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Old 01-06-2011, 10:53 AM
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Miss Lindsey Miss Lindsey is offline
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Default First Time Terming...Need A Backbone And The Right Word

ok, I bit off more than I could chew. This is only my 2nd year in childcare, and I have a 4 month old, a 15 month old, and an 8 month old in my care. All of them are easy with tge exception of the 4 month old...and she is just a higher maintenence baby, and still so young. Anyway, I took on a 6 month old this week, and he is not adjusting well. He wont eat, and fusses unless I am walking around holding him. I took him with the mom's assurance he was an easy baby, loved his bottles, and if he ever was fussy, just give him an extra bottle and he would be happy. Well, thats not the case! He wont eat for me, less than half of what he normally takes in a day. He has been even higher maintenence than the 4 month old. I feel overwhelmed, even with an assistant to help. I want to give it anotger week, but also want to prepare mom that this may not work out. I feel bad because I took them thinking I could do it, and now feel totally inadequate. Anyway, what can I tell her that would prepare her that she may need to find someone else? or shoykd I just wait until next week and then term if its no better? I HATE confrontation, and letting people down...and I go to church with these people...so my reputation is on the line in more ways than just as a business relationship!

I need a backbone and need to know that I am not a lousy childcare provider because I cant handle 3 infants at one time and gave up so soon!
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Old 01-06-2011, 10:56 AM
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SandeeAR SandeeAR is offline
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Originally Posted by Miss Lindsey View Post
I need a backbone and need to know that I am not a lousy childcare provider because I cant handle 3 infants at one time and gave up so soon!

I would have NEVER taken kids that close in age. You can't possibly give them the attention they need when they are that close. I put my kids down on paper with the stages/ages listed, before I agreed to the next kid.

I have 2.5 y/o, 1 y/o, 9 mos and 5 months. That is close enough in age for me.
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Old 01-06-2011, 10:56 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss Lindsey View Post
ok, I bit off more than I could chew. This is only my 2nd year in childcare, and I have a 4 month old, a 15 month old, and an 8 month old in my care. All of them are easy with tge exception of the 4 month old...and she is just a higher maintenence baby, and still so young. Anyway, I took on a 6 month old this week, and he is not adjusting well. He wont eat, and fusses unless I am walking around holding him. I took him with the mom's assurance he was an easy baby, loved his bottles, and if he ever was fussy, just give him an extra bottle and he would be happy. Well, thats not the case! He wont eat for me, less than half of what he normally takes in a day. He has been even higher maintenence than the 4 month old. I feel overwhelmed, even with an assistant to help. I want to give it anotger week, but also want to prepare mom that this may not work out. I feel bad because I took them thinking I could do it, and now feel totally inadequate. Anyway, what can I tell her that would prepare her that she may need to find someone else? or shoykd I just wait until next week and then term if its no better? I HATE confrontation, and letting people down...and I go to church with these people...so my reputation is on the line in more ways than just as a business relationship!

I need a backbone and need to know that I am not a lousy childcare provider because I cant handle 3 infants at one time and gave up so soon!


I'm in the same boat! My youngest dck was worse than she is now. But it took two months for her to adjust. She's still a screamer to this day. I would just tell them the truth. They have to respect you for that, I would.
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Old 01-06-2011, 11:09 AM
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I need a backbone and need to know that I am not a lousy childcare provider because I cant handle 3 infants at one time and gave up so soon!
Wow! three at one time?!?! I would be honest and say that it sounded like something you thought you could do but you are finding that it is too difficult and rather than give their daughter sub par care, it would be better for them to find alternate care. Let them know that you care about each child and want to do what is best for each one but you are simply finding it to be too much and the kids suffer because of you being over worked. It is physically impossible for you to give the required attention to that many infants alone time. I think the parents would respect you for your honesty and your willingness to put the kids first in this situation. Can I ask what your state laws say about your adult to infant or toddler ratios? Three at one time alone seems like too many to me. Could you hire an assistant?
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Old 01-06-2011, 11:16 AM
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First of all, you are NOT a lousy chidcare provider. Recognizing (and admitting) your limitations is a GREAT thing to be able to do! You have a group that is all at a high maintanence age and very demanding of you.
So, you've had this new baby for this week only? If YOU feel you want to try it, I'd consider giving it some more time. At six months it wil take him a little bit of time to get used to you and a new environment. It's completely reasonable that he would not be eating like usual and be a little extra fussy-you need to get to know him, and he needs to get to know you. I would make sure that either you or your assistant remains the main caregiver for him, try not to switch back and forth with who's holding/feeding ect. until he's been coming for at least 2 weeks-this will help him bond with one of you and be more comfortable for him. Also if he has to cry for a while, he'll survive and it's OK!
You need to do what's right for you. If you decide need to term him, I would just let the mom know that you're sorry, but you underestimated the work that 4 infants would entail and you want to make sure that you are giving each child your all, but that you can't do that with so many-and you don't want any of the kids to "suffer", her son included, from you being over busy.
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Old 01-06-2011, 11:56 AM
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renodeb renodeb is offline
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OMG, your story reminds me so much of a child I just had to dismiss kinda for the same reasons. Heres the long and the short of my story: I had this aquantence that I knew from our daughters being in sports together & our teenage kids being in football and cheer together. So she recommends me to a coworker/fiend of hers. They end up enrolling with me. I know this child would harder to settle in b/c he was mostly home with mom and a nanny. Pretty spoiled etc. So week one rolled by, week two, week three, week 4. He is still screaming all day, not happy, not eatting. Two months roll by and he is no better adjusted. Crying all the time(and I mean all the time).After much debate I had to talk to mom and tell her that this child is not adjusting at all, hes very unhappy and that basically he cries all day unless being held. (sound familiar?) In the conversation I told her that I may not be the best match for them, and that I can not be everything to every child. I also toldher that I had to think of the group as a whole and what was best. We all must recognize our own limitations and abilities. I would just out and out tell her what you are thinking. How long have you have the child? Usually after about a month the child is pretty settled in. Dont beat your self up. You need to do whats best for you. Ofcourse the mom is gonna say the childs easy. Let us know what happens and sorry for going on and on.
Debbie
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Old 01-06-2011, 02:34 PM
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Miss Lindsey Miss Lindsey is offline
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First of all, I live in Missouri, and the ratio for infants under 2 years is 4:1. So, I'm well within those limitations. Second of all, because I find 3 infants to be more work than 1 provider can genuinely provide, I DO have an assistant here with me when I have all 3 babies. I really thought this would be much easier with 2 people, but it really has still been CRAZY stressful with all the fussiness.

Now, I talked to Mom when she came to pick him up. I told her that it's been a rough week. I assured him, he was a great kid, so I really didn't want to just give up on him and say it wasn't going to work, but that there were going to need to be some changes to make it work if it is going to work at all. I told her that his crying and screaming is keeping the other kids from sleeping and distracting them to the point where some of THEM don't want to eat either. I told her that she basicly has two choices. One, he can stay here with me and the other babies, but I wouldn't carry him and coddle him all day to help him get adjusted...so if all the needs had been met, aside from eating which has to be his choice, then I would just put him back in the nap room in his pack n play and let him cry for a bit while I tended to other kids. 20 minutes is the max I would allow him to cry before going back to try to feed/diaper/comfort him again. If she wasn't comfortable knowing that this was going on every day, possibly up to a month or more if he takes a while to adjust to being here, then I had a few other daycare providers I could refer her to that I knew had openings, and didn't have any other infants that would require her constant attention.
She admitted that he is likely spoiled. She said she'd been trying to put him down more throughout the week because she knew that it may make it hard for him at daycare if she constantly held him. She said he had been refusing bottles for her as well, so still not sure what that's all about (maybe it IS still teething related). She wants to try it here for a while longer since she knows and trusts me, and promises to continue to put him down and walk away EVEN IF HE FUSSES to help him learn that he CAN play by himself for more than a few seconds!
She understands that I will give it another 2 weeks with allowing the crying it out, but if we see NO improvements, she will need to find another childcare arrangement for him.
It's full time...so I hope it works! But my sanity and the other little ones sanity is priceless...so we'll see how it goes!
Thanks for all the input! This is why I LOVE this forum!!!
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  #8  
Old 01-06-2011, 03:27 PM
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Just another thougt here, but is it possible the baby might be constipated alot?? Maybe there are some medical issues going on if he wont take a bottle from Mom either?? Sometimes, their formulas has to be changed to another type, like if they spit up alot, etc.

How is he when he is doing other things? Like do you have an excersauser or walker or anything?
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Old 01-06-2011, 04:05 PM
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Miss Lindsey Miss Lindsey is offline
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He poops at least once while he is here, never firm or formed even. He doesnt sns in betweepit up at all, and has been on the same formula since he was born. When he is in the swing/jumper/bouncy seat/ exersaucer/ bumbo/etc, he may enjoy it for a couple minutes, but then starts fussing at me. We rotate with all the activities, holding them in between for 5 minutes, and then holding one baby at a time during feeding, rocking, or story time.
Mom thought it might be teething causing the fussiness and refusing bottles. He is drooling a ton, and chewing on things (the bottle nipple...messy). But its been going on for over a week now. No fever, sleeps through the night, two hour naps. I just dont know what would be causing a sudden change.
I am praying he comes back a new baby next week!
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