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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Feel Like My Mother In Law Doesn't Take My Job Seriously
awestbrook713 03:34 PM 10-25-2011
I had a baby back in february and my husband and I had discussed me starting daycare many times. When I went on maternity leave I started the registration process and had a few interested parents and started doing legally exempt care until I became fully registered in August. I now have 10 kids enrolled in addition to my own 3 to take care of, my husband works 3rd shift so he sleeps during the day. I am currently slow due to school starting and one of my mothers being on maternity leave. Come summer time I have 5 to 8 kids plus my 3 daily. Heres my issue when I talk about my job my mother in law makes comments like oh where are your dck's today, or when my husband and I were talking about buying a new home this coming year she looks at me and asks if we are still going to be able to do that with me doing what I am doing. Am I looking into this to much or does it seem she doesn't have respect for what I have chosen to do for work. Anyone else experiance this and how do you handle it?
MarinaVanessa 03:40 PM 10-25-2011
My personal answer to this is "I actually make a good amount of money for the ability to spend time at home with my children everyday. I charge $160 a week for each child. I have 6 full time children enrolled at the moment plus 3 drop in clients. You do the math." Once they figure out that I make over $50,000 a year their attidute changes 
.
If you don't want to discuss $ matters and reveal what you actually make from daycare I would just let it roll of of your shoulders. If your MIL doesn't appreciate the career choice you've made, that's okay. You don't need her approval anyway. If she asks you again whether you think you can really afford to buy a new house just answer with a simple "Of course, I don't do daycare for free afterall." Just make sure to plaster a big smile on your face and excessively talk about how daycare was the best choice you;ve ever made.
I know that I make a helluva lot more now than when I had a "real job". I LOVE telling people that even though they have a "real job" I still make more than they do. I ABSOLUTELY love telling them that I get paid over $50,000 a year to finger paint, build with blocks and play with play-dough. I relish in their looks of surprise
.
.If you don't want to discuss $ matters and reveal what you actually make from daycare I would just let it roll of of your shoulders. If your MIL doesn't appreciate the career choice you've made, that's okay. You don't need her approval anyway. If she asks you again whether you think you can really afford to buy a new house just answer with a simple "Of course, I don't do daycare for free afterall." Just make sure to plaster a big smile on your face and excessively talk about how daycare was the best choice you;ve ever made.
I know that I make a helluva lot more now than when I had a "real job". I LOVE telling people that even though they have a "real job" I still make more than they do. I ABSOLUTELY love telling them that I get paid over $50,000 a year to finger paint, build with blocks and play with play-dough. I relish in their looks of surprise
.
awestbrook713 03:51 PM 10-25-2011
Can't wait till I get everything set like you have and can tell her that. Actually what I can't wait for is getting our new home that we have been waiting for the last 3 years and letting her see what MY JOB and my husbands can really do.
I knew I was going to meet opposition because when I was going through the registration they had nothing nice to say and doubted me the whole time.
I know how can you beat coloring, arts and crafts, being outside when you want, reading and no boss but yourself to answer to. I don't regret my choice the only thing I regret is not doing this when I had my first son, because I missed so much.
I knew I was going to meet opposition because when I was going through the registration they had nothing nice to say and doubted me the whole time.
I know how can you beat coloring, arts and crafts, being outside when you want, reading and no boss but yourself to answer to. I don't regret my choice the only thing I regret is not doing this when I had my first son, because I missed so much.
misspollywog 04:07 PM 10-25-2011
If it makes you feel better, I have a MIL from hell so yes, I can totally relate. I have learned to just blow her "concerns" off.
There is a book, Toxic People (or something similarly titled, can't remember now) that really helps dealing with these negative types. It teaches you how to turn the tables on them. I made my DH read it, too, since his family is full of toxics.
Fast forward to a couple years ago: my MIL was going on about something irrelevant and my DH finally got sick of it and asked her to stick out her tongue. She looked at him funny, then did it and he said, "that's what I thought. No scars on that thing because you haven't bit it in years!".
She got the hint and keeps her big mouth shut now hehe.
There is a book, Toxic People (or something similarly titled, can't remember now) that really helps dealing with these negative types. It teaches you how to turn the tables on them. I made my DH read it, too, since his family is full of toxics.
Fast forward to a couple years ago: my MIL was going on about something irrelevant and my DH finally got sick of it and asked her to stick out her tongue. She looked at him funny, then did it and he said, "that's what I thought. No scars on that thing because you haven't bit it in years!".
She got the hint and keeps her big mouth shut now hehe.
Cat Herder 04:17 PM 10-25-2011
Just tell MIL that you are thrilled with your choice to be a Full-Time Mother while also earning an income. 
I am sure alot of it is sour grapes....
The "SAHM" and "Working Mom" war has been going on for generations. No one side is right 100%....but the war rages on anyway.
...no matter what side of the argument your are on Motherhood = Guilt.
For some guilt translates into defensiveness = sour grapes.
I am sure some math major could whip up a quick flow chart....
I do want to mention to you that being self-employed CAN hurt your chances of getting a loan. Some of her statements may be from fear and not knowing how to just come out and ask if you are going to need help.
YKWIM?
It was pretty difficult to get credit in the first 10 years... My own Dad tap danced around the subject a time or two. "You do have a back-up plan, you know, just in case?" Of course I do, Dad. 
The old man worked hard for his retirement money and has some pretty cool plans of his own.
I am sure alot of it is sour grapes....
The "SAHM" and "Working Mom" war has been going on for generations. No one side is right 100%....but the war rages on anyway.
...no matter what side of the argument your are on Motherhood = Guilt.
For some guilt translates into defensiveness = sour grapes.
I am sure some math major could whip up a quick flow chart....
I do want to mention to you that being self-employed CAN hurt your chances of getting a loan. Some of her statements may be from fear and not knowing how to just come out and ask if you are going to need help.
YKWIM? It was pretty difficult to get credit in the first 10 years...
My own Dad tap danced around the subject a time or two. "You do have a back-up plan, you know, just in case?" Of course I do, Dad. The old man worked hard for his retirement money and has some pretty cool plans of his own.
awestbrook713 04:40 PM 10-25-2011
We shouldn't have a problem with getting a loan. Our credit scores our very good, and we have our current mortgage and other loans we have been paying off.
Cat Herder 04:58 PM 10-25-2011
Originally Posted by awestbrook713:
We shouldn't have a problem with getting a loan. Our credit scores our very good, and we have our current mortgage and other loans we have been paying off.
My credit scores are great and I have never defaulted on anything in my life. That was not the issue. We shouldn't have a problem with getting a loan. Our credit scores our very good, and we have our current mortgage and other loans we have been paying off.
It was about establishing a "stable" work history for a few lenders.
They wanted documented proof of employment and future income potential.This is the third home I purchased and was the most difficult to secure.
awestbrook713 05:03 PM 10-25-2011
Well I guess that is a road we will have to cross when we get to it. Hopefully my husbands job will help us enough to secure a loan. I swear I learn something on here every day. I never thought about being self employed making it more difficult to buy a home.
SilverSabre25 05:23 PM 10-25-2011
I feel ya, really, I do. In last year's Brag Letter, I mean, "Christmas Letter" that my MIL sends out every year, she wrote, " [SilverSabre] is babysitting a couple children so that they have some extra money to go on vacations and stuff, and so she's not bored being at home all the time." I about hit the roof! I don't "babysit a couple children" for "extra money", I do daycare/babysit as many as I can SO THAT WE CAN SURVIVE!!!! I would be very happy just being a SAHM, but we can't.
I'm still a bit bitter. My MIL really does brag it up and outright lies in her letters. She told a story in one two years ago about my DD where she outright lied about how I handled a situation. It made me look horrible and she has told numerous people her version...including my own family!! Granted, the real version isn't as "funny", but ARGH.
I'm still a bit bitter. My MIL really does brag it up and outright lies in her letters. She told a story in one two years ago about my DD where she outright lied about how I handled a situation. It made me look horrible and she has told numerous people her version...including my own family!! Granted, the real version isn't as "funny", but ARGH.
SilverSabre25 05:24 PM 10-25-2011
Originally Posted by awestbrook713:
Well I guess that is a road we will have to cross when we get to it. Hopefully my husbands job will help us enough to secure a loan. I swear I learn something on here every day. I never thought about being self employed making it more difficult to buy a home.
We have had a very hard time so far getting any credit using my income. After I've been doing this a few years it should be easier, but the issues are definitely out there.Well I guess that is a road we will have to cross when we get to it. Hopefully my husbands job will help us enough to secure a loan. I swear I learn something on here every day. I never thought about being self employed making it more difficult to buy a home.
SandeeAR 06:20 PM 10-25-2011
Maybe MIL is just jealous? Maybe she had hoped to keep the grandkids while you worked outside the home. 
dave4him 06:36 PM 10-25-2011
Originally Posted by SandeeAR:
Maybe MIL is just jealous? Maybe she had hoped to keep the grandkids while you worked outside the home.
WIsh my MIL would do that. The problem with having a sister in law who is 16 and living at home with her one year old.... is your own kids get ignored all too often because the one grandchild who lives there wears her out.... Also this is the same one year old im trying to get in my daycare Maybe MIL is just jealous? Maybe she had hoped to keep the grandkids while you worked outside the home.
Might not be till January now
laundrymom 07:15 PM 10-25-2011
Originally Posted by dave4him:
WIsh my MIL would do that. The problem with having a sister in law who is 16 and living at home with her one year old.... is your own kids get ignored all too often because the one grandchild who lives there wears her out.... Also this is the same one year old im trying to get in my daycare Might not be till January now
Preachingto choirWIsh my MIL would do that. The problem with having a sister in law who is 16 and living at home with her one year old.... is your own kids get ignored all too often because the one grandchild who lives there wears her out.... Also this is the same one year old im trying to get in my daycare
Might not be till January now
laundrymom 07:23 PM 10-25-2011
Originally Posted by dave4him:
WIsh my MIL would do that. The problem with having a sister in law who is 16 and living at home with her one year old.... is your own kids get ignored all too often because the one grandchild who lives there wears her out.... Also this is the same one year old im trying to get in my daycare Might not be till January now
Preachingto choirWIsh my MIL would do that. The problem with having a sister in law who is 16 and living at home with her one year old.... is your own kids get ignored all too often because the one grandchild who lives there wears her out.... Also this is the same one year old im trying to get in my daycare
Might not be till January now
awestbrook713 07:31 PM 10-25-2011
Oh she probably is jealous I stay home but not because she wanted to watch the grandkids lol. She actually has her oldest son and my neice live with her full time so she has enough grandma time.
I understand what you are saying all to well dave4him. I feel my kids get less time with grandma because their cousin wears her out.
I could understand her being upset if I had chosen to stay home and not contribute but I didn't want to leave the burden on my husband and honestly this was easier than going back to a full time job paying for daycare for 3 children and gas money. She can make her living her way I will make mine my way.
I understand what you are saying all to well dave4him. I feel my kids get less time with grandma because their cousin wears her out.
I could understand her being upset if I had chosen to stay home and not contribute but I didn't want to leave the burden on my husband and honestly this was easier than going back to a full time job paying for daycare for 3 children and gas money. She can make her living her way I will make mine my way.
Unregistered 06:06 AM 10-26-2011
Originally Posted by awestbrook713:
Well I guess that is a road we will have to cross when we get to it. Hopefully my husbands job will help us enough to secure a loan. I swear I learn something on here every day. I never thought about being self employed making it more difficult to buy a home.
Yep, it does. We bought our home 4 yrs ago and they did not use my income b/c it was hard to prove even with joint tax returns. Thankfully we were able to purchase using just hubbys income...............Well I guess that is a road we will have to cross when we get to it. Hopefully my husbands job will help us enough to secure a loan. I swear I learn something on here every day. I never thought about being self employed making it more difficult to buy a home.