Yesterday dcm said that she has been stressed tryin to make it to my home on time after work, and asked if it was okay to be 5-10 minutes late a couple of times a week. So spineless me of course says no problem, with a smile. I am so mad at myself. When I took them on they said pick up will be between 4:30 and 4:45, and now that is being extended to 5:10 some days!!! I'm sure I won't say anything either about it because I am just such a wimp! The worst is that her kids are behaviorally the most difficult kids and cause 99% of all of the problems. Yesterday her daughter was kickin my daughters train tracks down (after they were already late) and all I could think was that those kids should be gone by now and my daughter shouldn't even have to deal with their crap after day care hours. So irritated! Why am I do spineless? I want to provide good client service but no at the expense of my own family time... For free! And I know I don't have the kahunas to tell them they need to pay more.

Sorry for he bad typing- I'm using my phone

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Even though you told her yesterday it would be no problem to accommodate her; that doesn't mean you can't sit down with her in the near future and let her know you have changed your mind!

I assumed from your post you close at 5? And she is wanting to pick up after that?

If that's the case, decide whether you are willing to stay open later for more pay; or if you want to stick with your current closing time. Once you've decided, ask her if you could talk once more about pick up arrangements. Let her know that you have decided ______________. If she comes back with "Well, you said it was fine the other day!!" then tell her "Yes, I am sorry for that. I was a little caught off guard at that moment. I have had some time to think this through; and I have made my final decision regarding pickups."

You still have a chance to use your backbone! You can do it!!

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I hear ya. I HATE when I give in...especially with a smile...while in my head I'm thinking NO NO NO!!! I would not keep them late, or keep them late with an added fee. If you don't think you can ask for more money, I would tell her that after reviewing your schedule, late pick ups just aren't going to work. It's hard to speak up for what you want, but once you do, it feels so much better! Otherwise, you may find that she gets later and later and it will probably end up being every day of the week.

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So now today come back and say I am really sorry you caught me off guard yesterday. I will keep them but only if you really need it and on those days I will have to charge you x.

Good luck

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I'm reading your replies, and I know what I should do but I don't understand why I feel like it is so difficult to speak up. I honestly don't know WHY I am so hesitant. I am curious to know why it is about me that is causing me to be this way. I can't figure it out.

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I think a lot of us are that way. We are programmed to be nice. That's why we are care providers - because we care.

That said, you are being taken advantage of if she isn't paying you extra. I sure hope she is.

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I'm the same way and I blame it on my childhood. lol I was taught to do as I was told and don't talk back. So I never learned to speak up for what I wanted. I'm quickly learning that I NEED to speak up now, or I will never be happy. I will continually be taken advantage of and I will be miserable and mad at myself. I've learned that when parents present me with something they want, to always say "Let me get back to you about that." That way I do not say yes on an impulse and I can take the time to really think it through.

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It's not just you, it's me too!

This is my face after I do it to myself.

This.. and sadly most parents might know it too.

Ha. What a great idea! I'm going to try this.


I agree with other posters though, maybe just let her know tonight, 'Hey, you know after thinking about it a bit, I really would love to help you out, but I'm going to have to charge you a little extra for the added time to my day.' or something along those lines.

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Email her.

DCM,

After further thought, I cannot accommodate the later hours as requested. I am sorry for the confusion, but I was caught off guard when we spoke this morning. My closing time is 5pm. If you cannot be here, you will need to arrange for someone else to pick up X & Y. I can grant you some leeway until *** (date) but after that my regular closing time and full late fees will apply.

Thank You,

Me

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great!

or I would just pop in a movie for after hour kids. If they cant sit and behave, I would just put them in a booster seat so I can go on with my evenings plans, like making dinner. This is just for kids that cannot be trusted to entertain themselves and their parents are late.

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Standing up for yourself is a learned behavior. You can't know how to do it until you actually start doing it.

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I totally understand you!!! It happend to me I'm stuck with a family who asked me if I could watch their two kids late on tuesdays and I said yes when I really didnt feel like it specially because one of them is very bad behaved

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thats almost a half hour, why is she getting to your house late. I'm nice too, I totally understand where your coming from.

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Like others said you can change your mind. When I first started I had a new family try to push every one of my important rules. The night before the first payday she call and was wondering if they could pay every 2 weeks when she got paid. I stupidly said yes. When they showed up that morning I told her that I'd let her pay next week for both weeks, but after that she would have to pay every week. Maybe tell her you can keep the child for 1 week until 5:10 then after that say he needs to be picked up by 5 or X amount late fees are charged.

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this is so true. Once you do it however, it becomes easier and easier.


Here are a few things to get yourself started on using that backbone:

Any time a parent asks you something (in regards to "special") immediately say, "Let me think it over and I will get back to you". This buys you some time to do the following;

Ask yourself:

• Is the request something I am personally ok with?
• Will it effect my family on a personal level?
• Am I going to do this one time or on a regular basis?
• Am I going to do this for free or for an additional charge?
• What is the worst thing that can happen if I say no?
• Can I live with those possibilities?
• What is in it for me?

I don't mean to imply that we only do things to get things but in an essence if there isn't something given in return such as more respect, building a 'golden family' relationship, the family is great otherwise to you or the kids are good for you, earning extra money etc etc.....then it isn't worth doing......kwim?

It helps if you simply take a step back and list the pros and cons of the situation.

When the request is for something that a parent asks for immediately, I always say "I am sorry I am unable to accommodate you with such short notice." (even if I can) because denying immediate requests helps parents understand that you have a life and obligations outside of child care as well as the fact that things need to be planned in advance in most situations in order for things to run smoothly.

Don't let yourself feel so overwhelmed or pressured. Like you said, you are already recognizing the fact that you need to do things differently (as far as a backbone goes) but change takes time which is why stepping back and thoroughly assessing the situation helps a ton!!!

As far as this situation goes now, I would tell this mom that you were caught off guard and that you will need to give the situation some thought before agreeing to her requests as PP said.

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I have such a hard time coming straight out and saying, lateness = fees. Most of my families try to respect my time and get here before closing, but I'm often told (I have training today and won't get out until *** so I may be a few mins. late. Or, DCG's mom is going out of town, can I drop off early tomorrow? I just smile and say, that's okay.

I realize that people are working and situations DO come up. I charge on the higher side, so I feel if I do start charging for random situations where they need help with a few minutes here and there, it wouldn't feel right to me. I try to put myself in their shoes. If they abuse it, then absolutely, I wouldn't feel guilty attaching a fee and telling them how important my family time is. If I'm having a bad week, I might say sorry, but we plans for this evening, I'm unable to stay past closing tonight (yup, the chicken way out!). I suppose if you have enough excuses, they'll eventually stop asking

Good Luck!

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i totally agree with this. its hard to start but once you do it, it get easier.

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For me, those few extra minutes are minutes I am actually AT work since I don't have my child care in my home. THAT is where my issues lies.

If child care is a business, why is it okay to ask the provider to open early or stay late just because they are "working" from their homes?

NONE of my parents ask me for early open times or late close times because they know that I want to leave work just as they do everyday and go home.

They seem to understand that concept well and I personally don't have issue relating to things outside my open/close hours.

I find it sad that parents don't respect those boundaries simply because a provider lives in their place of business.

Those trainings that parents talk about at work are RARELY thrown upon them and usually planned in advance so if they are telling you the day of the training, that is pretty disrespectful IMHO.

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You shouldn't be hard on yourself. Giving someone an extra 5 or 10 minutes is good customer service. Plus, most people
close between 5:30 to 6:00 p.m., so you're still closing earlier than most people.

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This is great!!! I certainly needed this info, puts things into perspective for me anyways. Thanks!!

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I had a kid who's mum got cancer, the family was leaving the kid at 6 in the morning and picking him up 7:30 or so. the whole time i knew the mum was home with her mother and they would have the dad leave and pick him up. i went through this for a whole year. and their dp and pu time would keep changing. cut a year later she pulls the kid outta my care and never paid me the two week notice. so sometime you just have to look out for yourself first. You maybe an understanding and a nice person, but most people out there won't think twice before screw.... you over.

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This is me too! I changed my closing hours this year to 4:30 from 5:30. This gives my teachers a solid hour after school and all of my kids are out of here by 4:30 (with the exception of the 1 dcg I keep 2nd shift a few days per week). Every now and then they have a meeting where they can't be here until after 4:30. As long as they don't abuse it, I totally understand and work with them, things come up. There are a few days I need the kids picked up by 4 and they are always here by then. Kinda like I scratch your back u scratch mine, KWIM?

Now if it starts to get out of control, I would absolutely start charging a fee.

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When I'm put on the spot like that I always say I'll let you know tomorrow if that will work for me. That way I have time to think about it before I answer.

I agree tell her you didn't have time to think about her request and realize that it won't work for you. Blackcat is right it will get easier the more you do it.

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I blame my hubby. I just say that before we both agreed that I would do daycare I had to agree that the house would be ours as a family only past closing time. I had this scenario actually happen to me too once and I did sort of kick myself in the behind after I agreed to do it but I figured it would only be 5-10 minutes every once in a while. I mentioned it to DH and he have me this look ----> . The next morning I told DCM that I talked to DH and that I would not be able to accomodate being late past my closing time otherwise I may lose my DH's blessing and have to close my daycare permanently .

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I haven't read the other responses BUT since DCM just asked I think it is okay to call her & say, "Joan I was thinking about your troubles getting her by pick-up time. I want to let you know I don't have a problem with your being a little late but if that is going to be the new normal we need to adjust your weekly rate to reflect the extra time the kids will be in my care each day". Hopefully this will help although if you are like me I wouldn't WANT them extra, I just want them gone at pick-up time. Good luck!

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You sound like a people pleaser - I am one too. I hate telling people no b/c I want them to see me favorably!

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Not sure if I agree with this - all my DCFs are gone by 5:00 & it doesn't matter if "most people" are open later - she closes earlier. What other DCP do has nothing to do with her situation. And I close by 5:00. I don't mean to sound snarky just not sure what other providers have to do with this person's situation.

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This. Actually, I think that is one of the biggest reasons that I get asked as many times as I do for parents to drop-off/pick-up early. They figure I will be here anyway, so why not?

That might also be a big factor in the reason why I (and OP as well) have such a hard time saying 'Nope sorry!' right off the bat.

But-as you all said, I guess that we will never learn to stand up for ourselves if we don't ever start!

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Thank you for all of your advice ladies! I am going to definitely start using, "I'll get back to you." Im still not sure what I am going to say to DCM yet. Im the kind of person too shy to speak up; I would rather term and start over, which is childish of me, I know! I just wih people would abide by their written contract I hate being the enforcer. I think OP called it- I was raised not to stick up for myself and question authority and i never learned how.

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The audacity of some DCP's never ceases to amaze me.

I can just see her face if her boss says to her one day...

."Oh! I'm going to schedule some stuff for after work a couple times a week. I'll need you to stay late....all without pay of course......."

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But you ARE the authority now so apply that same line of thinking to your business...EXPECT (and enforce) parents to not question the authority in this situation.

Look at each and every person who asks for special as if they were a child....YOU are the adult, the business owner, the rule maker and ultimately the authority. Stand tall and insist that clients follow the rules.

It isn't like you are throwing new and odd rules/policies at them on a daily basis. You obviously had your rules and policies in written format so you know they are all fully aware of what your rules are....so ask yourself, why are you allowing them to play the "I have no idea" card?

They DO know but they act like toddlers who are testing their boundaries....and unfortunately too many providers allow it to happen at the expense of their own self worth.

You are worth every penny you charge and deserve to be respected!!

...If I tell you that enough, will you start to believe it and use that backbone you know you have?

Someone really wise once told me:

"My time, sanity and personal self-worth are far more valuable to me than keepoing clients who treat me like dirt."

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I am a people pleaser, and I definitely am like the OP and need to work on my backbone. Neighbors and friends make up most of my DCP's, this convolutes the situation and makes having a 'backbone' harder. This is how I started...reaching out to neighbors and friends. Now that I'm established and have a good reputation I will not be making the same mistake. With that said, I have great DCK's and a steady income that I don't want to 'test' and it influences some of my decisions. My kids are genuine friends of my DCF's, so to them it's a giant play date I used to be one of my DCP's boss, so she think's I'll be more understanding when 'meetings' pop up, as I used to be the one making her stay late... I see through it, and when pushes too far, I'll practice creating my backbone with the help I've received from this site!

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That's pretty much how I feel, because I am pretty sure her husband took the day off (he works outdoors and it was thunderstorming yesterday). Whenever he takes the day off she drops off and picks up.

And I dont know what changed, because I have had these client over a year now and it isn't like they got new jobs.

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OH and these same people wanted me to transport their kids to and from preschool and (ready for this) they wanted to pay LESS to me (for more work driving and gas) to compensate for the cost of preschool. That was easy for me to say no to. Um... hmm... let me get 6 kids in and out of a car twice a day 3 days a week in the mornings for less money???

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They catch ya off guard and then put you on the spot. It has happened to me alot. I made myself a promise. Now I always answer like this.
"Oh,... I see.
Let me think about that and I will get back to you"

That way I have a chance to run things over in my head.
I hate to be put on the spot. I always regret I answer.

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I have dealt with this.


Doesn't it really make you mad!
The very ones you help are the ones that screw ya.

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