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Old 03-10-2015, 04:58 PM
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Francine Francine is offline
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Default 20 Month Old, I Don't Know What To Do With Him

I have doing home daycare for 20 years and I don't remember having a group of kids like I do now. I was going to start a thread asking for advice on the whole group but then it dawned on me that if I could figure out what to do with my 20 month old it would solve a few other issues.

This little guy doesn't play, he walks around causing problems for the other kids. He only wants to touch what the other kids have, even if he's given a duplicate. If the other kids are playing with anything at all he has to be in the middle taking it away. I understand that this is his age this is his way of playing and he will get over it but what can I do with him in the meantime? I have two octagon play yards but if I put him in one of them he cries and throws any toys that are given to him out. If I sit with him to play so that he can't get to the other kids, he cries and throws a fit. He lives to be the ruiner of fun for the other kids : ) If I put the other kids in the play yards so that he can't get them he hangs on the gates, pushes them back and forth, grabs at the kids, cries. Not to mention the older kids feel like they are being punished, they haven't quite caught on to the fact that it can be a good thing. I have had a lot of 20 months old boys before but he is definitely the worst when it comes to playing.

Now about the rest of the lot, has anybody figured out a magical way to get a 2 year old to listen? I have 4 kids in between 2 and 3, not a one of them has good listening skills. It's the same thing day after day after day, one of these 2's is my grand daughter who is temporarily living with us while they transition from military life to civilian life. She doesn't help matters at all, she doesn't listen any better than the rest of them. Some times I wonder if I just expect to much from them, I am obviously doing something wrong because these kids are running me ragged.

So I have the 20 month old, 4 between 2-3 and a 8 month old I feel like I am being pulled into a million directions trying to keep the chaos down. Maybe I am just getting old
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Old 03-10-2015, 05:10 PM
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AuntTami AuntTami is offline
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Originally Posted by Francine View Post
I have doing home daycare for 20 years and I don't remember having a group of kids like I do now. I was going to start a thread asking for advice on the whole group but then it dawned on me that if I could figure out what to do with my 20 month old it would solve a few other issues.

This little guy doesn't play, he walks around causing problems for the other kids. He only wants to touch what the other kids have, even if he's given a duplicate. If the other kids are playing with anything at all he has to be in the middle taking it away. I understand that this is his age this is his way of playing and he will get over it but what can I do with him in the meantime? I have two octagon play yards but if I put him in one of them he cries and throws any toys that are given to him out. If I sit with him to play so that he can't get to the other kids, he cries and throws a fit. He lives to be the ruiner of fun for the other kids : ) If I put the other kids in the play yards so that he can't get them he hangs on the gates, pushes them back and forth, grabs at the kids, cries. Not to mention the older kids feel like they are being punished, they haven't quite caught on to the fact that it can be a good thing. I have had a lot of 20 months old boys before but he is definitely the worst when it comes to playing.

Now about the rest of the lot, has anybody figured out a magical way to get a 2 year old to listen? I have 4 kids in between 2 and 3, not a one of them has good listening skills. It's the same thing day after day after day, one of these 2's is my grand daughter who is temporarily living with us while they transition from military life to civilian life. She doesn't help matters at all, she doesn't listen any better than the rest of them. Some times I wonder if I just expect to much from them, I am obviously doing something wrong because these kids are running me ragged.

So I have the 20 month old, 4 between 2-3 and a 8 month old I feel like I am being pulled into a million directions trying to keep the chaos down. Maybe I am just getting old
It's not you. I have this kid too. Following to see what everyone suggests! He sounds just like my kiddo I posted about!
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Old 03-11-2015, 07:06 AM
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Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Francine View Post
I have doing home daycare for 20 years and I don't remember having a group of kids like I do now. I was going to start a thread asking for advice on the whole group but then it dawned on me that if I could figure out what to do with my 20 month old it would solve a few other issues.

This little guy doesn't play, he walks around causing problems for the other kids. He only wants to touch what the other kids have, even if he's given a duplicate. If the other kids are playing with anything at all he has to be in the middle taking it away. I understand that this is his age this is his way of playing and he will get over it but what can I do with him in the meantime? I have two octagon play yards but if I put him in one of them he cries and throws any toys that are given to him out. If I sit with him to play so that he can't get to the other kids, he cries and throws a fit. He lives to be the ruiner of fun for the other kids : ) If I put the other kids in the play yards so that he can't get them he hangs on the gates, pushes them back and forth, grabs at the kids, cries. Not to mention the older kids feel like they are being punished, they haven't quite caught on to the fact that it can be a good thing. I have had a lot of 20 months old boys before but he is definitely the worst when it comes to playing.
Sounds to me like he simply does not know how to play (independently or with others).

I'd try to teach him how. Give him an opportunity to play with the other kids. Have them role model manners "David, please stop taking the pieces I need. Here are some you can play with" or "Here, David you can put the last block on my tower."

I'd have little mini sessions (with you supervising/guiding/leading) on HOW to play WITH the other kids.

When he is not nice, have the other kids use their words to tell him "David, I do not like when you wreck my block tower. It makes me feel sad"

Then prompt David to apologize or help re-build it. If he has a melt down or simply refuses, remove him from the group. Use the pay yard if necessary and who cares if he throws the toys out of has a fit. He SHOULD feel badly that he is being separated. He will learn after a bit of repetition that removal from the group IS the consequence for not playing nicely with his friends.

Truth be told he really isn't old enough to play WITH the kids but he should be able to be taught to parallel play along side them without causing chaos.

I would also try to set up short activities to help him learn to play independently. Give him a few toys in a separate area and after showing him a few times how to stack blocks, turn pages or maneuver pieces, leave him. He might cry or have a fit but tell him, "David, it's time to play".

Then leave him be.

After 10-15 minutes, if he is still having a fit, remove him from that area and have him lie down. Tell him "If you don't want to play then you will have to take nap" He will quickly figure out that playing is a whole lot more fun than having to take a nap.

Basically, you have to teach him that playing (alone or with friends) is a lot more fun than napping..it will just take some rinsing and repeating.

I bet he is a screen kid at home.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Francine View Post
Now about the rest of the lot, has anybody figured out a magical way to get a 2 year old to listen? I have 4 kids in between 2 and 3, not a one of them has good listening skills. It's the same thing day after day after day, one of these 2's is my grand daughter who is temporarily living with us while they transition from military life to civilian life. She doesn't help matters at all, she doesn't listen any better than the rest of them. Some times I wonder if I just expect to much from them, I am obviously doing something wrong because these kids are running me ragged.

So I have the 20 month old, 4 between 2-3 and a 8 month old I feel like I am being pulled into a million directions trying to keep the chaos down. Maybe I am just getting old
As for your 2 yr old non-listener's...I'd do something similar.

Eliminate the toys and/or choices they have down to 1 or 2. Kids seem to have less issues if there are less choices.

I'd also practice some listening games and play some Simon Says type activities while talking about the importance of listening and following directions. Reward those that are listening by providing a fun activity that you normally don't do on a daily basis. Make sure to make a big deal out of how listening the first time buys you bigger more fun activities to choose from or participate in.

Again, A LOT of repetitive routines day in and day out is really the only way to help them understand what you are expecting from them. Sometimes I think it also helps to remove the many "warnings" we tend to dole out because we think they aren't capable when in reality they are.

I used to give several warnings or reminders but have found with the under 5's it goes like this:

1-2 yr olds:
1st offense: Loss of toy or removal from group
Verbal follow up..."David, you can NOT throw blocks"

2-3 yr olds:
1st offense: Remind them of rule.
2nd offense: Loss of toy or removal from group

3-5 yr olds:
1st offense: Reminder of rule
2nd offense: Warning of what will happen if repeated...
3rd offense: Removal from group or loss of toy

As with everything ROUTINE ROUTINE ROUTINE!!

The kids DO figure it out and I count on and encourage the older kids to help/assist and remind the littler ones as we learn the most from our peers and each age group in mixed age group care really do serve a positive purpose in this process so I try to use it as much as possible.

Allowing a few more reminders/warnings for the older ages, allows them to self correct. With the little, they don't know how to self correct until they learn correct behavior so thus the smaller time frame for expected outcome and amount of time in which I will intercede....immediately for little, after a bit of observation for the little older and after a waiting period for the older ones.

I hope that makes sense. It's hard to type an entire semester's worth of appropriate play stages and correction actions in one post.
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