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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Why DC Provider Is No Longer Friendly With Us?
Unregistered 08:08 AM 02-26-2013
My kids' DC Provider is used to happy when seeing them, greeting me at the drop in and pick up time. We had some financial issues with her, and we solved it as she asked ( my be we negotiate with her at first, but then we did exactly what she asked for). I notice that she have been changed with me and the kids, she is no longer friendly!!! I gave her a nice gift, but I felt that she didn't appreciate it much.. I don't know what is happening????
What do you think? what should I do, and how to approach?
What do you think? what should I do, and how to approach?
Willow 08:13 AM 02-26-2013
You need to be more specific about what happened with your mentioned financial issues and then your attempts to "negotiate" those financial issues with her.
I suspect your answer is likely wrapped up in what happened there.
I suspect your answer is likely wrapped up in what happened there.
bunnyslippers 08:22 AM 02-26-2013
I would need a little more information to give you any input.
Unregistered 08:27 AM 02-26-2013
Originally Posted by bunnyslippers:
I would need a little more information to give you any input.
Negotiating the vacation tuitions, she wants me to pay 75% of the regular tuitions, and I wanted to pay the half, then I did what she asked for.I would need a little more information to give you any input.
One time I asked about her big son ( this is your son.. is he taking care of kids? I don't like men to take care of kids) may be she didn't like me to ask this question??
bunnyslippers 08:36 AM 02-26-2013
My guess is that you probably offended her, both by questioning her vacation payment policy and them by questioning her regarding her son.
Were the polocies spelled out before you began care with her? Did you know beforehand about the vacation pay policy? Did the negotiation become hostile or disprespectful in any way?
Does her son live in the location of the childcare? If so, were you aware of his presence in the home, or was this a one-time thing? It is her son, so that certainly could have upset her. I know in my home, I let all clients know that my husband, although he works, is frequently in and out of the child care space and he does interact with the children.
It sounds like a frank discussion is in order. You should be direct but open, and try to get to the bottom of the issue. If you offended her, I think it would be best to discuss it maturely.
Were the polocies spelled out before you began care with her? Did you know beforehand about the vacation pay policy? Did the negotiation become hostile or disprespectful in any way?
Does her son live in the location of the childcare? If so, were you aware of his presence in the home, or was this a one-time thing? It is her son, so that certainly could have upset her. I know in my home, I let all clients know that my husband, although he works, is frequently in and out of the child care space and he does interact with the children.
It sounds like a frank discussion is in order. You should be direct but open, and try to get to the bottom of the issue. If you offended her, I think it would be best to discuss it maturely.
wdmmom 08:39 AM 02-26-2013
I think any childcare provider would have issues with you talking about their child. I have 5 children and 2 are boys.
I would have taken deep offense to you talking about my son, his size, etc.
You hired ME to care for your child. My child/ren have nothing to do with my business.
It almost seems as if the issues stemmed from you. Providers don't like negotiations. The rules and regs take a lot of time to draw up. They are set in place by the provider for a reason. You don't negotiate your bill at McDonalds, you don't negotiate a price for daycare. The rate is the rate and if you don't like it, you need to shop around.
I would have taken deep offense to you talking about my son, his size, etc.
You hired ME to care for your child. My child/ren have nothing to do with my business.
It almost seems as if the issues stemmed from you. Providers don't like negotiations. The rules and regs take a lot of time to draw up. They are set in place by the provider for a reason. You don't negotiate your bill at McDonalds, you don't negotiate a price for daycare. The rate is the rate and if you don't like it, you need to shop around.
countrymom 08:39 AM 02-26-2013
hmm maybe its time to look elsewhere. Just like us, if we have a bad feeling its a sign of RUN...so because you are getting a bad vibe maybe its time for you to look somewhere else. You want to be able to feel comfortable when you drop your kids off.
when you signed up, did she ever introduce you to the son, and if he is around I know some have mentioned that you need to a police clearance for everyone in the house hold. and was that vacation pay for your time off or her time off.
when you signed up, did she ever introduce you to the son, and if he is around I know some have mentioned that you need to a police clearance for everyone in the house hold. and was that vacation pay for your time off or her time off.
countrymom 08:44 AM 02-26-2013
ladies, she said it was her big son, like a man. I think thats why she was questioning it, I don't think she would ask if the son was taking care of the kids if he was little. And I have a feeling that maybe the provider sprang the 75% on them. Remember, just because we are all good on this forum there are alot of bad providers out there.
KnoxMom 08:46 AM 02-26-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Negotiating the vacation tuitions, she wants me to pay 75% of the regular tuitions, and I wanted to pay the half, then I did what she asked for.
One time I asked about her big son ( this is your son.. is he taking care of kids? I don't like men to take care of kids) may be she didn't like me to ask this question??
It is still hard to tell what the true issue is without details of the discussion. The bottom line is whether you are happy with the way she is treating your children? If you have any doubts about your provider and who she would let be around the children, perhaps you should seek other care. I would imagine this should be resolved pretty easily with a simple heart-to-heart... but if she can't be honest about her feelings with you then I fear any resentment may affect the children if she is unable separate business from personal. Remember they are the first priority: not your feelings or hers. Be adults and talk it out; your gut will tell you what to do from there Negotiating the vacation tuitions, she wants me to pay 75% of the regular tuitions, and I wanted to pay the half, then I did what she asked for.
One time I asked about her big son ( this is your son.. is he taking care of kids? I don't like men to take care of kids) may be she didn't like me to ask this question??
Unregistered 08:46 AM 02-26-2013
Originally Posted by bunnyslippers:
My guess is that you probably offended her, both by questioning her vacation payment policy and them by questioning her regarding her son.
Where the polocies spelled out before you began care with her? Did you know beforehand about the vacation pay policy? Did the negotiation become hostile or disprespectful in any way?
Does her son live in the location of the childcare? If so, were you aware of his presence in the home, or was this a one-time thing? It is her son, so that certainly could have upset her. I know in my home, I let all clients know that my husband, although he works, is frequently in and out of the child care space and he does interact with the children.
It sounds like a frank discussion is in order. You should be direct but open, and try to get to the bottom of the issue. If you offended her, I think it would be best to discuss it maturely.
I didn't know anything about her vacation policy before. I spoke to her very politely, and she firmly and politely insisted on her word.. Then , I told her OK and before paying her I gave her the gift..My guess is that you probably offended her, both by questioning her vacation payment policy and them by questioning her regarding her son.
Where the polocies spelled out before you began care with her? Did you know beforehand about the vacation pay policy? Did the negotiation become hostile or disprespectful in any way?
Does her son live in the location of the childcare? If so, were you aware of his presence in the home, or was this a one-time thing? It is her son, so that certainly could have upset her. I know in my home, I let all clients know that my husband, although he works, is frequently in and out of the child care space and he does interact with the children.
It sounds like a frank discussion is in order. You should be direct but open, and try to get to the bottom of the issue. If you offended her, I think it would be best to discuss it maturely.
What happened is that my son cry when he sees her son, and she even told me that once. When I spoke to her about her son and if he is taking care of kids , she explained to me that he comes very late and didn't involve with kids... I really didn't mean to be bother her with my question, but also liked to reassure my self.
I even didn't see her son when I met her for the first, or even know that she has a big son. I only saw her husband.
Unregistered 08:53 AM 02-26-2013
Originally Posted by countrymom:
ladies, she said it was her big son, like a man. I think thats why she was questioning it, I don't think she would ask if the son was taking care of the kids if he was little. And I have a feeling that maybe the provider sprang the 75% on them. Remember, just because we are all good on this forum there are alot of bad providers out there.
Her son is 22y. I have never seen him before that day, or even know that she has a son.ladies, she said it was her big son, like a man. I think thats why she was questioning it, I don't think she would ask if the son was taking care of the kids if he was little. And I have a feeling that maybe the provider sprang the 75% on them. Remember, just because we are all good on this forum there are alot of bad providers out there.
bunnyslippers 09:02 AM 02-26-2013
It sounds like a serious breakdown in communication between you and your provider. If she was not clear about her policies initially, she is at fault.
Did you sign a contract? Is she a licensed provider?
Did you sign a contract? Is she a licensed provider?
Unregistered 09:06 AM 02-26-2013
Originally Posted by bunnyslippers:
It sounds like a serious breakdown in communication between you and your provider. If she was not clear about her policies initially, she is at fault.
Did you sign a contract? Is she a licensed provider?
No contract, she gave me some paperwork to fill it down, I filled it and sent it back to her. She is licensed.It sounds like a serious breakdown in communication between you and your provider. If she was not clear about her policies initially, she is at fault.
Did you sign a contract? Is she a licensed provider?
bunnyslippers 09:14 AM 02-26-2013
It sounds like a serious breakdown in communication between you and your provider. If she was not clear about her policies initially, she is at fault.
Did you sign a contract? Is she a licensed provider?
Did you sign a contract? Is she a licensed provider?
daycarediva 09:16 AM 02-26-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
No contract, she gave me some paperwork to fill it down, I filled it and sent it back to her. She is licensed.
I'm unsure if this varies by state, but in NY all persons age 18+ need to have a background check and fingerprinting. However, none of the adults can be left alone with the children, or be caregivers to them.No contract, she gave me some paperwork to fill it down, I filled it and sent it back to her. She is licensed.
It is possible that your son is afraid of her son, simply because he is large and unfamiliar. One of my dcb's is afraid of my 12 year old, for no real reason other than size and unfamiliarity. I would NOT be offended if you asked about that if it were me. I believe you have a right as a parent to know who is around/caring for your children.
Was the vacation policy on your contract? In a parent handbook that the provider gave to you? If so, then you didn't have a right to attempt to renegotiate this. If it was not something you signed agreeing to, you had every right to negotiate it.
If you would like to keep your provider, I would be upfront. Ask the provider (you can email if you are more comfortable as well) if there are any problems. Tell her that you enjoy having the children come there, that you hope you didn't offend her as that was not your intention. Try to repair the relationship.
If you would like to remove the children from her care, consult your contract and/or parent handbook for the rules regarding notice. For instance, I require a two week written notice, with payment in full to terminate the contract.
Unregistered 09:18 AM 02-26-2013
Originally Posted by bunnyslippers:
It sounds like a serious breakdown in communication between you and your provider. If she was not clear about her policies initially, she is at fault.
Did you sign a contract? Is she a licensed provider?
@ Bunny slippers, What you recommend me to do with her?It sounds like a serious breakdown in communication between you and your provider. If she was not clear about her policies initially, she is at fault.
Did you sign a contract? Is she a licensed provider?
Unregistered 09:21 AM 02-26-2013
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
I'm unsure if this varies by state, but in NY all persons age 18+ need to have a background check and fingerprinting. However, none of the adults can be left alone with the children, or be caregivers to them.
It is possible that your son is afraid of her son, simply because he is large and unfamiliar. One of my dcb's is afraid of my 12 year old, for no real reason other than size and unfamiliarity. I would NOT be offended if you asked about that if it were me. I believe you have a right as a parent to know who is around/caring for your children.
Was the vacation policy on your contract? In a parent handbook that the provider gave to you? If so, then you didn't have a right to attempt to renegotiate this. If it was not something you signed agreeing to, you had every right to negotiate it.
If you would like to keep your provider, I would be upfront. Ask the provider (you can email if you are more comfortable as well) if there are any problems. Tell her that you enjoy having the children come there, that you hope you didn't offend her as that was not your intention. Try to repair the relationship.
If you would like to remove the children from her care, consult your contract and/or parent handbook for the rules regarding notice. For instance, I require a two week written notice, with payment in full to terminate the contract.
Thank you!I'm unsure if this varies by state, but in NY all persons age 18+ need to have a background check and fingerprinting. However, none of the adults can be left alone with the children, or be caregivers to them.
It is possible that your son is afraid of her son, simply because he is large and unfamiliar. One of my dcb's is afraid of my 12 year old, for no real reason other than size and unfamiliarity. I would NOT be offended if you asked about that if it were me. I believe you have a right as a parent to know who is around/caring for your children.
Was the vacation policy on your contract? In a parent handbook that the provider gave to you? If so, then you didn't have a right to attempt to renegotiate this. If it was not something you signed agreeing to, you had every right to negotiate it.
If you would like to keep your provider, I would be upfront. Ask the provider (you can email if you are more comfortable as well) if there are any problems. Tell her that you enjoy having the children come there, that you hope you didn't offend her as that was not your intention. Try to repair the relationship.
If you would like to remove the children from her care, consult your contract and/or parent handbook for the rules regarding notice. For instance, I require a two week written notice, with payment in full to terminate the contract.
Starburst 09:36 AM 02-26-2013
She may have gotten offended when you made a comment about her son- there are alot of providers on here who said they would gladly get rid of parents who didn't approve of there family because that is a sign that you wont be happy there and that they won't be happy with you there or that you do not trust them. More men are working with kids and it is kinda a double standard when we say 'men shouldn't work with kids' and yet still want the child's father be part of their life as much as possible. In fact, many single moms choose daycares were men work because they want their children (espesually boys) to have positive male role modles. Also it seems like you just judged right off the bat- just because he is there doesn't mean he will be left alone/unsupervised with the children- for all you know he is great with the kids and the kids love him; it doesn't mean he's a creeper. Maybe she cant find another assistant she trusts so he is helping her out until she can or he needs a job and she knows that he is great with kids. if he lives there and has a backgroun check he has a right to be in his own home- after all it is (and should be) a home first and a daycare second. I would be deeply offended if someone came into my home and started critisisng my husband/kids (and I don't even have kids yet!). It's one thing to ask; its another thing to just act like you straight out don't approve- we always think we sounded more polite then we really did and when we are supprised our tones sound harsher than we mean them too. Also, if she is registered/licensed, all adults who live in the child care home or work in the child care home have to have a background check.
Also you were trying to negotiate with her on the price but said you bought her a nice gift? why not just give her the cash- as a bonus? maybe she really needs that cash but not a fruit/lotion basket. It's a nice thaught but I would kinda see it as frivilous if a parent was negotiating a price with me and then went out and bought me something that I didn't need/like/couldn't use if I needed to pay my morgage/bills and buy daycare food, equipment, cleaning supplies, licensing fees/taxes.
Most of all you need to remember this is a business and this is how she makes a living! For all you know she may set her prices to where she can just barely get by. Most providers the minute you start negotiating their prices is when they show you the door. Yes, she should have a contract and a policy handbook that spells everything out so you can see what is expected. But if you don't like her rules, her family, or her prices than find somewear else- but remember not every child care is the same maybe she offers more or charges less than most of the providers in the area and she feels cheated or hurt that you feel her services aren't worth the prices she has set. I am not trying to be mean I am just giving MHO and a different POV.
Also you were trying to negotiate with her on the price but said you bought her a nice gift? why not just give her the cash- as a bonus? maybe she really needs that cash but not a fruit/lotion basket. It's a nice thaught but I would kinda see it as frivilous if a parent was negotiating a price with me and then went out and bought me something that I didn't need/like/couldn't use if I needed to pay my morgage/bills and buy daycare food, equipment, cleaning supplies, licensing fees/taxes.
Most of all you need to remember this is a business and this is how she makes a living! For all you know she may set her prices to where she can just barely get by. Most providers the minute you start negotiating their prices is when they show you the door. Yes, she should have a contract and a policy handbook that spells everything out so you can see what is expected. But if you don't like her rules, her family, or her prices than find somewear else- but remember not every child care is the same maybe she offers more or charges less than most of the providers in the area and she feels cheated or hurt that you feel her services aren't worth the prices she has set. I am not trying to be mean I am just giving MHO and a different POV.
daycaremum 09:39 AM 02-26-2013
Originally Posted by Willow:
You need to be more specific about what happened with your mentioned financial issues and then your attempts to "negotiate" those financial issues with her.
I suspect your answer is likely wrapped up in what happened there.
Exactly what I was thinking. You may see the situation differently than your provider.You need to be more specific about what happened with your mentioned financial issues and then your attempts to "negotiate" those financial issues with her.
I suspect your answer is likely wrapped up in what happened there.
Now I see you explained in detail. Sounds like you asked her politely about her fees. If it wasn't written down and she said 75% and you asked how about 50%, and she said no, sounds like a fine conversation.
I too would ask if there was someone new at the daycare, oh is this your son? Does he have any contact with the kids? (You could have maybe kept the uncomfortable with me thing to yourself until after you heard the answer, since it ended up being no.).
I don't see anything wrong with all you described. I think you just need to softly broach the subject. "Is everything alright, you seem a little off these days, not your usual chipper self?" If she says everything is fine and she continues to be cold, I'd start looking elsewhere. If she's not willing to explain, time to move on.
Unregistered 09:51 AM 02-26-2013
Originally Posted by Starburst:
She may have gotten offended when you made a comment about her son- there are alot of providers on here who said they would gladly get rid of parents who didn't approve of there family because that is a sign that you wont be happy there and that they won't be happy with you there or that you do not trust them. More men are working with kids and it is kinda a double standard when we say 'men shouldn't work with kids' and yet still want the child's father be part of their life as much as possible. In fact, many single moms choose daycares were men work because they want their children (espesually boys) to have positive male role modles. Also it seems like you just judged right off the bat- just because he is there doesn't mean he will be left alone/unsupervised with the children- for all you know he is great with the kids and the kids love him; it doesn't mean he's a creeper. Maybe she cant find another assistant she trusts so he is helping her out until she can or he needs a job and she knows that he is great with kids. if he lives there and has a backgroun check he has a right to be in his own home- after all it is (and should be) a home first and a daycare second. I would be deeply offended if someone came into my home and started critisisng my husband/kids (and I don't even have kids yet!). It's one thing to ask; its another thing to just act like you straight out don't approve- we always think we sounded more polite then we really did and when we are supprised our tones sound harsher than we mean them too. Also, if she is registered/licensed, all adults who live in the child care home or work in the child care home have to have a background check.
Also you were trying to negotiate with her on the price but said you bought her a nice gift? why not just give her the cash- as a bonus? maybe she really needs that cash but not a fruit/lotion basket. It's a nice thaught but I would kinda see it as frivilous if a parent was negotiating a price with me and then went out and bought me something that I didn't need/like/couldn't use if I needed to pay my morgage/bills and buy daycare food, equipment, cleaning supplies, licensing fees/taxes.
Most of all you need to remember this is a business and this is how she makes a living! For all you know she may set her prices to where she can just barely get by. Most providers the minute you start negotiating their prices is when they show you the door. Yes, she should have a contract and a policy handbook that spells everything out so you can see what is expected. But if you don't like her rules, her family, or her prices than find somewear else- but remember not every child care is the same maybe she offers more or charges less than most of the providers in the area and she feels cheated or hurt that you feel her services aren't worth the prices she has set. I am not trying to be mean I am just giving MHO and a different POV.
So when I spoke to her about her son she told me that he comes very late and he doesn't involve with kids. She said that everyone in her house had a backgroundShe may have gotten offended when you made a comment about her son- there are alot of providers on here who said they would gladly get rid of parents who didn't approve of there family because that is a sign that you wont be happy there and that they won't be happy with you there or that you do not trust them. More men are working with kids and it is kinda a double standard when we say 'men shouldn't work with kids' and yet still want the child's father be part of their life as much as possible. In fact, many single moms choose daycares were men work because they want their children (espesually boys) to have positive male role modles. Also it seems like you just judged right off the bat- just because he is there doesn't mean he will be left alone/unsupervised with the children- for all you know he is great with the kids and the kids love him; it doesn't mean he's a creeper. Maybe she cant find another assistant she trusts so he is helping her out until she can or he needs a job and she knows that he is great with kids. if he lives there and has a backgroun check he has a right to be in his own home- after all it is (and should be) a home first and a daycare second. I would be deeply offended if someone came into my home and started critisisng my husband/kids (and I don't even have kids yet!). It's one thing to ask; its another thing to just act like you straight out don't approve- we always think we sounded more polite then we really did and when we are supprised our tones sound harsher than we mean them too. Also, if she is registered/licensed, all adults who live in the child care home or work in the child care home have to have a background check.
Also you were trying to negotiate with her on the price but said you bought her a nice gift? why not just give her the cash- as a bonus? maybe she really needs that cash but not a fruit/lotion basket. It's a nice thaught but I would kinda see it as frivilous if a parent was negotiating a price with me and then went out and bought me something that I didn't need/like/couldn't use if I needed to pay my morgage/bills and buy daycare food, equipment, cleaning supplies, licensing fees/taxes.
Most of all you need to remember this is a business and this is how she makes a living! For all you know she may set her prices to where she can just barely get by. Most providers the minute you start negotiating their prices is when they show you the door. Yes, she should have a contract and a policy handbook that spells everything out so you can see what is expected. But if you don't like her rules, her family, or her prices than find somewear else- but remember not every child care is the same maybe she offers more or charges less than most of the providers in the area and she feels cheated or hurt that you feel her services aren't worth the prices she has set. I am not trying to be mean I am just giving MHO and a different POV.
Check. After she told me that I felt guilty that's why I gave her the gift and I told her that I am very thankful to her, that was by chance 3 days before I should pay for the vacation, I mean I gave her the money on time and didn't delay.. All the negotiations were one month before the vacation and we spoke only twice in that issue then we signed the agreement.
Unregistered 10:00 AM 02-26-2013
Originally Posted by daycaremum:
Exactly what I was thinking. You may see the situation differently than your provider.
Now I see you explained in detail. Sounds like you asked her politely about her fees. If it wasn't written down and she said 75% and you asked how about 50%, and she said no, sounds like a fine conversation.
I too would ask if there was someone new at the daycare, oh is this your son? Does he have any contact with the kids? (You could have maybe kept the uncomfortable with me thing to yourself until after you heard the answer, since it ended up being no.).
I don't see anything wrong with all you described. I think you just need to softly broach the subject. "Is everything alright, you seem a little off these days, not your usual chipper self?" If she says everything is fine and she continues to be cold, I'd start looking elsewhere. If she's not willing to explain, time to move on.
Thank you! I will definitely speak with her. I hope she would be nice and understanding. I hate to Transfare kids between daycares.Exactly what I was thinking. You may see the situation differently than your provider.
Now I see you explained in detail. Sounds like you asked her politely about her fees. If it wasn't written down and she said 75% and you asked how about 50%, and she said no, sounds like a fine conversation.
I too would ask if there was someone new at the daycare, oh is this your son? Does he have any contact with the kids? (You could have maybe kept the uncomfortable with me thing to yourself until after you heard the answer, since it ended up being no.).
I don't see anything wrong with all you described. I think you just need to softly broach the subject. "Is everything alright, you seem a little off these days, not your usual chipper self?" If she says everything is fine and she continues to be cold, I'd start looking elsewhere. If she's not willing to explain, time to move on.
bunnyslippers 10:19 AM 02-26-2013
I agree with daycaremum. Just approach it with her and try to approach it gently. If she is willing to talk it out, then good ~ if not, then maybe it is time to look somewhere else.
I am sure you are b oth viewing what happened in different ways. Good luck~
I am sure you are b oth viewing what happened in different ways. Good luck~
butterfly 10:23 AM 02-26-2013
My impression of all this is that the provider was feeling offended and unappreciated. I wouldn't be too pleased if someone was trying to negoitate my rates. If my families appreciate me, they should realize that I deserve that pay whether they are in attendence or not.
I would strongly encourage you to make sure your provider knows you appreciate her - if you do. If you do not, then look for care elsewhere.
I would strongly encourage you to make sure your provider knows you appreciate her - if you do. If you do not, then look for care elsewhere.
countrymom 11:04 AM 02-26-2013
is the money you are paying for her vacation time or your vacation time. Read your contract too. If she is licensed and you can call and ask them too if everyone has a background check. Are you taking a long vacation.
youretooloud 11:21 AM 02-26-2013
Originally Posted by countrymom:
ladies, she said it was her big son, like a man. I think thats why she was questioning it, I don't think she would ask if the son was taking care of the kids if he was little. And I have a feeling that maybe the provider sprang the 75% on them. Remember, just because we are all good on this forum there are alot of bad providers out there.
I agree with this. If her son was actually involved in the childcare (not just in the house) I'd have issues with that as well. I could warm up to the idea, but not without questions. There's nothing wrong with questioning who is caring for the kids.ladies, she said it was her big son, like a man. I think thats why she was questioning it, I don't think she would ask if the son was taking care of the kids if he was little. And I have a feeling that maybe the provider sprang the 75% on them. Remember, just because we are all good on this forum there are alot of bad providers out there.
If the provider's grown son was just interacting with the kids, or helping with lunch or snack, that's one thing, but if he was an actual provider, that's something the parents should be informed about.
If my grown daughter is in the house while i'm working, she tends to pitch in... get cups out, pass out lunch, etc.