I am normally a "dont care what you do at home) kinda lady. If I can get kids on my schedule and following my rules here that's all I need. If I can't, I explain to parents what needs to change, give a month or so for the change and then term if it doesn't get better.

Well, this 3yo dcg is fine for me, pushing some rules, lots of testing, but is sweet, responds well to logical consequences and I really like her. Dcm is nice, but clueless. She dropped off dcg in tears today (mom crying not child), 2 hours later than usual, complained of daughter spitting in to mom's food and how she doesn't know how to discipline. Mom is single, dad's not in the picture.

I would love to give the mom a love and logic book, or article on basic logical consequences but I don't want to over step. What would you do?

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Mom also often yells a dcg at pick up for crying (looking for end of the day attention but mom just want to get moving without a hello hug). I know dcg has a TV in her room and I think she spends a good deal of time alone watching it while mom hangs with boyfriend

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I really think it depends on the parents. It seems to me that the ones that need it the most are sometimes the least able to accept or use it.

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It's how you word it

Hey sue I saw and felt how upset and frustrated you were this morning and totally thought of you when I read this article. It's packed full of great parenting tips that sound like could really help you out. Enjoy!

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Sound like mom is struggling and DCG i the one suffering. It' a tough spot for you to be in

I think in this situation I would give her the book.

I would maybe say something like: "DCM I saw the other day how upset you were that DCG spit in your food. I have been there myself and understand how hard 3 year old's can sometimes be. If I may, I read this book and it helped a lot. I would be happy to loan you my copy." And hand her the book.

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I will sometimes say "If you ever want a good book on discipline I can offer you one....worked wonders with my own kids....I know what it's like to feel clueless". I say it like this because it's one mom to another rather than a-know-it-all provider giving advice. Then the ball is in their court. I wouldn't mention anything after this.

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That's a good way to go! I usually wait until they say something like"why are they always so good at your house?"
I even had a friend who asked about the wall color in my living room. She said her daughter was "calmer" at my house. Uh, it's not the walls.

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I was thinking the same as others- say it as parent to parent not provider to parent. And as an offer: 'I read a book that I really like for guidance. Do you want to borrow it?'

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