So posting as a dc parent this time.

As some of you know, my 11mo goes to the same preschool I work at. It is considered the gold standard among daycare in he area, won numerous awards and "Best Of"'s, caters to very wealthy families, etc. I don't love it...it's got issues. However, my daughter has flourished there and her teacher is awesome, plus I greatly enjoy being able to see her during the day, so I keep her there.

BUT. My main issue is scheduling. I have informal split custody with her father...so I have her Sat-Tue. About every other Friday, he drops her off for a halfday of daycare. I previously (meaning more than six months ago) had her scheduled for Wed and Fri. For whatever reason, the school stopped allowing part time, but they did allow me and another family to offset each other, sharing a FT space. When her dad and I split up, he stated that he would pay for all but $100 of her daycare, but he wanted her on his offdays. That changed her schedule to Mon, Tue and Fri. The school said that they couldn't offer that. (Stay with me here lol)

So what I've been doing is bringing her on Monday (offsetting a child who's out on Mondays), my mom offered to watch her on Tuesdays, she's with Dad on Wed and Thu and usually Friday, or she goes to daycare on Friday. However, I'm being CHARGED for Mon as a dropin, and Wed and Fri to keep her space. She has not attended on a Wed in about 4 months.

This is not working anymore. My mother begged me not to pull her, and had agreed to watch her for free on Tuesdays, but is now asking for money (which I understand). Her dad is now giving me less money...which I don't even know if I'm entitled to bc we have split custody.

I'm sure when I tell them I can't pay for free days anymore they'll tell me I have to pull her. They've already said that her schedule will have to be locked in for next year too, and that doesn't work for me either, because they haven't even told me my schedule for next year!!

So, lol, my question is, how likely am I to find a daycare that will allow for a couple schedule changes per year? But in the course of me typing all this, I kinda answered my own question. I currently am paying $33 a day, which is a 50% discount...we are probably the highest, but I live in a high income area so others might not be much cheaper plus no discount. So I guess my new question is, what should I do?

Sorry so long and convoluted, this is first time I really laid it out.

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You have her 2 school days out of the week and Dad has her 3, but was sometimes dropping her off for a half-day of daycare (Friday) during his days. Correct?

Could you pay your Mom to watch her on Tuesdays and offer to pay her to watch her on Mondays as well? This is what I would do for now. I understand it might not be the ideal situation you had in mind, but if my Mom was willing to do this then I would much rather have my daughter with someone who loves her who is somewhat willing to work with my changing schedule (at least a little bit) than pay for a full-time spot elsewhere before I absolutely NEEDED to. If Mom can't watch her on Mondays, perhaps a friend (SAHM?) could and you could pay them?

Also, could you look into becoming a nanny in your area so you could bring your daughter with you to work still? Nannys tend to be paid more than daycare preschool workers are, typically.

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Good advice above. The thing about daycare centers, especially larger ones, is that they promise you the moon in the beginning, and once they've hooked you, they start changing the rules and caring way too much about the money aspect. I would recommend checking out a few new centers and laying it all out exactly what you need, and can they accommodate it. Check out smaller centers, they tend to work with you more. Also, when centers are desperate to hire because a teacher left unexpectedly, they will do just about anything to get a new hire (in my many years of experience at centers, I have seen this over and over again).

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I don't think you are likely to find this at all and I am sure you understand why. A changing schedule with a child who may or may not be there and has multiple other caregivers.....that sounds like a nightmare. Have you discussed all this with your daughter's father? Perhaps the custody arrangement can be changed to accommodate daycare.

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Yeah I know lol.

And hes not budging. He works nights so he can only have her when he's off, which is Wed, Thu and Fri during the day. My daughter is actually very well adjusted...itll probably get worse though as she turns into a stubborn toddler

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Why is he sending her to daycare on Friday? It sounds like he should just decide for sure, either send her every Friday or no Fridays so at least you know what to do. Will your mom take your child on every Monday and every Tuesday for pay? Your are going to be paying someone something so I personally would rather pay grandma to avoid the multiple caregivers issues. Some kids are quite resilient but others will really struggle with this arrangement.

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So the day care won't let you change her schedule to Mondays even though they clearly have an opening, and take her off of Wednesdays, even though they clearly have no problems with having a random opening during the week? How is this other child not coming Mondays, they are paying for it too?
I agree with a PP... I'd get a different job that will work with you.
OR, on another note, talk to your ex and tell him your options:
1. pay full price somewhere else (he will be paying more)
OR
2. pay half price for full time there (he will be paying more)

Either way your day care costs have gone up recently, since HIS schedule change, and your arrangement needs to be adjusted accordingly. And the fact that your daughter has been at the center that YOU work in, should obviously warrant her staying where she is, as that is clearly what is best for her. I dont' see how he can argue with that either.

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What about a nanny who would only work on the days you needed her? Maybe a young mom with a child you'd let come along?

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Could your mom watch her Modays? So she would be with your mom Mon and Tues and dad on Friday, no need for daycare?

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I know it's split custody, but if your ex isn't working with you on the daycare, then *I believe* he may be responsible for some of the costs incurred.

Usually with split custody, you each pay for the days you have the child, but if he is interfering with your daycare hours and times, and costing you extra money, then you may have a case for it. Now ... that may also cause bad blood between you, so ... not sure if you want to pursue that.

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He and I live about an hour and 45 mins apart, but he works closer to me, so he usually brings her home on his way to work Friday night. Sometimes i ask him to drop.her at daycare so I dont have to be tied to the house all evening or he'll bring her if he has Friday off. We pay for Fridays whether she comes or not, so we just use them whenever but it's not necessary.

He's not really the problem. He's totally entitled to have her on his off days. I am the only one who needs daycare, and it really isn't fair to keep asking him to pay for days she never attends on.

My job has lied about openings and space because they want to bully me into a full time space. They already tried telling me that I had to either pay full time or term, I told them I'd find other arrangements in that case, and then they magically found space . Employees are supposed to have priority, but I imagine they want ft children, so I can't really be mad at them either. I know how the game goes.

The space I use on Mondays belongs to my coteacher's kid who's off on Monday. They never offered me this space, I just had a lightbulb moment and started using it.

I am almost certain I will pull her in the fall. I was wondering what to do for rest of the summer, because I'm done paying for Wednesdays. I totally understand if they say shes gotta go, but it no longer works for me.

My mom would probably love to have her and since she's currently living off a tiny SS check, she could.definitely use the extra cash.

Thanks ladies.

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I don't mean this in a rude way or anything, just thinking out loud here but I think you want to have your cake and eat it too KWIM?

If you are asking your ex to bring your DD and to drop her of at DC on Fridays then yes, you should be responsible for paying for that day. Otherwise let him keep her and you can get her after you get off of work or whatever since this is one of his days.

Typically DC centers only allow PT on either M-W-F or T-Th so the idea that they are bending their new rules for you and allowed you to use a M-T & F spot seems like a good thing you had going on even though you were paying drop-in rates. Then you needed a new accomodation and they couldn't/wouldn't work with you so you are paying drop-in rates (at a discount, am I correct?) even for days that your DD doesn't attend. But think about it this way ... they bent their new rules once and allowed you to attend PT with a guaranteed spot which is better than paying FT for your spot when you only use 2 days KWIM.

So here are a few of your options:
1) Keep things as it is and pay what you pay now plus whatever your mom wants to be paid for Tuesdays.
2) Find a center or FCC that will let your DD attend only on Mon and pay your mom for Tuesdays, ex keeps DD on his Fridays
3) Find a center or DC that will allow your DD to attend M-T only, your mom doesn't have to watch your DD anymore.
4) Find a SAHM or other person to watch your DD M-T, if in their own home it will be less expensive.
5) Change your schedule at work to one that your employer can accommodate so that your DD can be there when you work
6) Change your job and work so that you only work on days you don't have DD so you don't have to pay for DC at all.
7) Renegotiate the custody arrangement with your ex.

I for one think it's very nice of you to let your ex have DD on his off days because it's more convenient and free for him while you have to figure out how to make it work and pay for DC. Maybe it's time you try to make things more convenient and free for you too? Or at minimum, try to make it so that you BOTH are inconvenienced and pay just a little bit.

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honestly, at 11 months old I would just pull her out all together if your mom is willing to watch her (and you can pay her). You say she is "flourishing" at the daycare, but I've never seen an 11 month old NOT flourish in any loving environment. If she was older I would see the point in a daycare center with other children but at 11 months old let her be a baby and enjoy grandma's attention.

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