I do not transport daycare children in a vehicle at my daycare. I pick up the school aged children after school and we walk to my house, approximately 4 blocks away. All prospective clients are told this verbally at the interview, it is written in the handbook and I send out a reminder at the beginning of winter to all of the school age daycare parents.

I believe one of my school age dcm's has a problem with this. She has not plainly said it is a problem, but her continued questions regarding the walking home from school have led me to this conclusion.

I thought we were over it when I didn't budge on the no transportation when she brought it up 3 times in the last 6 weeks. I firmly told her that I do not transport, regardless of age, and that if she did not want her daughter to walk in the snow/cold that she needed to make other arrangements.

Some of her arguments are:

"What if it's too cold to walk?" My answer was if it is too cold to walk, most likely there would not be school. Here if it is too cold in the morning they will call off school because the children cannot safely wait at the bus stop. The likelihood of it being acceptably cold at 7am while being unacceptably cold at 3pm is slim.

"The school doesn't make the kids go out for recess if it is too cold." Yes, this is true. However, it is a 4 block walk and with proper gear the children will be fine for 10 minutes walking home. Her child is almost 9 so we are not talking infants/toddlers/preschoolers. My youngest school ager is almost 7 so they are perfectly capable of walking quickly to get home in poor weather.

"What if she forgets to take her snow gear to school?" Then she will be cold walking home. This answer was not what she wanted to hear and she followed it up with "Well if they forget their snow gear at school they have to stay on the cleared sidewalk. What will she do when you guys go outside?" She will have to stay on the cleared walkway or on the cleared deck. (Fact: While the children at school who do not have snow gear are encouraged to stay on the cleared sidewalk, it is not a requirement.)

Like I said, I thought we were over it. But no, we apparently weren't. On Friday dcg had snowpants but no boots, gloves, or hat. She had on tennis shoes, showpants, and a winter coat. She asked if we were walking home today. I told her yes, of course, we walk every day. She was not happy. The entire way home she complained that her feet were cold. It was 25 degrees with the wind chill (7mph) and there was MAYBE 1/4 inch of snow on the sidewalk. I told her she needs to wear her boots next time and then I ignored it because I just wasn't going to get into it with her on 4 hours of sleep and patience wearing thin. We got home and the complaining continued. "My socks are wet, my feet are cold, blah blah blah." I repeated that she needs to wear her boots next time and told her if her socks are wet to take them off and then go wipe her feet off with a paper towel then sent her to go play. She gave it up after realizing she wasn't getting anywhere with the complaining.

Grandma arrived to pick her up at the end of the day. She asked dcg where her socks were. Dcg said they were wet so she took them off. Grandma asked why her socks were wet. Dcg said because we walked home. Grandma looks at me like and said, "You make them WALK HOME in this weather?" *sigh* here we go again. 'Yes gma, we walk home every day. I do not transport daycare children.' Grandma replies 'oh. I will have to talk to dcm about that.' Then dcg says 'I can't put my shoes on because they are wet.' Grandma says, to dcg, 'are they wet because you had to walk in the snow or are they wet for some other reason?' dcg replies 'because I had to walk in the snow.' So grandma leaves dcg here while she(gma) WALKS to her house 2 blocks away and gets her car as well as a dry pair of shoes so dcg's feet won't be cold.

2 hrs later I get a phone call from dcm. At this point I'm getting a bit annoyed with the whole thing. Dcm asks if gma can pick dcg up from school and drop her off at my house every day during the winter. I told her I would think about it and get back to her. I'm on the fence about it. Is it a big deal? No, not really. Is it going to be a pain in the butt? Maybe. I can see it going either way. Part of me feels the whole thing is just ridiculous. Dcm wants special. I'm tempted to write up a memo that states children without proper gear when I pick up at the school will not be picked up. (proper gear meaning boots, snowpants, winter coat. Hands can be put in pockets and hoods can be put up) A parent or guardian will have to come get them from the school instead.

Am I being unreasonable here? WWYD in this situation? I think it's being blown out of proportion completely and honestly, it was 25 degrees out. It's going to get a whole lot colder then that in the coming months.

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This really bothers dcm apparently. I would say sure, gma can pick up! But we will arrive back home after gma, so she will have to wait for us to return. And then i would walk, very leisurely, back home everyday. Whether or not you allow gma to pick up and deliver dcg, I would implement your idea on snow gear being required for you to pick up any children at school. I'm sure you don't want them to be freezing or anything just because their parents forget their gear. So when the necessities are forgotten, tell the school secretary that she'll have to call the parents to come pick up their child. Not your fault they aren't prepared, it's theirs (the parents, not the kids).

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Honestly unless the wind is blowing badly or the weather has turned nasty we take our time getting back to the house. They climb the snowbanks and have fun on the way.

Thanks for your reply.

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Does GM do the end of day pickup? If so, why doesn't DCM term and ask GM to pick up DCG and keep her? Why is it fine for GM to walk DCG home from your house but not for you to walk DCG from school to your house? Especially since she agreed to it initially and she knew it would snow eventually. Great job on sticking to your policy. Seems like mom doesn't want her special snowflake to come in contact with the plain common snowflakes on the way home.

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Grandma or dad pick up at the end of the day. Dcg use to go to Gma's every day before starting here. There were issues because dcg would overshare with gma about mom and dad's marital issues (never mind that dcg had no business KNOWING some of those issues) and then gma would involve herself and take sides between mom and dad.

It's fine for gma to walk dcg home from my house when dcg has snow boots. I believe the issue is that she was in tennis shoes and I still made her walk in the snow. I believe mom wants special and is trying to force my hand. That is the only reason I'm considering not picking up kids from school who do not have proper gear.

I'm concerned it's going to bite me though because if one of the other kids forgets one day then I'm screwed-especially with one dcg. She's notoriously amazing at getting out of being responsible so mom hasn't been 'saving' her and fixing it when she shirks her responsibilities. Mom and I are on the same page with this and have had many talks. In that child's case, if she 'forgets' her boots then the consequence is cold feet. But if I make a policy........

My other concern is the dcg (the one I made walk in the snow with tennis shoes) will completely manipulate the situation. She WANTS to go to gma's every day and is not happy about being here. She gets to do whatever she wants at gma's and gma is, honestly, a puppet who is controlled by dcg. I can completely see this kid leaving her boots in the classroom and telling me she doesn't have them, me making someone come get her (gma) and her being happy as a clam. Pick up is in the cafeteria so I'd have no visual way of knowing if her boots went to school with her or not.

Now mom and I could communicate with each other and she could let me know her dd DOES have her boots with her (or whatever piece of snow gear that day) so that I could shut the manipulation down as soon as it starts BUT I'd be the one basically begging to know if dcg has all of her gear or not. Mom does what she wants, when she wants, and won't be told otherwise. Gee, wonder where her dd gets it from???? Mom has been really good here so far and this is the only issue we've had.

I'm tempted to term just to not have the headache BUT I can't justify it in my mind because it's not really term worthy behavior. At this point I will give it until the end of the year and decide then. If it's still an issue then they can sleep in the bed they've made. If it isn't, they can stay.

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I say make her walk in tennis shoes then. Tell dcm that gma picking up and delivering won't work because the other kids will want to know why their gma isn't picking them up or explain that the kids enjoy the walk or some other bs reason.

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Sooo let me get this straight.

dcgrandma walked two blocks to your house, with the intention of walking dcg the two blocks back, correct? and the school is a 4 block walk away, so about twice the distance?

I would be telling them that this is how we do it, and the real issue is that dcg isn't dressed for the weather (which I wouldn't have allowed at AM drop off, if no AM drop off, I would have called Mom to pick her up)

Dcm, THIS is my policy, if it doesn't meet your needs, please feel free to seek alternate care for DCK. Keep in mind that I require a two week written notice, given only on Fridays.

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I agree!

There has already been way too much chatter about something that should not be an issue.

Either DCM agrees to your policies or she finds other care.
If her child forgets warm gear....that's on mom and SHE should be asking herself what SHE is going to do in those cases as none of that is an issue for you.

Either allow DCG to walk (as is on ALL days) or she finds other care. I would NOT agree to gma picking up and dropping off because that kind of thing leads to other issues...gma is late/early...you were late/early....gma can pick up all days but this one and now dcg doesn't have walking gear because she though gma was coming and she wouldn't need it....etc etc...

It just seems it may create even more issues.

I'd present mom with two options: accept it and shhh about it or find new care.

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Holey moley, dcg is almost 9! What about personal responsibility & logical consequences? This goes for dcm, too! I am speechless!

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I'd term, because I can see where this is going. If gma is picking up from school. She picks her up before mom does for home, she's probably able to watch her after school. It's going to end up with the girl being in gma's care. I'd term now if you didn't need the money. If you need the money, I'd find a replacement and term. This girl is not going to be in your center much longer.

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"Mom, obviously this makes you uncomfortable. Maybe it would be best if grandma would pick her up and watch her as I am not willing to have the disruption to my day that this is causing or may cause. I am not willing to have grandma drop off. All you need to do is send the proper winter gear for daughter and I'll take it from there. Otherwise, I'm sorry but I am not willing to do anything else. Let me know what you decide."

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At first, I thought: Well...if Grandma wants to pick her up, more power to her--one less for you! But Grandma picking her up and bringing her there, undermines your authority and validates that there is something wrong with your policy. And mom knew what your policy was going in. When I accompany my SA's on fieldtrips, they MUST ride the bus, even though I'm driving to the same place. Their turf--their rules. No budging. She should be used to having to follow rules with a 9-year-old.

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This would be my response, too. I have a lot of patience but not when it comes to revisiting the same issue over and over with the same parent. It will be a very looooong winter for you if this keeps up!

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I wouldn't term.

My response each and every time she brings it up would be "dcm, what will YOU be doing differently to make sure her feet are no longer cold while we walk home?"

She has the same access to weather reports that you do. If she feels it's too cold to walk then she can arrange for other care for that day.

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YUP! Also I think dcm still has that 'bully' mentality (she was a major bully in high school. In fact, one of her former victims is another dcm here.)

Yes, a thousand times yes!

It's definitely not a money thing since it's only after school care. I wouldn't be heart broken if she leaves, tbh.

Completely agree with this.

Me too. At this point I am done visiting the issue. One last written explanation outlining what we do and how things will go this winter. Also outlined will be the consequences (not really the word I'm looking for) of continuing to bring it up. Next time it comes up will be a warning, if it comes up again after that, termination. Also in the letter will be what will happen if the child does not have appropriate gear (not allowed at daycare) and payment will still be required for that day (because I am holding the spot.)

Thank you to everyone who responded. Sometimes I need validation that I'm not being a big ole meanie. I get a little hot under the collar sometimes and need other perspectives.

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I agree with everyone, mom is trying to avoid following your policy by creating a "solution" for herself, when the reality is she is completely not following your policy by doing so.

I also agree, dcg should go to gma's after school. Mom may not like it, but dcg is 9, she doesn't need to be in daycare

I don't know why some things push my buttons while other things aren't a big deal. This would push my buttons!

What about going outside? Or do the kids always stay in after school. Here they would be required to have the proper gear ANYWAY for afternoon playtime. Nevermind when they KNOW she will be walking home from school everyday.

Another thing, let's say mom leaves it up to dcg to remember her stuff in the morning, you get there (walking) and find out she is not prepared. What exactly does she expect you to do? Walk all the way back home and get your car, then go all the way back for dcg? Really? I know you do not transport so it's not even an option, but is this what she is expecting?

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I completely agree with the not following my policy and pushing my buttons. I'm like you, some things don't bother me while others make me

We do go out in the afternoon. Generally around 4:30 until pick up. Mom is expecting me to bend. She wants special and I won't give it. She's like a toddler who has been told no but keeps testing the boundary. I don't think it has anything to do with walking home, and everything to do with mom being told no.

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The more I'm thinking about this, the more I can see dcm claiming her child cannot be outside in cold weather due to a health condition. This MAY be legitimate though the child goes outside twice a day at school sooo....

Anyways, I know some people have a health form that the doctor fills out. Would anybody be willing to point me in the right direction on where I can find one of those?

Thanks!

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Here is mine: https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B8_...ew?usp=sharing

But mine if more for when a child is ill/sick not a medical condition such as asthma...

Still DCM knew of your policy on walking to and from school BEFORE enrolling so if her child does have a medical condition that dictates she cannot be outside in cold weather, she had NO business enrolling her in a care program then that walked to and from school outside everyday.

Plus, I can't say I've ever heard of an asthmatic child not being allowed outside in certain weather. I know you have to watch for signs of distress while outside and that cold weather can aggravate a respiratory condition but not that they literally can't be outside to walk 4 blocks.

I think this mom is trying to simply trying to run the show her way.

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Oh I completely agree with you that she's trying to run the show her way. I'm letting her dig herself a big ole hole on this one. She's doing a darn good job of it too.

Thanks for the form, I appreciate it.

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I sat here drinking my coffee shaking my head and thinking, "What a toot!" The mom...not the little girl. She is a total product of her environment. Her environment should deal with the "consequences" if they don't want her walking.

Part of me wants you to tell her, "Don't worry, Sue. I have an Ergo carrier to strap her to my back should both her and yourself forget to put appropriate footgear on her. Then her feet won't have to touch the cold ground."

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Bellow is a part of my letter to parents of a 3 y.o. boy

"I also would like to ask you to contact me via my cell phone only in case as emergency or if you need to inform me about something. Remember, if you hear nothing from me during the day it means that your son is OK."

I have wrote that because the mom sent me an SMS with a question "how is my baby doing?" at least twice per a week. I didn't answer but she continues try

Enjoy her respond: "As his mom I miss him dearly & sometimes will check in." My reaction

OK, not a big deal, you know I will not answer.

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Had to come back to this and give an update because it made me laugh.

Dcm grudgingly zipped it about the walking home when she realized I wasn't going to budge. Dcg still complains regularly but I just ignore it. I didn't implement the policy about no gear no walk but it's written up if I need it.

The best part is 2 weeks ago when dcm called to ask me if dcg could walk with us from school to the corner & then she could walk the last 2 blocks to gma's house.

Too cold to walk to daycare, but ok to walk to gma's that is 2 blocks more.

It's a win win for me. I'm charging her for the time I have to supervise dcg (when she's walking with us) and it opened up another after school spot for me.

Made her sign a new contract with the new 'hours' and everything. She signed it, gave it back, then this past week she panicky called me to ask if I would have room for her dd if gma wasn't home after school.

Nope, sorry. Spot is filled. Enjoy that bed you made. Hope it's comfy.

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I love it!

So is she wanting you to keep the spot open just in case on a daily basis?

Well if gma knows dcg is coming she should be home, not your problem.

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Haha, thanks for the update! Mom kind of shot herself in the foot there, eh?

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