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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Article: Mistake Having Kids
Country Kids 06:46 AM 04-12-2013
http://www.mamamia.com.au/parenting/...was-a-mistake/
Then if you type in your search bar: having kids was a mistake,up comes article after article.
So what I'm wondering, if so many people in this day and age do not want children how come they do?
Also, if the first one wasn't great, why have another one?
Then if you type in your search bar: having kids was a mistake,up comes article after article.
So what I'm wondering, if so many people in this day and age do not want children how come they do?
Also, if the first one wasn't great, why have another one?
daycarediva 06:54 AM 04-12-2013
Originally Posted by :
I cannot understand mothers who insist they want children – especially those who undergo years of fertility treatment – then race back to work at the earliest opportunity after giving birth, leaving the vital job of caring for them to strangers.
Why have them at all if you don’t want to bring them up, or can’t afford to? And why pretend you wanted them if you have no intention of raising them? This hypocrisy is, in my view, far more pernicious and difficult to fathom than my own admission that my life would have been better without children.
I couldn't agree more! I cannot understand mothers who insist they want children – especially those who undergo years of fertility treatment – then race back to work at the earliest opportunity after giving birth, leaving the vital job of caring for them to strangers.
Why have them at all if you don’t want to bring them up, or can’t afford to? And why pretend you wanted them if you have no intention of raising them? This hypocrisy is, in my view, far more pernicious and difficult to fathom than my own admission that my life would have been better without children.
My cousin does NOT want children and our entire family thinks she is a TERRIBLE person. She says that she is selfish, self centered and not stable enough to be a good mother. She got divorced over the issue and is now 40 and still childless. She tells everyone it wouldn't be fair to have a child and be a bad mother, or leave him/her with nannies, etc.
I find it refreshing that someone is willing to admit it, instead of brining a child into the world who will suffer because of it.
Play Care 06:58 AM 04-12-2013
Originally Posted by Country Kids:
http://www.mamamia.com.au/parenting/...was-a-mistake/
Then if you type in your search bar: having kids was a mistake,up comes article after article.
So what I'm wondering, if so many people in this day and age do not want children how come they do?
Also, if the first one wasn't great, why have another one?
Several years ago I was a member on a debate forum. I happened to mention how I thought it was sad how many parents would leave their kids at day care even when they were on vacation (teachers, etc.) and was SLAMMED. I was being judgmental, nosey, etc. One poster, a teacher, said she always brought her boys to day care when she was off because they always whined and bickered and she just couldn't deal. She did say that had she had any idea how much "work" kids were she never would have had them...I was so shocked that I didn't say "well, you could TEACH them to behave..." but I suspect she simply didn't want to be bothered. http://www.mamamia.com.au/parenting/...was-a-mistake/
Then if you type in your search bar: having kids was a mistake,up comes article after article.
So what I'm wondering, if so many people in this day and age do not want children how come they do?
Also, if the first one wasn't great, why have another one?
No one it seems, it allowed to have any strong thoughts/opinions anymore because it's not PC or you get accused of being judgmental. For centuries being aware of what others thought of you/your family and reputation kept people from making stupid decisions(obviously it wasn't a perfect system but I do believe it had it's benefits). Now we are expected to nod understandingly when a parent says she dumps her kids at day care 60 hours a week because she can't be bothered.
Country Kids 07:12 AM 04-12-2013
Originally Posted by Play Care:
Several years ago I was a member on a debate forum. I happened to mention how I thought it was sad how many parents would leave their kids at day care even when they were on vacation (teachers, etc.) and was SLAMMED. I was being judgmental, nosey, etc. One poster, a teacher, said she always brought her boys to day care when she was off because they always whined and bickered and she just couldn't deal. She did say that had she had any idea how much "work" kids were she never would have had them...I was so shocked that I didn't say "well, you could TEACH them to behave..." but I suspect she simply didn't want to be bothered.
No one it seems, it allowed to have any strong thoughts/opinions anymore because it's not PC or you get accused of being judgmental. For centuries being aware of what others thought of you/your family and reputation kept people from making stupid decisions(obviously it wasn't a perfect system but I do believe it had it's benefits). Now we are expected to nod understandingly when a parent says she dumps her kids at day care 60 hours a week because she can't be bothered.
Funny, she was a teacher and didn't realize how much kids bicker/fight. See to me thats a cop out. She realized but didn't think about hearing it 24 hours a day. She hears it a school and then saw she was going to hear it after school also.Several years ago I was a member on a debate forum. I happened to mention how I thought it was sad how many parents would leave their kids at day care even when they were on vacation (teachers, etc.) and was SLAMMED. I was being judgmental, nosey, etc. One poster, a teacher, said she always brought her boys to day care when she was off because they always whined and bickered and she just couldn't deal. She did say that had she had any idea how much "work" kids were she never would have had them...I was so shocked that I didn't say "well, you could TEACH them to behave..." but I suspect she simply didn't want to be bothered.
No one it seems, it allowed to have any strong thoughts/opinions anymore because it's not PC or you get accused of being judgmental. For centuries being aware of what others thought of you/your family and reputation kept people from making stupid decisions(obviously it wasn't a perfect system but I do believe it had it's benefits). Now we are expected to nod understandingly when a parent says she dumps her kids at day care 60 hours a week because she can't be bothered.
GrannyJ 07:48 AM 04-12-2013
My dd is 25 and says she doesn't want children. She was raised in a daycare home, volunteered every summer during her high school years at the center I was working at the time. Plus she is now working at a daycare center and babysits for three different families on the weekends. She has he degree in child development. She loves kids but says she would rather work during the day with them and have her evenings free. She would make a perfect Mom. Go figure 
Oneluckymom 07:58 AM 04-12-2013
Interesting topic.
While I would be deeply saddened at the thought of not becoming a grandma some day...I wouldn't want anyone to have children if they knew they didn't want them.
I think there are MANY people out there that are "stuck" with children that were never intended
While I would be deeply saddened at the thought of not becoming a grandma some day...I wouldn't want anyone to have children if they knew they didn't want them.
I think there are MANY people out there that are "stuck" with children that were never intended
Play Care 08:05 AM 04-12-2013
Originally Posted by GrannyJ:
My dd is 25 and says she doesn't want children. She was raised in a daycare home, volunteered every summer during her high school years at the center I was working at the time. Plus she is now working at a daycare center and babysits for three different families on the weekends. She has he degree in child development. She loves kids but says she would rather work during the day with them and have her evenings free. She would make a perfect Mom. Go figure
I would much rather have someone admit it from the get go then have them and not want to be around them. I read an article once where the author likened having small children to having the flu for three years. The lack of sleep, the constant needs, etc. are very wearing on a person.My dd is 25 and says she doesn't want children. She was raised in a daycare home, volunteered every summer during her high school years at the center I was working at the time. Plus she is now working at a daycare center and babysits for three different families on the weekends. She has he degree in child development. She loves kids but says she would rather work during the day with them and have her evenings free. She would make a perfect Mom. Go figure
Blackcat31 08:08 AM 04-12-2013
Originally Posted by Play Care:
I would much rather have someone admit it from the get go then have them and not want to be around them. I read an article once where the author likened having small children to having the flu for three years. The lack of sleep, the constant needs, etc. are very wearing on a person.
I agree that admitting you (in general) would not like having children BEFORE you have them would be best but it is impossible to KNOW what things are going to be like until you are actually living it....kwim?I would much rather have someone admit it from the get go then have them and not want to be around them. I read an article once where the author likened having small children to having the flu for three years. The lack of sleep, the constant needs, etc. are very wearing on a person.
It's the same concept of trying to tell someone who doesn't have kids what they are in for or how much and how deeply they are going to love their child. It is simply NOT something someone can truly understand until they are in the moment.
My mom tried to explain a "mother's love" to me before I had kids. I didn't "get it" until I had them.
She also tried to tell me how tough it was to be an adult. I didn't "get" that either until I was living it.
Country Kids 08:22 AM 04-12-2013
Originally Posted by GrannyJ:
My dd is 25 and says she doesn't want children. She was raised in a daycare home, volunteered every summer during her high school years at the center I was working at the time. Plus she is now working at a daycare center and babysits for three different families on the weekends. She has he degree in child development. She loves kids but says she would rather work during the day with them and have her evenings free. She would make a perfect Mom. Go figure
My odd is this way. She says the childcare has pretty much done her in on having kids. The behavior she see's from them and just kids in general is to much for her. It breaks my heart to thing my career choice stopped her from having children. Usually, kids don't want to go into the family business but running a childcare is like having a bigger family so they just don't want to go into having families.My dd is 25 and says she doesn't want children. She was raised in a daycare home, volunteered every summer during her high school years at the center I was working at the time. Plus she is now working at a daycare center and babysits for three different families on the weekends. She has he degree in child development. She loves kids but says she would rather work during the day with them and have her evenings free. She would make a perfect Mom. Go figure
Funny thing, she is going to school to be a teacher but want to teach high school/college.
littlemissmuffet 08:25 AM 04-12-2013
We are CONSTANTLY judged because we chose to only have one child from the get go. But you better believe we aren't going to have another because of the pressure and judgment 
... and that's simply the reason many do have kids/continue to have kids. Because it's the social norm.
... and that's simply the reason many do have kids/continue to have kids. Because it's the social norm.
AmyLeigh 08:28 AM 04-12-2013
Many people are shocked that I have 3 kids, homeschool and have the daycare. I didn't want kids at all until I was 27. As a child, I didn't even like dolls. Now I really enjoy being around kids. Who knew? 
I read this article yesterday. I have a cousin like that. She had 2 children, was a decent mom, but really was not happy as a mom. Now that they are grown, she is free to do what she wants and is much happier.
I read this article yesterday. I have a cousin like that. She had 2 children, was a decent mom, but really was not happy as a mom. Now that they are grown, she is free to do what she wants and is much happier.
Blackcat31 08:40 AM 04-12-2013
Originally Posted by littlemissmuffet:
We are CONSTANTLY judged because we chose to only have one child from the get go. But you better believe we aren't going to have another because of the pressure and judgment... and that's simply the reason many do have kids/continue to have kids. Because it's the social norm.
NOTHING wrong with having an "only child" on purpose. We are CONSTANTLY judged because we chose to only have one child from the get go. But you better believe we aren't going to have another because of the pressure and judgment
... and that's simply the reason many do have kids/continue to have kids. Because it's the social norm.My brother and his wife are the same. They chose to have one child.
They get ALOT of grief from others......especially people who are only children and had a bad experience because of it.
My brother and his wife are great parents and their DD knows she is loved, wanted and thoroughly enjoyed, spoiled and doted on!!
She isn't a brat though. My brother always makes sure he corrects others about the difference between being spoiled and being a spoiled brat.
I think in many ways, children who are onlies.... are just like kids who are the oldest, the youngest, the middle or one of many......there are good things and bad things about birth placement. Each being unique, different and special.
littlemissmuffet 09:13 AM 04-12-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
NOTHING wrong with having an "only child" on purpose.
My brother and his wife are the same. They chose to have one child.
They get ALOT of grief from others......especially people who are only children and had a bad experience because of it.
My brother and his wife are great parents and their DD knows she is loved, wanted and thoroughly enjoyed, spoiled and doted on!!
She isn't a brat though. My brother always makes sure he corrects others about the difference between being spoiled and being a spoiled brat.
I think in many ways, children who are onlies.... are just like kids who are the oldest, the youngest, the middle or one of many......there are good things and bad things about birth placement. Each being unique, different and special.
NOTHING wrong with having an "only child" on purpose.
My brother and his wife are the same. They chose to have one child.
They get ALOT of grief from others......especially people who are only children and had a bad experience because of it.
My brother and his wife are great parents and their DD knows she is loved, wanted and thoroughly enjoyed, spoiled and doted on!!
She isn't a brat though. My brother always makes sure he corrects others about the difference between being spoiled and being a spoiled brat.
I think in many ways, children who are onlies.... are just like kids who are the oldest, the youngest, the middle or one of many......there are good things and bad things about birth placement. Each being unique, different and special.
We always have to correct others about the difference between spoiled and spoiled brat too!
The inrony is, the people who judge us for only have one child are ALWAYS the same people who are continuously complaining they don't have enough money, enough time or enough patience for their multiple children!
Play Care 09:18 AM 04-12-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I agree that admitting you (in general) would not like having children BEFORE you have them would be best but it is impossible to KNOW what things are going to be like until you are actually living it....kwim?
It's the same concept of trying to tell someone who doesn't have kids what they are in for or how much and how deeply they are going to love their child. It is simply NOT something someone can truly understand until they are in the moment.
My mom tried to explain a "mother's love" to me before I had kids. I didn't "get it" until I had them.
She also tried to tell me how tough it was to be an adult. I didn't "get" that either until I was living it.
I agree to an extent. When my first child was born I had a total "OH sh!t" few months. Then I remembered everyone tried to warn meI agree that admitting you (in general) would not like having children BEFORE you have them would be best but it is impossible to KNOW what things are going to be like until you are actually living it....kwim?
It's the same concept of trying to tell someone who doesn't have kids what they are in for or how much and how deeply they are going to love their child. It is simply NOT something someone can truly understand until they are in the moment.
My mom tried to explain a "mother's love" to me before I had kids. I didn't "get it" until I had them.
She also tried to tell me how tough it was to be an adult. I didn't "get" that either until I was living it.
So I put on my big girl panties and pulled myself together. At some point, even if you don't realize how much work it's going to be, you have to own your choices.
sharlan 09:28 AM 04-12-2013
I can honestly say that I would have my children over again, maybe even more.
Not every woman is cut out to be a mom. I really respect the women who know that and make the choice not to have children.
Not every woman is cut out to be a mom. I really respect the women who know that and make the choice not to have children.
butterfly 09:44 AM 04-12-2013
I would love to know what HER kids have to say on it. How do they feel having all this published? I feel the most for her kids.
Mom&Provider 11:15 AM 04-12-2013
Originally Posted by butterfly:
I would love to know what HER kids have to say on it. How do they feel having all this published? I feel the most for her kids.
I would love to know what HER kids have to say on it. How do they feel having all this published? I feel the most for her kids.
This is what I was thinking when I read the article!? How do her children feel about her comments and that she STILL says she wishes she never had them, even today.
I get that not everyone should be/wants to be a Mother and that some feel pressure to do so, but to write about it and make it sooo very public, complete with pictures, makes me wonder if the bad Mother she says she never was just came into play?
If this were my Mother I'd be embarrassed and ashamed...just me?
EntropyControlSpecialist 11:28 AM 04-12-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
NOTHING wrong with having an "only child" on purpose.
My brother and his wife are the same. They chose to have one child.
They get ALOT of grief from others......especially people who are only children and had a bad experience because of it.
My brother and his wife are great parents and their DD knows she is loved, wanted and thoroughly enjoyed, spoiled and doted on!!
She isn't a brat though. My brother always makes sure he corrects others about the difference between being spoiled and being a spoiled brat.
I think in many ways, children who are onlies.... are just like kids who are the oldest, the youngest, the middle or one of many......there are good things and bad things about birth placement. Each being unique, different and special.
I agree! NOTHING wrong with having an "only child" on purpose.
My brother and his wife are the same. They chose to have one child.
They get ALOT of grief from others......especially people who are only children and had a bad experience because of it.
My brother and his wife are great parents and their DD knows she is loved, wanted and thoroughly enjoyed, spoiled and doted on!!
She isn't a brat though. My brother always makes sure he corrects others about the difference between being spoiled and being a spoiled brat.
I think in many ways, children who are onlies.... are just like kids who are the oldest, the youngest, the middle or one of many......there are good things and bad things about birth placement. Each being unique, different and special.
My daughter will likely never remember her brother living here. He'll be moving out when she is 1-2 years old. So, while she isn't an only child and while he isn't an only child they kind of are.
I see a lot of parents who I think ended up with a child and did not wish to be a mother/father. It's really sad to witness the extreme detachment from parenting or even being affectionate.
bunnyslippers 11:54 AM 04-12-2013
I respect women who can admit that they aren't cut out for motherhood. It isn't for everyone!
I agree that this article makes me feel badly for this mother's children. I can't imagine reading that my mother wishes she had never had me! sad.
I agree that this article makes me feel badly for this mother's children. I can't imagine reading that my mother wishes she had never had me! sad.
Country Kids 02:45 PM 04-12-2013
Originally Posted by AmyLeigh:
Many people are shocked that I have 3 kids, homeschool and have the daycare. I didn't want kids at all until I was 27. As a child, I didn't even like dolls. Now I really enjoy being around kids. Who knew?
I read this article yesterday. I have a cousin like that. She had 2 children, was a decent mom, but really was not happy as a mom. Now that they are grown, she is free to do what she wants and is much happier.
Same here! Many people are shocked that I have 3 kids, homeschool and have the daycare. I didn't want kids at all until I was 27. As a child, I didn't even like dolls. Now I really enjoy being around kids. Who knew?
I read this article yesterday. I have a cousin like that. She had 2 children, was a decent mom, but really was not happy as a mom. Now that they are grown, she is free to do what she wants and is much happier.
I had people say they were shocked when we had our third (had another after that) because they thought I didn't like children. I had already done chidlcare for two years (awesome rep even then) homeschooled later on and been in this business for 17 years. Yea, can't stand children-
I always wonder if the ones that said this wished they had had more kids themselves because they had "limited" themselves to how many they had.
This is in no offense to those that only have 1 or 2 kids. I just saw the majority of these people seemed to have only one or two and have the same gender for both children. Then we had people tell us when we had a girl and boy (our first two children) that we needed to be down, we had one of each, enough.
For me, I always wanted alot of children as I was an onlie and always felt like something was missing. That was me though and maybe not for others though. It really hit me though when I lost my mom and it was just me doing everything. Then I realized it was just me doing this and no one to share the feeling with-siblings.
Remember this is for me personally and when people ask me (happens alot), I'm truthful for my story.
CedarCreek 02:53 PM 04-12-2013
Having children is HARD.
There is no way that I was prepared for the way mine came into the world. That was not ideal or the plan that everyone tells you about. I often question whether I made the right choices or if my youngest would have been better off adopted ( I was 17, broke, in high school and he was severely premature and fragile) but I'm now proud of the choices I made and the mother I have become.
I have a very good friend who is open about her choice to never have children. She adores mine but is perfectly happy with her boyfriend and her dog. She knows that she just isn't " motherly" I greatly admire her for that.
There is no way that I was prepared for the way mine came into the world. That was not ideal or the plan that everyone tells you about. I often question whether I made the right choices or if my youngest would have been better off adopted ( I was 17, broke, in high school and he was severely premature and fragile) but I'm now proud of the choices I made and the mother I have become.
I have a very good friend who is open about her choice to never have children. She adores mine but is perfectly happy with her boyfriend and her dog. She knows that she just isn't " motherly" I greatly admire her for that.
youretooloud 03:07 PM 04-12-2013
Originally Posted by GrannyJ:
My dd is 25 and says she doesn't want children. She was raised in a daycare home, volunteered every summer during her high school years at the center I was working at the time. Plus she is now working at a daycare center and babysits for three different families on the weekends. She has he degree in child development. She loves kids but says she would rather work during the day with them and have her evenings free. She would make a perfect Mom. Go figure
I have two girls who are exactly the same way. They eventually want kids, but right now, they get their fill at work. One still lives here, and sometimes has to be here all day with these kids. And they are LOUD (hence my user name)My dd is 25 and says she doesn't want children. She was raised in a daycare home, volunteered every summer during her high school years at the center I was working at the time. Plus she is now working at a daycare center and babysits for three different families on the weekends. She has he degree in child development. She loves kids but says she would rather work during the day with them and have her evenings free. She would make a perfect Mom. Go figure
So, my girls don't really want kids now. It's probably been great birth control.
One day, my younger one kept one of my kids for the weekend so her parents could go to Florida. I took them both out for pizza. But, the child kept saying "R, will you cut my pizza?" R cut her pizza, still hadn't eaten a single bite of her own. Then before R could eat pizza, the child spilled her lemonaid. R had to clean that up. Then the child cried because the drink got her skirt wet. Then the child wanted to go poop.
That meal alone was her first realization that kids suck the life from you all day every day.