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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Parents Enacting Revenge after Termination
grateday 08:55 PM 01-19-2015

Parent termed in February 2014. Parent evaluated me negatively to licensor and now I am pissed because it all came up after drop in inspection which occurred during quiet time. 3 children were just exhausted because they needed me but I was tied up with licensor.

Now that parent is asking for tax form and all I can think about is how can I get back at her for dozing and dropping causing my high risk child to later get what was knowingly brought in how can I get back at her for all the hours of lost care from all the other children who got ill.... She has the nerve to write a letter with an erroneous claim that I should not be caring for children because of a medical condition my child has and the care it requires takes away from other children supervision she even includes a story of a time she witnessed his condition at drop off.

I run a small childcare so I can appropriately balance cares and transitions. I was so angry I gave the licensor an earful about how much care a sick child requires. How I lost income how I nearly had to to hospitalize my son because of her and how she argued every time I had to close because of illness. So then because of this stupid woman I know have to never take an infant and I have an emergency plan so it makes dhs look good.

DHS really needs to protect us from these idiots coming into our homes. I really wish I could just find a way to screw up her life and make her look like she cant work in her job. We don't get the respect we deserve from parents or licensors at times.
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Play Care 03:17 AM 01-20-2015
Please just send this parent the tax paper, if required. Send it certified/return receipt so you know she has received it.
I understand you are angry, but behave like a professional and hold your head high.
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KidGrind 06:38 AM 01-20-2015
Originally Posted by grateday:

Parent termed in February 2014. Parent evaluated me negatively to licensor and now I am pissed because it all came up after drop in inspection which occurred during quiet time. 3 children were just exhausted because they needed me but I was tied up with licensor.

Now that parent is asking for tax form and all I can think about is how can I get back at her for dozing and dropping causing my high risk child to later get what was knowingly brought in how can I get back at her for all the hours of lost care from all the other children who got ill.... She has the nerve to write a letter with an erroneous claim that I should not be caring for children because of a medical condition my child has and the care it requires takes away from other children supervision she even includes a story of a time she witnessed his condition at drop off.

I run a small childcare so I can appropriately balance cares and transitions. I was so angry I gave the licensor an earful about how much care a sick child requires. How I lost income how I nearly had to to hospitalize my son because of her and how she argued every time I had to close because of illness. So then because of this stupid woman I know have to never take an infant and I have an emergency plan so it makes dhs look good.

DHS really needs to protect us from these idiots coming into our homes. I really wish I could just find a way to screw up her life and make her look like she cant work in her job. We don't get the respect we deserve from parents or licensors at times.
Revenge is a waste of time.

Now, I wouldn’t give her any information until she provides you with a W-10. I wouldn’t tell her what she needed to do.
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NoMoreJuice! 06:44 AM 01-20-2015
You are not obligated to provide a year end receipt. She should have kept records of her payments just as you did. If she gives you a W-10, you have to fill out your tax info, but that is all.

Please read this:

http://www.tomcopelandblog.com/2011/...-receipts.html


Also, the best revenge is success. I recently termed a parent and she reported false claims to the state. We got that all cleared up in one visit, and the surveyors gave me high praise for the way I was operating my daycare and how well the children were cared for. That was my revenge! I will carry on and be surrounded by families and children that love me and appreciate the care I give them. That is my continuing revenge every day!
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midaycare 06:45 AM 01-20-2015
Originally Posted by KidGrind:
Revenge is a waste of time.

Now, I wouldn’t give her any information until she provides you with a W-10. I wouldn’t tell her what she needed to do.

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hope 06:48 AM 01-20-2015
No point in getting revenge. I look at it like this....I may struggle because I do things by the book while others take short cuts, I may be tired because I work hard and help others while there are selfish and lazy people out there. But I am happy and surround myself with happy and loving people. These people that take advantage of others or wrong others or are selfish dont know what happiness is. That is sad. They are punishing themselves. I dont need to add to their misery.
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CraftyMom 06:54 AM 01-20-2015
You don't HAVE to give her anything unless she supplies you with a w-10. However, you might want to give it to her just to be done.

Is she just now doing all those things? Or was that all back in Feb 2014?
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Play Care 07:06 AM 01-20-2015
Originally Posted by CraftyMom:
You don't HAVE to give her anything unless she supplies you with a w-10. However, you might want to give it to her just to be done.

Is she just now doing all those things? Or was that all back in Feb 2014?


My response was based on the fact she has already had the state in. Rather than having "unfounded" allegations the OP is no longer allowed to care for infants and had to write up an emergency plan...she's already on the radar... So while legally she can ignore the request until the parent does what they need to do, it might wind up in another visit from the state. Is it worth it? I can't answer that question.
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permanentvacation 07:47 AM 01-20-2015
I would ask a good accountant if I am required by law to give her the information she is requesting. You said she left your daycare in February. There's no reason she can't just add up how much she paid you for January and February.

I never give my parents end of the year totals. I give them a hand written receipt when they pay me; weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly, whichever they choose to pay me. I tell them verbally, and it's in my contract that it's their responsibility to keep track of their receipts and calculate the total amount they paid me throughout the year for their taxes.

I feel bad that she caused so much trouble and personal worry for your business and your family. I fully agree with you that we daycare providers get a raw deal when parents complain or when our own inspector says negative things about our daycare. I've had inspectors that KNEW the parent was making things up, but had to write the report and put it online so the whole world can see that I had a complaint against me.

There is a law about defamation of character that we could try to use. But the kicker is us being able to prove that the person's accusations against us are false.

I just recalled one thing I saw on the news where an inspector literally unplugging a radio and making the cord hang over into a baby's crib in a daycare center so she could write up a negative report about the center. Luckily, the center used cameras and when they reviewed their security cameras, they caught the inspector doing that. Without those cameras, the inspector would have gotten away with writing up all sorts of negative things about the center.
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KiddieCahoots 08:50 AM 01-20-2015
Originally Posted by Play Care:


My response was based on the fact she has already had the state in. Rather than having "unfounded" allegations the OP is no longer allowed to care for infants and had to write up an emergency plan...she's already on the radar... So while legally she can ignore the request until the parent does what they need to do, it might wind up in another visit from the state. Is it worth it? I can't answer that question.
...agree.
I don't doubt Tom Copeland's information.
However, yrs ago I had a client leave abruptly due to personal matters. At tax time, instead of contacting me for the tax information, they contacted licensing. My licensor at the time was awesome, and advised me to give them what they wanted, just because it was easier, and would not encourage retaliation on their part.
I know it stinks.....but sometimes we need to suck it up and be the bigger person
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AmyKidsCo 09:08 AM 01-20-2015
Originally Posted by Play Care:
Please just send this parent the tax paper, if required. Send it certified/return receipt so you know she has received it.
I understand you are angry, but behave like a professional and hold your head high.
ITA, just send her the info. I know we don't have to, but IMO it's more professional, and it's always better to take the high road. Eventually she'll get hers - what goes around comes around.
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Shell 09:25 AM 01-20-2015
Originally Posted by AmyKidsCo:
ITA, just send her the info. I know we don't have to, but IMO it's more professional, and it's always better to take the high road. Eventually she'll get hers - what goes around comes around.

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Blackcat31 09:26 AM 01-20-2015
Originally Posted by grateday:

Parent termed in February 2014. Parent evaluated me negatively to licensor and now I am pissed because it all came up after drop in inspection which occurred during quiet time. 3 children were just exhausted because they needed me but I was tied up with licensor.

Now that parent is asking for tax form and all I can think about is how can I get back at her for dozing and dropping causing my high risk child to later get what was knowingly brought in how can I get back at her for all the hours of lost care from all the other children who got ill.... She has the nerve to write a letter with an erroneous claim that I should not be caring for children because of a medical condition my child has and the care it requires takes away from other children supervision she even includes a story of a time she witnessed his condition at drop off.

I run a small childcare so I can appropriately balance cares and transitions. I was so angry I gave the licensor an earful about how much care a sick child requires. How I lost income how I nearly had to to hospitalize my son because of her and how she argued every time I had to close because of illness. So then because of this stupid woman I know have to never take an infant and I have an emergency plan so it makes dhs look good.

DHS really needs to protect us from these idiots coming into our homes. I really wish I could just find a way to screw up her life and make her look like she cant work in her job. We don't get the respect we deserve from parents or licensors at times.
Normally I would apologize for sounding rude or harsh but I am refraining from apologizing as this kind of post really pisses me off.

Why is it the parents fault that YOU received a bad visit with your licensor?
Even if the parent told the licensor all sorts of untrue things, it should not have made any difference if you were doing everything right.

Also, as far as HER child getting your child sick...that is a risk YOU take when you open your home to other families. It is YOUR obligation to keep your child safe and enforce your policies at ALL times. Especially if you have a medically fragile child in your home.

That parents OPINION that you should not be caring for other children because of your child's medical condition is her OPINION and her right to have.

It also carries some weight in my opinion since you seem to want to blame your loss of wages and loss of time being in the hospital with your child on this family when it IS because your child is medically fragile.

I am sorry that your child has certain medial needs and in NO WAY am I minimizing that but I fail to see why you can use that as an excuse to be upset/mad at this parent but the parent can't use it as a factor in her opinion of your services.

The fact that you are so angry that you seriously want to get some sort of revenge on a client for this alarms me and has me questioning your ability to be a non partial provider and provide services to families without needing to retaliate if things don't go smoothly.

In my opinion, I think it might be time for you to take a step back and re-evaluate your program and your emotional and mental state of mind.

Being this angry towards someone is neither healthy nor professional and if a situation like this causes you to be so infuriated, I think you might just need to take some time off and spend it with your child. Take a breather and go over the situation from beginning to end and find where you can improve and learn for future situations that maybe similar.

We all play a role in everything that happens to us in life and it DOES take more than one participant for a situation to go from good to bad so you do bear some responsibility in this. Learn what you can do differently next time and try to curb the anger... revenge is never worth it.

It will only ruin your reputation (faster than a complaining client ever will) and will ultimately cause you to lose more than just that client.

Please tread carefully with this situation.

Hopefully this thread was merely posted in the heat of the moment and your true feelings/actions are not reflected in what was written.
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Play Care 09:28 AM 01-20-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Normally I would apologize for sounding rude or harsh but I am refraining from apologizing as this kind of post really pisses me off.

Why is it the parents fault that YOU received a bad visit with your licensor?
Even if the parent told the licensor all sorts of untrue things, it should not have made any difference if you were doing everything right.

Also, as far as HER child getting your child sick...that is a risk YOU take when you open your home to other families. It is YOUR obligation to keep your child safe and enforce your policies at ALL times. Especially if you have a medically fragile child in your home.

That parents OPINION that you should not be caring for other children because of your child's medical condition is her OPINION and her right to have.

It also carries some weight in my opinion since you seem to want to blame your loss of wages and loss of time being in the hospital with your child on this family when it IS because your child is medically fragile.

I am sorry that your child has certain medial needs and in NO WAY am I minimizing that but I fail to see why you can use that as an excuse to be upset/mad at this parent but the parent can't use it as a factor in her opinion of your services.

The fact that you are so angry that you seriously want to get some sort of revenge on a client for this alarms me and has me questioning your ability to be a non partial provider and provide services to families without needing to retaliate if things don't go smoothly.

In my opinion, I think it might be time for you to take a step back and re-evaluate your program and your emotional and mental state of mind.

Being this angry towards someone is neither healthy nor professional and if a situation like this causes you to be so infuriated, I think you might just need to take some time off and spend it with your child. Take a breather and go over the situation from beginning to end and find where you can improve and learn for future situations that maybe similar.

We all play a role in everything that happens to us in life and it DOES take more than one participant for a situation to go from good to bad so you do bear some responsibility in this. Learn what you can do differently next time and try to curb the anger... revenge is never worth it.

It will only ruin your reputation (faster than a complaining client ever will) and will ultimately cause you to lose more than just that client.

Please tread carefully with this situation.

Hopefully this thread was merely posted in the heat of the moment and your true feelings/actions are not reflected in what was written.

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Givingthemgrace 09:42 AM 01-20-2015
Please do not seek revenge. It will absolutely tarnish your name. If you are christian-remember we are to return GOOD for evil. If she dropped off a sick kid, it was your responsibility to turn her away. It's on both of you. I'm sorry you had to deal with a bad inspection, I would just try to put it behind me. You can prove yourself, you can provide great care even with a special needs child.
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lovemykidstoo 10:20 AM 01-20-2015
I'm really sorry, but I have to agree with BC.

My question is, and I hope you answer, is if you were doing nothing wrong at all, why would the state say that you can never take infants again? I'm not trying to be nasty, but that is a sincere question.
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KiddieCahoots 10:32 AM 01-20-2015
Even though I understand and agree with a lot of what BC said.......

I'm blowing the whistle for unnecessary roughness.....

5 yard penalty! ............
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Blackcat31 11:04 AM 01-20-2015
Originally Posted by KiddieCahoots:
Even though I understand and agree with a lot of what BC said.......

I'm blowing the whistle for unnecessary roughness.....

5 yard penalty! ............
You thought my post was harsh?
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KiddieCahoots 11:31 AM 01-20-2015
It could've been taken that way

I have trouble putting thoughts in writing, especially if I'm in the heat of the moment. In those times when I am looking for support, as knowledgeable as people here are, I hear it better when it comes on gentler tides
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Blackcat31 11:55 AM 01-20-2015
Originally Posted by KiddieCahoots:
It could've been taken that way
I meant it that way.


Originally Posted by KiddieCahoots:
I have trouble putting thoughts in writing, especially if I'm in the heat of the moment. In those times when I am looking for support, as knowledgeable as people here are, I hear it better when it comes on gentler tides
Totally understand AND agree buuuut in this case it does not appear the poster is looking for support.

She is looking for ways to enact revenge on someone for something the provider had the power to control/change etc.

That is neither something I will support or help with.

...and as mentioned, leaves me concerned about the providers mental state of mind.
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TheGoodLife 12:02 PM 01-20-2015
I agree with BC- she is talking about the DCM "enacting revenge" then goes on to say she wants to do the same (get revenge) on the mom: "get back" at the mom, and "find a way to screw up her life and make her look like she cant work in her job."

All DCM is doing at this point is asking for a tax statement, which if she provides a W10 is the legal and correct way to go about it. Anger should be set aside from almost a year ago, and professionalism should override those negative feelings. I may have thoughts of "revenge" in the heat of a moment, but to actually consider and ask for ways to go about doing so, 11 months after the fact... sounds very worrisome! OP, I hope you can find a way to let go of all the anger and move past it; for your sake, and those around you!
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lovemykidstoo 12:10 PM 01-20-2015
Originally Posted by grateday:

Parent termed in February 2014. Parent evaluated me negatively to licensor and now I am pissed because it all came up after drop in inspection which occurred during quiet time. 3 children were just exhausted because they needed me but I was tied up with licensor.

Now that parent is asking for tax form and all I can think about is how can I get back at her for dozing and dropping causing my high risk child to later get what was knowingly brought in how can I get back at her for all the hours of lost care from all the other children who got ill.... She has the nerve to write a letter with an erroneous claim that I should not be caring for children because of a medical condition my child has and the care it requires takes away from other children supervision she even includes a story of a time she witnessed his condition at drop off.

I run a small childcare so I can appropriately balance cares and transitions. I was so angry I gave the licensor an earful about how much care a sick child requires. How I lost income how I nearly had to to hospitalize my son because of her and how she argued every time I had to close because of illness. So then because of this stupid woman I know have to never take an infant and I have an emergency plan so it makes dhs look good.

DHS really needs to protect us from these idiots coming into our homes. I really wish I could just find a way to screw up her life and make her look like she cant work in her job. We don't get the respect we deserve from parents or licensors at times.
I am still very curious about this statement.
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grateday 12:17 PM 01-20-2015
I wrote that post extremely exhausted and tired at night, don't know how I worded it to say that but here is why I don't seek revenge:

It hurts more than the person you intend it to.........
Was I furious? Yes
Did I calm down...Yes
Was I seeking revenge ideas.....No

BC please delete this post to avoid further confusion. I sent a pm explaining

My mental state is .......Logical and Healthy....
Do I enforce my policies....99 percent of the time.sometimes breaking the bringing snacks to daycare one.....

I should not have blamed parent, I should have termed her sooner for questioning me so much, and I should have realized she would attempt it. It was my first go with someone like that. Yes she is entitled to her opinion. But to go to that extent as a parent is kind of harsh.
I plan on giving her statement and not making her go through hoops.

I need a big hapiness boost after all that though
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KiddieCahoots 12:33 PM 01-20-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:


Totally understand AND agree buuuut in this case it does not appear the poster is looking for support.

She is looking for ways to enact revenge on someone for something the provider had the power to control/change etc.

That is neither something I will support or help with.

...and as mentioned, leaves me concerned about the providers mental state of mind.
Yea...your right, the revenge part is worrisome.

I guess I can't help but feel sorry for op because a dcp felt the need to post a complaint with licensing in regards to something so simple as dosing and dropping issues, instead of working it out with her first.

Wish we were more protected against false accusations, so that the real accusations were appropriately taken care of.
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grateday 04:24 PM 01-20-2015
Originally Posted by lovemykidstoo:
I'm really sorry, but I have to agree with BC.

My question is, and I hope you answer, is if you were doing nothing wrong at all, why would the state say that you can never take infants again? I'm not trying to be nasty, but that is a sincere question.
The state did not say that, and I am sorry if I came across that way, I over reacted. Sometimes when I am tired or angry things may come across wrong. No the state never said that.

I think the state is saying that I should be careful because of the amount of care my child requires and the acuity of care an infant requires, and balancing that is all. If you have a kid in care who is lets say special medical needs and something happens, how are you going to balance the medical need and your requirement as a provider to provide safe infant care- ie. checking every 15 min. when sleeping, making sure they are safe, etc. and then have other kiddos too? How are you going to properly supervise, valid points. But no they never said I could not, just consider that is all.

Just frustrated when I wrote that because it is a bruise to the quality care you thought you were providing as a provider. The other part was pure emotion.
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NightOwl 06:48 AM 01-22-2015
Op, I can sympathize. I think everybody has had this thought, if only for a split second before regaining their composure, after they've been severely wronged by a client. You're human, not mentally ill.
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