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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Do Your Personal Children Help With Daycare Related Things?
permanentvacation 08:03 PM 06-24-2015
Such as carrying in items that you bought for daycare (daycare toys, supplies such as diapers (if you supply them), furniture such as bookshelves you just bought for the daycare room, etc.

Do your personal children help with rearranging the daycare room or anything related to daycare?

If they do help, do you pay them for their help? Do you pay them per situation? Such as $5.00 to carry in the new items you just bought.

Or do they just help you for free?

Here's my thought... My younger daughter is an older teenager who constantly (well, at least as soon as she sees that I have a little money) gets money for me to go out to eat (typically at McDonald's), go to the movies, etc. And she NEVER gives me my change. So, since she gets money out of me for things that I don't have to provide for her, I feel that I should be able to get her to help me with daycare related things.

However, her view is that anything related to daycare is my job and she shouldn't have to help me with my job. If I worked out of the house at an office job, she certainly wouldn't be helping me carry paper from the supply room to the copier.

So, I do see her point. However, since she's sitting right there in the house when I pull up with a bunch of stuff to carry in, or when I start moving things around in the daycare room, I just feel that I should be able to get my teenager to help me carry things and move things.

A perfect example a situation that I just had is... I bought some personal furniture, a desk for myself, a dining room table for my household, a new bed for HER, a new bookshelf and a good bit of new toys and educational items for the daycare. I asked my personal daughter to help me rearrange the living room (daycare room) and dining room to accommodate the new items. She flat out refused to help. So I hired one of the boys that grew up with my older daughter and I also hired my younger daughter's (the one that refused to help) best friend to help me with everything. So, my daughter's best friend and the older guy were on the main floor helping me move everything and my personal daughter was up in her room laying on her bed, hanging out in her room and doing nothing. Maybe it's me. But something about my own teenager laying on her bed (by the way, I also had just bought her a brand new bed and brand new sheets and comforter for the bed) while I'm paying her best friend to help me just had me shaking my head the whole time. I literally paid the guy to put her old bed into my truck so I could take it to the dump. She wouldn't even help get rid of her old bed to make room for the new bed I bought her.

I have also paid the girl across the street (she's a little younger than my daughter) a couple of times to carry the things out of my car into my house even though my daughter was home.

Now, no. I didn't offer to pay my own daughter to help me because she gets money from me all the time for doing absolutely nothing. She doesn't do any chores. I could literally drop dead while lugging furniture up the stairs and she'd probably just check my purse for money and go to the movies leaving me laying there dead at the bottom of the stairs. She literally does nothing to help with the household. Well, she does wash her own laundry and clean her own room. But she helps with nothing regarding the household.

So, who's right here? Do you leave your teenager alone or do you get him/her to help you with things related to daycare? And if you get their help, do you pay them for helping you or do you just expect them to help you because they are part of the family that is benefiting from your daycare? Would you feel that it would be reasonable to hire outside help for things that I mentioned above while your own teenager is home so they don't have to help you?
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AmyLeigh 08:36 PM 06-24-2015
Oh HECK NO!

My children aren't anywhere near your dd's age, (11, 8 and 6) but they all do work around the house. They have daily chores, weekly chores, responsible for their own rooms and laundry AND often have small daycare jobs. In return, they get an allowance to spend on whatever they want, within reason, of course. Plus they have a neat clean home, a happier mom, and self confidence as a result of the knowledge that they can do all these things. It's a win-win.

Personally, if my child told me that she didn't have to do any daycare work, I would agree. But then because I am doing all the work, she would have to pick up the slack at home. By her age she should be able to take over almost all of the household management. And, if she wants money to go out with friends, movies, McD's, etc., she would have to earn it. Either by working in the daycare or by getting her own job.
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Baby Beluga 08:47 PM 06-24-2015
Originally Posted by permanentvacation:

However, her view is that anything related to daycare is my job and she shouldn't have to help me with my job. If I worked out of the house at an office job, she certainly wouldn't be helping me carry paper from the supply room to the copier.
It might be your job, but this job pays for the roof over your daughters head and all of life's other necessities. She should be helping - either with DC stuff or with regular household chores and maintenance. In the example you provided, she should have helped simply because it was the right thing to do, especially since she was not doing anything else at the moment.
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permanentvacation 09:01 PM 06-24-2015
Thank you. I knew I had every right to expect her to help.
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spedmommy4 09:05 PM 06-24-2015
In my house, everyone helps out. That said, my husband and I established the "everyone works" policy when the kids were little. They started with picking up their own toys and now everyone has a chore rotation.

The business funds lots of things for my kids and all four of them know it. If I didn't run my business there would be no soccer, theater lessons, driver's lessons, extra spending money, etc. Typically, the only job I pay for is standing in as my assistant. My 16 year old gets minimum wage for subbing.

I wouldn't need help if I worked outside the home but, I also never had time to schedule (or attend) all those fun activities when I taught for the school district.

In your shoes, I would be tempted to say, "Only cheerful helpers get fun money." I have two teenagers and they are fairly motivated to help when money isn't available. When the kids go above and beyond, I will add extra money to their allowance or bring home an itunes card to show I noticed. I always say, "I really appreciate that you did x to help me out. "

When I buy something for my own teens, my job ends after the purchase. If they want it in their room, they have to move the item and assemble it.
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permanentvacation 09:29 PM 06-24-2015
I was just wondering if I was completely in the wrong for expecting her to help me with daycare related things. But you guys seem to agree with me that I am not in the wrong for thinking she should help me. And you all agree with me.

Thanks for your input.
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Aussiedaycare 09:29 PM 06-24-2015
I have four children, 17, 15, 10 and 9. All my children help with housework, yard work and day care work. This Saturday we are all working in the backyard to make a new area for daycare. My children have two choices - help or move out. Daycare pays for a roof over their heads, food in their stomachs and all the extras of life. I would not buy anything for her and tell her she needs to ship up or ship out.
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permanentvacation 09:31 PM 06-24-2015
Yes, my sisters and I had to do chores also.
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childcaremom 02:12 AM 06-25-2015
My kids help out, too. I guess I don't look at what I ask them to as 'daycare' but household stuff. It just needs to get done and everyone pitches in.

My children don't get allowances, either. These are unpaid chores (the horror) and are expected because they are part of a family.

That's not to say that it gets done with a smile on their faces but it does get done.
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Play Care 03:30 AM 06-25-2015
My kids (9 and 10) do "work" in the day care and are paid for it. It's a tax deduction

This is different than the chores they are expected to do because they live here and are part of our family. I don't believe in "allowances" to do something they are supposed to do anyway (making beds, cleaning bedrooms, wiping down their bathroom, etc.)

If my kids spoke to me disrespectfully about what their job was, they'd find themselves on pretty thin ground.
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DaveA 04:22 AM 06-25-2015
My son (12) helps out a bit with the kids or daycare stuff. Usually odds and ends stuff- putting plates on the table, picking up toys, grabbing blanket or something out of cubby, etc. My daughter (9) just considers the DCKs noisy annoyances in her world and pretty much stays out of the classroom and living room during daycare hours.

Neither kid has "chores" as in a set list of things that needs be done at a certain time, but both are expected to help out around the house. We don't do an allowance, but they both know the more they help out the more likely they are to get a "yes" when they ask for something.
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Unregistered 05:10 AM 06-25-2015
Another heck no! They knew to help out, and no they didn't get paid and they both had jobs and bought lots of their own clothes, bought their own gas, fast food, etc.
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Crazy8 06:03 AM 06-25-2015
That behavior would not be tolerated here - and I have 2 teens and 1 tween. You help out because you are a part of this family, my job pays for A LOT of their activities so it is a big part of their lives and if I need help with something they darn well better help!! Some people do not agree with allowance but I do give a set "paycheck" to each of my children each week that is for their "jobs" - which include doing well in school, making their beds, putting their laundry away, keeping their room/belongings in decent shape. I don't pay by the job as some recommend because I feel having a "salary" to budget is a big part of growing up smart with money. My kids get their pay each week and that needs to pay for ANYTHING they want to do with friends like starbucks, the mall, the beach, etc. and they need to learn to save when they want to buy something bigger. I stopped the giving $20 to go to the mall and never seeing a dime back a long time ago. Now my teen daughter needs to budget her $10/week and can babysit or do other jobs to earn more.
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Unregistered 06:28 AM 06-25-2015
Midaycare here, logged out.

My son, almost 8, has chores around the house he has to do in order to be a part of the family. No choice. He can earn money in the daycare for allowance or toys - if he wants to. The choice is his. For example, I will give $1 to him for night time toy pickup. Now, he can earn $4 each morning he chooses to stay with me in the daycare and help out. Afternoons are lunch and nap, so really no need.

Some days he chooses to help, some days not.
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mim 06:49 AM 06-25-2015
Originally Posted by Play Care:
My kids (9 and 10) do "work" in the day care and are paid for it. It's a tax deduction

This is different than the chores they are expected to do because they live here and are part of our family. I don't believe in "allowances" to do something they are supposed to do anyway (making beds, cleaning bedrooms, wiping down their bathroom, etc.)

If my kids spoke to me disrespectfully about what their job was, they'd find themselves on pretty thin ground.
This!
I am the same way. I just started paying my kids (8 & 10) up to a certain amount per day for helping in the daycare.
But if it were me, if my kids didn't help out they would not be getting $$ from me.
Start hiring her for daycare related things. Set up an amount per day or job and then if she does it she gets her paycheck at the end of the week. If not then no $$
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mamamanda 07:13 AM 06-25-2015
Families take care of each other. That's how I look at it. My son started contributing at 13 months old. Of course, you don't demand "work" from a child, but he helped dust, sweep, set/wipe the table, fold and put away laundry, reload the washing machine (its front load) and a range of other household duties starting shortly after he could walk. It's not like he has a chore chart, he just works and plays along side me while I'm doing my job and he mimics what I do. He has his own little broom, small dusting wand, and a pretend vacuum that really sounds like its working. Now he's four and he lets the dog in and out and feeds the animals with supervision of course. I can't imagine having a teenager and not expecting them to do their part. I think I'd be having her take on some responsibility around the house, or she'd find her own money for eating out and the movies.
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Controlled Chaos 07:37 AM 06-25-2015
Love and Logic.

There would be consequences for the choice not to help. Next time she asks for cash for anything "Sorry honey, I had to spend my extra cash to pay your friends to help me carry the furniture".

My mom teaches at a college and every year my brother and I helped load boxes of syllabi and handouts into her van, drive to the school, clean her classroom and set up for the first day of school. Our payment? Lunch and a good work ethic
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AmyLeigh 08:04 AM 06-25-2015
Originally Posted by Controlled Chaos:
Our payment? Lunch and a good work ethic

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Heidi 08:33 AM 06-25-2015
Originally Posted by Baby Beluga:
It might be your job, but this job pays for the roof over your daughters head and all of life's other necessities. She should be helping - either with DC stuff or with regular household chores and maintenance. In the example you provided, she should have helped simply because it was the right thing to do, especially since she was not doing anything else at the moment.




You DO have every right to expect her help. If she doesn't like it, she knows where the door is. Seriously!

And, you, Missy (PV), need to drink some milk! The calcium will give you a stronger back bone. You let WAY too many people tread right over you. Now go look in the mirror, and say nice things to yourself!
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Annalee 08:45 AM 06-25-2015
My sons have things I expect them to do for persons like grandma & family members or elderly persons like clean gutters, rake the yard, mow, and things for me like cleaning up my playground, etc. I explain that there is no money for this, it is just the RIGHT thing to do...help others in times of need.

I have chores for our home as well. They do receive a small allowance monthly and they do not get it till end of month which has encouraged them to save because $5 weekly doesn't go very far, but $20 is huge to a child.

They have to buy their own bait for fishing which they love to do with their own money. I feel it is teaching them how to manage and that mom can't buy everything. They have expectations for this allowance and they receive deductions for every backtalk or disrespectful word out of their mouth.
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permanentvacation 09:15 AM 06-25-2015
I just took my daughter to the doctor's and told her that she hasn't been taking her medicine (Zoloft which she is taking for depression) on a consistent basis. Some days she'd be running late for school and not have the time to take it. Other days on the weekends, she'd sleep over her friend's house and forget to take it. Randomly throughout the week, she'd occasionally remember to take it. She's 17 years old. I expect her to be able to take her medicine without me having to tell her to. But even on days I tell her to, she will apparently say, "okay." to me and then still not take the couple of seconds to take her medicine. So I thought she's been taking the medicine when I tell her to and when she says 'okay'. But I just learned that she's been skipping her medicine more than I knew.

The doctor said that if you take Zoloft inconsistently, it can make you have major mood swings including extreme hatefulness and irritability. Which is exactly what she's been doing. So, all the attitude problems I've been getting from her for the past month or so might just be (hopefully is and probably is) from her not taking the medicine consistently. So I am going to make sure to give her the medicine every day and make her take it in front of me to be sure she actually takes it every day. Hopefully after taking it daily for a few days she will get back to being more helpful, respectful, caring, and overall have a better attitude and personality.
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permanentvacation 09:25 AM 06-25-2015
I also believe that everyone in the household should simply pitch in to help take care of the household chores. But lately I've gotten nothing but back talk or completely ignored when I ask or tell my younger one to do anything. Hopefully it is just from her not taking the medicine correctly.
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kendallina 09:33 AM 06-25-2015
Household chores daily and weekly for my daughter and she does not get paid for those. She does receive a weekly 'paycheck' for helping out in my summer camp program- she cleans, helps the children with their tasks and is the only one that can convince one of my 3-year olds to use the bathroom or take off his shoes---haha! She's only 6 yrs old, so she receives $1 per day of help (4 days per week).

As far as helping you carry in heavy stuff like furniture, yes, I think she should help you. It's part of being a decent human being that if she sees someone carrying something heavy, she should offer to help. I wouldn't personally pay for this, but other daycare tasks I would probably pay her for as if it were a job, does that make sense?

ETA: She'll probably be more careful with money if she earns enough weekly (through working with you or whatever) to pay for her own McDonalds and extras. I would probably not give her anything beyond whatever 'paycheck' or 'allowance' you decide on, though.
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Blackcat31 09:33 AM 06-25-2015
ANYONE living under MY roof and accepting food, clothing or shelter on my dime pitches in.

I don't care if you were birthed into the family or invited through the front door....if you are residing here (my house) you are working here.

WITHOUT monetary compensation.
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spinnymarie 12:02 PM 06-25-2015
I'd give her two options for how you two deal with money.

Option 1: The money is freely given, as it has been, and help with whatever you ask is also freely given. She needs to go to the movies? You got it. You need to rearrange furniture? She jumps up.

Option 2: She is paid a specific hourly wage for helping, down to the minute, and gets that money and that money only. She has her own cash, can decide whether she wants to help or not, and thus decides whether she has the money to go to the movies or not.

Personally, I'd be enforcing the second option if I got any resistance with the first.

But I see you figured out a medical issue, so hopefully that will also help!
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Unregistered 12:07 PM 06-25-2015
Get the point across by charging her for food/ meals/ laundry/ rent, ect..
She wants a shower...then that is 5 dollars. She needs to do her laundry..show her the laundry basket and tell her where the nearest laundry mat is. Everyone in the house pitches in or pays their share either with payment or by working it off.
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laundrymom 12:10 PM 06-25-2015
Back the truck up!!
She's wrong.

Here my kids are 24.21.17&14. Two have moved out and they STILL HELP ME!! For FREE

Carrying, toting, moving, loading, cleaning etc. they even sub for me for free. They're my kids. My family.

Wether they live here or not makes no matter. As for the ones still here, same deal. They help. Every time I need it. It's part of being in our family. I'm afraid of my reaction if one of mine said no. I think it would be swift and severe.
Originally Posted by permanentvacation:
Such as carrying in items that you bought for daycare (daycare toys, supplies such as diapers (if you supply them), furniture such as bookshelves you just bought for the daycare room, etc.

Do your personal children help with rearranging the daycare room or anything related to daycare?

If they do help, do you pay them for their help? Do you pay them per situation? Such as $5.00 to carry in the new items you just bought.

Or do they just help you for free?

Here's my thought... My younger daughter is an older teenager who constantly (well, at least as soon as she sees that I have a little money) gets money for me to go out to eat (typically at McDonald's), go to the movies, etc. And she NEVER gives me my change. So, since she gets money out of me for things that I don't have to provide for her, I feel that I should be able to get her to help me with daycare related things.

However, her view is that anything related to daycare is my job and she shouldn't have to help me with my job. If I worked out of the house at an office job, she certainly wouldn't be helping me carry paper from the supply room to the copier.

So, I do see her point. However, since she's sitting right there in the house when I pull up with a bunch of stuff to carry in, or when I start moving things around in the daycare room, I just feel that I should be able to get my teenager to help me carry things and move things.

A perfect example a situation that I just had is... I bought some personal furniture, a desk for myself, a dining room table for my household, a new bed for HER, a new bookshelf and a good bit of new toys and educational items for the daycare. I asked my personal daughter to help me rearrange the living room (daycare room) and dining room to accommodate the new items. She flat out refused to help. So I hired one of the boys that grew up with my older daughter and I also hired my younger daughter's (the one that refused to help) best friend to help me with everything. So, my daughter's best friend and the older guy were on the main floor helping me move everything and my personal daughter was up in her room laying on her bed, hanging out in her room and doing nothing. Maybe it's me. But something about my own teenager laying on her bed (by the way, I also had just bought her a brand new bed and brand new sheets and comforter for the bed) while I'm paying her best friend to help me just had me shaking my head the whole time. I literally paid the guy to put her old bed into my truck so I could take it to the dump. She wouldn't even help get rid of her old bed to make room for the new bed I bought her.

I have also paid the girl across the street (she's a little younger than my daughter) a couple of times to carry the things out of my car into my house even though my daughter was home.

Now, no. I didn't offer to pay my own daughter to help me because she gets money from me all the time for doing absolutely nothing. She doesn't do any chores. I could literally drop dead while lugging furniture up the stairs and she'd probably just check my purse for money and go to the movies leaving me laying there dead at the bottom of the stairs. She literally does nothing to help with the household. Well, she does wash her own laundry and clean her own room. But she helps with nothing regarding the household.

So, who's right here? Do you leave your teenager alone or do you get him/her to help you with things related to daycare? And if you get their help, do you pay them for helping you or do you just expect them to help you because they are part of the family that is benefiting from your daycare? Would you feel that it would be reasonable to hire outside help for things that I mentioned above while your own teenager is home so they don't have to help you?

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laundrymom 12:14 PM 06-25-2015
My opinion, you can't remember to take your meds or whatever else you need to do, I treat you like a child. You go no where without me and are in bed by 8:30 like a child. When you act like an adult, I'll treat you like one. Period.
Originally Posted by permanentvacation:
I just took my daughter to the doctor's and told her that she hasn't been taking her medicine (Zoloft which she is taking for depression) on a consistent basis. Some days she'd be running late for school and not have the time to take it. Other days on the weekends, she'd sleep over her friend's house and forget to take it. Randomly throughout the week, she'd occasionally remember to take it. She's 17 years old. I expect her to be able to take her medicine without me having to tell her to. But even on days I tell her to, she will apparently say, "okay." to me and then still not take the couple of seconds to take her medicine. So I thought she's been taking the medicine when I tell her to and when she says 'okay'. But I just learned that she's been skipping her medicine more than I knew.

The doctor said that if you take Zoloft inconsistently, it can make you have major mood swings including extreme hatefulness and irritability. Which is exactly what she's been doing. So, all the attitude problems I've been getting from her for the past month or so might just be (hopefully is and probably is) from her not taking the medicine consistently. So I am going to make sure to give her the medicine every day and make her take it in front of me to be sure she actually takes it every day. Hopefully after taking it daily for a few days she will get back to being more helpful, respectful, caring, and overall have a better attitude and personality.

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Blackcat31 12:46 PM 06-25-2015
Originally Posted by laundrymom:
My opinion, you can't remember to take your meds or whatever else you need to do, I treat you like a child. You go no where without me and are in bed by 8:30 like a child. When you act like an adult, I'll treat you like one. Period

Originally Posted by permanentvacation:
I just took my daughter to the doctor's and told her that she hasn't been taking her medicine (Zoloft which she is taking for depression) on a consistent basis. Some days she'd be running late for school and not have the time to take it. Other days on the weekends, she'd sleep over her friend's house and forget to take it. Randomly throughout the week, she'd occasionally remember to take it. She's 17 years old. I expect her to be able to take her medicine without me having to tell her to. But even on days I tell her to, she will apparently say, "okay." to me and then still not take the couple of seconds to take her medicine. So I thought she's been taking the medicine when I tell her to and when she says 'okay'. But I just learned that she's been skipping her medicine more than I knew.

The doctor said that if you take Zoloft inconsistently, it can make you have major mood swings including extreme hatefulness and irritability. Which is exactly what she's been doing. So, all the attitude problems I've been getting from her for the past month or so might just be (hopefully is and probably is) from her not taking the medicine consistently. So I am going to make sure to give her the medicine every day and make her take it in front of me to be sure she actually takes it every day. Hopefully after taking it daily for a few days she will get back to being more helpful, respectful, caring, and overall have a better attitude and personality.
The problem with those who suffer from depression isn't always remembering to take their meds, its the cycle of taking them, feeling better and then thinking you don't NEED them (because you feel better) and then not taking them.

I don't really believe it has to do with remembering/forgetting at all.

It's a painful and tough cycle to be caught up in for not only the person needing the meds but those in their lives as well.
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laundrymom 05:21 PM 06-25-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
The problem with those who suffer from depression isn't always remembering to take their meds, its the cycle of taking them, feeling better and then thinking you don't NEED them (because you feel better) and then not taking them.

I don't really believe it has to do with remembering/forgetting at all.

It's a painful and tough cycle to be caught up in for not only the person needing the meds but those in their lives as well.
I hadn't thought of that aspect BC. Thanks for the bringing that up. However, at 17 I would hope daughter could be trusted to use an alarm system, list, email program, highlighter on a calendar.... Something. PV can't forever be there and needs to be able to relax, knowing her daughter is on it. I feel for her but think daughter should show mom some more respect and love. She deserves it.
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permanentvacation 12:43 PM 06-26-2015
My daughter told the psychiatrist that she doesn't WANT to be on the medicine because having to take medicine for a problem with her brain makes her think that something's wrong with her. Every time she takes the medicine, she's reminded that her brain is messed up.

The psychiatrist told her that many people who have to take medicine for psychiatric reasons feel that way. But that it truly is no different than having a medical illness and needing to take medicine for that. She and I told my daughter that it is simply a chemical imbalance in her brain and that the medicine balances out the chemicals. The psychiatrist showed her pictures online of a healthy brain and a chemically imbalanced brain. My daughter said she knows she needs to take the medicine, but that it just makes her have to acknowledge every day, twice per day that she has a problem.

In essence, she just wants to be 'normal' and not have any reason to have to take medicine every day of her life for the rest of her life starting at age 17. I understand how she feels, but it is what it is and she simply has to accept it.


Laundrymom,

Thank you. Yes, I do deserve to be treated with respect and love and it hurts me deeply when she mistreats me. I know it's due to a medical reason (chemical imbalance in the brain), but the way she treats me sometimes is truly heartbreaking.

I also am literally scared to death of her moving off to college out of fear of her not taking her medicine. I keep trying to drill it into her head that she HAS to take her medicine and that she should not rely on ME to tell her when to take it. I often tell her that she needs to be practicing now to get herself in the habit of taking it herself so it will be just a natural part of her routine by the time she goes off to college. But obviously she's not doing well at taking it on her own at all.
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Thriftylady 02:02 PM 06-26-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
The problem with those who suffer from depression isn't always remembering to take their meds, its the cycle of taking them, feeling better and then thinking you don't NEED them (because you feel better) and then not taking them.

I don't really believe it has to do with remembering/forgetting at all.

It's a painful and tough cycle to be caught up in for not only the person needing the meds but those in their lives as well.
As someone on meds for anxiety and major depression I can tell you I don't "forget" to take my meds. I also don't not take them because I am feeling better, but I have heard of that. Normally if I have an issue taking my meds, it is because I am depressed and it seems like such a chore to go dig them out (because they are put away from daycare kids), open them all up, find a glass of water, take them... Because when my depression gets bad I don't want to get up and do anything. BUT I have learned to tell DH when I start feeling that way. Even if he is gone on the truck, he will hound me about it and make sure I take them. That is why I tell him! He doesn't want to deal with me when I don't take them, I get irritable when I am depressed. At the end of the day, it is my job to take them just like anyone else with meds. I would let her know basically what my family has told me "nobody likes you when you don't take them.". Yes it is kind of harsh, but sometimes in life we all need to be told the truth.
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sahm1225 03:42 PM 06-26-2015
Originally Posted by Play Care:
My kids (9 and 10) do "work" in the day care and are paid for it. It's a tax deduction

This is different than the chores they are expected to do because they live here and are part of our family. I don't believe in "allowances" to do something they are supposed to do anyway (making beds, cleaning bedrooms, wiping down their bathroom, etc.)

If my kids spoke to me disrespectfully about what their job was, they'd find themselves on pretty thin ground.
How does it work to be a tax deduction?
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Blackcat31 03:52 PM 06-26-2015
Originally Posted by Thriftylady:
As someone on meds for anxiety and major depression I can tell you I don't "forget" to take my meds. I also don't not take them because I am feeling better, but I have heard of that.
You're definitely lucky in that regard!
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sahm1225 03:52 PM 06-26-2015
Originally Posted by permanentvacation:
I just took my daughter to the doctor's and told her that she hasn't been taking her medicine (Zoloft which she is taking for depression) on a consistent basis. Some days she'd be running late for school and not have the time to take it. Other days on the weekends, she'd sleep over her friend's house and forget to take it. Randomly throughout the week, she'd occasionally remember to take it. She's 17 years old. I expect her to be able to take her medicine without me having to tell her to. But even on days I tell her to, she will apparently say, "okay." to me and then still not take the couple of seconds to take her medicine. So I thought she's been taking the medicine when I tell her to and when she says 'okay'. But I just learned that she's been skipping her medicine more than I knew.

The doctor said that if you take Zoloft inconsistently, it can make you have major mood swings including extreme hatefulness and irritability. Which is exactly what she's been doing. So, all the attitude problems I've been getting from her for the past month or so might just be (hopefully is and probably is) from her not taking the medicine consistently. So I am going to make sure to give her the medicine every day and make her take it in front of me to be sure she actually takes it every day. Hopefully after taking it daily for a few days she will get back to being more helpful, respectful, caring, and overall have a better attitude and personality.
PV, I mean this in the nicest way... You need to stop making excuses for her. she's irritable and mean because she's a teenager and choosing not to take her medication. I know you want what's best for her, but you either treat her like a baby and let her continue to walk all over you & be mean or you treat her like an adult and stop giving her money unless she earns it. It's just you and her and it's obvious that you do everything to make her life happy. I find it ridiculous that you had to PAY another teenager to help you move things.
It sucks that she suffers from depression and its a life long battle for her, but she needs to realize that it is HER responsibility to take her medication.
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Blackcat31 03:56 PM 06-26-2015
Originally Posted by sahm1225:
PV, I mean this in the nicest way... You need to stop making excuses for her. she's irritable and mean because she's a teenager and choosing not to take her medication. I know you want what's best for her, but you either treat her like a baby and let her continue to walk all over you & be mean or you treat her like an adult and stop giving her money unless she earns it. It's just you and her and it's obvious that you do everything to make her life happy. I find it ridiculous that you had to PAY another teenager to help you move things.
It sucks that she suffers from depression and its a life long battle for her, but she needs to realize that it is HER responsibility to take her medication.



......treating her like an adult though isnt mean...

It sucks sometimes to have to be the tough guy but the lesson they learn makes it worth it....
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Happily_wed 04:07 PM 06-26-2015
I have to work for that money and if my kids expect to get any part of it for unnecessary items then they can dang sure work for it too! Why should they get to spend my hard earned money for doing nothing in return?? My kids are older and on their own now but I never gave mine a choice. If something needed done I told them to do it and they did it. They had chores from the time they could walk.

If it had been me when she refused to help her new bed would have gone into the garage and she wouldn't be sleeping on it. Each time she refused to help me something she values that I paid for would disappear. And each time she asked me for money I would tell her NO! I always told my kids " This is a home. You live here, you eat here, you bathe here, you dirty laundry and dishes, etc. It's part of your responsibility as a member of this family to help out!"

For four summers I worked in a campground. Part of my duties included cleaning bath houses, selling firewood and ice, etc. As an employee there my family got to use the pool for free. My kids liked to go to work with me and spend part of the day in the pool, use a boat for free, etc. However my rule was if you go to work with me and use the free things that I work for, then you will work too. I made them help me clean the bath houses, stock the wood shed, carry firewood and ice for people, etc. It helped them to learn that nothing in life is free. Someone works for it!
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Happily_wed 04:20 PM 06-26-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
ANYONE living under MY roof and accepting food, clothing or shelter on my dime pitches in.

I don't care if you were birthed into the family or invited through the front door....if you are residing here (my house) you are working here.

WITHOUT monetary compensation.
Yep here too!
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permanentvacation 07:00 PM 06-26-2015
I understand her not wanting to have to take medicine. I understand that she feels funny having to take medicine in front of her friends when she's at sleep overs. I understand that each time she takes it, it reminds her that she 'has problems'. However, she has to realize that those are the cards she has been dealt and she has to accept them and just do what she has to do (take her medicine properly) to be able to live a happy, productive, and successful life. I think as she gets older and matures more, she will not let the 'odd man out' feeling get to her. Right now, it's new to her and she just wants to be like everyone else. She doesn't want to be 'the one who has to take medicine'. She just wants to be a normal kid like everyone else.

Yes, the psychiatrist also backed me up on her not helping me and mistreating me. She told my daughter things like, "That's your mother. If she needs help carrying something or doing something, you should simply help her out of respect and care for her." and things along that line. Then she also told us that her unwillingness to help and overall negative attitude is very likely due to not taking the medicine consistently.

The psychiatrist also told both of us that I should not buy anything for her or do anything for her other then fulfill her basic survival needs until she starts showing me respect, treating me properly, and taking care of the items that I have already given her.

So I told her that I won't buy her anything or do anything extra for her until she does those things AND takes her medicine like she's supposed to. She has taken her medicine properly since seeing the psychiatrist and her behavior has been 100% better! I told her that she HAS to put a mattress cover on her bed (which I brought up at the psychiatrist's appointment and the doctor gave her a speech agreeing with me that she needs to protect her mattress with a waterproof cover) and that she needed to wash her comforter that I had recently bought her which the cat spilled her coffee on. I gave her money to take the comforter to the laundry mat (my washer and dryer are too small for it) and for her to buy a mattress cover. She went immediately and washed her comforter and bought a cover.

I am going to administer her medicine to her and hopefully she will continue to have a good behavior. I will also start drilling it into her that SHE needs to be the one reminding ME that she needs her medicine. Eventually I will try to give her control of taking the medicine herself again.
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Magic 06:39 AM 06-27-2015
it is just my daughter and I here and we are a team she is 15 and even has a job of her own
we never did allowence either she helps and gets rewarded for it and we do lots together and she understands the value of money and working hard

I am glad she is seeing the doctor about depression
maybe when talking to her about it ...point out that yes maybe chemical unbalence but also the world is very different these days then many ago
with the mass media we see so much pain and distuction and not so nice human behavour ..out there ...life is hard ....and scarey ...when we as parents are down and worried they feel it ...when we are up and things going good ..they feel it .....kids grow up so fast these days ...so life comes at them fast ....in some ways she is normal ....teen years are hard ....and as a girl cycles can add to that ...I wish you both luck ...
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mim 06:51 AM 06-29-2015
Originally Posted by sahm1225:
How does it work to be a tax deduction?
I'm not quite sure as this is my first year doing it. But my tax guy told me to write out a job list (only daycare related) and then the amount they get paid. And at the end of the year you give out a w-2. They are my own kids and minors and will not make as much as the requirement to pay taxes. Also they won't have to pay social sec. Medicare etc. and because they are my dependent so don't have to pay workmans comp and such.
You can just ask your tax preparer and they should give you all the info.
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Blackcat31 06:58 AM 06-29-2015
Originally Posted by sahm1225:
How does it work to be a tax deduction?
"If your own child is under age 18 there is no Social Security/Medicare taxes, no state or federal tax withholding and your child care earn up to $5,700 and not owe any federal income taxes. Therefore, there is a tax benefit to your family in that you can deduct the wages you pay and the child probably won't have to pay any taxes. As a result, you may want to treat your younger children as employees."

http://www.tomcopelandblog.com/2011/...ve-or-not.html
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BabyMonkeys 08:06 AM 06-29-2015
My 17 year old daughter is amazing. She loves the babies as much as I do, and happily helps with all things daycare related. She will even dump the diaper genie if it's full. I can't believe how I lucked out with her. I usually pay her around $25 a week, because I want to, not because she expects it.

My 14 year old son on the other hand, wants nothing to do with the babies or daycare. He will help bring in the groceries, but deliberately lets someone else bring in the daycare bags. It got to the point that it's not worth the argument. So, I make him do extra chores around the house that have nothing to do with the daycare.
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daycare 08:56 AM 06-29-2015
I can so relate to this. When my daughter was 13-15 she was like this.

Her dad and I are divorced. He gives her everything without question, while I do not.

She learned quickly, you do nothing, you get nothing.

she is 17 now and it was a rough 2.5 years with her that I felt like I was the worst parent ever. I am sure my daughter hated me.

You should tell your daughter she is very lucky that I am not her mom. If that were me and she refused to help clear out her old bed, i would be taking the new one back and letting her figure it out. Or I would have made her buy the new bed from me and let it sit in the garage.

In my experience, girls from 13-15.5 can be very hard to understand. Just be firm and remember, you are her mother first, not her friend.
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childcaremom 09:15 AM 06-29-2015
Originally Posted by daycare:
I can so relate to this. When my daughter was 13-15 she was like this.

Her dad and I are divorced. He gives her everything without question, while I do not.

She learned quickly, you do nothing, you get nothing.

she is 17 now and it was a rough 2.5 years with her that I felt like I was the worst parent ever. I am sure my daughter hated me.

You should tell your daughter she is very lucky that I am not her mom. If that were me and she refused to help clear out her old bed, i would be taking the new one back and letting her figure it out. Or I would have made her buy the new bed from me and let it sit in the garage.

In my experience, girls from 13-15.5 can be very hard to understand. Just be firm and remember, you are her mother first, not her friend.
So much to look forward to Aren't the teen years fun
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daycare 09:28 AM 06-29-2015
Originally Posted by childcaremom:
So much to look forward to Aren't the teen years fun
lol....Yeah, looking back I felt like my daughter was an Alien. I just could never figure her out. Just when I thought I was starting to understand her, it would all fall apart again.

My son on the other hand who is now 20 was a saint....lol
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mommyneedsadayoff 10:41 AM 06-29-2015
Zoloft and other anti depressants need to be taken consistently to work properly and can be very dangerous if not. I am glad you took that into your own hands and make sure she gets what she needs each day. (and maybe remind her, that just like high school, it won't be for forever).

As for the money, I agree with everyone else. I never got paid to do chores around the house. By 17, I had already held a job for two years working 20+ hours a week, went to school and had a 4.0 gpa, and came home on my off hours and after school before work to care for my mom who had leukemia. She needs to be prepared for the real world and nothing is free or handed to you in it, sad to say.
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permanentvacation 11:17 AM 06-29-2015
I really thought about taking her bed out back and lighting it on fire. But then I thought that it might lead to me being put in the psych ward and put on meds! So I decided to talk with her psychiatrist instead.


Since the psychiatrist appointment, she's been taking her meds like she's supposed to. Her behavior is 100% better (pretty much immediately) and she's done everything I've told her to or asked her to without any argument or procrastination. When she takes her medicine correctly, she's a completely different person (for the better)!

She and her sister (my daughter who just graduated from college) took the lifeguard classes over this past weekend and they are both now certified life guards.
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Thriftylady 11:49 AM 06-29-2015
I am glad that she is doing better! My fear about giving her the meds each day, would be that when I wasn't there to give them to her she would stop. I hope I am wrong about that. I know I get so irritable when my depression is bad and am not a nice person to be around. So although I am on the other side of it, I think I understand what you are dealing with. I totally agree with not babying her. She will soon be an adult and needs to learn to deal with her illness (because that is what it is) on her own.
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permanentvacation 02:03 PM 06-29-2015
That's why I was trying to make her take responsibility of taking her medicine without me administering it. She's planning to go off to college in a year. I certainly can't follow her to college and give her her meds each day. I was trying to get her to get in the habit of taking them on her own. Hopefully after a couple of months of me administering them to her and her willingly taking them as directed, she will be able to take on the responsibility of administering them to herself.
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permanentvacation 02:11 PM 06-29-2015
Well, lookie there...

My daughter just came downstairs with her bags packed to spend the night with her friend and came to me with her pill box and asked for her medicine for tonight and tomorrow morning. She's getting better with this.
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Thriftylady 02:38 PM 06-29-2015
Originally Posted by permanentvacation:
Well, lookie there...

My daughter just came downstairs with her bags packed to spend the night with her friend and came to me with her pill box and asked for her medicine for tonight and tomorrow morning. She's getting better with this.
That is great! I think I would make a rule if she didn't take her meds the sleepovers would end. That way she will be less worried about a friend seeing her take the meds and more worried about not getting to see her friends.
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AmyLeigh 04:04 PM 06-29-2015
Originally Posted by permanentvacation:
Well, lookie there...

My daughter just came downstairs with her bags packed to spend the night with her friend and came to me with her pill box and asked for her medicine for tonight and tomorrow morning. She's getting better with this.
Good! Keep commending her when she remembers to take the meds.
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permanentvacation 07:04 PM 06-29-2015
She does much better with rewards for good behavior rather than threats or punishment for bad behavior. Which, honestly, at age 17, having to pat her on the back for doing anything seems absurd to me. But she does respond well to it. However, if you look at it, as adults, we tend to work harder if we know we are close to getting a raise, change jobs/fields for higher income, put more effort in ourselves, house, and vehicles if others make nice comments about how we or they look. So, technically, us adults have better behaviors and do the things we are supposed to do with a bit more effort when we are getting patted on the back as well.
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