Default Style Register
Daycare.com Forum
Parents and Guardians Forum>"It Never Happens With Me"
Unregistered 10:32 PM 08-22-2013
I was telling my child's DCP that my son has had an issue which was just diagnosed. She INSISTS that because things don't happen with HER then they aren't real.

I have been off for 5 weeks now and so my son hasn't really gone over there over the summer. What makes me mad is she thinks she knows EVERYTHING and that the doctors whom my kids see and ME the parent don't know my own child! I'm really not sure what to say to her #1 to get her to stop saying things like this to me when she's not correct and #2 how I can get her to take my son's diagnosis seriously. He's having issues with respiratory, not something to mess with, and she is just not listening

Any advice?
Reply
Michael 12:30 AM 08-23-2013
Did you show her the doctor's note? Which state do you live in? There are standards that the daycare needs to adhere to.
Reply
Josiegirl 04:17 AM 08-23-2013
If she's not taking you seriously, especially in terms of his health, maybe it's time to search around for someone else? Do you have any other problems with her? Maybe she's denying it because she doesn't want to deal with it or is afraid something might happen? Seriously, regarding your ds's health issues, don't sit on the fence with her. Either she listens or you find someone else.
Reply
nannyde 06:41 AM 08-23-2013
Is there any chance you are asking her to do nebulizer treatments? If so, are the treatments on a "as needed" basis?

Can you be a little more specific on what you want her to do that she is saying she doesn't need to?

If you are asking for nebulizer treatments, are you offering her additional pay for each treatment. At my doctors office they charge about fifty bucks to give a kid a nebulizer treatment. The equipment aside, the time it takes to give nebulizer treatments and the PARENT/PATIENT CONFERENCING that it requires is very labor intensive. If you google the cost of neb treatments and how hospitals and dr.'s office figure out the billing you will see a lot of the fee structure is built around the parent conferencing. The whole process is time consuming and it costs her time/money.

It may not be nebs you are after but if it is... I would suggest coming up with a payment for each neb treatment and doing them at home before day care, after day care, and at bedtime. You can also do one during the night if it is ordered three/four times a day. Try to get her to only having one a day and pay her well for it. Then you will get the positive response. (that's assuming it's nebs)
Reply
MyAngels 07:38 AM 08-23-2013
Originally Posted by Josiegirl:
If she's not taking you seriously, especially in terms of his health, maybe it's time to search around for someone else? Do you have any other problems with her? Maybe she's denying it because she doesn't want to deal with it or is afraid something might happen? Seriously, regarding your ds's health issues, don't sit on the fence with her. Either she listens or you find someone else.
That's what I was thinking, too. Whatever the issue is, you need to find a provider who is on the same page as you are.
Reply
itlw8 07:43 AM 08-23-2013
We need more information. What are the triggers and what is she not doing?

Maybe it does not happen at her house... so what is different. my sister had severe problems. Mother even bought the rainbow vaccume back then and it helped. no carpet in the house, but then they figured out she was better at my grandparents. Well it ended up she was allergic to my Dad Daddy was a dentist and brought home tooth dust on his clothes so he had to shower and change at work. Things improved.


What does that have to do with you? maybe she does not have some of the triggers at her house. pine trees, carpet, dust, cat, bird, who knows everyones trigger is different.


If she will not follow something that is needed during childcare hours after you provide a dr note then you need to move your child. BUT it is hard to tell without telling us the problem
Reply
Blackcat31 07:50 AM 08-23-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I was telling my child's DCP that my son has had an issue which was just diagnosed. She INSISTS that because things don't happen with HER then they aren't real.

I have been off for 5 weeks now and so my son hasn't really gone over there over the summer. What makes me mad is she thinks she knows EVERYTHING and that the doctors whom my kids see and ME the parent don't know my own child! I'm really not sure what to say to her #1 to get her to stop saying things like this to me when she's not correct and #2 how I can get her to take my son's diagnosis seriously. He's having issues with respiratory, not something to mess with, and she is just not listening

Any advice?
What state are you in?

Something is just not adding up here....
Reply
Lyss 09:59 AM 08-23-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I was telling my child's DCP that my son has had an issue which was just diagnosed. She INSISTS that because things don't happen with HER then they aren't real.

I have been off for 5 weeks now and so my son hasn't really gone over there over the summer. What makes me mad is she thinks she knows EVERYTHING and that the doctors whom my kids see and ME the parent don't know my own child! I'm really not sure what to say to her #1 to get her to stop saying things like this to me when she's not correct and #2 how I can get her to take my son's diagnosis seriously. He's having issues with respiratory, not something to mess with, and she is just not listening

Any advice?
Are you asking her to make changes to her program/schedule in order to deal with his diagnosis? Are you asking her to give him medication or use some other medical device? Is she literally telling you that you and the DR are wrong? or just that she doesn't see the issue?

I agree more information about his diagnosis and/or symptoms is needed to give proper advice.
Reply
Unregistered 01:39 PM 08-23-2013
My son has issues breathing. He's had a long-term cough and wheezing symptoms. At first, the dr said it's just a virus. But now he's thinking it could be asthma and so has given us a treatment plan. I do all treatments at home, nothing has to be done with her in daycare. All I did was say to her: "X is having some problems with his breathing. If you should hear coughing/wheezing, please let me know" That's IT. He was JUST seen at the doctor 2 weeks ago and this problem really started about 2 weeks before that (where it was getting bothersome and audible to my kids, me and my husband as well as my in-laws. He'd had some issues in June but we had major fires so we initially thought that was the problem).

She tells me "He's NEVER done that here" I told her "Well, he just started symptoms in June and I've been off, so this is NEW" and she says "No way. Like I said he's never done it here" I said Yes, I realize that, but this is a NEW issue, not something he was doing prior to summer. She just kept saying the same thing and insisted that there is no way my son has anything going on. I told her I'm only asking her to keep an eye on this kid and that's it. It's really not hard. It's making me think she's a. not watching him closely enough because how can you not hear it it is very distinct and very loud or b. she just doesn't want to admit that she's wrong about this.


She's always been a good provider and has her own child with issues which is partly why I chose her (my son has other problems and needs someone who is experienced with them). BUT this is NOT the first time she has given me a knowitall attitude. When I was pregnant, she tried to tell me what I needed to do, even telling me things my OB advised against and insisted he was wrong! I'm just like OMG. She has NO medical degree, she's a cook and a sahm and she thinks that everything is related to what her child has and if the diagnoses is not the same it's not true.
Reply
Cradle2crayons 02:10 PM 08-23-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
My son has issues breathing. He's had a long-term cough and wheezing symptoms. At first, the dr said it's just a virus. But now he's thinking it could be asthma and so has given us a treatment plan. I do all treatments at home, nothing has to be done with her in daycare. All I did was say to her: "X is having some problems with his breathing. If you should hear coughing/wheezing, please let me know" That's IT. He was JUST seen at the doctor 2 weeks ago and this problem really started about 2 weeks before that (where it was getting bothersome and audible to my kids, me and my husband as well as my in-laws. He'd had some issues in June but we had major fires so we initially thought that was the problem).

She tells me "He's NEVER done that here" I told her "Well, he just started symptoms in June and I've been off, so this is NEW" and she says "No way. Like I said he's never done it here" I said Yes, I realize that, but this is a NEW issue, not something he was doing prior to summer. She just kept saying the same thing and insisted that there is no way my son has anything going on. I told her I'm only asking her to keep an eye on this kid and that's it. It's really not hard. It's making me think she's a. not watching him closely enough because how can you not hear it it is very distinct and very loud or b. she just doesn't want to admit that she's wrong about this.


She's always been a good provider and has her own child with issues which is partly why I chose her (my son has other problems and needs someone who is experienced with them). BUT this is NOT the first time she has given me a knowitall attitude. When I was pregnant, she tried to tell me what I needed to do, even telling me things my OB advised against and insisted he was wrong! I'm just like OMG. She has NO medical degree, she's a cook and a sahm and she thinks that everything is related to what her child has and if the diagnoses is not the same it's not true.
If he's ever wheezing at drop off or pick up, try mentioning it. "X, that's the wheezing I was talking about. Even though I give all treatments at home, his doctor wants me to document all symptoms in case we need to change his treatment plan. If you can just let me know at pick up if you hear him making these types of noises while he's here or not that would be super helpful" at at point if she refused, I'd be looking for care elsewhere.
Reply
Willow 04:34 PM 08-23-2013
I'm not at all saying it's the case here, but have you ever considered she's telling you the truth?

There are lots of reasons a child can and will wheeze in one environment and not another.

Doesn't mean she's in denial, or being negligent. If I were in your shoes I'd sit down and try to sort out what the differences are between your homes. That could very well be the answer to why this started up all of a sudden.

Compare notes on pets, plants (inside and out), cleaning supplies, cleaning routines, age of houses, duct work maintenance, personal care items (consider anything with fragrances), foods served, typical activity levels etc. etc. etc.



I've had a family come and tell me their kids had asthma, yet they never needed a treatment in my care. They were flabbergasted. Consulted their doc, who advised us to compare notes. They picked apart the differences and decided to get their home inspected. Turned out the family had massive amounts of mold growing inside several walls, two of which were right there in his bedroom!!! They weren't negligent or unclean. A faulty plumbing of the bathroom next to his bedroom was all it took. The house was only a few years old so no one even thought to check. They had it ripped out, cleaned and rebuilt. Kiddo never needed another treatment at home again.

Just food for thought.
Reply
Unregistered 05:58 PM 08-23-2013
Originally Posted by Willow:
I'm not at all saying it's the case here, but have you ever considered she's telling you the truth?

There are lots of reasons a child can and will wheeze in one environment and not another.

Doesn't mean she's in denial, or being negligent. If I were in your shoes I'd sit down and try to sort out what the differences are between your homes. That could very well be the answer to why this started up all of a sudden.

Compare notes on pets, plants (inside and out), cleaning supplies, cleaning routines, age of houses, duct work maintenance, personal care items (consider anything with fragrances), foods served, typical activity levels etc. etc. etc.



I've had a family come and tell me their kids had asthma, yet they never needed a treatment in my care. They were flabbergasted. Consulted their doc, who advised us to compare notes. They picked apart the differences and decided to get their home inspected. Turned out the family had massive amounts of mold growing inside several walls, two of which were right there in his bedroom!!! They weren't negligent or unclean. A faulty plumbing of the bathroom next to his bedroom was all it took. The house was only a few years old so no one even thought to check. They had it ripped out, cleaned and rebuilt. Kiddo never needed another treatment at home again.

Just food for thought.
My issue is more that she thinks BECAUSE it doesn't happen at her house, it must be that we're wrong and won't take me seriously. I told her because I need a record in case it does happen there.
Reply
kimmills 02:01 AM 08-24-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I was telling my child's DCP that my son has had an issue which was just diagnosed. She INSISTS that because things don't happen with HER then they aren't real.

I have been off for 5 weeks now and so my son hasn't really gone over there over the summer. What makes me mad is she thinks she knows EVERYTHING and that the doctors whom my kids see and ME the parent don't know my own child! I'm really not sure what to say to her #1 to get her to stop saying things like this to me when she's not correct and #2 how I can get her to take my son's diagnosis seriously. He's having issues with respiratory, not something to mess with, and she is just not listening

Has see seen his doc's letter? This thing can't be taken lightly and ignored. There is a chance that she doesn't take this seriously because she doesn't understand the seriousness. No one can challenge a doctor. I think you need to make her understand. If nothing works maybe look at the option of changing the daycare.
Reply
Willow 06:24 AM 08-24-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
My issue is more that she thinks BECAUSE it doesn't happen at her house, it must be that we're wrong and won't take me seriously. I told her because I need a record in case it does happen there.
Has she actually said you're wrong and I refuse to consider this may be happening with your child? Or is that just what you're assuming she's feeling because she said it's never happened there?

Because those are two very different responses.

If she said you're wrong, docs wrong etc then what was your response? If those were the words she spoke and you don't trust her to tell you if it does happen there then you need to pull your child immediately.

If however all she's voiced is that she's never seen it happen, and a smidge of incredulousness due to the amount of time she spends with him, then I do think you may be taking her words out of context.


I have had parents come in saying their child has the wonkiest things. Things that would have very obvious signs and symptoms. If I spend 10 of the 12 hours of the childs waking day with them odds are I'm going to see something long before a parent does. That's not arrogance, it's just logic.

It all boils down to - do you genuinely believe she is lying when she said it's never happened there before? -and- Do you think if it ever DID happen there that she would lie to you about it in the future just to make herself seem smart?

Trust is huge. If you don't trust her you need to pull him immediately.


(kimmills - my left foot if I can't challenge a doctor. I had one send a note just last Tuesday saying a child could return to care immediately upon being diagnosed with viral conjunctivitis. Toddler, eyeballs flaming red and pouring crud. I don't care what the letters are behind his name, the man was incorrect and the child ABSOLUTELY was NOT allowed to return to my care. I can name out hundreds of incidents like that.)
Reply
SilverSabre25 08:01 AM 08-24-2013
Bottom line, if you don't feel like your child is getting the best care, pull him out and find another provider.
Reply
Blackcat31 08:20 AM 08-24-2013
Originally Posted by SilverSabre25:
Bottom line, if you don't feel like your child is getting the best care, pull him out and find another provider.
I agree. If you aren't on the same page with your provider about care of your child, why stay?

I'd search for a provider who understands your son's needs verses continuing to argue with this one.
Reply
Unregistered 08:55 AM 08-24-2013
Originally Posted by kimmills:
Has see seen his doc's letter? This thing can't be taken lightly and ignored. There is a chance that she doesn't take this seriously because she doesn't understand the seriousness. No one can challenge a doctor. I think you need to make her understand. If nothing works maybe look at the option of changing the daycare.
She has seen it.

Basically, what's she's saying is that because it's not happening there, it's not "really" happening at all. She asked me if I was SURE I was hearing this right and maybe it's not at all asthma (Because) her daughter has this and that and it's not the same. I handed her that note but she didn't even look at it long enough to take a breath. I told her I was doing all treatments at home and want her to keep an eye on this for me. That's pretty much how it went down but then she started INSISTING no way he has anything because it never happened at her home. What' she is forgetting and what I think some people reading have missed: I have been home for SEVERAL weeks after having a baby. She hasn't had him in care for several weeks and he is PART-TIME after school 3 hours per day 2 days per week, summer I had off this time around. I only went to drop him off once the whole 6 weeks so I could go to my own dr appt. That's when I gave the note and told her what was going on. The thing that rubs me the wrong way is that it's not the first time she has acted like she thinks she is a medical expert *see previous posts* but usually it was stuff that wasn't a big deal like with my pregnancy and stuff. This problem with my son IS a BIG deal to me. All I really want from her is to watch and let me know when/if it happens so that we can keep track of the episodes. That's it. It is not a difficult request whatsoever but if she can't meet this simple request without trying to be the expert here, then I WILL have to go somewhere else. We have our Back To School meeting Monday with her to go over bus schedules and such, and the FIRST thing I'm going to bring up is that when it comes to MEDICAL issues, it's best to let me and my kids' doctors handle things and not her. I don't want her practicing medicine on my kids by basically either diagnosing them with something or dismissing a serious issue.
Reply
Unregistered 09:00 AM 08-24-2013
Adding:I definitely don't think bringing a very ill or contagious kid to daycare is good. But that said, I doubt the dr would diagnose him if he didn't believe he had something, since they're very low key and very laid back office. They are more for natural remedies and trying to stay AWAY from over-diagnosis and using medications than anything. They have an excellent reputation.
Reply
Willow 09:47 AM 08-24-2013
Originally Posted by SilverSabre25:
Bottom line, if you don't feel like your child is getting the best care, pull him out and find another provider.
Agree.

I wouldn't keep my child anywhere I didn't feel a sincere repertoire with the provider.


As in literally, not a single day longer.
Reply
Willow 09:53 AM 08-24-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Adding:I definitely don't think bringing a very ill or contagious kid to daycare is good. But that said, I doubt the dr would diagnose him if he didn't believe he had something, since they're very low key and very laid back office. They are more for natural remedies and trying to stay AWAY from over-diagnosis and using medications than anything. They have an excellent reputation.
I'm not saying she didn't have it.

I'm saying the doctor was wrong in telling the parent the child could be in my home that way.


Just like the several who have told different parents their child had ADHD/Autism and needed medication and/or massive intervention when all that was needed was some parenting/discipline/guidance tweaks.

Docs typically get a 5-10 minute glance at a child. What is frequently diagnosed is based solely on a parents account (same goes for much of what is never diagnosed). They absolutely CAN BE WRONG. They do the best they can but in the end they are human and don't always have the opportunity to diagnose with 100% accuracy.
Reply
Lyss 12:25 PM 08-24-2013
Originally Posted by kimmills:
Has see seen his doc's letter? This thing can't be taken lightly and ignored. There is a chance that she doesn't take this seriously because she doesn't understand the seriousness. No one can challenge a doctor. I think you need to make her understand. If nothing works maybe look at the option of changing the daycare.
Like Willow, I've also told parents no when they show up with a sick kid and a DR's note that says DCK can come. They also have to meet my illness policy rules, a DR's note doesn't trump that. Its my home, my business, my family, and my responsibility to keep everyone in my care healthy and safe.

People challenge DRs all the time, that's what second opinions are.

Originally Posted by SilverSabre25:
Bottom line, if you don't feel like your child is getting the best care, pull him out and find another provider.
Bingo

Who cares what she says about it IMO, I get constant "diagnoses" all the time from DCPs, neighbors, family... about everything. Really it comes down to what you feel is right.

Is she willing to keep an eye out for the symptoms? Yes or no? That's all you said you are asking her to do and if she can't then move along to someone who will.

Honestly from the "tone" I'm getting from your comments about her and your comments about how she reacts to things you say it sounds like neither of you are on the same page and/or respect one another. If you don't respect or have confidence in her then move on. Find someone you mesh with better.
Reply
Hunni Bee 01:43 PM 08-24-2013
Honestly...although we may not be getting all the info...I don't see what the providers point was in repeatedly reiterating that the child doesn't have the symptoms in her care. Especially if the child hasn't been there in six weeks.

From what i read, the parent didn't so much ask anything as she was saying "here's what's going on, look out for xyz symptoms". She wasn't asking the providers opinion or advice. If the provider never sees these symptoms, then great. If she does, she'll know what it is. No need for an argument.

How many times do we tell a parent about their kids issues and the first thing they start hollering is "they never do that at home", when that has little to nothing to do with anything (and most of the time not even true)?

Same thing.

I agree with pp, if you two are running into that hard of a brick wall on that important of a subject....its probably time to part ways.
Reply
Unregistered 11:12 PM 08-24-2013
Originally Posted by Hunni Bee:
Honestly...although we may not be getting all the info...I don't see what the providers point was in repeatedly reiterating that the child doesn't have the symptoms in her care. Especially if the child hasn't been there in six weeks.

From what i read, the parent didn't so much ask anything as she was saying "here's what's going on, look out for xyz symptoms". She wasn't asking the providers opinion or advice. If the provider never sees these symptoms, then great. If she does, she'll know what it is. No need for an argument.

How many times do we tell a parent about their kids issues and the first thing they start hollering is "they never do that at home", when that has little to nothing to do with anything (and most of the time not even true)?

Same thing.

I agree with pp, if you two are running into that hard of a brick wall on that important of a subject....its probably time to part ways.
You hit the nail on the head in paragraph 2. That's ALL I want from her. I don't need her expert "medical" advice.

For a pp who said I don't respect her: of course I do, but not when it comes to her giving me unsolicited medical "advice." She's not supposed to do that. It would be one thing if she said you know I haven't heard him, but I'll keep an eye out....and then she could SHARE her experience EXAMPLE: "Now that I think about it it sounds a lot like K's symptoms of _____" But that is so not how the conversation was at all. And like I said, it's not the first time she's tried to give medical advice. I remember once I had wet hair in the winter. She told me I'd get pneumonia having wet hair in the winter and I ought to go dry it. pneumonia is viral or bacterial, not caused by being wet, even in cold weather. If so, I'd have permanent pneumonia because I do it EVERY SINGLE DAY, all seasons and have never once contracted pneumonia from having wet hair. She's not an over 50 sitter, either, so I'm not sure why she believes this. I didn't say anything then because really I'm not the one she's babysitting. lol

I did want to give her the chance because she's a great provider. My issue is her trying to give medical advice when she has no medical experience whatsoever, other than her own personal experience as a mom to her own child. This does not mean she knows all children or has earned any type of degree and THAT is where her and I do not mesh. Everything else we're good on. But I certainly don't want her dismissing my concerns because she thinks she's got more experience than my son's own doctor.

That said, I am seriously considering looking elsewhere if our conversation does not get anywhere on Monday.
Reply
Blackcat31 08:38 AM 08-25-2013
OP~ Please consider registering for the forum

If you have a little one in child care, perhaps the forum could be a great place for you to get ideas, tips and share your experiences as a parent.
Reply
nannyde 12:21 PM 08-25-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
You hit the nail on the head in paragraph 2. That's ALL I want from her. I don't need her expert "medical" advice.

For a pp who said I don't respect her: of course I do, but not when it comes to her giving me unsolicited medical "advice." She's not supposed to do that. It would be one thing if she said you know I haven't heard him, but I'll keep an eye out....and then she could SHARE her experience EXAMPLE: "Now that I think about it it sounds a lot like K's symptoms of _____" But that is so not how the conversation was at all. And like I said, it's not the first time she's tried to give medical advice. I remember once I had wet hair in the winter. She told me I'd get pneumonia having wet hair in the winter and I ought to go dry it. pneumonia is viral or bacterial, not caused by being wet, even in cold weather. If so, I'd have permanent pneumonia because I do it EVERY SINGLE DAY, all seasons and have never once contracted pneumonia from having wet hair. She's not an over 50 sitter, either, so I'm not sure why she believes this. I didn't say anything then because really I'm not the one she's babysitting. lol

I did want to give her the chance because she's a great provider. My issue is her trying to give medical advice when she has no medical experience whatsoever, other than her own personal experience as a mom to her own child. This does not mean she knows all children or has earned any type of degree and THAT is where her and I do not mesh. Everything else we're good on. But I certainly don't want her dismissing my concerns because she thinks she's got more experience than my son's own doctor.

That said, I am seriously considering looking elsewhere if our conversation does not get anywhere on Monday.
she just doesn't agree with you or your doc. She doesn't have to. You need to find a different child care.

I've had children in both my daycare and as a nurse consultant position where I just didn't agree with the parent AND docs diagnosis. I've had many many misdiagnosed children in my experience. It's not personal. She just doesn't agree. Time to move on and find someone who does.
Reply
Play Care 07:04 AM 08-26-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
You hit the nail on the head in paragraph 2. That's ALL I want from her. I don't need her expert "medical" advice.

For a pp who said I don't respect her: of course I do, but not when it comes to her giving me unsolicited medical "advice." She's not supposed to do that. It would be one thing if she said you know I haven't heard him, but I'll keep an eye out....and then she could SHARE her experience EXAMPLE: "Now that I think about it it sounds a lot like K's symptoms of _____" But that is so not how the conversation was at all. And like I said, it's not the first time she's tried to give medical advice. I remember once I had wet hair in the winter. She told me I'd get pneumonia having wet hair in the winter and I ought to go dry it. pneumonia is viral or bacterial, not caused by being wet, even in cold weather. If so, I'd have permanent pneumonia because I do it EVERY SINGLE DAY, all seasons and have never once contracted pneumonia from having wet hair. She's not an over 50 sitter, either, so I'm not sure why she believes this. I didn't say anything then because really I'm not the one she's babysitting. lol

I did want to give her the chance because she's a great provider. My issue is her trying to give medical advice when she has no medical experience whatsoever, other than her own personal experience as a mom to her own child. This does not mean she knows all children or has earned any type of degree and THAT is where her and I do not mesh. Everything else we're good on. But I certainly don't want her dismissing my concerns because she thinks she's got more experience than my son's own doctor.

That said, I am seriously considering looking elsewhere if our conversation does not get anywhere on Monday
.

It is well past time to find another provider, IMO. Using the term "babysitter" to describe her is belittling, and is a huge red flag that this relationship is on a one way track to nowhere. I understand why you are unhappy, I have a child with asthma and I would be furious if a teacher told me they didn't believe me/the doctor and didn't feel the need to tell me if they were wheezing. It would be one thing to say once "I've never noticed it here but I will keep me eyes and ears out." But to continually say it as in that she doubts it's even happening? That's not okay. But once name calling/belittling starts, well, that's not okay either.

You've said several times she's a "great" provider. What makes her so great? Her hours? The amount of money you pay? Because you can say she's great but then go on to describe a provider who is not so "great."
Reply
sleepinghart 12:37 PM 08-26-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
She has seen it.

Basically, what's she's saying is that because it's not happening there, it's not "really" happening at all. She asked me if I was SURE I was hearing this right and maybe it's not at all asthma (Because) her daughter has this and that and it's not the same. I handed her that note but she didn't even look at it long enough to take a breath. I told her I was doing all treatments at home and want her to keep an eye on this for me. That's pretty much how it went down but then she started INSISTING no way he has anything because it never happened at her home. What' she is forgetting and what I think some people reading have missed: I have been home for SEVERAL weeks after having a baby. She hasn't had him in care for several weeks and he is PART-TIME after school 3 hours per day 2 days per week, summer I had off this time around. I only went to drop him off once the whole 6 weeks so I could go to my own dr appt. That's when I gave the note and told her what was going on. The thing that rubs me the wrong way is that it's not the first time she has acted like she thinks she is a medical expert *see previous posts* but usually it was stuff that wasn't a big deal like with my pregnancy and stuff. This problem with my son IS a BIG deal to me. All I really want from her is to watch and let me know when/if it happens so that we can keep track of the episodes. That's it. It is not a difficult request whatsoever but if she can't meet this simple request without trying to be the expert here, then I WILL have to go somewhere else. We have our Back To School meeting Monday with her to go over bus schedules and such, and the FIRST thing I'm going to bring up is that when it comes to MEDICAL issues, it's best to let me and my kids' doctors handle things and not her. I don't want her practicing medicine on my kids by basically either diagnosing them with something or dismissing a serious issue.
Concerning the part I bolded above, and if you don't mind my asking of course, did you have an arrangement with her as far as holding your son's spot for over the summer while he is not in her care or had you already left her care and were not planning on returning or what?

Originally Posted by Hunni Bee:
Honestly...although we may not be getting all the info...I don't see what the providers point was in repeatedly reiterating that the child doesn't have the symptoms in her care. Especially if the child hasn't been there in six weeks.
From what i read, the parent didn't so much ask anything as she was saying "here's what's going on, look out for xyz symptoms". She wasn't asking the providers opinion or advice. If the provider never sees these symptoms, then great. If she does, she'll know what it is. No need for an argument.

How many times do we tell a parent about their kids issues and the first thing they start hollering is "they never do that at home", when that has little to nothing to do with anything (and most of the time not even true)?

Same thing.

I agree with pp, if you two are running into that hard of a brick wall on that important of a subject....its probably time to part ways.
Concerning the part of your comment I bolded Hunni bee that's what I don't get and don't understand about this either. To the original poster- Whenever you state something similar to this to her, "Okay, well that's good that you've never noticed it going on here before, but could you just let me know if he does ever happen to exhibit these symptoms at anytime in the future here? I would really appreciate it", what is her answer? ..Because that question can't really be answered with "That's never happened here" at least not correctly and satisfactorily anyway.
Reply
Unregistered 02:17 PM 08-26-2013
Playcare- I can understand the babysitting term now. I was not aware it was bothersome, and my provider tells people in front of me she babysits. Even posts it on face book that she's babysitting. So I wouldn't have seen that as offensive or a 'red flag'. She is great, EXCEPT when it comes to her thinking she's a medical expert on everything. IDK what it is.

I talked with her today. I said "I realize you said that (my son) hasn't had any problems with breathing/wheezing or respiratory here at your house, but I just wanted to know if you are willing to keep an eye on it and let me know IF he does and if not great, but if so, I need to keep track of the episodes he's been having" She said of course she would *this is all I wanted to know that she either would or wouldnt and I finally got a straight answer*. And then continued to proceed with all the myriad of things it "could" be. I told her that I would prefer to discuss the medical aspect with my doctor and would prefer not to know all the things it "could be" because that just confuses the situation more. (I could google and find out what it COULD be by myself). She said she didn't realize that I was confused. I told her "To be fair, lately I have noticed that when it comes to medical issues, you have answers for everything and that can be very confusing to hear. Did you want to be a doctor or something?" and laughed. She started to laugh and said that no she just had quite an experience with doctors/nurses/hospitals and so knows a few things. She also APOLOGIZED to me because she said no one ever told her before that she did this. Her hubby was there too, and started laughing, and goes "YEEEAHHHH you DO and I know it drives people, like your DAD, nuts! (There must be a story I am missing there)" Then the conversation became much more light-hearted. I knew that if I gave her a chance it would work out, I just was getting frustrated because I am WORRIED about my son. That's it.

She IS great. She feeds the kids on time, she's never late, when she takes time off I get a months' notice unless she's sick, she will pick up the kids after school, she lets my kids have responsibility as if they were her kids, she treats them nicely and respectfully, she seems to really genuinely care about them....the list goes on!

Sleepinghart- our arrangement for summer, since it was maternity leave, was that I'd pay 1/2 the summer to hold the spot as drop-in and the other 1/2 she had another child fill my whole spot while he was here. Then she takes the kids for the school year part-time only. We never wanted our care providers to raise our children. Of course, I stayed home for many years, so just the last 3 years have my kids been in someone else's care. My point in pointing out she was PART TIME was just to express how important it was to listen to ME and what I was saying about my son and understand that simply because something doesn't happen the 2 days he's there per week, doesn't mean it isn't happening at all. When I first talked to her all she did was repeat the same thing over and over. It was not an acceptable answer, but honestly since he was with me, I figured that I would readdress another time prior to the kids returning. I guess that was all I needed to do.
Reply
Blackcat31 02:21 PM 08-26-2013
Super glad to hear this worked out for you.

As usual, communication was the key to solving the issues. I am so glad you took the time to have some open honest dialog with her about this and how you felt about it all.

This may very well turn out to be a learning experience for her as well.
Reply
Familycare71 06:09 PM 08-26-2013
So glad it worked out!!!
Reply
sleepinghart 08:35 AM 08-27-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Playcare- I can understand the babysitting term now. I was not aware it was bothersome, and my provider tells people in front of me she babysits. Even posts it on face book that she's babysitting. So I wouldn't have seen that as offensive or a 'red flag'. She is great, EXCEPT when it comes to her thinking she's a medical expert on everything. IDK what it is.

I talked with her today. I said "I realize you said that (my son) hasn't had any problems with breathing/wheezing or respiratory here at your house, but I just wanted to know if you are willing to keep an eye on it and let me know IF he does and if not great, but if so, I need to keep track of the episodes he's been having" She said of course she would *this is all I wanted to know that she either would or wouldnt and I finally got a straight answer*. And then continued to proceed with all the myriad of things it "could" be. I told her that I would prefer to discuss the medical aspect with my doctor and would prefer not to know all the things it "could be" because that just confuses the situation more. (I could google and find out what it COULD be by myself). She said she didn't realize that I was confused. I told her "To be fair, lately I have noticed that when it comes to medical issues, you have answers for everything and that can be very confusing to hear. Did you want to be a doctor or something?" and laughed. She started to laugh and said that no she just had quite an experience with doctors/nurses/hospitals and so knows a few things. She also APOLOGIZED to me because she said no one ever told her before that she did this. Her hubby was there too, and started laughing, and goes "YEEEAHHHH you DO and I know it drives people, like your DAD, nuts! (There must be a story I am missing there)" Then the conversation became much more light-hearted. I knew that if I gave her a chance it would work out, I just was getting frustrated because I am WORRIED about my son. That's it.

She IS great. She feeds the kids on time, she's never late, when she takes time off I get a months' notice unless she's sick, she will pick up the kids after school, she lets my kids have responsibility as if they were her kids, she treats them nicely and respectfully, she seems to really genuinely care about them....the list goes on!

Sleepinghart- our arrangement for summer, since it was maternity leave, was that I'd pay 1/2 the summer to hold the spot as drop-in and the other 1/2 she had another child fill my whole spot while he was here. Then she takes the kids for the school year part-time only. We never wanted our care providers to raise our children. Of course, I stayed home for many years, so just the last 3 years have my kids been in someone else's care. My point in pointing out she was PART TIME was just to express how important it was to listen to ME and what I was saying about my son and understand that simply because something doesn't happen the 2 days he's there per week, doesn't mean it isn't happening at all. When I first talked to her all she did was repeat the same thing over and over. It was not an acceptable answer, but honestly since he was with me, I figured that I would readdress another time prior to the kids returning. I guess that was all I needed to do.

*All quotes below in blue are those of, "Unregistered", the OP. Mine = black text.*


(begin Unregistered's quotes) "I talked with her today. I said "I realize you said that (my son) hasn't had any problems with breathing/wheezing or respiratory here at your house, but I just wanted to know if you are willing to keep an eye on it and let me know IF he does and if not great, but if so, I need to keep track of the episodes he's been having" She said of course she would *this is all I wanted to know that she either would or wouldnt and I finally got a straight answer*."

~That's great! I knew you had went round & round with her but I was wondering just how she'd respond if you asked her a yes or no question with regard to your son's care & condition because if she would've answered the yes or no question with "Well that's never happened here", I would seriously start to wonder if she was a robot. So I am really glad it all worked out.

"And then continued to proceed with all the myriad of things it "could" be."

~Earlier you said, referring to your son's doctor "..But now he's thinking it could be asthma"(after first thinking it was a virus). To me personally, that is worded in a way that makes it sound as if the MD really isn't even 100% sure of the diagnosis yet. I'm not sure exactly how the MD's note read or how much detail it went into or if maybe you conveyed to her that the MD had said that too, but if I took it that way there is a possibility she did as well, and in order to be helpful started with all the "could be's" and medical talk with the intention of helping you find out for sure what was wrong. I know she's not a doctor and of course your doctor's orders & treatment plans for your son override her opinions but it doesn't sound like she's denying MD's orders or advising you to do differently at this time, it's just the opinion-offering, so that shouldn't be an issue for now anyway. She may have only had the best of intentions. I'm not saying she is/was right or wrong in her behavior, I'm only trying to offer other possibilities & ways of looking at things, which of course may be completely & totally off-base, but hopefully a little helpful every once in awhile at least . Regardless of her intentions, the important thing is what you wrote below.......

"I told her that I would prefer to discuss the medical aspect with my doctor and would prefer not to know all the things it "could be" because that just confuses the situation more"

~You would like this behavior to stop, bottom line, and she should respect that. So please don't get me wrong, I am in no way saying that because she may have had good intentions you should let it go or let it continue.


"She said she didn't realize that I was confused. I told her "To be fair, lately I have noticed that when it comes to medical issues, you have answers for everything and that can be very confusing to hear. Did you want to be a doctor or something?" and laughed. She started to laugh and said that no she just had quite an experience with doctors/nurses/hospitals and so knows a few things...."

~Well, at least it's out in the open now. Since you felt this way it was good to open up about it I think. And it doesn't seem*(notice I emphasize "seem") she was offended, so maybe she is truly one of those people who can take constructive criticism(Is "constructive criticism the right term I'm needing here ladies & gentlemen?)and really hear what you're saying, without automatically getting all defensive & disregarding it immediately with the garbage and that's always a good thing, as I've found people like that are hard to find. ~With regard to constructive criticism though, to be fair, I must say that I think you should have left off this part- "Did you want to be a doctor or something?"; I don't see anything constructive about it and it just doesn't seem necessary as it comes off as a passive aggressive dig whether you intended it to or not.

"She also APOLOGIZED to me because she said no one ever told her before that she did this..."

~It's very possible that she did not realize how her behavior in this area made other people feel. I mean, as she said, basically you were the first person to ever tell her(besides hubby maybe, and not a lot listen to them anyway lol). Each one of us has at least one thing about us that is incredibly annoying to other people....No getting around it. After all, we are only human .


~It appears that the only problem you've ever had with her is this one. From what you've wrote here she sounds like an awesome provider-- the kind that goes above & beyond not to mention trustworthy. So this problem, though now solved, would not have been a deal-breaker for me. It definitely sounds like you trust her well enough to keep you informed and to tell you if your son has any problems including any of the wheezing or other sounds or any respiratory issues at all, etc., so I think this may have been more frustration over the medical "know-it-all" attitude than anything . I think you knew the answer to your question, as far as whether she would report any issues to you, before you asked it-- You just wanted to be assured and then one turn took another. ~It may help from time to time though to remember why you chose her as your provider in the first place.

"She's always been a good provider and has her own child with issues which is partly why I chose her (my son has other problems and needs someone who is experienced with them)." (end Unregistered's quotes)

~So she has the experience, the patience, the know-how, etc. to care for children such as yours and because of this it may be very helpful at times to have certain feedback coming from a good experienced provider don't you think? ...Not saying you have to heed it, but maybe just take what you can use & discard the rest. This just occured to me, but when you first enrolled with her, did you question her a good bit about her experience/knowledge in the areas that your son has problems in? If so, she may have been thinking you wanted this extra medical info & advice...just a thought, but even if so, it still doesn't matter now-- If you did want it at one point that has now changed . ~Please let us know how everything continues to go.....I am hoping for very well!
Reply
Tags:administering, asthma, bad fit, doctor's note, medication - policy, nebulizer
Reply Up