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Old 04-23-2013, 10:33 AM
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melilley melilley is offline
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Default Help With An Aggressive 19 Month Old...Please!

I have a 19 mo. old dcb who is constantly pushing, pulling hair, hitting, and bites the other children occasionally. He can't say any words yet, but fully understands what you say because if you ask him to do things, he will. I have talked to the parents and according to them, he came from a family daycare where the majority of the children were older than him and they did all those things to them so they say that that's where he gets it from. They also said that he does those things at home. The other daycare provider used to put him in time out and the parents do, but I do not think that that's an effective way to show him that his behavior is unacceptable. I have had one parent complaint because he has bit their son twice. I do try to shadow him or keep him separate from the children, but with me here by myself with 4-6 children, I can't always do that. I really want to work with him and from experience from being in this field for almost 15 years, I know that that is how some children are, but I need some advice on how or what to do. I've had biters before and hitters before, but that was when I was in a center and I had help. I really don't want to dis-enroll him, but if it's going to be a safety issue, I may have to.

Does anyone have any advice on how to or how I can teach him that it hurts when he does these things? Thanks!
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Old 04-23-2013, 10:54 AM
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At his age, I think all you can do is teach by example. He's so young, and even if he does understand what "no hitting" means, he's very likely not able to control himself in the moment and not hit. Little ones learn best by doing, so try all you can to teach him with your actions... if you see him raise his hand to hit, gently take it and guide it down and say "No hitting. Hitting hurts. We use gentle hands."

Have him be your shadow from now on. It would be great if you found time to follow him around a bit as he plays because that's probably where the behavior is coming out... so while he can learn to stop being aggressive with you, where he really need to learn to stop being aggressive is with the other kids. The best way to teach him how is to get in there with him and the other kids and show by example.

I don't do time-out, and especially not for little ones. Time-out and separating him from the group and other forms of punishment like this will stop his behavior, but it won't teach him not to do it or HOW to behave correctly in the long run.

Good luck!
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Old 04-23-2013, 11:06 AM
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melilley melilley is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by preschoolteacher View Post
At his age, I think all you can do is teach by example. He's so young, and even if he does understand what "no hitting" means, he's very likely not able to control himself in the moment and not hit. Little ones learn best by doing, so try all you can to teach him with your actions... if you see him raise his hand to hit, gently take it and guide it down and say "No hitting. Hitting hurts. We use gentle hands."

Have him be your shadow from now on. It would be great if you found time to follow him around a bit as he plays because that's probably where the behavior is coming out... so while he can learn to stop being aggressive with you, where he really need to learn to stop being aggressive is with the other kids. The best way to teach him how is to get in there with him and the other kids and show by example.

I don't do time-out, and especially not for little ones. Time-out and separating him from the group and other forms of punishment like this will stop his behavior, but it won't teach him not to do it or HOW to behave correctly in the long run.

Good luck!
Thanks! I have been doing what you said, I will re-direct him and tell him that hitting hurts and I also show him how to gently touch friends. He is never aggressive with me, so I know he has some "sense" that it's not ok, but he is aggressive with his parents and older sisters, but you're right, he does do it while playing. He will just walk by and hit! I also agree, time outs are not acceptable for his age and I'm not going to do it again, even if the parents do. Hopefully someday he will see how to use nice touches! He just seems to have an aggressive personality and that's just the way he is, but hopefully there is hope! Thanks for the advice!
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Old 04-23-2013, 11:06 AM
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No time outs, when he hits, I would reinforce it with redirection and words "Ouch, no hitting. Ouch. Use gentle hands (model here). Very nice. Gentle."

It is absolutely possible to keep him near you and separated from the other kids when you aren't around and I would ENSURE that I could do so. I have a new 2yo who bites, but only one dcg, so as long as I keep them separated, I'm good. Are there triggers you could reduce/remove? Is it one child?

What is your biting policy?
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Old 04-23-2013, 11:09 AM
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Is there anything that he CAN hit at your house? I might redirect him to something acceptable to beat on to get that level of boy energy out. With ds we used a tball set, I would just hand him the ball and foam bat. "Hit this, kid." He does great in little league now.
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Old 04-23-2013, 11:14 AM
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Originally Posted by daycarediva View Post
No time outs, when he hits, I would reinforce it with redirection and words "Ouch, no hitting. Ouch. Use gentle hands (model here). Very nice. Gentle."

It is absolutely possible to keep him near you and separated from the other kids when you aren't around and I would ENSURE that I could do so. I have a new 2yo who bites, but only one dcg, so as long as I keep them separated, I'm good. Are there triggers you could reduce/remove? Is it one child?

What is your biting policy?
I don't have a biting policy, but I think I need to make one! I have not seen any triggers and it's not just certain kids either, it's everyone-well, not me and he rarely goes after the babies (I have 2 here-has never bitten them, just a little rough). He just walks by and hits, pulls hair, and bites-and the other children are older. I hate to do it, but I have to give him his pacifier so he won't bite because he will just take it out and bite for no reason, even sometimes when I am right there and can't catch him on time.
I try to keep him near me at all times, but when I have to change a diaper or do some other things, he stands by me, but runs off.
I do have a gate that separates the playroom and sometimes will close it and bring the aggressive one with me so I can make food and I tell the other children to tell me if they want to come out (I can hear them and the are right there) but sometimes I feel guilty doing that, but they do tell me when they want to come out and it keeps them safe.
Thanks for the advice! I will continue to model and discontinue the time outs! Hopefully one day he will change!
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