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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>I Really Need Help
cara041083 06:23 AM 06-30-2014
I have a 3 year old that I have asked about before. She refuses to speak to me and its getting worse and I don't know what to do. Friday while everyone was eating one of the younger kids (1.5) took some of her drink while I was getting everyone food. Instead of telling me so I could handle it, she started crying and throwing a fit and it lasted until nap. I moved her away from the group and went on with our day. Well now its Monday morning, and while I was making breakfast I look up to her crying and kicking my cat because she doesn't like my cat. Instead of saying something to me about it (which I try to make sure the cat is away from her) she is freaking out and kicking her. So once again she is off to the side. What can I do? To be honest here, I am only making $280.00 a week because Im low on numbers. I have her and her sister. If I term her because of this, then I loose 180.00 a week and only make 100 a week. I have been trying to replace them but I am having a hard time. This is also the girl of the mom I have the most problems with. So do you ladies have any suggestions, as to how to make this work until I replace them, or is there nothing I can do until I term. Because at this point I am so frustrated that Im ready to just close and I don't want to feel like that just because of one little girl.
NightOwl 06:27 AM 06-30-2014
Bless your heart.... The only advice I can give is to double your efforts to replace them. I wouldn't worry about filling up before terming, just replace the income you would lose from terming them and be done. I'm really wondering if this little girl has some serious "need to see a shrink" type problems.
SilverSabre25 06:32 AM 06-30-2014
have you asked mom how she handles things at home? that might give you a baseline for what she is expecting. Also sounds like she might be over tired.
I might go so far as to crouch down to her level, look her in the eyes, and say frankly "if you are acting this way it means you need a nap. Are you going to calm down or move to your [wherever she naps]. I'm going to give you until 3 to choose....1......2......3 okay it seems like you can't choose so I will choose for you. Naptime! Do you want to walk or shall I carry you? Looks like you are choosing to be carried. Let's go. you can get up when you are rested and feeling better."
I do sometimes with the kids that are milking the upset look them in the eye and calmly say, "That's enough."
I might go so far as to crouch down to her level, look her in the eyes, and say frankly "if you are acting this way it means you need a nap. Are you going to calm down or move to your [wherever she naps]. I'm going to give you until 3 to choose....1......2......3 okay it seems like you can't choose so I will choose for you. Naptime! Do you want to walk or shall I carry you? Looks like you are choosing to be carried. Let's go. you can get up when you are rested and feeling better."
I do sometimes with the kids that are milking the upset look them in the eye and calmly say, "That's enough."
TickleMonster 06:34 AM 06-30-2014
It is hard to handle a child who doesnt communicate with you. Is it that she cant communicate or just refuses to? My ds is that way. He is 6yrs old now and will throw huge trantrums over the silliest things and refuse to talk to me. He will have all out screaming fits. I just place him on his bed and let him scream because there is no sense in trying to talk to him as it just makes him scream louder. I have to wait out the trantrum out before trying to talk calmly to him and you may have to do the same with this child. Sounds like this child will need a lot of redirection and keeping a constant eye on them. Try keeping the child involved in activities that keep their hands busy. Good luck until you can replace them.
cara041083 06:39 AM 06-30-2014
Originally Posted by SilverSabre25:
have you asked mom how she handles things at home? that might give you a baseline for what she is expecting. Also sounds like she might be over tired.
I might go so far as to crouch down to her level, look her in the eyes, and say frankly "if you are acting this way it means you need a nap. Are you going to calm down or move to your [wherever she naps]. I'm going to give you until 3 to choose....1......2......3 okay it seems like you can't choose so I will choose for you. Naptime! Do you want to walk or shall I carry you? Looks like you are choosing to be carried. Let's go. you can get up when you are rested and feeling better."
I do sometimes with the kids that are milking the upset look them in the eye and calmly say, "That's enough."
Yes I have addressed it with her many times. I have had her for 6 months and its always been this way. Every time I bring it up I am told that She only does it with me. Her mom is 22 and dad is 25. They pretty much treat her like a princess that can do no wrong. They don't even pay the same attention to there 7 month old the way they do to the 3 year old. The mom is no help at all have you asked mom how she handles things at home? that might give you a baseline for what she is expecting. Also sounds like she might be over tired.
I might go so far as to crouch down to her level, look her in the eyes, and say frankly "if you are acting this way it means you need a nap. Are you going to calm down or move to your [wherever she naps]. I'm going to give you until 3 to choose....1......2......3 okay it seems like you can't choose so I will choose for you. Naptime! Do you want to walk or shall I carry you? Looks like you are choosing to be carried. Let's go. you can get up when you are rested and feeling better."
I do sometimes with the kids that are milking the upset look them in the eye and calmly say, "That's enough."
. I have tried the nap time thing but the one time I did it it was 9 am and then by the time nap time was here she was wide awake and kept everyone else up. I just don't understand why she won't talk to me. Once she cried all day and as soon as mom got here she started puking on my floor and told mom she didn't feel good all day and mom got mad at me for not calling her. Well she never told me! I mean its that bad.
cara041083 06:46 AM 06-30-2014
Originally Posted by TickleMonster:
It is hard to handle a child who doesnt communicate with you. Is it that she cant communicate or just refuses to? My ds is that way. He is 6yrs old now and will throw huge trantrums over the silliest things and refuse to talk to me. He will have all out screaming fits. I just place him on his bed and let him scream because there is no sense in trying to talk to him as it just makes him scream louder. I have to wait out the trantrum out before trying to talk calmly to him and you may have to do the same with this child. Sounds like this child will need a lot of redirection and keeping a constant eye on them. Try keeping the child involved in activities that keep their hands busy. Good luck until you can replace them.
She just refuses to. It gets under my skin so bad because the min mom or dad walk in, she is a huge talker and is laughing and playing and acting like there isn't an issue at all, which when I try to talk to them they just look at me like im making it up.It is hard to handle a child who doesnt communicate with you. Is it that she cant communicate or just refuses to? My ds is that way. He is 6yrs old now and will throw huge trantrums over the silliest things and refuse to talk to me. He will have all out screaming fits. I just place him on his bed and let him scream because there is no sense in trying to talk to him as it just makes him scream louder. I have to wait out the trantrum out before trying to talk calmly to him and you may have to do the same with this child. Sounds like this child will need a lot of redirection and keeping a constant eye on them. Try keeping the child involved in activities that keep their hands busy. Good luck until you can replace them.
Indoorvoice 06:49 AM 06-30-2014
Oh my goodness. I had this exact kid. I couldn't term either because she is my friend's child. I talked with her mom about it and it turns out that they were anticipating her every want and need at home so she had no need to communicate. I asked them to start encouraging her to use her words even if they knew what she wanted and that I would do the same. Sometimes everyone would be excused from the table for 30 minutes and she would still be there because she wouldn't ask me to get down. I started with only requiring her to mumble and gradually expected words and then sentences before getting what she wanted. If she started crying randomly, I would say, "I see you're upset, but you have to use words". And I would separate her while the rest of us would do a fun activity so that she would be motivated to talk to me. I also put all her favorite toys just out of reach so she HAD to ask me in order to play. All this helped her talk more and ultimately stopped the behaviors I was having trouble with. I hope you can find something that works for you! It's tough!
Blackcat31 07:03 AM 06-30-2014
If she is choosing not to speak but can, then I would simply treat her like any other non-verbal child.
Give her the things she needs and instruct her to do as you need her to do. If she isn't going to speak on her own behalf, then you will simply have to go about your day and do as you would with any other child who isn't verbal yet.
If she tantrums, send her to a quiet spot. When she is done, go about your normal business.
I would honestly give her NO attention for not speaking. I wouldn't try and coax her or force her to speak. She needs to see that not speaking is HER issue not yours. kwim?
As for the kicking the cat....there would be some serious consequences for that. That is absolutely unacceptable. The cat did nothing to her and harming animals just because you are angry or upset is not okay.
She would be losing some major privileges for that.
Give her the things she needs and instruct her to do as you need her to do. If she isn't going to speak on her own behalf, then you will simply have to go about your day and do as you would with any other child who isn't verbal yet.
If she tantrums, send her to a quiet spot. When she is done, go about your normal business.
I would honestly give her NO attention for not speaking. I wouldn't try and coax her or force her to speak. She needs to see that not speaking is HER issue not yours. kwim?
As for the kicking the cat....there would be some serious consequences for that. That is absolutely unacceptable. The cat did nothing to her and harming animals just because you are angry or upset is not okay.
She would be losing some major privileges for that.
Heidi 07:28 AM 06-30-2014
I wonder, does she speak to OTHER people? Not her parents; aunts, gma, other parents, other children.
My friends' daughter has PPD-non specific, and suffers from "selective mutism". She can speak to her direct family, but has a huge road-block speaking to others. She's known me all her life (she's 15) and still CAN'T talk to me. Maybe, if we spent a whole day together, she could say a few words to me after several hours, but I'd have to ask the question and wait a good 3-4 minutes for her to be able to process and answer.
She was really prone to temper tantrums as a young child, because her inability to communicate with others frustrated her so.
My friends' daughter has PPD-non specific, and suffers from "selective mutism". She can speak to her direct family, but has a huge road-block speaking to others. She's known me all her life (she's 15) and still CAN'T talk to me. Maybe, if we spent a whole day together, she could say a few words to me after several hours, but I'd have to ask the question and wait a good 3-4 minutes for her to be able to process and answer.
She was really prone to temper tantrums as a young child, because her inability to communicate with others frustrated her so.
cara041083 07:29 AM 06-30-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
If she is choosing not to speak but can, then I would simply treat her like any other non-verbal child.
Give her the things she needs and instruct her to do as you need her to do. If she isn't going to speak on her own behalf, then you will simply have to go about your day and do as you would with any other child who isn't verbal yet.
If she tantrums, send her to a quiet spot. When she is done, go about your normal business.
I would honestly give her NO attention for not speaking. I wouldn't try and coax her or force her to speak. She needs to see that not speaking is HER issue not yours. kwim?
As for the kicking the cat....there would be some serious consequences for that. That is absolutely unacceptable. The cat did nothing to her and harming animals just because you are angry or upset is not okay.
She would be losing some major privileges for that.
I will try this. Yes she is a very smart girl and is a big talker and for only 3 can carry on a convo with you. She just doesn't get her way here and so she refuses to talk. I have been trying to get her to talk which is why I get so frustrated. I will try to just ignore and walk away.If she is choosing not to speak but can, then I would simply treat her like any other non-verbal child.
Give her the things she needs and instruct her to do as you need her to do. If she isn't going to speak on her own behalf, then you will simply have to go about your day and do as you would with any other child who isn't verbal yet.
If she tantrums, send her to a quiet spot. When she is done, go about your normal business.
I would honestly give her NO attention for not speaking. I wouldn't try and coax her or force her to speak. She needs to see that not speaking is HER issue not yours. kwim?
As for the kicking the cat....there would be some serious consequences for that. That is absolutely unacceptable. The cat did nothing to her and harming animals just because you are angry or upset is not okay.
She would be losing some major privileges for that.
debbiedoeszip 07:59 AM 06-30-2014
Originally Posted by cara041083:
I have a 3 year old that I have asked about before. She refuses to speak to me and its getting worse and I don't know what to do. Friday while everyone was eating one of the younger kids (1.5) took some of her drink while I was getting everyone food. Instead of telling me so I could handle it, she started crying and throwing a fit and it lasted until nap. I moved her away from the group and went on with our day. Well now its Monday morning, and while I was making breakfast I look up to her crying and kicking my cat because she doesn't like my cat. Instead of saying something to me about it (which I try to make sure the cat is away from her) she is freaking out and kicking her. So once again she is off to the side. What can I do? To be honest here, I am only making $280.00 a week because Im low on numbers. I have her and her sister. If I term her because of this, then I loose 180.00 a week and only make 100 a week. I have been trying to replace them but I am having a hard time. This is also the girl of the mom I have the most problems with. So do you ladies have any suggestions, as to how to make this work until I replace them, or is there nothing I can do until I term. Because at this point I am so frustrated that Im ready to just close and I don't want to feel like that just because of one little girl.
It seems that you are approaching this situation as if she's not communicating in order to be "bad". While I wouldn't force her or overly coax her to speak, I would definitely go out of my way to try to connect with her emotionally. Something is going on with her, and as she's only 3, I highly doubt that she's not speaking to you out of spite or to snub you. I have a 3 year old that I have asked about before. She refuses to speak to me and its getting worse and I don't know what to do. Friday while everyone was eating one of the younger kids (1.5) took some of her drink while I was getting everyone food. Instead of telling me so I could handle it, she started crying and throwing a fit and it lasted until nap. I moved her away from the group and went on with our day. Well now its Monday morning, and while I was making breakfast I look up to her crying and kicking my cat because she doesn't like my cat. Instead of saying something to me about it (which I try to make sure the cat is away from her) she is freaking out and kicking her. So once again she is off to the side. What can I do? To be honest here, I am only making $280.00 a week because Im low on numbers. I have her and her sister. If I term her because of this, then I loose 180.00 a week and only make 100 a week. I have been trying to replace them but I am having a hard time. This is also the girl of the mom I have the most problems with. So do you ladies have any suggestions, as to how to make this work until I replace them, or is there nothing I can do until I term. Because at this point I am so frustrated that Im ready to just close and I don't want to feel like that just because of one little girl.
I'm wondering if this is a case of selective mutism. Some kids are so painfully uncomfortable outside of their comfort zone (parents and/or home) that how they deal with it is to be uncommunicative verbally.
When she's either refusing to verbally communicate, or is communicating in a socially unacceptable way, I'd pull her aside and talk to her about how she might be feeling (angry, sad, frustrated). I would not just stick her in time out (you can apply a consequence after you have discussed her feelings). It's possible that if she sees that you "get" her, and that you are a safe person with whom she can discuss feelings, that she'll open up to you and start telling you what's going on in her head. Talking to her about her feelings isn't condoning bad behaviour, it's just acknowledging her feelings.
Sunshine74 11:22 AM 06-30-2014
Does she talk to you at all? Like, when she was kicking your cat 
, did she tell you it was because she didn't like it, or did you just assume that was why? The reason I ask is of she doesn't talk to you at all, I would think selective mutism, but if she does sometimes, that wouldn't really apply.
We have a dcg who refuses to talk sometimes, she is very stubborn. If it just a stubborn/ defiance thing, I would go with BC's advice.
, did she tell you it was because she didn't like it, or did you just assume that was why? The reason I ask is of she doesn't talk to you at all, I would think selective mutism, but if she does sometimes, that wouldn't really apply.We have a dcg who refuses to talk sometimes, she is very stubborn. If it just a stubborn/ defiance thing, I would go with BC's advice.
AmyKidsCo 12:26 PM 06-30-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
If she is choosing not to speak but can, then I would simply treat her like any other non-verbal child.
Give her the things she needs and instruct her to do as you need her to do. If she isn't going to speak on her own behalf, then you will simply have to go about your day and do as you would with any other child who isn't verbal yet.
If she tantrums, send her to a quiet spot. When she is done, go about your normal business.
I would honestly give her NO attention for not speaking. I wouldn't try and coax her or force her to speak. She needs to see that not speaking is HER issue not yours. kwim?
As for the kicking the cat....there would be some serious consequences for that. That is absolutely unacceptable. The cat did nothing to her and harming animals just because you are angry or upset is not okay.
She would be losing some major privileges for that.
If she is choosing not to speak but can, then I would simply treat her like any other non-verbal child.
Give her the things she needs and instruct her to do as you need her to do. If she isn't going to speak on her own behalf, then you will simply have to go about your day and do as you would with any other child who isn't verbal yet.
If she tantrums, send her to a quiet spot. When she is done, go about your normal business.
I would honestly give her NO attention for not speaking. I wouldn't try and coax her or force her to speak. She needs to see that not speaking is HER issue not yours. kwim?
As for the kicking the cat....there would be some serious consequences for that. That is absolutely unacceptable. The cat did nothing to her and harming animals just because you are angry or upset is not okay.
She would be losing some major privileges for that.
To me it sounds like it's a power/control thing - look at how worked up she has you with very little effort on her part! ITA about not giving her any attention (power/control) for not speaking.
Will she communicate nonverbally? Like, if you give her a choice of the blue or red cup will she point to one? If she does, I'd give her TONS of choices so she gets a chance to have power/control over things besides her voice. Do you want a spoon or fork for your cereal? Do you want one scoop of cereal or two? Etc. Just be sure that both choices are OK with you because if there's one you don't want her to choose that'll be the one she chooses!
cara041083 01:43 PM 06-30-2014
Originally Posted by Sunshine74:
Does she talk to you at all? Like, when she was kicking your cat, did she tell you it was because she didn't like it, or did you just assume that was why? The reason I ask is of she doesn't talk to you at all, I would think selective mutism, but if she does sometimes, that wouldn't really apply.
We have a dcg who refuses to talk sometimes, she is very stubborn. If it just a stubborn/ defiance thing, I would go with BC's advice.
No she will not speak to me at all. If I ask her a question or tell her to do something she looks at me or shrugges her sholders. Once she starts crying if u ask why she says "because". When u say because why? She says " I don't know". She can talk very well. It's not a development issue or hidden issues at home. It's only with me. I went to her birthday party and saw first hand it's only with me. She won't even tell me when something is wrong or when she needs something. I think it's because I have rules and at home she is in charge. Even when I talk to the mom, the mom gets mad and snappy at me. Everyday I just want to cry and I look at my own kids and wonder why I even do this job when this is how my day is ever day and my only option is to quit and hurt my family financially.Does she talk to you at all? Like, when she was kicking your cat
, did she tell you it was because she didn't like it, or did you just assume that was why? The reason I ask is of she doesn't talk to you at all, I would think selective mutism, but if she does sometimes, that wouldn't really apply.We have a dcg who refuses to talk sometimes, she is very stubborn. If it just a stubborn/ defiance thing, I would go with BC's advice.
cara041083 01:50 PM 06-30-2014
I will add that she speaks to my kids who are 8,5, and 2. But when she's not speaking to me she is eye rolling or smiling at me.
Heidi 07:48 PM 06-30-2014
Originally Posted by cara041083:
I will add that she speaks to my kids who are 8,5, and 2. But when she's not speaking to me she is eye rolling or smiling at me.
In that case, I think you have two options. Either connect with her somehow; maybe through silliness or humor, or term. I will add that she speaks to my kids who are 8,5, and 2. But when she's not speaking to me she is eye rolling or smiling at me.
If she talks to everyone else but you, the problem is the connection between you. Not saying that's YOUR fault at all. But sometimes, people don't like each other. That OK! You have other adults you don't connect with, why not a child?
This sounds silly, but we all know that when we were kids, there was some adult that just scared us. Maybe their hair, or a mole, or hair in their nose.
Of COURSE, I am not saying you have any of those, but kids perspectives are sometimes way off. Please don't think I'm saying your weird looking...lol. Obviously, I have no idea what you look like, sound like, or smell like, for that matter! Maybe she's just seeing you through different lenses. Does that make sense?
Sorry, couldn't resist the image....Attached:
-tristar-pictures.jpg (33.5 KB)
nannyde 04:59 AM 07-01-2014
Well I have been thinking about this.
Two stories.
My staff assistant was a nanny for two kids and the oldest was extremely bossy and difficult. She started preschool and the mom took her and picked her up till she was bored with it. So a few weeks into it my helper goes to get her one day and the teachers told her that the kid hadn't said a word for three weeks. They asked her if she knew how they could help her overcome her shyness. My helper went to the teachers and 
to the kid.
She told them she wasn't shy she is THE BOSS. When she is with her parents, brother, and friends she bosses them around all day every day. Her "friends" were the children of her Dads employees and every playdate the parents of the friends didn't want their kid to upset the bosses daughter.
Preschool was the kids first time being around anyone who didn't know she was supposed to rule. So instead of participate she went silent.
The helper told her in front of the teachers to knock it off. She said she knew she was faking it and to answer the adults when they ask you questions. She pointed to each teacher and said "she is YOUR boss".
The second story. I had two kids who were the youngest of six kids. The older kids were way older. The girl was three and she never talked to us. I couldn't figure out how a kid in a big family of six kids with way older sibs didn't talk all the time. I asked the mom and she said she.doesn't shut up at home. I had the mom take her.into my playroom and.I watched the two on my camera and sure enough the kid yapped away.
I found out that the little kids were kept up really late into the night because the older kids were expected to babysit them and keep them quiet while mom slept. They played with her in their rooms and let her watch tv.till she passed out. She had bags of chips, pop, junk at her disposal to keep her from pestering the older kids.
So when.she was at my house there was nothing interesting. No WAY older kids, no tv, no junk food, no stay up till you pass out.
I realized she hated my house and had no reason to try and be a part of it. The life she had at home was a life of control and PLEASURE. My life was good healthy food, age appropriate toys, little kids and adult supervision.
She wouldn't eat. She wouldn't play. She would sit and stare at the adult during play and sit and stare at the food during meals.
She would walk and sleep. So we took her out walking 1.2 miles a day and had her sleep. She was at my house about nine hours and she slept 7 of them.
I didn't get frustrated. I used it to my advantage. She was good as long as I didn't expect her to do anything. I didn't care if she played or ate. I cared about her sleeping and going with the kids when my helper took her for a walk.
It was easy money. If you can't beat em join em.
I think she has figured out the only way to control you is to not talk. It's pretty clever so I would go with it. I would tell her I am very glad she doesn't talk because I like quiet kids. Smile and tell her thank you for being so quiet.
I would not ASK her anything. I would TELL her what she is to do. I would boss her around all day. Go sit here. Go potty. Sit at the table. Go get your shoes.
I would not allow any TV. I would also ask the mom what tablet she has. There is a chance she she is on an ipad.all the time at home. It's becoming. VERY common and the kids on tablets have a very hard time without them. She could very well be in withdrawal from the screens and control when she is at your house. Every second she's consumed with what she gets when she leaves. That thought process can paralyze a kids mind when they know they will get their fix as soon as their parents pick up.
Don't take it personally. It truly has nothing to do with you. She needs to be bossed around because if a crisis happens she has to know instinctively to mind you RIGHT then. She is so powerful she may well not understand that and the few seconds of refusal could be the difference of life and death.
Two stories.
My staff assistant was a nanny for two kids and the oldest was extremely bossy and difficult. She started preschool and the mom took her and picked her up till she was bored with it. So a few weeks into it my helper goes to get her one day and the teachers told her that the kid hadn't said a word for three weeks. They asked her if she knew how they could help her overcome her shyness. My helper went
to the teachers and to the kid. She told them she wasn't shy she is THE BOSS. When she is with her parents, brother, and friends she bosses them around all day every day. Her "friends" were the children of her Dads employees and every playdate the parents of the friends didn't want their kid to upset the bosses daughter.
Preschool was the kids first time being around anyone who didn't know she was supposed to rule. So instead of participate she went silent.
The helper told her in front of the teachers to knock it off. She said she knew she was faking it and to answer the adults when they ask you questions. She pointed to each teacher and said "she is YOUR boss".
The second story. I had two kids who were the youngest of six kids. The older kids were way older. The girl was three and she never talked to us. I couldn't figure out how a kid in a big family of six kids with way older sibs didn't talk all the time. I asked the mom and she said she.doesn't shut up at home. I had the mom take her.into my playroom and.I watched the two on my camera and sure enough the kid yapped away.
I found out that the little kids were kept up really late into the night because the older kids were expected to babysit them and keep them quiet while mom slept. They played with her in their rooms and let her watch tv.till she passed out. She had bags of chips, pop, junk at her disposal to keep her from pestering the older kids.
So when.she was at my house there was nothing interesting. No WAY older kids, no tv, no junk food, no stay up till you pass out.
I realized she hated my house and had no reason to try and be a part of it. The life she had at home was a life of control and PLEASURE. My life was good healthy food, age appropriate toys, little kids and adult supervision.
She wouldn't eat. She wouldn't play. She would sit and stare at the adult during play and sit and stare at the food during meals.
She would walk and sleep. So we took her out walking 1.2 miles a day and had her sleep. She was at my house about nine hours and she slept 7 of them.
I didn't get frustrated. I used it to my advantage. She was good as long as I didn't expect her to do anything. I didn't care if she played or ate. I cared about her sleeping and going with the kids when my helper took her for a walk.
It was easy money. If you can't beat em join em.
I think she has figured out the only way to control you is to not talk. It's pretty clever so I would go with it. I would tell her I am very glad she doesn't talk because I like quiet kids. Smile and tell her thank you for being so quiet.
I would not ASK her anything. I would TELL her what she is to do. I would boss her around all day. Go sit here. Go potty. Sit at the table. Go get your shoes.
I would not allow any TV. I would also ask the mom what tablet she has. There is a chance she she is on an ipad.all the time at home. It's becoming. VERY common and the kids on tablets have a very hard time without them. She could very well be in withdrawal from the screens and control when she is at your house. Every second she's consumed with what she gets when she leaves. That thought process can paralyze a kids mind when they know they will get their fix as soon as their parents pick up.
Don't take it personally. It truly has nothing to do with you. She needs to be bossed around because if a crisis happens she has to know instinctively to mind you RIGHT then. She is so powerful she may well not understand that and the few seconds of refusal could be the difference of life and death.
cara041083 05:16 AM 07-01-2014
Wow I never even thought about an emergency! I will try what you said. I'm on with the not talking as long as I can get her to do what she is told. Now I know how to handle it. I will try all the advice starting today! Because today is a new day 
Heidi 06:53 AM 07-01-2014
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Well I have been thinking about this.
Two stories.
My staff assistant was a nanny for two kids and the oldest was extremely bossy and difficult. She started preschool and the mom took her and picked her up till she was bored with it. So a few weeks into it my helper goes to get her one day and the teachers told her that the kid hadn't said a word for three weeks. They asked her if she knew how they could help her overcome her shyness. My helper went to the teachers and to the kid.
She told them she wasn't shy she is THE BOSS. When she is with her parents, brother, and friends she bosses them around all day every day. Her "friends" were the children of her Dads employees and every playdate the parents of the friends didn't want their kid to upset the bosses daughter.
Preschool was the kids first time being around anyone who didn't know she was supposed to rule. So instead of participate she went silent.
The helper told her in front of the teachers to knock it off. She said she knew she was faking it and to answer the adults when they ask you questions. She pointed to each teacher and said "she is YOUR boss".
The second story. I had two kids who were the youngest of six kids. The older kids were way older. The girl was three and she never talked to us. I couldn't figure out how a kid in a big family of six kids with way older sibs didn't talk all the time. I asked the mom and she said she.doesn't shut up at home. I had the mom take her.into my playroom and.I watched the two on my camera and sure enough the kid yapped away.
I found out that the little kids were kept up really late into the night because the older kids were expected to babysit them and keep them quiet while mom slept. They played with her in their rooms and let her watch tv.till she passed out. She had bags of chips, pop, junk at her disposal to keep her from pestering the older kids.
So when.she was at my house there was nothing interesting. No WAY older kids, no tv, no junk food, no stay up till you pass out.
I realized she hated my house and had no reason to try and be a part of it. The life she had at home was a life of control and PLEASURE. My life was good healthy food, age appropriate toys, little kids and adult supervision.
She wouldn't eat. She wouldn't play. She would sit and stare at the adult during play and sit and stare at the food during meals.
She would walk and sleep. So we took her out walking 1.2 miles a day and had her sleep. She was at my house about nine hours and she slept 7 of them.
I didn't get frustrated. I used it to my advantage. She was good as long as I didn't expect her to do anything. I didn't care if she played or ate. I cared about her sleeping and going with the kids when my helper took her for a walk.
It was easy money. If you can't beat em join em.
I think she has figured out the only way to control you is to not talk. It's pretty clever so I would go with it. I would tell her I am very glad she doesn't talk because I like quiet kids. Smile and tell her thank you for being so quiet.
I would not ASK her anything. I would TELL her what she is to do. I would boss her around all day. Go sit here. Go potty. Sit at the table. Go get your shoes.
I would not allow any TV. I would also ask the mom what tablet she has. There is a chance she she is on an ipad.all the time at home. It's becoming. VERY common and the kids on tablets have a very hard time without them. She could very well be in withdrawal from the screens and control when she is at your house. Every second she's consumed with what she gets when she leaves. That thought process can paralyze a kids mind when they know they will get their fix as soon as their parents pick up.
Don't take it personally. It truly has nothing to do with you. She needs to be bossed around because if a crisis happens she has to know instinctively to mind you RIGHT then. She is so powerful she may well not understand that and the few seconds of refusal could be the difference of life and death.
Well I have been thinking about this.
Two stories.
My staff assistant was a nanny for two kids and the oldest was extremely bossy and difficult. She started preschool and the mom took her and picked her up till she was bored with it. So a few weeks into it my helper goes to get her one day and the teachers told her that the kid hadn't said a word for three weeks. They asked her if she knew how they could help her overcome her shyness. My helper went
to the teachers and to the kid. She told them she wasn't shy she is THE BOSS. When she is with her parents, brother, and friends she bosses them around all day every day. Her "friends" were the children of her Dads employees and every playdate the parents of the friends didn't want their kid to upset the bosses daughter.
Preschool was the kids first time being around anyone who didn't know she was supposed to rule. So instead of participate she went silent.
The helper told her in front of the teachers to knock it off. She said she knew she was faking it and to answer the adults when they ask you questions. She pointed to each teacher and said "she is YOUR boss".
The second story. I had two kids who were the youngest of six kids. The older kids were way older. The girl was three and she never talked to us. I couldn't figure out how a kid in a big family of six kids with way older sibs didn't talk all the time. I asked the mom and she said she.doesn't shut up at home. I had the mom take her.into my playroom and.I watched the two on my camera and sure enough the kid yapped away.
I found out that the little kids were kept up really late into the night because the older kids were expected to babysit them and keep them quiet while mom slept. They played with her in their rooms and let her watch tv.till she passed out. She had bags of chips, pop, junk at her disposal to keep her from pestering the older kids.
So when.she was at my house there was nothing interesting. No WAY older kids, no tv, no junk food, no stay up till you pass out.
I realized she hated my house and had no reason to try and be a part of it. The life she had at home was a life of control and PLEASURE. My life was good healthy food, age appropriate toys, little kids and adult supervision.
She wouldn't eat. She wouldn't play. She would sit and stare at the adult during play and sit and stare at the food during meals.
She would walk and sleep. So we took her out walking 1.2 miles a day and had her sleep. She was at my house about nine hours and she slept 7 of them.
I didn't get frustrated. I used it to my advantage. She was good as long as I didn't expect her to do anything. I didn't care if she played or ate. I cared about her sleeping and going with the kids when my helper took her for a walk.
It was easy money. If you can't beat em join em.
I think she has figured out the only way to control you is to not talk. It's pretty clever so I would go with it. I would tell her I am very glad she doesn't talk because I like quiet kids. Smile and tell her thank you for being so quiet.
I would not ASK her anything. I would TELL her what she is to do. I would boss her around all day. Go sit here. Go potty. Sit at the table. Go get your shoes.
I would not allow any TV. I would also ask the mom what tablet she has. There is a chance she she is on an ipad.all the time at home. It's becoming. VERY common and the kids on tablets have a very hard time without them. She could very well be in withdrawal from the screens and control when she is at your house. Every second she's consumed with what she gets when she leaves. That thought process can paralyze a kids mind when they know they will get their fix as soon as their parents pick up.
Don't take it personally. It truly has nothing to do with you. She needs to be bossed around because if a crisis happens she has to know instinctively to mind you RIGHT then. She is so powerful she may well not understand that and the few seconds of refusal could be the difference of life and death.
Good points!