached my personal limit, it is time for them to move on.
If I were you, I'd mention to dcp that you didn't appreciate the way grandma treated you and you won't allow disrespect of any kind at your home. If they try to argue it, tell them nicely that maybe it's time they move on....
MizzCheryl 02:18 PM 04-04-2012
I know how you feel. I have been there and I always felt guilty.
The other kids, however had a much better afternoon I bet.
UMMM Gma is gonna reward him for being horrible all morning.
If he cannot get how it is gonna be at your house he may need a different provider.
It is unfair to you and the other children to hear ugly screaming all morning.
Don't second guess yourself. You do the best you can.
Some kids are not a good fit for my daycare.
Sometimes you have to term.
LOL once when I sent one home Gma was like "Boy you better straighten up. You gonna get a whoopin when you get home."
LOL
The other kids, however had a much better afternoon I bet.
UMMM Gma is gonna reward him for being horrible all morning.
If he cannot get how it is gonna be at your house he may need a different provider.
It is unfair to you and the other children to hear ugly screaming all morning.
Don't second guess yourself. You do the best you can.
Some kids are not a good fit for my daycare.
Sometimes you have to term.
LOL once when I sent one home Gma was like "Boy you better straighten up. You gonna get a whoopin when you get home."
LOL
anicks 02:26 PM 04-04-2012
Wow really! That poor baby! Ive watched this little boy since he was 6mo. and he has always been a bit needy. Lately though since a few months ago he has been super super hard to be around and I'm getting to the point that I'm almost done with it. I probably could use a bit more structure during the day but we play hard dance sings and so on. I'm just thinking with his only child syndrome he may do better in a class room setting and I'm not that kind of provider. I understand winters are hard in Alaska but man I really don't think not going outside is the reason for the behavior! And we do go outside when everyone brings out door gear! Grrrrr Im frustrated
anicks 02:28 PM 04-04-2012
@ Clueless: hahaha I love that Gma! Yeah I'm getting to that point and just sad cuz I've had him forever!
daycare 02:29 PM 04-04-2012
have you talked with the parents about this in detail?
anicks 02:36 PM 04-04-2012
@daycare: Yes maybe I think I need to write a note home too or have a meeting with both parents together. Gma is normally really nice and supportive I think she might have just been annoyed that the dad (her son) called her to get him. I only see dad in the morning part of the week, gma picks him up everyday dad has him. then Mom gets him the last part of the week its really hard on him and no one has any structure or even on the same page for that matter. A meeting might work well.
daycare 02:42 PM 04-04-2012
Originally Posted by anicks:
@daycare: Yes maybe I think I need to write a note home too or have a meeting with both parents together. Gma is normally really nice and supportive I think she might have just been annoyed that the dad (her son) called her to get him. I only see dad in the morning part of the week, gma picks him up everyday dad has him. then Mom gets him the last part of the week its really hard on him and no one has any structure or even on the same page for that matter. A meeting might work well.
are the parents divorced?@daycare: Yes maybe I think I need to write a note home too or have a meeting with both parents together. Gma is normally really nice and supportive I think she might have just been annoyed that the dad (her son) called her to get him. I only see dad in the morning part of the week, gma picks him up everyday dad has him. then Mom gets him the last part of the week its really hard on him and no one has any structure or even on the same page for that matter. A meeting might work well.
anicks 02:44 PM 04-04-2012
yes, that was about a year and a half ago.
sharlan 02:44 PM 04-04-2012
Originally Posted by anicks:
@daycare: Yes maybe I think I need to write a note home too or have a meeting with both parents together. Gma is normally really nice and supportive I think she might have just been annoyed that the dad (her son) called her to get him. I only see dad in the morning part of the week, gma picks him up everyday dad has him. then Mom gets him the last part of the week its really hard on him and no one has any structure or even on the same page for that matter. A meeting might work well.
I think this may be your whole problem with him. The parents aren't together, too many chiefs for one little indian. Too many different rules for him to deal with.@daycare: Yes maybe I think I need to write a note home too or have a meeting with both parents together. Gma is normally really nice and supportive I think she might have just been annoyed that the dad (her son) called her to get him. I only see dad in the morning part of the week, gma picks him up everyday dad has him. then Mom gets him the last part of the week its really hard on him and no one has any structure or even on the same page for that matter. A meeting might work well.
anicks 02:52 PM 04-04-2012
Originally Posted by daycare:
are the parents divorced?
are the parents divorced?
Originally Posted by sharlan:
I think this may be your whole problem with him. The parents aren't together, too many chiefs for one little indian. Too many different rules for him to deal with.
Yes and no one is on the same page. To angry at each other to see what is going on with the child. When I suggest what might be the problem its always chucked up to it being winter and cabin fever!I think this may be your whole problem with him. The parents aren't together, too many chiefs for one little indian. Too many different rules for him to deal with.
daycare 02:59 PM 04-04-2012
Originally Posted by anicks:
Yes and no one is on the same page. To angry at each other to see what is going on with the child. When I suggest what might be the problem its always chucked up to it being winter and cabin fever!
I would require that both parents need to attend a meeting together. Let them know that they need to get on the same page for their child's sake and learn to co-parent.Yes and no one is on the same page. To angry at each other to see what is going on with the child. When I suggest what might be the problem its always chucked up to it being winter and cabin fever!
Don't let them play the blame game. ENOUGH already, lol
Let them know that their child is having behavioral issues and that you need help correcting them. You can't allow for their child become a safety issue for the others. Your job is to keep all children safe and create a safe environment. For ALL children. YOu would also do the same for theirs.
Just as blackcat taught me....30day mark on the calendar.
I would tell mom and dad they have 30 days to get it straighten out.
let them know that will do all you can to work with the child during this time then at 30 days if its still a problem, then you need to let the child go....
be ready for this family to walk. But if you don't set them straight, they will just go on about their ways like they are now and think they are doing no harm....
best of luck to you
My3cents 03:41 PM 04-04-2012
Originally Posted by anicks:
Wow really! That poor baby! Ive watched this little boy since he was 6mo. and he has always been a bit needy. Lately though since a few months ago he has been super super hard to be around and I'm getting to the point that I'm almost done with it. I probably could use a bit more structure during the day but we play hard dance sings and so on. I'm just thinking with his only child syndrome he may do better in a class room setting and I'm not that kind of provider. I understand winters are hard in Alaska but man I really don't think not going outside is the reason for the behavior! And we do go outside when everyone brings out door gear! Grrrrr Im frustrated
They are all needy some just more then others and this can ebb and flow. I am with you. My little are all starting to torment each other. It is like they morphed into ........(fill it in) I suggest you try different strategies other then what has not been working for you. If you can take this kid out.......take him out! Even if your only out for ten minutes. The fresh air, running, being free from indoor limitations will be the best thing for this child. I would call home after two days of not having the correct outside gear. If you have given your parents two days of asking for what you need and they still can't comply, it becomes not fair to the group as a whole. Call them and ask them to bring over little Johnny's boots. We can't go out, because he does not have the proper clothing for outside play. Wow really! That poor baby! Ive watched this little boy since he was 6mo. and he has always been a bit needy. Lately though since a few months ago he has been super super hard to be around and I'm getting to the point that I'm almost done with it. I probably could use a bit more structure during the day but we play hard dance sings and so on. I'm just thinking with his only child syndrome he may do better in a class room setting and I'm not that kind of provider. I understand winters are hard in Alaska but man I really don't think not going outside is the reason for the behavior! And we do go outside when everyone brings out door gear! Grrrrr Im frustrated
One strategy I have found that has helped is time apart. You want to knock over your little friend, then your not playing with everyone else. You want to do this while we are outside, well then you will hold my hand and walk with me for a while.
I am not saying your wrong, but for me figuring out these little peeps is a challenge in itself and what keeps me going. What works one day, doesn't work the next, or on a different child. I wouldn't have called the parents to pick up. I don't want to look like I can't handle my job until I can't.
After being kicked, spit on, and mouthed at by a four and a half year old big kid, ran into me with his head in full charge and pounced like an adult, because this kid was gigantic. I called the parent's and then got chewed out by my Director who went shopping and left me in charge of an over limit of kids. This was when I worked in a center. I have raised my own children and still am, I am a very patient person. This child was a bruiser, bully and thought he had me in a great place. Very bright child. I know my limits. He refused to stop yelling, was beating on me and my one other staff. I reached a limit and enough was enough. Parents were not happy at the child at us but they knew what their child was like. They were inconvenienced for a moment in life.
I say do what is best for you- but make sure you have exhausted all efforts and are not just having an exhausting day yourself. We all have those. Two and a half year old still moldable, still learning......big gigantic smart four and a half year old new better. He was on his way to a down fall. School system was not going to tolerate his behavior.
Hope this helps-
anicks 04:14 PM 04-04-2012
Originally Posted by My3cents:
They are all needy some just more then others and this can ebb and flow. I am with you. My little are all starting to torment each other. It is like they morphed into ........(fill it in) I suggest you try different strategies other then what has not been working for you. If you can take this kid out.......take him out! Even if your only out for ten minutes. The fresh air, running, being free from indoor limitations will be the best thing for this child. I would call home after two days of not having the correct outside gear. If you have given your parents two days of asking for what you need and they still can't comply, it becomes not fair to the group as a whole. Call them and ask them to bring over little Johnny's boots. We can't go out, because he does not have the proper clothing for outside play.
One strategy I have found that has helped is time apart. You want to knock over your little friend, then your not playing with everyone else. You want to do this while we are outside, well then you will hold my hand and walk with me for a while.
I am not saying your wrong, but for me figuring out these little peeps is a challenge in itself and what keeps me going. What works one day, doesn't work the next, or on a different child. I wouldn't have called the parents to pick up. I don't want to look like I can't handle my job until I can't.
After being kicked, spit on, and mouthed at by a four and a half year old big kid, ran into me with his head in full charge and pounced like an adult, because this kid was gigantic. I called the parent's and then got chewed out by my Director who went shopping and left me in charge of an over limit of kids. This was when I worked in a center. I have raised my own children and still am, I am a very patient person. This child was a bruiser, bully and thought he had me in a great place. Very bright child. I know my limits. He refused to stop yelling, was beating on me and my one other staff. I reached a limit and enough was enough. Parents were not happy at the child at us but they knew what their child was like. They were inconvenienced for a moment in life.
I say do what is best for you- but make sure you have exhausted all efforts and are not just having an exhausting day yourself. We all have those. Two and a half year old still moldable, still learning......big gigantic smart four and a half year old new better. He was on his way to a down fall. School system was not going to tolerate his behavior.
Hope this helps-
I totally agree but when its -20 out we cant go outside and its still -20 in the morning so we have to wait until it warms up in the afternoon for outside play. I have removed him from others, I have done the reward thing with him, I have done time out with him, I have done just about everything I can think of and still he is difficult. I only sent him home today because he has been doing this for 2 weeks and the first part of this week. He is the only child I have ever sent home after 4 years of doing home daycare so that is the last resort for me. How much do you allow one child to disrupt the whole before your sanity is in question. I have asked what they want me to do and the parents jokingly say put him outside for a few seconds he will change his mind about being mean real fast. I can't do that and wont do that its to cold outside for that. They are all needy some just more then others and this can ebb and flow. I am with you. My little are all starting to torment each other. It is like they morphed into ........(fill it in) I suggest you try different strategies other then what has not been working for you. If you can take this kid out.......take him out! Even if your only out for ten minutes. The fresh air, running, being free from indoor limitations will be the best thing for this child. I would call home after two days of not having the correct outside gear. If you have given your parents two days of asking for what you need and they still can't comply, it becomes not fair to the group as a whole. Call them and ask them to bring over little Johnny's boots. We can't go out, because he does not have the proper clothing for outside play.
One strategy I have found that has helped is time apart. You want to knock over your little friend, then your not playing with everyone else. You want to do this while we are outside, well then you will hold my hand and walk with me for a while.
I am not saying your wrong, but for me figuring out these little peeps is a challenge in itself and what keeps me going. What works one day, doesn't work the next, or on a different child. I wouldn't have called the parents to pick up. I don't want to look like I can't handle my job until I can't.
After being kicked, spit on, and mouthed at by a four and a half year old big kid, ran into me with his head in full charge and pounced like an adult, because this kid was gigantic. I called the parent's and then got chewed out by my Director who went shopping and left me in charge of an over limit of kids. This was when I worked in a center. I have raised my own children and still am, I am a very patient person. This child was a bruiser, bully and thought he had me in a great place. Very bright child. I know my limits. He refused to stop yelling, was beating on me and my one other staff. I reached a limit and enough was enough. Parents were not happy at the child at us but they knew what their child was like. They were inconvenienced for a moment in life.
I say do what is best for you- but make sure you have exhausted all efforts and are not just having an exhausting day yourself. We all have those. Two and a half year old still moldable, still learning......big gigantic smart four and a half year old new better. He was on his way to a down fall. School system was not going to tolerate his behavior.
Hope this helps-
I try to figure it out the best I can I am a home daycare and its my home so I will not allow a child to beat up other children. I am good at what I do. They can bite spit and knock me around (they don't they know better) all they want but when it comes to the other children I will not tolerate them. And when I start to dislike the job I love because of one little person I know its time for me to have a break from that little person.
cheerfuldom 06:07 AM 04-05-2012
If the parents cant get on the same page, you are wasting your time trying to address this. And if its been going on for long with no permanent solution, why not interview to replace him?
SimpleMom 06:39 AM 04-05-2012
Originally Posted by sharlan:
I think this may be your whole problem with him. The parents aren't together, too many chiefs for one little indian. Too many different rules for him to deal with.
Well put Sharlan. I had a little one like this before (ok, I've had a few) I think this may be your whole problem with him. The parents aren't together, too many chiefs for one little indian. Too many different rules for him to deal with.
I just found an amazing theory/book about tough little kiddos. May/may not work for this little guy. I tried it on my current "toughy" and it has made a WORLD of difference in just a short while.
It's called Transforming the Difficult Child by Howard Glasser.
Great stuff.
In the mean time I think if you needed a break and the others did as well, you did the right thing. I have to say that in my experience every time but maybe once the child was "rewarded" by McDonalds or something else fun when I have sent them home. So, I really try hard not to do that anymore and if it's the case that I really need to do that a lot, then I let them go.
Anyhow, don't worry. You can't control how parent's react when needing to pick up a child that's misbehaving.
anicks 10:37 AM 04-05-2012
Originally Posted by SimpleMom:
Well put Sharlan. I had a little one like this before (ok, I've had a few)
I just found an amazing theory/book about tough little kiddos. May/may not work for this little guy. I tried it on my current "toughy" and it has made a WORLD of difference in just a short while.
It's called Transforming the Difficult Child by Howard Glasser.
Great stuff.
In the mean time I think if you needed a break and the others did as well, you did the right thing. I have to say that in my experience every time but maybe once the child was "rewarded" by McDonalds or something else fun when I have sent them home. So, I really try hard not to do that anymore and if it's the case that I really need to do that a lot, then I let them go.
Anyhow, don't worry. You can't control how parent's react when needing to pick up a child that's misbehaving.
I just ordered the book thanks for the info! I'm glad I sent him home yesterday, his Gma text me and said he has it drilled into his head to follow MissA**** direction and be nice to the other kids. We are going to work on a sticker chart little boy and I so he is involved with his reward and consequences chart. So far today has been awesome!Well put Sharlan. I had a little one like this before (ok, I've had a few)
I just found an amazing theory/book about tough little kiddos. May/may not work for this little guy. I tried it on my current "toughy" and it has made a WORLD of difference in just a short while.
It's called Transforming the Difficult Child by Howard Glasser.
Great stuff.
In the mean time I think if you needed a break and the others did as well, you did the right thing. I have to say that in my experience every time but maybe once the child was "rewarded" by McDonalds or something else fun when I have sent them home. So, I really try hard not to do that anymore and if it's the case that I really need to do that a lot, then I let them go.
Anyhow, don't worry. You can't control how parent's react when needing to pick up a child that's misbehaving.
My3cents 10:46 AM 04-05-2012
Originally Posted by anicks:
I totally agree but when its -20 out we cant go outside and its still -20 in the morning so we have to wait until it warms up in the afternoon for outside play. I have removed him from others, I have done the reward thing with him, I have done time out with him, I have done just about everything I can think of and still he is difficult. I only sent him home today because he has been doing this for 2 weeks and the first part of this week. He is the only child I have ever sent home after 4 years of doing home daycare so that is the last resort for me. How much do you allow one child to disrupt the whole before your sanity is in question. I have asked what they want me to do and the parents jokingly say put him outside for a few seconds he will change his mind about being mean real fast. I can't do that and wont do that its to cold outside for that.
I try to figure it out the best I can I am a home daycare and its my home so I will not allow a child to beat up other children. I am good at what I do. They can bite spit and knock me around (they don't they know better) all they want but when it comes to the other children I will not tolerate them. And when I start to dislike the job I love because of one little person I know its time for me to have a break from that little person.
I totally agree but when its -20 out we cant go outside and its still -20 in the morning so we have to wait until it warms up in the afternoon for outside play. I have removed him from others, I have done the reward thing with him, I have done time out with him, I have done just about everything I can think of and still he is difficult. I only sent him home today because he has been doing this for 2 weeks and the first part of this week. He is the only child I have ever sent home after 4 years of doing home daycare so that is the last resort for me. How much do you allow one child to disrupt the whole before your sanity is in question. I have asked what they want me to do and the parents jokingly say put him outside for a few seconds he will change his mind about being mean real fast. I can't do that and wont do that its to cold outside for that.
I try to figure it out the best I can I am a home daycare and its my home so I will not allow a child to beat up other children. I am good at what I do. They can bite spit and knock me around (they don't they know better) all they want but when it comes to the other children I will not tolerate them. And when I start to dislike the job I love because of one little person I know its time for me to have a break from that little person.
If its -20 below........hello. Don't let the parents tell you that you need to take the child outside to play. Sounds like your on the right track. Tell the parents, when they are trying to pin this all on you that until they come to a decision that they want to be part of solving the problems that you don't feel your daycare is in the best interest of their child. I see more clearly where your coming from and you did the right thing calling them. Let them know in four years you have never let a child go.....put it back on them. Good luck and hang in there- still shaking my head at the parents wanting you to bring out the kiddo's out in that type of weather. Hope this all works out for you-update when and if you can
WImom 11:02 AM 04-05-2012
Originally Posted by sharlan:
I think this may be your whole problem with him. The parents aren't together, too many chiefs for one little indian. Too many different rules for him to deal with.
I'm going to say that's the problem too. I have Dcg 3 that is in the same boat with her behavior here, mom and dad not together so she has me plus both of them with probably all different rules. She sees mom and dad everyday so it also switches with her alot (Mom picks up and keeps overnight and drops off, then dad picks up, keeps her overnight, drops off, etc)I think this may be your whole problem with him. The parents aren't together, too many chiefs for one little indian. Too many different rules for him to deal with.