Hi everyone!

I am new to being a licensed provider (officially licensed as of February) but not new to being around kids. I have 4 kids myself (ages 10 to 3) and have been around kids (my mom ran a licensed home daycare for 20+ years) and babysat for years. My point being I've met a ton of kids and have a good idea what kids should be doing at certain stages.

To get to the point, I had a new DCG start today. She is a few months shy of 3. This is her very first daycare experience. Her dad watched her from the time she was born up until today. When she came in she cried for only about 3 minutes and then went right to playing. I thought she did great! Well, throughout the day I noticed a few things that worry me.

- she repeatedly kept standing on my coffee table. Seriously she did this like 30 times in a row. each time I would take her down and tell her "we don't stand on furniture". I attempted time-outs but she wouldn't sit. She would get up and run to the coffee table to get up on it again. I ended up holding her in time-out for 2 minutes while she struggled to get away. When I told her she could get up she bolted to the coffee table and did it again!!! AGHHH I really don't think she was trying to be defiant.

- she also has no idea how to eat by herself. by coincidence the mom called me to check on her while I was serving lunch. i told her what we were having (I served 1/2 a chicken burger on a bun, kiwi, bananas, and corn) and she commented that I was feeding her a lot and it must take me a long time spoon feeding all the kids. I was like WHAT?!? spoon feeding? turns out this kid does not know how to feed herself. the parents cut up/spoon feed every meal to her! she told me she does feed herself cheerios, cookies, and pretzels, but that's about it.

- nap time was a BUST! since she's almost 3 (and a big 3 at that - she's as tall as my 5yo!) i put her down on a cot. well she would not lay down. kept running to...guess....yep! the coffee table! well i pulled out a pack n play after that, only to put her in it, turn around and hear BOOM! she threw herself out! didn't get hurt, thank GOD!!! i put her back and decided i would stay near her and wait for her to fall asleep. she did, but it took me laying her back down countless times (she managed to flip out a handful more times while I would leave the room to check on other kids) and well over an hour.

- i also noticed she won't make eye contact with me or the other kids. maybe it's just because she's new??? i even sat right in front of her, playing with toy animals with her. i would grab a toy, she would see it, say the name of the animal, and then proceeded to line the toys all up. she would not look at me, even if the toy was right in front of my face. she doesn't respond to her name at all either.

- finally (sorry this got so long) at pickup i would've thought she would be super excited to see her mom. no expression!!! she wouldn't come when either of us called her name so her mom walked in and picked her up, brought her to the door, sat her down and put on her coat and shoes and then they were gone.

Is it just me? Mom hasn't indicated any concerns. She is back here on Wednesday and is supposed to start full time next Monday. I can't believe how much work this one child was today - and I didn't even have my infant here! She was much more work than the other 3 DC's combined!!!

Would you say anything to the mom? Anyone think these things are normal? Or maybe because she was home so long with the father and not around other kids?

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Wow...I feel for you! That's alot going on with one child!

I would probably give it a little more time and see if those things get better. I have a child here that won't eat anything but babyfood at home, but eats regular food with a fork and spoon here (it took a few weeks to get there).

Kids that have not had daycare experience can be a handful, especially one that old! Keep us posted on her progress or lack of.

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The red flags, developmentally, would be not responding to her name & not responding emotionally when Mom picked up.

Behavior? I have had kids behave similarly to this, simply because at home it's allowed. They really don't understand what they are doing wrong, and therefor, what they are being punished for.

Does she speak well? ask for things? point? Interact with children?

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She knows colors, names of animals, I heard her counting to herself...but she won't talk to you if you talk to her. She babbles and grunts a lot.

She also couldn't follow simple directions (i.e. get me a diaper from your bag, put the animals in the bin, etc.)

I'm hoping its just that she's been spoiled, but I am concerned. More so that I won't be able to give her the attention she needs without stressing myself and the other kids out.

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I would keep on eye on her behavior. There are some red flags here developmentally.

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Sounds like my daughter, she has aspergers

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My 17 month old behaves much better than that. Now he did just start climbing on his table and chairs and he will get real mad when I tell him no but he follows directions over all. Even though he isn't very verbal, he uses signs and pointing and tRiES to make sounds of words to tell me his needs .
That sounds like she definitely has some delays , regardless of the cause.

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I just went to the CDC website recently when I one of my new daycare kids presented with things I hadn't seen before. They have a place on the website where you can order free materials relating to developmental milestones and you can hand these out to parents. One of the things they sent me is a children's book that's about milestones.
How does the child do with other foods (not fry things like crackers)? Does she even attempt to eat them? Does she gag?
The eating is a concern and could point to sensory issues among other things but most concerning is her failure to make eye contact and not showing emotion when her mom arrived. I would give it at least a week though to see if these behaviors improve. She may not eat on her own because her parents never expected her to do it on her own so she never learned, she may not be making eye contact because she is shy and I have plenty of kids who don't care when their parents arrive.
I would ask mom and dad questions. "I couldn't get Susie to look at me today, is she always so shy?" If she's not showing any improvement I would get materials from your local Early Access Center and give them to the parents.

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Sounds like she doesn't have very many boundries in her environment and it is going to be work to get her to understand what the boundries are in this new environment.

Also eye contact is key for me. I know that my DCK's are listening and I can hold them accountable when they look me in my eye when I give them direction and feedback.

You are probably going to have to do a lot of one on one initally but it will pay off in the end.

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Wow, definitely a lot going on with this DCG...I do see red flags but also think you need to observe a little longer and let her get used to how things work while in your care. Ask parents questions to get a better feel for what she does at home. Did you have to feed her or did she make an effort to feed herself? That would be a huge problem for me, no way would I be feeding a child her age. Observe for a week, if you continue to notice all of these red flags then you should give mom a milestone chart, let her know your concerns and decide whether or not you can continue caring for her. If she is that much of a challenge with zero improvement you will have to consider terming...

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Do you have a trial period?

I find the over focus on some things (coffee table), the no eye contact and especially the unemotional reunion with parents to be red flags. I would have a trial basis of two weeks to see if things get better.

I had one girl that sounded exactly like this down to the naps, the lack of social skills and self help skills, the unemotional type thing. Her older brother is autistic and I truly believe that this child will be diagnosed with something but mom was not open to the discussion. at the time, she was thinking these behaviors were due to child being at home for 3.5 years and perhaps under socialized. Self feeding is not a "social skill" nor is attachment to the parents and other issues but whatever. I did let this child go because while she did progress a bit, she was way too much work for me.

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Before assuming the red flags, I would first suspect a lack of limits and stimulation. If, after she's been in your care for a few weeks or even monhts, you find that she's not progressing, then I would find a good developmental checklist, fill it out "like you do for everyone!", and hand it to the parents.

You could also mention, perhaps next week after she's been with you for a few days, that she really ought to be feeding herself and they need to work with her at home.

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She did not gag with any of the foods. She just wouldn't attempt to feed herself with the fork or even her fingers. She did pick up the fork a few times, look at it, then put it back down. She did this like 3 or 4 times in a row. I ended up having to feed her.

Even with the one on one of me feeding her I couldn't get her to look at me. Maybe it's a shy thing??? It really didn't seem like she wasn't looking because she was shy. It felt like it was more like she couldn't find me...if that makes any sense. Her eyes were contantly roaming around me, but not at me.

She will be here again tomorrow and I am going to try to work with her a little more, although I will also have an infant tomorrow so we'll see how that goes.

I appreciate everyone's input! If anyone has any suggestions on specific things I should try with her please LMK.

I don't have a trial period...but she isn't starting full time until the 25th. She is coming M and W this week and next to slowly introduce her to DC. That's what her parents wanted.

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I have mostly kids from countries in the Middle East or Asia. Parents in or from some countries spoon feed and still hold the bottle for their children until at least age five.

The kids I have here, will be able to go to school feeding themselves, but the kids in the community who stay home all day with parents will not have learned to feed themselves by the first day of Kindergarten.

Is her family from North America?

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Her dad is from here (US) and mom is here from the Philippines.

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I've only had one family from the Philippines, and I never noticed that...they seemed right on target.

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I'm going to agree with the post that said that you should wait a bit longer before bringing any of this up to DCM. The child is a new child and may just be adjusting to her new environment and testing her new limits. I know a lot of her behavior seems suspicious but some of it could also be chalked up to her being coddled at home and perhaps being over-protected and you should really give it a little more time so that you can separate developmental delays from child behavior that is different because of the different environment.

Children are born with a natural sense of exploration but can be conditioned differently if held back. You really don't know what home life is like and perhaps at home she is required to be quiet and not touch anything so maybe that's why she won't communicate much or play. Maybe at home she is required to sit quietly. Also in some Asian cultures making eye contact is a form of disrespect where not making eye contact in our culture disrespectful.

For now it would be really hard to make any assumptions especially because she is so new to your daycare and she is only there twice a week. I suggest like a previous poster said and take a developmental assessment checklist from a reputable source (like the CDC) and do a thorough observation for about 2 days. Make notes as you check some of the milestones off (or the ones you leave blank) as to the type of behavior that you observe. Then in about a month or so do it again and see if there are any differences or improvements. Then if you still have worries about her not hitting certain benchmarks bring them up to mom and give her copies of your assessments and notes for each time to show her examples of what you are talking about. Tell her that you do it for all of your clients.

If you still have major concerns you can suggest that she take your observations with her and bring them up to her daughter's next appointment. Don't label or diagnose, only recommend she speak to her child's pediatrician.

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Wow. I can't say that I would want to continue watching that child.
Forgive me if that sounds harsh, but I'm one person. That child needs one person to herself, not one person who has to watch 5+ other kids at the same time.
I would let mom or dad know my concerns and let them know that I would see how it goes for a couple weeks.
I would also let them know that the children here feed themselves after about 1 year of age. That she's expected to follow rules, take a nap, etc.
Let them know on a daily basis how things are going. Don't forget to mention the good!
I would remove the coffee table.

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I think you are going to have to decide how long you will be willing to deal with this if you are seeing no improvement after she is full time. For me personally, I wouldn't do it for more than 2 weeks if it is taking me away from the other kids in my care. I can't have all of my focus directed at one child, it's not fair to the other DCK's. I also think that when she comes again on Wednesday you should mention that she needs to be able to self feed and they need to be working on that at home.

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Did the dad work outside the home on opposite days or shifts than the mom during the three years she was cared for by him?

There's a good chance she has spent hundreds of hours in the last three years awake when the adults are asleep. There's a chance she also may be from an environment where there is so much clutter that she has learned to be up and high to function. She may have had thousands of hours of tv.

I would find out WHY she was put in care now and if there is any child protective involvement. Who is paying child care and how secure are you that they will be able to continue to afford it.

I have a feeling this isn't her first day care.

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I had a VERY similiar situation about a year ago. Dad is Japanese, Mom is Filipino. Dad worked graveyard until she they felt she was ready for daycare and took care of her during the day (as Nannyde says LOTS of TV time)

It is also a cultural thing and also a lack of boundaries. (Spoon feeding is cultural. That doesn't mean she cannot do it, she just has to learn how.)

The first week the little girl was in my care (she started at 2 years 9 months....I typically only start them as infants but she was a referral from a professor so I took her) she exhibited OFF THE WALL behaviors and similiar things that you describe. After the first week here, and acclimating to OUR culture of care, she has been an ANGEL ever since.

Give it some time. Hopefully she will come around.

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Thanks everyone. I really appreciate everyone's comments.

Dad was actually laid off a few weeks before DCG was born and only went back to work this week. According to the parents she has never been to any daycare or watched by anyone else.

She is now coming on Thursday so we will see how it goes then. I am going to try my best to work with her but I will have 5 kids 5 and under - one of which is an infant.

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