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  #1  
Old 02-11-2021, 03:44 PM
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Default Just Found This Site! I'm Unleashing...

Omg this website is the greatest thing ever. I just closed up for the day and if I don't get this out I'll probably combust.

I have 4 children in my care. There are ongoing issues with every single family and today I finally had enough.

The first mom is super protective and very sensitive to anything other than absolute praise of her daughter. I've tried to address the child's clinginess and unwillingness to play without my direct, one-on-one, active entertainment but the mom said I'm either not interesting enough or I'm not holding the child enough and that's why they're clinging. Today the mom was upset because apparently they counted and there are less pictures of her child on my daycare blog than the other children. She's complained about this before and I've told her the same thing. Today though, I guess I just couldn't take the adult whining on-top of all the child whining I dealt with today and I finally laid it out for her. If I am not holding her child, the child is either clinging to my clothes or under my feet, chasing me around the house as I try to care for her and 3 others. I've had to put up gates so I can physically move around without knocking her over every time I turn or take a step. If I'm on the other side of the gate or even (heaven forbid!) holding another child, this child is standing in front of me, sobbing. I told Mom I don't post selfies or pictures of my feet on our blog and the sobbing pictures are unflattering. Since these are the only options for getting her child's face on the blog, this is why she's not on it. I was THIS CLOSE to adding that, in fact, any pictures that do make it to the blog are either staged or flukes that make it look like the child is standing next to a toy or a friend.

The second mom came in looking for a fight. Dad dropped off this morning so she had been waiting almost 24 hours to get at me. This Mom claims that her child is 100% potty trained at home and has never had an accident with her. She drops off in underwear and demands that the child not wear diapers at my house at all - except for when she's going home. Apparently they have hours-long drives every night after daycare and there aren't any toilets in between. Anyway, the child had an accident a couple days ago and mom was furious when I sent the wet pants home. She said I wasn't being attentive enough and that I was going to ruin all her progress (even though evening car diapers aren't confusing at all). So yesterday at drop off, another parent came in a little confused and said that mom was just sitting outside the house, changing the child's diaper in the car. They didn't understand why she didn't just come do it inside. When I clarified, the parent was adamant that the mom had the child laid across the front of the car, pants down and taking the child's diaper off.

The liar had been putting her child in a diaper for the 2 minute drive over and just taking it off before she came in to make it look like the child had been in underwear! So that evening when Mom picked up, I had the child ready to go - in underwear. Apparently the child ended up peeing in the shopping cart at the grocery store and mom was PISSED. She came in demanding to know why the child wasn't in a diaper last night. I totally played dumb and said I must have forgotten - since the child is in underwear all day here "and at home" it sometimes slips my mind to go backwards and stick a diaper on her since she doesn't need it. Then I asked "didn't she tell you at the store that she had to go?". This is what mom always throws in my face when she has wet pants to bring home. Her daughter who knows all of 4 words somehow is able to articulate to mom every time she has to go and therefore any accident at my house is the result of me not paying enough attention.

The third parent sighed and gave me the "really?" stare when she was informed, again, that no her child didn't have art to bring home because he refused to sit and participate. I stood up to her too and said like food and every other activity at daycare, it is my job to provide the means and opportunity but it is up to the child to choose what they do. I told her that this is a daycare, not the child's job and they were allowed to opt in and out as they see fit. I gave her a ziplock bag with all the day's art supplies and said she was free to force the art with him at home if she wanted. At least she looked a little shocked and seemed to realize she was the one being silly.

The fourth parent was late and not for the first time this month. It's the 11th. I made them sign a late slip and told them that payment was due before whichever day it was that they wanted to start their daycare back up, just let me know.

I've never really stood up for myself and usually even just thinking about saying something makes me panic. But I've just had enough! Worst case scenario, they all leave - and I don't have to deal with the silliness anymore. Best case scenario, they finally realize how ridiculous they're being and I end my week without any adults whining in my doorway about what a terrible provider they have that they keep sending their children to anyway.
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Old 02-11-2021, 04:09 PM
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Welcome!
This site definitely helps with getting that backbone!
Great job standing up to the parents, and I hope they all get their acts together!
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Old 02-12-2021, 02:45 AM
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Wow, you do have a boatload of whiny childish parents. I have to say though, the one changing their child in the car takes the cake. Did you confront her on that?? Another case of dcps expecting their provider to do all the responsible work for a parent.
I think you deserve a huge pat on the back for handling them. Do you have those types of issues and how your dc handles them, written into a policy? If so, keep referring them to your written policy and remind them this is what they agreed to. If not, might be time to add specific issues.

Good luck! And glad you found this forum, it was an amazing help to me throughout my dc years.
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Old 02-12-2021, 09:29 AM
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I love how you handled the potty parent.

It takes some time to gain that backbone. But I think you're well on your way! Welcome to the club!
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Old 02-14-2021, 07:56 AM
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I will be retiring in May of 2023. I will have been doing daycare for 37 years by then.

I cannot wait. My daycare parents aren't awful...but none of them are great and I find myself taking care of them just as much as their children.

One has a child (4) that is so rude to them. He's fine here, because he knows the boundaries here. At home...there are none. The other day, he arrived and his dad shouted from the car "Come get your jacket!" The child yelled back "Shut up Dad!" and ran inside. The dad just shrugged and got in the car. The next day, the mom tells me that the rudeness is getting worse, so they are going to try changing his diet.........
He doesn't need his diet changed, lady...he needs you to be an actual parent!

It basically boils down to all of them finding ANY excuse they can NOT to parent....and I cannot wait to be done with it all. I still enjoy my day with the kids and doing activities etc....but it's getting harder to enjoy with all the inevitable drama from the parents.
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Old 02-14-2021, 04:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Meeko View Post
I find myself taking care of them just as much as their children.
OMG! My day is literally consumed with this.....
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Old 02-15-2021, 02:59 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Meeko View Post
I will be retiring in May of 2023. I will have been doing daycare for 37 years by then.

I cannot wait. My daycare parents aren't awful...but none of them are great and I find myself taking care of them just as much as their children.

One has a child (4) that is so rude to them. He's fine here, because he knows the boundaries here. At home...there are none. The other day, he arrived and his dad shouted from the car "Come get your jacket!" The child yelled back "Shut up Dad!" and ran inside. The dad just shrugged and got in the car. The next day, the mom tells me that the rudeness is getting worse, so they are going to try changing his diet.........
He doesn't need his diet changed, lady...he needs you to be an actual parent!

It basically boils down to all of them finding ANY excuse they can NOT to parent....and I cannot wait to be done with it all. I still enjoy my day with the kids and doing activities etc....but it's getting harder to enjoy with all the inevitable drama from the parents.
I have to admit if I had to do the parent thing all over again(Personally speaking for myself as a parent here)and know what I know now, I'd be doing it differently. I was sometimes that parent that let too much slide. I think I read too many books that kept preaching to pick your battles. But the thing is if you let too many of those small battles go, pretty soon you've got a spoiled rotten kid. Mine did turn out pretty good despite my lack of parenting skills and confidence. But it sure felt iffy at the time.
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Old 02-16-2021, 02:53 PM
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You indeed have your hands full. There's no way I'd let a child continue in underwear after an accident.

"You know, I've been thinking about this, and have asked some other providers about how to handle potty training.... this is what I need from now on. Your child needs to stay in diapers/pull ups until she can tell me verbally that she needs to go, and then get to the toilet. I simply cannot have wetting in areas where other children play. That's a health hazard. I will continue to encourage her, but the health issue must be addressed."

Good luck.
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  #9  
Old 02-17-2021, 01:46 PM
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Do you seasoned providers feel parenting has changed? Meaning the children are in charge, more so than the parents? If yes, when did you see this shift occur/ how long has it been happening for?
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Old 02-17-2021, 02:18 PM
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
Do you seasoned providers feel parenting has changed? Meaning the children are in charge, more so than the parents? If yes, when did you see this shift occur/ how long has it been happening for?
Yes. Late 1990's - 2000's. It seemed worse in 2010-2015 (extreme confinement babies).

My theory is these parents were the latchkey/daycare kids who felt unwanted doing a pendulum swing in the opposite direction.
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Old 02-18-2021, 12:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
Do you seasoned providers feel parenting has changed? Meaning the children are in charge, more so than the parents? If yes, when did you see this shift occur/ how long has it been happening for?
YES!!!!!! They are entitled bunch of parents or I should say for myself any ways...a bunch of kids trying to raise kids!
I noticed the change starting around whenever it was ok to shut the kids up with some kind of electronic! Maybe, 10 years ago or so?? I have been doing this for 35 years now and find it harder and harder to do. Also, around this time 10 years ago I noticed that these kids have absolutely NO imagination and can't seem to play or do things without being guided!
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