I would appreciate your thoughts....Would you attempt to potty train a dcb that cried the whole way into the bathroom and the duration of sitting on the potty? I know that many will not as I've looked over old posts, and I used to feel the same way. In fact I have in my policies that I will not force in any way with potty training and the foundation must be in place as I will only remind and then praise. I have a 3yr dcb who can practically change his own diaper. I bet that if he had on a pull up I could ask him to change himself and he would do it....that's how developmentally ready he is. We have potty time before changing most activities as I have many who are newly pt. I ask dcb to go potty and he walks into the bathroom yelling nooooo and crying. Mind you, I am not forcing him in there and he is doing this all on his own. He then takes off his diaper or undies (if I put him in undies...parents don't) and cries while on the potty. Sometimes he goes, sometimes not. I always praise him for trying, yet always the same reaction if I ask him to go....it's really stressful! I talked with dcp about it because they said they were pt at home and wanted me to help out, so dcm says she'll bring over a big box of toys to give him if he goes. The more I thought about it, the more against it I am. I don't like to bribe with gifts, plus the other kids will be jealous...it's just a whole slew of trouble I think! Should I just flat out tell dcm that I don't feel comfortable with this? I did ask for her suggestions...but I don't feel going to the br warrants a new toy every time! In fact I think it's ridiculous and think that maybe this is the problem. He's getting way too much attention for doing something that I just expect all the other dck to do!

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I would explain your thought process to the DCM. I wouldn't give a kid a reward for a simple bodily function.

Does he cry when he uses the diaper/pullup? Is there a urinary tract infection or something medical making it uncomfortable?

Have you asked him why he cries?

Does he not want to sit? Are you making him try too often? When he does sit, does he pee?

I would maybe say if he uses the potty every day with no crying, he gets a star on a chart. But that's it, not if he goes all week with all stars, he gets some fabulous prize.

If the mom really wants you to try the toys no matter what concerns you have, I'd decline, and tell her the boy needs more time to PT at home before he's ready to do it at your house. Offer her suggestions like really pushing liquids all weekend, and letting him run around the house with no pants so it's super easy to get himself on the potty.

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you need to stick by your policies.

I dont do rewards (outside of praise, maybe the occasional sticker chart or something), I dont continue PTing kids that are resistant, I dont PT when the parents have not started at home or are not seeing success at home.

You are setting yourself to a lot of stress, as well as giving the impression that you are open to whatever the parents want to do

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I would not drag a child to the toilet, but when I had a similar situation over the summer (the child could change himself...), I made it so that the DC boy would change himself in the bathroom. I put some plastic down and let him have at it. I kept my tone/expression neutral, and just reminded him of the steps. A few weeks later he was using the potty without issue and full trained in a week. In my case he had a younger brother still in diapers and I think he saw it as "he still gets too!" But my policy is that I do not drag, bribe or cajole reluctant kids to the potty.

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I would tell the parent that if they want to use rewards at home to go for it, but that would not work in a group care setting.

I don't like rewards other then praise for PT. Praise is a big thing- I make like it is a Holiday with praise. Boost the child's self esteem to want to do it. A toy takes the focus off of the issue at hand.

I would not pull a child to the bathroom. Have to make out that it is a big thing to do and something we just do, not make it be an issue.

I bring my potty chair out so I am not stuck in the bathroom, put it near my changing table and have the child sit while I am changing a diaper. We sit and if we get something great, if we don't we are on it no more then 3 minutes if that. We learn that it has a purpose and it is not a play toy.

This is how we do it, and I always remind my parents that I don't know too many adults that are not PT, give it time and they will get it.

Best-

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Well I guess that when I told dcp that I was going to start using strickly undies at dc and see what happens (and please bring lots of extras) that it did the trick with the dcp too over the weekend they must have started really working with dcb. When he came to dc on Monday, he was in undies and didn't whine or yell, "No" either. I've been having him run around during the day with no pants only undies and all of today he has been going to the potty on his own without reminders from me. And no accidents for the last few days. It's so awesome! Sooo problem solved itself. And dcp -they never mentioned the big box of toys again. Weird

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