I have a 4 1/2 yr old boy who HATES doing activities. He whines, complains, stomps his feet just hates doing it. He is a smart kid and is very capable of doing it. He just wants to play, end of story that's it. I make things fun, and the other LOVE doing them, they even ask when is activity time. I do make him participate and do them because if I say of if you don't want to do them but you'll have to sit and do nothing while everyone does activities, thats what he'll choose because that's what I did for a bit but feel it's not the best for him and school will not allow him to do that, his mom I have discussed it and we want him to do them no matter how long it takes. We have moved on to Fun stuff like show and tell while he completes his activity or play a game and he'll just whine and cry but it doesn't improve the next day. The activities are very short, it's not like they are given a ton of stuff, it's what the preschool program I do has them do.
Does anyone have any ideas on what else to do?

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I would offer some encouragement, but if he still doesn't want to, I would just let him play

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I don't think I'd force him, that seems kind of counter-productive to me. Maybe school will be different for him, and he'll be a little more mature by then. Activities are meant to be fun and if he clearly doesn't want to do them, then he's not applying himself, or learning anything from it or having fun. If it doesn't upset the other dcks' interest, I'd let dcb do something quietly nearby. BUT if you guys all finish and he suddenly decides he does want to do it, I'd say sorry dcb, activity time is over.

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I'm on the kid's side.
the only things I force or insist on are safety issues.

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I wouldn't force him to join in, but I wouldn't let him play toys. I'd give him a few books to sit with as an alternative.

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I have changed my whole philosophy over the past year. I would try to find things that spark his interest. I would not force activities. He will have that soon enough with school.
Is he a hands on kid? Does he like to build? work your way in with that. What are your activities goal? Work backwards. Goal, recognize letters. Have a scavenger hunt for letters. I have letters taped on my table that I laminated. They love to trace over them and identify them.
I have stopped thinking that if one is doing something they all should. I try to address the individual needs of my kids.

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I agree, I'd make him choose between participating and something else that he probably doesn't enjoy very much - perhaps even a choice between participate with us or practice your name writing on this paper or something. I'd also try to encourage participating (which you may have done already) - find things to do that he might like or in a way that he might enjoy, display the work prominently with their names on it in the room, give out stickers for completed activities, let one kid each day 'show and tell' their work for that day, really just make a big deal about how proud kids should be of doing their work and participating.

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I wouldn't make him choose between 2 things he doesn't want to do! He is 4! Let him play!!
Play is his work.

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I didn't mean to imply in my post that I hoped he wouldn't enjoy the books. My group generally enjoys them. With my current group, they may choose between a couple of activities--they're out of control if they have unlimited choices.

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I didn't mean something purposefully not enjoyable - I meant that it would be something very similar to what we are doing, so it's likely that that child wouldn't enjoy it.
I'm all for playtime, but I expect 4-yr-olds to do certain activities that they may not enjoy: hand writing, clean up, hand washing, listening to stories. You aren't required to do our paint project, but the alternative is not doing nothing or playing.

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Thanks, that's what I was doing for awhile but he always chose to sit and do nothing, then other kids who love activities would get distracted and wouldn't do their activities or would try to interact with him or he would try to participate from where he was and others would just get up and go where he was thinking well if he can sit over there and not with the group then why can't I, it was too difficult and caotic. Plus with this particular boy he is choosing this because he knows he's getting his way, his mom said it's with everything at home that's why we discussed and thought it was best for him to participate at his own pace. Its just frustrating but then I don't want to do something that can cause further hardship later for him.

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I have a dcb like this as well. He wants to be in control of everything, so I give him limited control. He gets to pick between two things both of which I am ok with. That way he is picking, but I'm still in control of the atmosphere. I absolutely agree that kids need to learn to follow directions, be responsible, etc. But I also think there's so much pressure to be ready for school now that kids don't get to just be kids. I would just let my dcb go play whenever, but he is very rowdy & disruptive like what you're saying. So when we do crafts he is free to choose an activity /puzzle/book from my quiet box or he can sit with us. Typically he sits at the table with us & we talk about all kinds of things. I learn so much about him just listening to him talk during craft time & I am able to incorporate the"lesson" into our conversations, but he has never once made a craft or colored with us. He takes an interest in everyone else's work, but just won't do it. I really didn't think he liked circle time at all, but I skipped it one morning when I was really tired & he asked, "Are we going to do our activities today?" Apparently he gets more from it than I thought.

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