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lvt77 08:12 AM 02-08-2011
Long story short…

Yesterday I had a DCB dad come 20 min late to pick up. What DCD did not know is that mom had already picked up the DCB.
When the dad arrived, he barged through the front door without knocking, scared me to death. I was not expecting anyone as all the kids were already gone.

He asks me where DCB is and I inform him that mom already picked up. While I am talking to him I can smell pot on him and his eyes are blood shot red. At this time I realize that this is not the first time that he has been under the influence of pot when coming to pick up his child.

I have in my rules that under NO circumstances will a child be released to anyone who appears to be under the influence of a controlled substance.

Yesterday he did not take the child, but he has in the past. I so bad wanted to talk to the DCM this morning, but had to bite my tongue because I was not too sure how to approach it..
What would you guys do?
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DCMomOf3 08:17 AM 02-08-2011
I would honestly tell mom that dad came by last night, pretty obviously high, and just so she knows, you can't release DCB to anyone in that state, and could she talk to DCD.

not sure if that is the proper way to approach it, but that's what I'd do.
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Blackcat31 08:22 AM 02-08-2011
I have had similar situations happen and I was told that under NO circumstances can you with hold a child from their parent. You can:
1) offer alternative transportation
2) Call police IMMEDIATELY (whether they leave or wait for you to do so)

But we cannot keep their child from them since we are NOT authorized to make the call of whether a person is under the influence or not.....even when itmay appear obvious. We would have to give a field sobriety test or breathalizer to prove that and since we don't do that we cannot withhold the child.

I don't agree with the rules I am only saying...this info comes from 3 of my daycare parents 1 is a State Trooper, 1 is a County Sheriff and the other is a County Social worker. So your rules may be different but those are the ones I must follow.
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missnikki 08:26 AM 02-08-2011
If he's high, she knows he smokes. Telling her might not help. If you feel brave, I would consider asking him to spare a couple minutes of his time today at pickup 'to go over some things'. Make small talk with him about the dck, and get a feel for him. Ask questions, and assess him. If you think it happens every once in a while, just tell him you have a concern that you need to discuss.

Try something like: "I've noticed that on more than one occasion you have shown up intoxicated and smelling of marijuana. I want you to know I am required (as a mandated reporter you really are required) by the state to document and report any situation that may endanger the children in my care. I feel that you should know that this is what I'm thinking, and I am only hoping that you consider this seriously, as this is the position I am forced to take. When you come to pick up dkg, please keep in mind I am not interested in your private time activities, but on my property I need to make sure everyone is staying on the up-and-up. Thank you for understanding."

If he is high again, call CPS. Mom knows already and you would be putting yourself in the middle of a marital issue if you told on him to her.
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dEHmom 08:34 AM 02-08-2011
Originally Posted by missnikki:
If he's high, she knows he smokes. Telling her might not help. If you feel brave, I would consider asking him to spare a couple minutes of his time today at pickup 'to go over some things'. Make small talk with him about the dck, and get a feel for him. Ask questions, and assess him. If you think it happens every once in a while, just tell him you have a concern that you need to discuss.

Try something like: "I've noticed that on more than one occasion you have shown up intoxicated and smelling of marijuana. I want you to know I am required (as a mandated reporter you really are required) by the state to document and report any situation that may endanger the children in my care. I feel that you should know that this is what I'm thinking, and I am only hoping that you consider this seriously, as this is the position I am forced to take. When you come to pick up dkg, please keep in mind I am not interested in your private time activities, but on my property I need to make sure everyone is staying on the up-and-up. Thank you for understanding."

If he is high again, call CPS. Mom knows already and you would be putting yourself in the middle of a marital issue if you told on him to her.
I agree with this, I would just state, everything in the middle paragraph above, but instead of saying up and up, I'd say something more like I would be forced to contact authorities regarding this. So please don't put me in this position. Or something like that.
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lvt77 08:36 AM 02-08-2011
hmm yes you are right... I used to be in law enforcement I should have known better.. lol I guess that it comes down to morals.... which I guess in this case i would have to allow dcd to take child but then tell them I don't appove, just he can tell me to shove it and mind my business....lol hmm
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laundrymom 08:40 AM 02-08-2011
I can't keep them from them here either however I have in the past.... Felt sticky on his hands so I willtake him to the bathroom real fast and wash him up..... Smell poopy let me get a fresh diaper on him, he feels wet let me change his dipe for you since I'm right here oh wait, I have to wash my hands I just wiped taras nose. Then I pop in the potty call911 tell them my addy, I'm a childcare provider who MUST release a child but dads high or drunk or whatever, they drive a ***xx and are heading north on Main St. I'm putting my cell in pocket so u can hear please don't talk so he hears you and please hurry
Then I walk out, slowly get child ready all the while asking dad how traffic was, how the game was or anything else to distract him. I've done it 3 times, and each time they were pulled over backing out of my drive.
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lvt77 08:40 AM 02-08-2011
Originally Posted by missnikki:
If he's high, she knows he smokes. Telling her might not help. If you feel brave, I would consider asking him to spare a couple minutes of his time today at pickup 'to go over some things'. Make small talk with him about the dck, and get a feel for him. Ask questions, and assess him. If you think it happens every once in a while, just tell him you have a concern that you need to discuss.

Try something like: "I've noticed that on more than one occasion you have shown up intoxicated and smelling of marijuana. I want you to know I am required (as a mandated reporter you really are required) by the state to document and report any situation that may endanger the children in my care. I feel that you should know that this is what I'm thinking, and I am only hoping that you consider this seriously, as this is the position I am forced to take. When you come to pick up dkg, please keep in mind I am not interested in your private time activities, but on my property I need to make sure everyone is staying on the up-and-up. Thank you for understanding."

If he is high again, call CPS. Mom knows already and you would be putting yourself in the middle of a marital issue if you told on him to her.
very good point. I think that maybe becuase we are all "cool" with each other that we wont mind or wont care. Fact is that I dont care what DCD does in his off time, but when it comes to my house in any form, I feel I need to deal with it.
Luckly there were no other parents around.
I know that there are a lot of people who alrady blast me about the whole "pot" thing, but I dont do drugs and dont want to be around people who do them either.
Its really hard for me to bring this up, but I think that you are very correct about the need to report it if it continues to happen
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jen 08:52 AM 02-08-2011
I've had this happen too...

In my case I was pretty sure that Mom was aware and I also knew that Mom wasn't a pot head, so I did talk to her about it.

I just said, Hey, ___ looked high when he picked up yesterday. I cannot legally keep *** from picking up the boys, however, as a mandated reporter, I should have contacted the authorities. I let it slide this time, but I won't be able to do that a second time.

It never happened again, although they are divorced now...
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kendallina 09:29 AM 02-08-2011
In this situation I would probably talk to mom as others have suggested.

I have come across this situation in the past while working in a center. According to our training from licensing we were allowed to tell parents that we will not allow their children to get into the car with them if they are driving. If the parent insists or becomes physical, call the police immediately. I have had to tell parents that they need to find alternative transportation for their child. The parent denied being high, but called someone else to pick up her child.
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Michael 10:31 PM 02-08-2011
Originally Posted by lvt77:
Long story short…

Yesterday I had a DCB dad come 20 min late to pick up. What DCD did not know is that mom had already picked up the DCB.
When the dad arrived, he barged through the front door without knocking, scared me to death. I was not expecting anyone as all the kids were already gone.

He asks me where DCB is and I inform him that mom already picked up. While I am talking to him I can smell pot on him and his eyes are blood shot red. At this time I realize that this is not the first time that he has been under the influence of pot when coming to pick up his child.

I have in my rules that under NO circumstances will a child be released to anyone who appears to be under the influence of a controlled substance.

Yesterday he did not take the child, but he has in the past. I so bad wanted to talk to the DCM this morning, but had to bite my tongue because I was not too sure how to approach it..
What would you guys do?
I think you meant "under the influence of a controlled substance". I hope you don't mind that I changed it.
Reply
Cat Herder 03:15 AM 02-09-2011
OP, I tried to send you a private message to answer another question but it won't let me... "cannot receive messages"

Wanted to let you know I was not ignoring it. Will try again later.
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Unregistered 01:22 PM 02-09-2011
We only have 4 kids at the DC and 2 of the fathers have shown up for pickup smelling of booze several times.
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Tags:intoxicated parent, under the influence
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