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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>This Situation.. Long...
daycarediva 11:22 AM 09-22-2017
So, we moved to a VERY friendly, TINY community. Everyone knows everyone kind of situation.
We met this woman at the playground. She's there often. She told me that she was the mother to this little girl. Little girl looked older than the stated age of 2, wasn't very verbal, not potty trained, but she played with the kids ok. This Mom was sooo not watching the child every time I have seen her. Walking in a circle around the entire park/a block area. Child was definitely out of sight for periods of time. Came back, sat on the bench, not even checking on child. Used the restroom without checking in with child. Took a LONG TIME. Came out looking at her phone and I didn't even see her glance up, went back to the bench. I KNOW it's a very quiet area, but STILL.
I didn't even feel comfortable leaving, and mentioned to her that I was leaving with the kids now "Nice playing with you LITTLE GIRL, BYE MOM!" sort of way. That was last week.
Today at the playground, I ran into neighbors that live at the end of the street. They were surprised the child already seemed to know me/the kids. THEY were her parents.
other woman was the nanny. Ok, Nanny specifically said she was Mom. 
The ACTUAL mother was cold to me once she realized I ran a daycare. Specifically stated "children do not belong in daycare, they need 1:1 care." The father was not- he was very friendly and we talked for quite a while when mom ran to get food. They were home as child had an appointment and needed tests run. Stated child is home with nanny M-F. I talked to him about the daycare- state licensing and ratios. I don't take infants because I think they need more 1:1, etc. Mom even seemed to come around when she saw me and the kids interacting and realized I was providing good care. The kids all sat down and had a snack and drink, after observing, the Mom said child doesn't seem bonded to nanny. I said we had met the nanny, she seemed nice. YOUNG. but nice. Mom and Dad had a TON of questions- asking about how long the kids had been in my care (like 3 weeks...) because they all seemed to be very comfortable with me, etc.
I asked some questions about how they found nanny, if they checked references, did a background check. Agency. Nope and Nope.
Nanny has been with them for 2 years.
we had to leave, I gave them a business card as they inquired about PT preschool.
Dad just sent me an email inquiring further about how to do background checks.
Would you say anything? I feel like I lost my chance. I don't want it to appear as if I am doing it to gain business. I don't need the business and I'm not keen on having neighbors as clients anyway. After 2 years child not being affectionate with nanny seems odd. BUT after a few hours over the course of a few days hanging with us she was hugging me/kids.
We met this woman at the playground. She's there often. She told me that she was the mother to this little girl. Little girl looked older than the stated age of 2, wasn't very verbal, not potty trained, but she played with the kids ok. This Mom was sooo not watching the child every time I have seen her. Walking in a circle around the entire park/a block area. Child was definitely out of sight for periods of time. Came back, sat on the bench, not even checking on child. Used the restroom without checking in with child. Took a LONG TIME. Came out looking at her phone and I didn't even see her glance up, went back to the bench. I KNOW it's a very quiet area, but STILL.
I didn't even feel comfortable leaving, and mentioned to her that I was leaving with the kids now "Nice playing with you LITTLE GIRL, BYE MOM!" sort of way. That was last week.
Today at the playground, I ran into neighbors that live at the end of the street. They were surprised the child already seemed to know me/the kids. THEY were her parents.
other woman was the nanny. Ok, Nanny specifically said she was Mom. The ACTUAL mother was cold to me once she realized I ran a daycare. Specifically stated "children do not belong in daycare, they need 1:1 care." The father was not- he was very friendly and we talked for quite a while when mom ran to get food. They were home as child had an appointment and needed tests run. Stated child is home with nanny M-F. I talked to him about the daycare- state licensing and ratios. I don't take infants because I think they need more 1:1, etc. Mom even seemed to come around when she saw me and the kids interacting and realized I was providing good care. The kids all sat down and had a snack and drink, after observing, the Mom said child doesn't seem bonded to nanny. I said we had met the nanny, she seemed nice. YOUNG. but nice. Mom and Dad had a TON of questions- asking about how long the kids had been in my care (like 3 weeks...) because they all seemed to be very comfortable with me, etc.
I asked some questions about how they found nanny, if they checked references, did a background check. Agency. Nope and Nope.
Nanny has been with them for 2 years.
we had to leave, I gave them a business card as they inquired about PT preschool.
Dad just sent me an email inquiring further about how to do background checks.
Would you say anything? I feel like I lost my chance. I don't want it to appear as if I am doing it to gain business. I don't need the business and I'm not keen on having neighbors as clients anyway. After 2 years child not being affectionate with nanny seems odd. BUT after a few hours over the course of a few days hanging with us she was hugging me/kids.
kendallina 11:28 AM 09-22-2017
Ugh...what a strange situation. I would likely still say something and just preface by saying that you feel really awkward mentioning it but because it's a safety issue, you feel it's important to tell them. I'd also say that you are by no means just trying to get their business. How awkward, but poor little girl!
storybookending 11:32 AM 09-22-2017
That's a tough one. I had one nanny family for 4 years. I started when the youngest was 4 months old. Man that little girl moved 3 hours away last summer and is still attached to me. I find it odd that the nanny wasn't interacting with the child, especially one that young. I do feel like you might have missed the opportunity to say something. Maybe if they come on a tour and the nanny comes up naturally but that might also seem like you are just trying to get their business. Tough one.
Ariana 11:44 AM 09-22-2017
Nannies are a HUGE pet peeve of mine! Parents think they provide optimal care but from what I have seen most of them are on their phones and leave the kids on their own. They don't correct or discipline either, letting thr kids terrorize other kids etc. They all seem to be the same. No offence to good nannies out there!
I would have said something and I would have stated that it is none of my business but....I think they should know. This person just sounds messed up.
They might think you want their business they might not but the kid comes first in my opinion and they asked. It is appalling they did no investigation into this woman
I would have said something and I would have stated that it is none of my business but....I think they should know. This person just sounds messed up.
They might think you want their business they might not but the kid comes first in my opinion and they asked. It is appalling they did no investigation into this woman
Unregistered 12:05 PM 09-22-2017
Maybe when you email him back, mention you are happy to hear from him and that a few things had been weighing on your mind. Say you were caught off guard at first and a bit confused as the nanny had introduced herself as being mom. Explain to them that you feel their child is at risk, and that new care should be looked for ASAP. I would mention knowing they are not comfortable with a daycare setting, but seeking a new background checked nanny with references would be a good start.
Rockgirl 12:21 PM 09-22-2017
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Maybe when you email him back, mention you are happy to hear from him and that a few things had been weighing on your mind. Say you were caught off guard at first and a bit confused as the nanny had introduced herself as being mom. Explain to them that you feel their child is at risk, and that new care should be looked for ASAP. I would mention knowing they are not comfortable with a daycare setting, but seeking a new background checked nanny with references would be a good start.
This is a good suggestion.Maybe when you email him back, mention you are happy to hear from him and that a few things had been weighing on your mind. Say you were caught off guard at first and a bit confused as the nanny had introduced herself as being mom. Explain to them that you feel their child is at risk, and that new care should be looked for ASAP. I would mention knowing they are not comfortable with a daycare setting, but seeking a new background checked nanny with references would be a good start.
Mike 12:33 PM 09-22-2017
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Maybe when you email him back, mention you are happy to hear from him and that a few things had been weighing on your mind. Say you were caught off guard at first and a bit confused as the nanny had introduced herself as being mom. Explain to them that you feel their child is at risk, and that new care should be looked for ASAP. I would mention knowing they are not comfortable with a daycare setting, but seeking a new background checked nanny with references would be a good start.
I agree with this idea.Maybe when you email him back, mention you are happy to hear from him and that a few things had been weighing on your mind. Say you were caught off guard at first and a bit confused as the nanny had introduced herself as being mom. Explain to them that you feel their child is at risk, and that new care should be looked for ASAP. I would mention knowing they are not comfortable with a daycare setting, but seeking a new background checked nanny with references would be a good start.
daycarediva 03:52 AM 09-25-2017
So, I answered his email and gave him background check info and suggested he and his wife pop in, or have our neighbors stop by unannounced sometimes to get a feel for what's going on.
I also mentioned that she had limited interaction with her at the playground so it was hard for me to gauge her relationship with their child, and he asked me for specifics and I clarified the supervision concerns.
I also said that I thank them for their interest in my program but prefer to not enroll neighbors in general and gave them a few leads on GOOD nannies I know.
Taking a 2 1/2 yo who has been with a nanny, and parents who are anti daycare in general sounds like a recipe for disaster ANYWAY.
I also mentioned that she had limited interaction with her at the playground so it was hard for me to gauge her relationship with their child, and he asked me for specifics and I clarified the supervision concerns.
I also said that I thank them for their interest in my program but prefer to not enroll neighbors in general and gave them a few leads on GOOD nannies I know.
Taking a 2 1/2 yo who has been with a nanny, and parents who are anti daycare in general sounds like a recipe for disaster ANYWAY.
midaycare 06:35 AM 09-25-2017
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
So, I answered his email and gave him background check info and suggested he and his wife pop in, or have our neighbors stop by unannounced sometimes to get a feel for what's going on.
I also mentioned that she had limited interaction with her at the playground so it was hard for me to gauge her relationship with their child, and he asked me for specifics and I clarified the supervision concerns.
I also said that I thank them for their interest in my program but prefer to not enroll neighbors in general and gave them a few leads on GOOD nannies I know.
Taking a 2 1/2 yo who has been with a nanny, and parents who are anti daycare in general sounds like a recipe for disaster ANYWAY.
So, I answered his email and gave him background check info and suggested he and his wife pop in, or have our neighbors stop by unannounced sometimes to get a feel for what's going on.
I also mentioned that she had limited interaction with her at the playground so it was hard for me to gauge her relationship with their child, and he asked me for specifics and I clarified the supervision concerns.
I also said that I thank them for their interest in my program but prefer to not enroll neighbors in general and gave them a few leads on GOOD nannies I know.
Taking a 2 1/2 yo who has been with a nanny, and parents who are anti daycare in general sounds like a recipe for disaster ANYWAY.
Perfectly handled
mommyneedsadayoff 06:58 AM 09-25-2017
I just want to say something in regards to nannies. I was a nanny for close to 10 years and it is EXACTLY like a daycare relationship in terms of parental responsibility. If parents don't stay involved, check in, use good and open communication, you end up in situtations like above. Ime, every nanny family I worked for was HIGHLY involved, so there was no chance they would get a nanny like you mention without knowing about it very quickly. But, in many cases, just like at daycare, parents get comfortable and stop checking in, so you end up with subpar or even dangerous care when you believe they are getting excellent care. Regardless of nanny or daycare, it is your job as a parent to make sure your child is being well taken care of. I would not take this child, not because of the nanny, but because of the parents. They seem to have a closed mind and had they never run into you at the park, they would continue allowing their child to be cared for in an unsafe matter. It sounds like the only reason they are checking into it is because you made them aware. They should have been doing that far before they ever met you. Anyhoo, just my two cents, but I think you handled it very well!
Ariana 09:34 AM 09-25-2017
Agree mommyneedsadayoff 100%
Looks like you handled it perfectly Diva!
Looks like you handled it perfectly Diva!
daycarediva 09:38 AM 09-25-2017
Originally Posted by mommyneedsadayoff:
I just want to say something in regards to nannies. I was a nanny for close to 10 years and it is EXACTLY like a daycare relationship in terms of parental responsibility. If parents don't stay involved, check in, use good and open communication, you end up in situtations like above. Ime, every nanny family I worked for was HIGHLY involved, so there was no chance they would get a nanny like you mention without knowing about it very quickly. But, in many cases, just like at daycare, parents get comfortable and stop checking in, so you end up with subpar or even dangerous care when you believe they are getting excellent care. Regardless of nanny or daycare, it is your job as a parent to make sure your child is being well taken care of. I would not take this child, not because of the nanny, but because of the parents. They seem to have a closed mind and had they never run into you at the park, they would continue allowing their child to be cared for in an unsafe matter. It sounds like the only reason they are checking into it is because you made them aware. They should have been doing that far before they ever met you. Anyhoo, just my two cents, but I think you handled it very well!
I completely agree! All of those extra nanny expenses for the 'best possible care' and you don't check into that!? Dad said they pay her $14/hr, and they pay taxes, and insurance, AND she has a car to use while there, and she receives additional petty cash, for instance. I just want to say something in regards to nannies. I was a nanny for close to 10 years and it is EXACTLY like a daycare relationship in terms of parental responsibility. If parents don't stay involved, check in, use good and open communication, you end up in situtations like above. Ime, every nanny family I worked for was HIGHLY involved, so there was no chance they would get a nanny like you mention without knowing about it very quickly. But, in many cases, just like at daycare, parents get comfortable and stop checking in, so you end up with subpar or even dangerous care when you believe they are getting excellent care. Regardless of nanny or daycare, it is your job as a parent to make sure your child is being well taken care of. I would not take this child, not because of the nanny, but because of the parents. They seem to have a closed mind and had they never run into you at the park, they would continue allowing their child to be cared for in an unsafe matter. It sounds like the only reason they are checking into it is because you made them aware. They should have been doing that far before they ever met you. Anyhoo, just my two cents, but I think you handled it very well!
My quick number crunching tells me they are paying 6x local daycare rates for sub par care, at best.
I really think 2yo's can benefit from social interaction, too. This girl was seriously lonely (she has cried every time we leave) and needs a LOT of help to speak to peers or play.
jenboo 09:39 AM 09-25-2017
There are good nannies out there too! I was one
kendallina 10:02 AM 09-25-2017
You handled it great!
daycarediva 10:18 AM 09-25-2017
Originally Posted by jenboo:
There are good nannies out there too! I was one
I know a few locally, one was my sub! I would have hired her on as an assistant if I had the room to expand then! There are good nannies out there too! I was one
