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How do you know when you're burnt out? Is it one of those things that if you're asking you probably are? Is there coming back from it or is it time to close doors? My hours aren't too bad, group is small. I just feel no joy in it right now...

The constant wear and tear on my home. The crying. The fact that I have no room for anything and feel so cluttered. My whole guest bedroom is full of pack and plays. I feel like I can't keep my home clean because of the exhaustion at the end of the day and even during the day.

I've been looking for jobs outside of the home but I don't want to put my child in DC as I feel that would be selfish of me. But, in order to find a part time job outside of the home I would need to work opposite my husbands hours.

I WANT to just be a stay at home mom, do some college classes, go on outings with my child during the day. Be able to spend the day cleaning if I need to. Meet my husband for lunch. Just have the flexibility during the day to be MOM.

My husband would not be on board with it though and we need my income because he's not willing to give up luxuries. He is on me to lose weight to be healthier and happier and to go to the gym but when would I have time for that? He is upset when the laundry doesn't get folded for days after washing it but I am just so tired by the time my child goes to bed that I can't bring myself to stay up to do it.

In the past when I didn't have DC kids and was trying to fill spots he was always stressed about money and thought I was lazy and not contributing to anything. He said he felt like I was just leaching off of his earnings.

He sounds awful but he's not except when it comes to money......

So I'm stuck in a rut doing something I used to love but now loathe. Losing my identity in the process. I sometimes don't even know how to socialize with adults because I've been such a hermit the last few years. I used to be so socialable.

Sorry this became so long, it was just going to be a short paragraph but I'm feeling all emotional.

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If you would like to pm me, I will keep your identity to myself. I would like to talk more to you on this. I totally understand how you feel and more than happy to talk to you privately on the matter.

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I'm sorry you are dealing with this, but I think that you need to really step back and look at WHO is making you unhappy. You don't mention daycare clients irritating you, no terror daycare kids, not that you are unhappy with your job. The recurring theme throughout your post is that YOUR HUSBAND has issues with you/your job.

IMO, you have identified the source of the problem and it needs to be dealt with. You should lay it out for him. You BOTH need to agree on a budget, not just him. Any luxuries should be agreed upon beforehand. I think you may need to consider the possibility of a counselor to help you both sort through these issues. He seems to be controlling you financially and that is not healthy.

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I don't know where you are but winter sometimes gets me down too.
Personally, wouldn't take that from dh. If you don't get laundry folded, he should.
If he got on to me about money ONE time he would not like my response. In fact he may fear it. We are partners, hell or high water. Partners share, they don't keep tabs.

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The first part of this post says they are tired of the crying, wear and tear, clutter, no time for them, child, hubby, constant cleaning, etc. that daycare isn't allowing for her to do. The second part is about the hubby and its sounds like the daycare is wearing them both down.

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Sounds like to me you are trying to do 2 jobs. That since you work from home, you are being expected to do the SAHM job which includes all the household chores and the daycare job.

about 3 years after I started doing daycare, I felt much of the same feelings you were feeling. I had to sit down with my husband and come to an understanding. Basically, I had to explain to him that during daycare hours, it was the same as being at a job away from home. We made a list of all the household chores and duties and split them up (50/50). Yes on occasion during nap time I can make a phone call or pay bills or fold a load of laundry but my break was my break and I got to choose what I did with my break. So just because I am able sometimes to do household chores during work hours, doesnt mean I am required to.

These parents are paying you to work, not paying you to fold laundry. Your husband can't expect parents to pay you to be a stay at home mom. It doesnt work that way. Either you are a stay at home mom (with no job) where you have time to do all the household chores and such or you work from home in which case your job duties take priority over your house duties.

I think maybe you might need to talk with your husband about making a separation from job duties and household duties.

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To be a great provider I feel that you have to love what you do, if you dont love it then go and find something that you love! When other mothers ask me if I think its a good idea for them to start a daycare I ask one simple question : "Would you do this job even if you didnt have to financially?" If the answer is No then you need to find something else. Not everybody is cut out for this line of work, so dont feel bad. Life is too short to be miserable, no matter what context it is. You need to do what makes you happy!!

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Personally, I feel it's your husband who is putting TONS of pressure on you. Does he not realize that:

A) YOU work full time?
B) YOU are a full time mom?
C) YOU are a full time housewife?
D) YOU carry the load and he expects you to find time to go to the gym when you have not an ounce of energy left?

I think you need to sit down and have a LONG talk with hubby. He needs to either let you quit your job OR pitch in and help. If he were to help you clean at night, take care of your child(ren), fold laundry - you may have the energy to go to the gym.

I think the problem starts with HIM and the pressure he puts on you.

Last but not least, instead of quitting your job, could you hire a part time assistant to give you a break? She could do a lot of the cleaning, diaper changes, and manual labor. You will still probably come out ahead of a part time job at Walmart. Just a thought...

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Jen, you may be right about my DH too. We live on the otherside of the country from my family as his job is here. I miss my family so badly always and would give anything to be able to live there. I don't think any of this stuff would really bother me that much if I had the ability to see my family and spend time with my friends on a regular basis. I am so isolated and doing DC makes me feel even more isolated from the world. Just going to Walmart last night made me feel like an outsider!

My husband is very controlling financially though he claims he is not. I could not even tell you how much money is in any of our accounts right now or how much of the money I make per month is allocated to what bill. I have asked, begged, demanded to be included and I never am. Or he attempts to get me to sit down and discuss it when I have a million other things to do. But because he is sitting down playing video games and relaxing, he has time to talk.

Today I am expected to do DC until 6:45 and then write his 8 page paper for his film class. Why you ask, am I writing HIS paper? Well, because he makes me feel guilty that he works 12 hour days and is exhausted when he comes home and doesn't have the time to write it. But, I am home all day so I have time AND the ability to take a nap if I want. HA, as if. I made the mistake of writing a few papers for him because I really didn't have anything else to do and I was pregnant and had no DC kids at the time. The paper is due tonight at midnight and of course he gives me no notice when he asks me to do it. He has known about it for weeks, yet he couldn't do it the nights he didn't work 12 hour shifts or over the weekend. No, video games were more important.

He comes home from work and I make dinner and we sit down to eat, I get our child to bed and then comment on the millions of things I have to do before I go to bed and he says why do you have to do them tonight? The house looks fine. Evidently he is blind if he thinks that with toys strewn all over the floor from our toddler playing, dishes in the sink, bottles not washed. He does help out his fair share but the deep cleaning- the important cleaning is left to me. Which is fine, I do it better anyhow.

I am in my early 20's (he is 29) and I keep thinking to myself is this what the rest of my life is going to be? If I had things that I enjoy doing then maybe I would feel differently about everything. He always says I can not be satisfied with anything. I have daycare kids and I am unhappy, I have a job outside of the home and I am unhappy. But, I am unhappy because the things and the people that make me happy are not even in this state. I HATE it here. I have considered just moving home a billion times. Maybe even once a day. I even had my things packed in November to do it. Car packed and stayed in a hotel.

I bring ANY of this stuff up and he gets defensive and denies everything. He says that I am just unsatisfied with everything. That I need to lose weight and get a college degree so I can get a better job and be happy. But, I don't see it that way. So, I am stuck. Stuck doing daycare because in order to keep the peace in my home I need to bring X amount of money in per month.

And, I resent him. I resent the DC kids. The infant constantly cries and can't be happy for 2 seconds alone. If I were to walk out of this room right now she would screech at the job of her lungs until I came back. Won't sleep unless I lay with her like her mom does so she is over tired today. I could say more but I might give away my identity if I say more about my DC.

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The thing is I don't seriously know alot of people who would do any job if they didn't have to financially. I would love, love, love to be a stay at home mom but financially I can't. I know very few people who do their jobs just because they love love to. Most people like/love their jobs but there usually is the money part attached to it.

I started this job many moons ago, because I wanted to stay home and with my own and I loved teaching little ones. I actually made more at that time working outside the home, even with paying childcare. So no, I didn't go into this for a financial reason. Times have changed though and more and more people are going into jobs even if they wouldn't normally because of needing to do it for a financial reason.

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The overall take of the situation as I read it is that in *this* situation -- she may be depressed and that her marriage has some fundamental problems.

She is being put down for almost everything she does -- from cleaning, to laundry, to her money making abilities, and her physical attributes. Her husband is controlling her financially and abusing her emotionally (with the weight loss and lazy comments).

I am even more disturbed that she said she was once social and now feels like a hermit. Abusers thrive on distancing their victims from friends and family.

Op, please understand that the feelings of burnout aren't just from work, they are from a relationship that is not healthy. You have the choice to make it healthy or to get out. If you ever need to talk, please PM me.

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I think that everyone gets burnt out from their job once in awhile even people who work outside the home. I have found the best way to keep from being burnt out is to make sure my routines are in place...www.flylady.net especially the pampering missions. I also make sure I take a 2 week vacation every year & go away from my home. Even if it is something super cheap. I've learned how to say no & I've learned how to ask my husband for help. He is always willing to help, but is not a self starter when it comes to the house.

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I think you and your husband need to seek counseling regarding financial decisions. The disagreement on necessity versus luxury is causing all sorts of issues and needs to be decided. You cannot go on forever when you are obviously unhappy with your job and the ramifications of it. But you cannot go a different direction happily unless you and your husband get on the same page for finances.

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I think daycare is only one thin and it might or might not be making things worse.

I think your real issues are everything JenNJ touched on.

I agree that you need to take certain steps to either make your relationship a healthy one or get out. You owe that to not only your kids but to yourself as well.

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Just wanted to bump up her reply for those that didnt see it after it was approved.

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It sounds like you have a whole lot going on. I have been depressed while doing the whole child care thing before, but my husband is wonderfully supportive. I can't imagine doing this without support.

I don't have much to offer that hasn't already been said, but I do hope things get better for you. You are too young and have too much to enjoy to be this unhappy! Hang in there ~

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OP, have you considered reaching out to family for help to get home (even temporarily)? I think your family would be relieved you are opening up to them and would bend over backwards to help out you and your baby.

I think closing down and getting HOME would be a really important step in your life. I really do not like the sounds of this situation.

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I was experiencing what I felt was burn out back in august. I had horrible families in my childcare that just really kicked me down. I almost gave up. I was depressed, felt used, useless, unappreciated and just burnt out.

I realized that I was doing way way more than I should have been doing. I learned to STOP making everyone else's problems my problems.

I came on here everyday and vented, talked to others and got advice on what I could do better.

Finally, I lifted my chin up and decided that I would NOT fail. I got rid of a lot of families that caused me stress. I cut my hours,I raised my rates and changed up my program a lot. I developed a back bone and basically just started fresh again.

I am happy to report that I have learned a lot in just a few short months thanks to this site and I am happily moving along better than ever. I have great families that care. They support their children in many ways, they put efforts into showing how much they appreciate me and I feel great.

Blackcat, Catherder and Sharlan have been GREAT help in my sucess. When I was down and out Blackcat sent me the sweetest PM that made me realize a lot that I was doing wrong. I am so thankful for this site and everyone on it.

I realized also that YOU can do anything that you put your mind to. YOu have to choose to want it to be better. BUT at the end of the day, you know you best and what you want to do.

If you want to be done with it, then you have every right to throw in the towel and move on. I would never say you failed, but every journey must come to an end at some point.

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Without going into a ton of detail, I have an ex-boyfriend who was mentally abusive in some of the same ways that your husband is being to you. He alienated me from friends and family, put down my appearance, called me awful awful names, made me feel badly if I couldn't afford to do things he wanted (such as fly halfway across the country to where his job was while I was student teaching and couldn't have a job) so he had to buy/do things for me. I had no self-confidence and cried every night on top of fighting with him daily. If you think that your husband could work on how he treats you, then I would try to convince him to seek counseling with you. If he gets worse, I would MOVE home right away. From my experience, the situation will not get better. I am thankful every day that I got out of my experience. Please PM me if you want to talk.

I have to agree that your burnout seems to revolve around your husband. He says that you can't be happy, but it seems that he isn't happy with anything you do. If you are so greatly unhappy, you are likely feeling the way you are about daycare because of the unhappiness in your life.

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It's really unfortunate that your husband is not supportive...

I am overweight too, and I know my husband shows concern for my health - but rather than telling me to go to the gym he asks me to go on walks with him (spending time together while being active). We have some gym equipment at home and he either motivates me by working out with me or by doing some of my daily chores for me to free up time so I can work out alone.

If my husband EVER said anything about a chore not being done I'd tell him to get off his a$$ and do it himself. My husband works long hard days, but he is VERY aware that I do as well. Just because I am home all day does not mean I can fit in all the daily house chores... that's a full-time job in itself ontop of looking after the DCKs. Post a laundry schedule wherein he needs to contribute... if he says no, then tell him to quit complaining. I couln't imagine putting up with a husband who didn't help around the house!

And if my husband EVER said he felt I was mooching off him... he'd get a warning to never speak to me like that again and I would immediately cease doing EVERYTHING for him (laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc). If he ever said it again I'd be out the door so fast and never look back.

I cannot stand self-centered people and sorry, but your husband sounds VERY self-centered... and not just when it comes to money.


You're clearly miserable. Keep looking for work outside the home. Get rid of the ridiculous notion that putting your child in DC is "selfish"... YOU wouldn't have had a job all this time if everyone thought like you - daycare is a necessity! You'd also be a GREAT DC parent because you know first hand how NOT to behave

Also, in my opinion it's selfish of you to keep doing something that is making you unhappy... you can't be a good provider, a good wife or a good mother if you aren't looking after YOU first! Everyone everntually suffers from another person's unhappiness.

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I'd consider this mental abuse. I would not tolerate this kind of behaviour, at all. And you need to stop tolerating it immediately.

Say "NO!" Stop letting this "man" treat you like dirt and order you around. You need to work on your self-esteem and tell this guy that he needs to grow up or get out! TAKE AWAY HIS VIDEO GAMES. He wants to act like a child, treat him like one!

Yes. And don't be suprised if it gets worse. Stand up for yourself and your child. Stop allowing him to treat you the way he is! NOW, before you have more kids!



Quite honestly, I think most of your unhappiness is with your husband and how he treats you. I could live anywhere in the world, doing any job... as long as I have my husband.

This might sound harsh, but you need to sh*t or get off the pot. YOU are allowing this guy to treat you like garbage.... and he has cornered you into living somewhere you are unhappy, doing a job that makes you unhappy and living in a home where he expects you to do everything but not even know how much money comes in or out????! Get real. I wouldn't put up with any of your man's bahviour and I certainly wouldn't put up with his combination of behaviours. Go back home to your family, honey!

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Girl, Have I ever Been THERE!
OHH YEAH!
Have you ever had your thyroid checked. There may be a reason you are feeling tired and overwhelmed.

I had a thyroid problem after the birth of my 2nd child and didn't know it foe years. Everything just piled up around me and I felt awful.

Flylady.net helped me too. I sat up routines and got my house back. I still struggle but, I am happier.

I wouldn't feel bad selfish about putting your child in daycare. If MAMA ain't happy ain't nobody happy. Do what YOU need to be happy.
If You you really can't quit childcare maybe you could find some ideas to get you in a better place.
Maybe some motivational websites that might give you a few ideas. I have to do that sometimes.
Sometimes I have to make myself be positive. I realize I have started to focus on negative stuff and I have to snap out of it. It takes discipline but it helps.

Winter gets to me too. My Vitamin D gets too low and I feel bad. D3 supplments help me.

Love yourself and take yourself to a movie or got somewhere all alone and be with yourself. Your worth it. If your don't take care of you no one else will.

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Thank you everyone. It is getting very hard to keep up posting as unreg so I will just reveal myself.

My husband is a great father and has the potential to be a wonderful husband. He tries, I know he does. He doesn't try very hard but he has been getting better compared to a year ago. But, yes that is correct in saying he is very self centered when it comes to our relationship. He is a totally different person and of a totally different mentality when it comes to our son.

He grew up without a strong father figure as his parents are divorced. Mom is extremly manip. ulative, self centered, mean, etc and I am seeing a lot of it has rubbed off on him. I think the major problem is he doesn't know how to have a relationship with ANYONE. He was always very self concious because he was overweight growing up and had few friends.

I think he believes that because he lost a ton of weight that I can do the same. Which, I can. 2 years ago I was 100 pounds lighter than I am right now. I had a medical condition that was not under control (hypothyroidism) and caused me to gain weight. Once I began taking charge of my health and working out I began losing weight and feeling better about myself and then I fell pregnant with our DS.

I love him very much and want to work on everything with him and I am a firm believer on growing together in a marriage. We both have a lot of things to work on personally and together. I can not and will not blame everything on him as I have my fair share of "issues" to work through (don't we all?)

I think the biggest issue is the fact that I am so far from my family. I was raised in such a huge tight
knit family that being away from them makes me feel incomplete. It physically hurts to be away from them.

I think the huge issue here in me being burned out is my personal life and has little to do with daycare in itself. I just want to thank you all for helping me to see the bigger picture. Just this realization (and others) has begun to change my WHOLE attitude. (And a clean kitchen )


Thank you thank you thank you. I have a lot of soul searching to do and communicating my needs to my husband.

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you know every couple rides a roller coaster in their marriage. Sometimes fall out of love too.
My husband when he married me, I think he thought that because of my culture I would fall submissive to him.

He grew up with a mom and dad, yet still complete disfunction in his whole family.

One time he said mean words to me and I stood up to him right away. I told him that I expected him to treat me as I treated him and that I would never even say those words to my worst enemy. He cried.

Recently we have been haivng some issues, like all married couples do.

I am much like you, I have ZERO family and Friends where I am. I found that a lot of what was going on was MY fault. I chose to change, feeling that it would make my husband happy and it would help him to trust me. I stopped going out of the house, stopped doing myself up, because he is jealous, I just stopped being me and my first thought that he was forcing me to be that way. But he wasn't, it was what I chose to do for some reason, thinking that is what he wanted....

In the end, I have realized HE IS NOT RESPONSIBLE for MY Happiness. I am. I have to make the choices to be happy and make the changes as well.

I have NO regrets and I don't live in the past. I accept both of our faults, and I try to move on in life with him by my side in the most positive manner possible. On our map in life, I walk with him, not behind him or in front of him. Sometimes we lose site of where we are going and we help each other to see it. It's his job to pull me up when I am down and vice versa.

It sounds like your husband needs to work on himself and make himself happy. that means he needs to go and do things as well.

YOu also need to go and do things for yourself that make you happy. Even if he is not ok with it. He will have to learn to accept that you are your own person.

Example, since I have been married to my husband, I have never gone ANYWHERE without him. Well except shopping and even then he still comes most of the time. I finally decided that I wanted to do something for me.

SO next month I will fly to southern cali, go to newport, see my friends and have some fun. I will also attend a zoo phonics training class while I am there too. That was the thing that sparked the idea of going. The trip will cost me about $800.00. BUT guess what. I never do anything and haven't in the 3 years that I have lived in the new place. I felt guilty at first, but I need to do this for me. I can tell that my husband is not ok with it, but guess what, I need to do what makes me happy and if I am not happy, NO ONE will be happy.

Maybe you guys could attend a marriage counselling session. We have gone to two of them and so far they have been amazing....

I wish you luck to the both of you..

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You're completely right that the behavior is unacceptable. As someone who was formally in an mentally abusive relationship, it is not easy to see the mental abuse when you love the abuser. I'm not making excuses; it's just not easy to fight back when you have no confidence in yourself. I thought I wanted to marry the man who was mentally abusing me, and I could have been in a similar situation. My parents had to take DRASTIC measures to get me out of that unhealthy situation. They and my friends had tried for over a year to let me know, but I couldn't see it. It also permeates into your life after getting out of the situation. I married a wonderful man almost 5 years ago, but I'm still scarred from my experience. I cannot handle it if my husband gets angry and yells.

I think she needs the support of family and friends to figure this situation out.

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When I read yor post I thought THYROID!
I have been there believe me I know. I
was Hypo gained 70 lbs. Depressed. Then went Hyper Lost 100lbs and felt great for a while. Then got super hyper and got sick and felt awful.
Doctors honestly have been no help. None. My x husband was No help mater of fact I think he caused it by HORRIBLE stress that he caused me.
He hated my daycare and was awful to me.

I know how you feel and it make me wanna cry to know you have to go thru that. Weight loss is a terrible struggle when you have a thyroid condition.
Wish I could help you.
Is there anything I can do.
By the way I shrun my goiter some using castor oil and heat pack on my nech. Seemed to help me feel better too.

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((((((BREEZY)))))))

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Can you tell me how you shrunk your goiter? I have one on my thyroid and right now i am having thyroid storms like no tomorrow.....heat flashes, wake up dripping wet in the middle of the night, cant sleep, or want to sleep, headaches, periods for days and days on end.

I am already a tiny person and Have weight go up and down all month or from day to day. But I work out 5-6 days a week, including weights and running....

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Oh, Breezy, I am so worried for you. It really sounds to me like you are in an abusive relationship with a very selfish man. A loving husband does not tell his wife that she needs to lose weight. He does not expect his wife to do his paper for him (That one really ticked me off on your behalf ). He does not keep his wife in the dark about finances. He does not belittle what his wife does and does not harp on stuff getting done like laundry. There is nothing you have indicated that makes it sound like he respects you or appreciates you. And realize that your children are learning through your relationship with your husband how a wife should be treated.

It is just making it worse that you are far from family and friends and feeling isolated. Providing daycare in your home can be a very lonely job. I have been doing it for 8 years but have only continued that long because I have friends nearby (on my street) that I talk to daily and see a couple times a week through playdates.

I am glad that you want to communicate your needs to your husband. He needs to take these issues seriously. I think it would be very beneficial for you to get some counseling; hopefully your husband would agree to go, too. And, if you haven't yet, let your family know what you are going through. You need to know that someone is in your corner.

I'll be praying for you. ((((big hugs)))))

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Well I have a nodule that hasn't shrunk yet but it is amazing how mch the overall goiter shrunk. Now I wasn't hyper when I tried the castor oil but I have had this goiter 10 years and it has finally shrunk.
I just rubbed castor oil on my throat (you can get it a walmart for $2.86 in the laxitive section.) then i put saran over it or used a cloth to keep it from getting everywhere. The I used a heatpack or heating pad on it for 30 minutes or an hour. Try to relax and focus on your throat. It will start to kind of throb. It increases blood flow to the area.
Be careful if you are having thyroid storms. I feel like it is healing my thyroid. I am beginning to feel better. If you want to PM me I would be happy to talk if I can figure out how. Flax seed oil pills help my eyes alot. They would nearly bleed when I was hyper. Hawthorn berry pills help heart palpatations as the blood pressure meds made me cough non stop. But the castor oil has been kinda amazing. My family could not believe how the goiter went down.
Doctors were awful. I never even got sent to an endo for 6 years of dealing. Finally when I told the doc I was done she referred me. I said heck with you drs and started look on my own.

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yes I love it...I love alternative meds. I will try anything other than what the DOCS want me to do. I agree the heck with them.....lol

they want me to do the radio active iodine treatment and kill my thyroid. NO thank you.. Anything radioactive is not coming near me...lol

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same here girl. Thats what I heard too. They said I could't be around kids for so many days after the radiation. I said forget it. If it is not safe to be around kids I don't want it in me. I hated the PTU. Worst taste I ever put in my mouth.

You can do it!

Thyroid has a lot to do with speaking up for your self. I was in an awful marriage where I was afraid alot. DCP walked all over me!!!!!!!!! Husband walked all over me. I could feel my throat close up every time I swalled the abuse.
I had alot of work to do to get better.

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Breezy weren't you also sick and you were wondering if you were pregnant did you call the doc is everything ok?

((((hugs))). Try take care of yourself....

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I finally got my period but I am scheduling an appt for next week to check my thyroid levels again.

Thank you

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DAVE RAMSEY!
thet number 1 reason couples have problems is because of finances. I am sorry to hear you are going through this and its hard to face the truth or confront others about how you feel, especially when it comes to selfishness.

My husband and I are taking the Dave Ramsey financial course and it has been a blessing, it helps us realize how we are with spending and everything speaks for itself and he is very blunt and funny which is good. If you check on his website he has classes going on all of the time and its only like 95$ for 13 weeks.

I swear i am not working for them lol but i really like the class and it is so helpful

www.daveramsey.com

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Dh is writing his OWN paper right now and I am going to bed

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hmm, I've been married a long time. My advice to you is that you yourself go for some counselling. This has nothing to do about daycare, I think the problem stems from your dh.

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Burn out, for me, can look a lot like how my depression presents itself. I get easily irritated and frustrated and my reaction to little things is extreme and over the top. It's not dangerous or even close to dangerous, just extreme considering the frustration.

For example, this weekend I was trying to take my Christmas lights down and ran into several road bumps. In frustration, I came inside six different times to throw things, curse, yell and cry (that ugly cry, too!). That reaction was way over the top since the lights were simply caught on something and when I found a solution to the problem, it took me 5mins to complete the task. That outburst was linked to the anxiety I've been feeling due to my upcoming move. Once I realized that I was better able to handle my frustrations.

Burn out with daycare tends to be more child or client oriented. I lose any motivation to do activities, I over react to the children's noise and mess and find myself resenting having to do regular tasks like diaper changes, making meals or wiping noses and I get frustrated with client behaviour that has never bothered me before.

I'm fortunate to be pretty in tune with myself and my moods. I can usually distinguish what I'm feeling and why within a few days and then I take steps to fix the moods. I make sure I've been taking my meds everyday, I make myself get more sleep and eat a decent meal. I set a small goal for myself each day and make sure it gets done, whether it's housework or an activity with the kids because being productive gives me a sense of pride. Sometimes, especially if I'm feeling burnt out, I take a weekend and completely separate myself from all children which is hard to do because my best friends all have kids. And, most importantly, I am kind and gentle with myself. I try not to beat myself up for what I haven't done but note what I have done. If I'm not seeing improvement in my mood and functionality within a day or three then I contact my doctor. So far, it's never gotten to that point.

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Last night DH and I talked a lot. Nothing too deep and certainly not near enough but its a start. We talked about how he talks to me, the pressure I feel, the money, etc. I told him something that one of the posters on this thread said about being a housewife, mother, and daycare provider are three separate full time jobs. He didn't say much but he took it all in and seemed to understand what I was saying.

I told him that I was never satisfied because I am unhappy living in this state away from my family and that I think that the way I am feeling is so strong right now because we just got back from a vacation seeing them all recently.

So, last night we picked up fast food for dinner (yuck but it was nice not to cook!) And we watched a show together. He wrote his own paper for school and I went to bed at exactly 10:00 after our DS went to bed. My husband took it upon himself to get up in the middle of the night last night to comfort DS and give him his pacifier so I didn't need to get up. This morning he announced that next week he is going to take some days off to help out at daycare and any day that I don't have kids (my teachers kids are on spring break next week so won't be coming full week) he will take DS out with him somewhere so I can get things done around here that I have not been able to do with DS here!

I took a shower this morning instead of last night and I feel refreshed and amazing. I am well rested and have a whole different attitude so far. Hopefully that will continue once my crying baby gets here. Oh and when Dh left this morning for work he actually gave me a meaningful kiss instead of the normal habitual peck. He also said that he hopes I have a great day.

So a bunch of tiny baby steps in the right direction and we will see where things go from here. I am so happy I had the courage to admit how I was feeling on this forum and that wonderful people like you all could come on here not even knowing me and help me see things that I didn't even realize were upsetting me.

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I'm soooooooo happy for you-!! Sometimes my hubby and I have these kind of talks and I feel so much better afterwards.

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Yay breezy!

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glad things are looking up.

We also did Dave Ramsey and are only 3 years from being completely debt free (including the house!). We will be able to private school all of our kids and still me be a SAHM.....its amazing what getting your finances straight will change. Right now we are about a year into the course and I am down to 2 full timers and a part timer with the daycare and should be dropping the part timer in the next few months as we get our van paid off.

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a journey of a 1,000 miles begins with one tiny step!

Glad your DH is making an effort and I am sooo happy you are feeling better!

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Great! So happy that you took control and are on your way to getting your life back on track...

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Wow!!!! That is such great news!!!! I am soooooo happy for you!

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Great. I am glad your day is going better.
I read some things on Nannyde's site that helped me with a crying toddler. Depending on th age maybe that could help there. Baby steps! That's what flyladys motto is too.

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This is amazing and great news. I don't know about you but sometimes I feel better just being able to voice my emotions and from feeling like I was heard. I'm glad that your DH listened to you and has even taken the initiative to try to lighten your load . That's great.

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I think it is very nice that you are offering to do this for the poster. BUT..... I want to hear this advise too. I think we all have these days, maybe not as bad, maybe worse.

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I was reading on her site this morning. Do you do the dressed down to your shoes thing? If so have you noticed a difference?

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I thought you were going to say he is taking some time off work to spend with you and your son. Get you away from the daycare for a bit and have some family time away from the video games too. I was let down...... sorry but how nice of him to help you out so you can work .......eeehhhhk.

I see some tiny baby steps here but if you want things to change you need to speak up for yourself and not fear your husband. After work get out of the house and go make some friends......find something that interest you so that you can feel connected to your new location and home.

I have a "real" friend that is mentally abused as you are being. I can talk until I am blue in the face and I have.........but nothing changes. I........and I say I............I hate seeing this go on with her, and feeling helpless. Most of the time its crappy, she is crying, upset and truly believes its all her, because he makes her feels this way. but.......then this little one percent moment of goodness will happen and its like everything was hunky wonderful. Hurts me to see my friend live this way. Hurts. I feel powerless, because she won't do anything about it. Then........ I feel like I am the bad guy for telling her she should not put up with this, when everything is better that little tiny one percent of the time. Have any of you, ever been in this situation and how do you handle it? It's my best friend...

I would take the advice of whoever said a while ago, to mark your calender with a date and if things were not drastically changed by then, then it would be your best interest to make the changes. I would hate to see you end up like my friend, still putting up with it 12-15 years down the road and your son.....thinking its ok, and being molded to be another abuser. My friends, son thinks its ok to treat his mother like crap- guess what.......he learned this from Dad. Sock some money away so you can travel back you your family.

I wrote this out longer and then had to go back and take a lot of what I wanted to say to you out, for fear of my friend being revealed. I don't know why I fear that, it's not like everyone doesn't know-

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Oh yes. If I do nothing else I do that. I have been for years and years. I can't do a thing without my sneakers anymore. I also do my face and put on any makeup I might wear that day. But most importantly I put on a smile. if I don't feel like smiling I fake it till I make it.

I am a flybaby and I slip up sometimes but the routines help me just like they help the kiddies we keep.

Hope your day is Great.

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Ok from what I understand you are holdin down multiple jobs at your husbands request. You need to have a serious talk with your husband and soon!
Dont take this the wrong way but I would never just hand my hard earned money over only to have it disappear into a bank acct. You really need to be in the know about that stuff.
I can tell you that at the end of my day I have pretty much zero energy for anything else. If the laundry bothers him then he can do it. He needs to pitch in a little more and lay off the video games. And he really needs to do his own school work. Seriously! Daycare is a hard job, and it can be very isolating. I have to really put thought into things I can do outside of daycare. (going to lunch with a friend for example) its so important to have an outlet. I dont think that its really a case of burn out as much as it is stress brought on by what seems to be your husband. Is he gonna watch the dc so you can go to the gym? I highly doubt it. He has very high expectations of you I think. Way to many tasks. You need to take care of yourself and let him take care of himself. Im sorry you feel this way.I pray that you find a little piece somehow.
Debbie

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I'm so grateful to my DH for letting me quit. It took a few days home with the daycare to see what my day was really like and he said " this is horrible, I don't know how you do it." We do things based on what's best for the whole family. We will struggle a bit financially, but life is too short to be miserable.

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That's awesome! Maybe u can be on his videos I am halfway through the course and we decided to sell our house! Lol good luck to u

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