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Old 02-16-2011, 10:46 AM
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Default DCG Baby Daddy Drama! WWYD? (Kinda Long)

Ok folks, heres a good one for you!

The dcg with whom Ive had issues with since day one (late payments, late drop offs, pick ups, dcd car breaking down in my driveway,dcp arguing in my house, dcd tracking dirt all over my carpet, etc...) has had another big issue. Most of the issues are because of her father. This dcd is so full of drama you would think he was 18 yrs old instead of 40.

So two days ago dcm calls and leaves me a Vm saying "Dcd is no longer allowed to pick up dcg. Some things have come up and he is not allowed near her". Now dcm has complete custody of dcg so what she says goes. Dcd is the brunt of most problems so Im perfectly fine with never having to see him ever again. My husband is enthralled too because he cant stand dcd and on many occasions wanted to go and kick his butt all the way down the driveway.

Dcm comes and picks up dcg yesterday and proceeds to air her dirty laundry. I wont go into a ton of details but it was along the lines where dcd whopped dcm with a belt and cops were called. Dcd proceeds to move out and then quits his job because he cant stand the fact that "60% of my paycheck goes to a kid". Dcm assumes he is now working under the table somewhere as to stay out of the system and to not pay on the $4k in back child support he owes. She also found out hes out looking for some "questionable companionship" and that if any weird females come looking to get dcg that no one but dcm and grandma is allowed to get dcg.

Dcm tells me that if dcd does show up to tell him dcg no long goes here. El hub says if dcd shows up call the cops and then call him (DH). El hub said "because that dcd does not want to be here when I come home" lol. Hub is 6'7 and a Ex Military cop. No one wants to mess with him.

Now I hope of course it NEVER EVER gets to this point but Im really Leary. Dcd is a high source of stress for me. Hes rude and inconsiderate and has no regard for his daughter. I see him, knowing Im home alone all day, being a real trouble. I dont need his trouble. I live in a very nice neighborhood with a High on the totem pole city employee living RIGHT ACROSS the street from me. We are the newbies on the block who bought our house Oct of '09 and I dont want HOA going all up in arms about this if it gets out of control. Him breaking down his bright read jalopy in my driveway was enough to make me want to run this family out the door. I dont want to think about having to watch for some crazy daddy douche-bag while trying to mind my business.

Call me naive but the thought of having to deal with stuff like this never crossed my mind when I decided to do home daycare. Im learning all kinds of things. Let me tell you!

This is like the icing on the cake for me and I dont know what to do or what to think. Anyone else ever had a issue like this with a family? What have you done, just wait it out and see what happens? I dont want to put my son in any danger though and Im at the point where this is just bull crap. This is my home, I feel sometimes stupidly opened it up to help others who's children need care and this is the crap I have to deal with and worry about. Nothing may never come of it but this dcd is very unpredictable. $120.00 a week for this family is REALLY starting to not be worth anything.
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Old 02-16-2011, 10:48 AM
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Also any of the following advice would suffice in easing my mind:

"Stop being so hyper, nothing has actually happened"

"Drop them now before you regret it'

"HOA doesnt care unless you dont pay your fees and you dont actually have the jalopy sitting in your driveway all the live long day"

"Have El Hub tackle his @ss and be done with it"

Etc...
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Old 02-16-2011, 10:56 AM
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So you said dcm has full custody of dcg? If so you need to have some sort of legal paperwork saying so and then dcd has NO reason to be on your property at all. EVER. If there is a court order or legal visitation schedule it should list when and where dcd can pick up and drop off his daughter. If the couple is just separated and no custody order has been made yet that is legally documented, I do not think you can deny dcd his child if he wishes to pick her up. Mom's word is NOT thelaw and child belongs to both parents lehgally if they are stil married, UNLESS they are leagallyseparated WITH a written custody agreement that spells it out. You cannot just go on mom's verbal saying that dad can't pick up. Mom needs to get some paperwork in order to make it right at daycare for you. She needs to have copies of all of this to give to you so you can keep it on file and if and when dcd shows up at daycare you can legally call the police if it is a time he is not allowed to come (according to custody papers)

If you just call police now and say mom doesn't want dcd to see/pickup dcg, police will tell you it needs to be a legal court record to deny him access to his child. Does that make sense?

I would tell mom you do not want the drama in or near your house and SHE needs to get this paperwork done immediately for yours and the other dck's protection. Hope this helps.

If they are not or were never married and she has papers stating that she has full physical custody then he has no legal right to even be on or near your house. Have mom give you copy of that statement and you shouldnt have anything to worry about in regards to dcd because you canlegally call police and he will be told to stay away. If he tries to say he is only wanting to see his kid, police will tell dad to take it to court to get visitation.
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Old 02-16-2011, 11:01 AM
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Thank you for the advice! Dcm and dcd are not married and dcg has her mothers last name. In fact, dcm is married to someone else who lives out of the country (this family is so full of drama its kinda nice, makes me feel normal) and I believe there was no custody set up to begin with. Dad was deadbeat dad in the beginning and they had reconciled but she (dcm) kicked him out when he beat her two weeks ago.

Im gonna ask here for paperwork then. Save all our butts.
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Old 02-16-2011, 11:06 AM
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Yep, if they were never married then child belongs to mom unless dad goes to court and gets visitation/custody order and has no business being anywhere near your house so ask mom for some formal documentation and you should be rid of all the girl's daddy drama.

Yeah, it always nice to keep atleast one kooky family around....make you realize how normal you are.

I had a friend in High School that always said girls should have two types of friends; one's who are heavier and one's who are dumber...that way you always look good!
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Old 02-16-2011, 11:08 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I had a friend in High School that always said girls should have two types of friends; one's who are heavier and one's who are dumber...that way you always look good!

Hahahahaha
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Old 02-16-2011, 11:10 AM
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wow, that is drama. it would make a good reality tv show.
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Old 02-16-2011, 12:51 PM
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I think you might be on thin ice with this dcd. If he has picked up from you in the past, and now you won't let him get his daughter, he could accuse you of kidnapping. We as providers, have no legal right to keep a child from either of their parents without a court order.

What did they put on the enrollment papers?

The mom must get a court order or you must give the child to whoever comes.

Be careful with this one.
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Old 02-16-2011, 02:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Yep, if they were never married then child belongs to mom unless dad goes to court and gets visitation/custody order and has no business being anywhere near your house so ask mom for some formal documentation and you should be rid of all the girl's daddy drama.
Actually, no...
If the dad's name is on the birth certificate, he has every right to pick her up.

If not, you have still implied knowledge of paternity by way of precedent, and can be brought to legal action for turning him away without a court order telling you to.

Mom needs to jump on this ASAP in a family court. You need papers to fulfill any request involving father's rights.

One hard lesson to learn in this biz- you are not a family court judge. Don't let them treat you like one.
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Old 02-16-2011, 03:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by E Daycare View Post
Thank you for the advice! Dcm and dcd are not married and dcg has her mothers last name. In fact, dcm is married to someone else who lives out of the country (this family is so full of drama its kinda nice, makes me feel normal) and I believe there was no custody set up to begin with. Dad was deadbeat dad in the beginning and they had reconciled but she (dcm) kicked him out when he beat her two weeks ago.
Ummm. So, mom is married to someone who lives in another country, but has dcd as her boyfriend?? This family IS drama!!

I agree with everyone else who said you need a court order telling you he can't pick up otherwise you will have to let him take dcg. Good luck with all of this!!
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Old 02-17-2011, 07:51 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by missnikki View Post
Actually, no...
If the dad's name is on the birth certificate, he has every right to pick her up.

If not, you have still implied knowledge of paternity by way of precedent, and can be brought to legal action for turning him away without a court order telling you to.

Mom needs to jump on this ASAP in a family court. You need papers to fulfill any request involving father's rights.

One hard lesson to learn in this biz- you are not a family court judge. Don't let them treat you like one.
Mom does need papers saying who has actual custody but in my state you can put anyone's name on the birth certificate you choose to.....doesn't mean squat here as far as who has rights. A Declaration of Parentage needs to be signed in order to be recognized as the father in the eyes of the law but in MN if two parents are not married; child is in FULL physical and legal custody of mother. But in order to protect the childcare provider from future drama and confusion, something MUST be on paper.

I am not referring to maried couples...
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Old 02-17-2011, 09:26 AM
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This Drama Mama needs to also get a restraining order for herself and child.


Yes we have had issues like this in our center. Never has the dad shown up to take the child. If this happens I would say call the cops ASAP and stall getting the daughter ready to leave. OH and be on the phone with your hubby the whole time until your dh or cops arrive at your house.
It is amazing how fast the cops move to get someplace when children are involved.
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Old 02-17-2011, 09:42 AM
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Im not sure if he is listed as the father or not but I know here in Ohio, if youre married and have a child, even if the babies father is not you DH, then the DH name goes on the birth certificate anyways. So DH that lives in another country is most likely unaware of whats going on here. Then again she has stated that baby daddy wasnt paying child support, started to pay, quit his recent job to stop being able to pay and owes thousands in back pay.

I dont know what is going on really. I do know its really starting to exhaust me. My DH wants them gone asap. He said this is the last straw. I agree and placed my ads again.

In the mean time, if I ever see dcm (grandma's been dropping off and getting dcg) I will try and get some type of info and paperwork. Something sounds shady though. Almost like she doesnt want to do anything legal about this. If I had a problem that I had to call the cops about and felt so strongly about, especially with it involving my son, Id be in court that next day with paperwork in hand. Thats just me though. If I ask for paperwork from her from the courts I can guarantee that I will never get anything.
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