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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Do You Have Any Over Involved Grandparents?
JenNJ 04:56 AM 07-28-2010
A friend of mine also runs a home daycare and she is having issues with one of the grandmothers. Her dcp are so sweet, nice as can be, perfect clients. She loves her dcg as well. But the grandma is another story. She constantly complains about policies, payments, activities, etc. This grandma has NOTHING to do with payment at all. She simply picks up dcg 2x a week when her parents work late or decide to have a date night.
It is getting to the point where my friend does not want to provide care to this family at all bc the grandma is so verbally abusive to her and curses (not at her, just uses curse words in her everyday speech) when she picks up the child. She threatens to call the police for ridiculous things such as a child's shoe being untied, or when her SA dck's are doing homework, she says that my friend is forcing them to sit and not play. It is just weird.
Any advice for her? Has anyone else dealt with this?
It is getting to the point where my friend does not want to provide care to this family at all bc the grandma is so verbally abusive to her and curses (not at her, just uses curse words in her everyday speech) when she picks up the child. She threatens to call the police for ridiculous things such as a child's shoe being untied, or when her SA dck's are doing homework, she says that my friend is forcing them to sit and not play. It is just weird.
Any advice for her? Has anyone else dealt with this?
tymaboy 05:09 AM 07-28-2010
Sounds like your friend needs to talk to the parents & tell them what is going on & how she is not feeling comfortable with Gma picking up or the things she says.
safechner 05:10 AM 07-28-2010
It sounds like she might be jealous of your friend. I would sit down to discuss with your friend's daycare parents about grandma. Tell them that your friend don't want to deal with her/his mother who are verbal abuse to her and/or front of her daycare kids. Ask them to find someone else to pick her up. I wouldn't allowed anyone who verbal abuse or foul language to me or front of the kids.
judytrickett 05:57 AM 07-28-2010
No grandparents.
Seriously, her contract is with the parents - NOT the grandparents. So, if a grandparent were rude I would be very upfront with the parents that the grandmother was NO LONGER welcome on my property as I do not have a contract with her.
One of two things would happen. The parents would start picking up or they would leave. Either way...no grandparent!
Seriously, her contract is with the parents - NOT the grandparents. So, if a grandparent were rude I would be very upfront with the parents that the grandmother was NO LONGER welcome on my property as I do not have a contract with her.
One of two things would happen. The parents would start picking up or they would leave. Either way...no grandparent!
professionalmom 06:00 AM 07-28-2010
I had a list of things that would be grounds for immediate termination, with the 2 week "final payment" still due. I.e., non-payment, 5 no-call no-shows, etc. One of the items lists was: blatant disrespect of the Provider, Provider's family, and / or Provider's home. This scenario would fall under the Blatant disrespect portion. However, since it is not the actual DCK or DC parent, I would address this with the parents and explain that it needs to be rectified (either by grandma not coming again or curtailing her highly inappropriate behavior) immediately or it will be grounds for immediate termination.
JenNJ 06:08 AM 07-28-2010
Good point ProfessionalMom! I will suggest that to her (we have almost identical contracts, so it is probably in hers as well)
jen 06:14 AM 07-28-2010
I did have a problem grandparent. It came to the point where she had a temper tantrum in my foyer in front of the children. I called the mother while she was here and let her know that Grandma was no longer welcome here.
Personally, I would sit down with Mom and/or Dad and explain what is going on and let them know that if they situation cannot be rectified immediately that she will no longer be welcome at you home.
I'm guessing she is a pain in thier behinds in more ways than this. God help me if I ever become that Grandma/mother-in-law.
Personally, I would sit down with Mom and/or Dad and explain what is going on and let them know that if they situation cannot be rectified immediately that she will no longer be welcome at you home.
I'm guessing she is a pain in thier behinds in more ways than this. God help me if I ever become that Grandma/mother-in-law.
Chickenhauler 08:14 PM 07-28-2010
Originally Posted by JenNJ:
A friend of mine also runs a home daycare and she is having issues with one of the grandmothers. Her dcp are so sweet, nice as can be, perfect clients. She loves her dcg as well. But the grandma is another story. She constantly complains about policies
Look her directly in the eye and ask "Did you sign the contract? No? Then don't worry about it, it's not your concern!"A friend of mine also runs a home daycare and she is having issues with one of the grandmothers. Her dcp are so sweet, nice as can be, perfect clients. She loves her dcg as well. But the grandma is another story. She constantly complains about policies
Originally Posted by :
, payments,activities, etc. This grandma has NOTHING to do with payment at all. She simply picks up dcg 2x a week when her parents work late or decide to have a date night.
"When you start writing the checks, then we can discuss the payment options. Until then, we have nothing to discuss, since you are not a party to this contractual agreement.", payments,activities, etc. This grandma has NOTHING to do with payment at all. She simply picks up dcg 2x a week when her parents work late or decide to have a date night.
Originally Posted by :
It is getting to the point where my friend does not want to provide care to this family at all bc the grandma is so verbally abusive to her and curses (not at her, just uses curse words in her everyday speech) when she picks up the child.
This should have been dealt with from the start.It is getting to the point where my friend does not want to provide care to this family at all bc the grandma is so verbally abusive to her and curses (not at her, just uses curse words in her everyday speech) when she picks up the child.
"My policy is that vulgar language is not to be used in this child care facility due to the impressionable nature of the children. This is your first and final warning on the subject. If you fail to heed this warning you will no longer be permitted on the property."
Originally Posted by :
She threatens to call the police for ridiculous things such as a child's shoe being untied,
Call her bluff-hand her the phone. Then look her in the eye when she hesitates and say "Do I have to dial it for you, too?"She threatens to call the police for ridiculous things such as a child's shoe being untied,
Originally Posted by :
or when her SA dck's are doing homework, she says that my friend is forcing them to sit and not play.
This one's simple-"They're not your kids, they're not in your care, it's none of your concern. If you feel that I am in violation of my license, report me. Until then, let me show you where the door is, and be careful so it doesn't hit you where the good Lord split you."or when her SA dck's are doing homework, she says that my friend is forcing them to sit and not play.
QualiTcare 09:14 PM 07-28-2010
some people have no backbone - if the grandparent is complaining about all these policies - it makes me think the parents are complaining about them to HER! how else would she even know?
they don't have the guts to say anything so grandma says it for them.
my boss where i work right now has a daughter who is pregnant. she was telling me that the midwife told her daughter to stop eating fast food so much and to exercise more, etc. my boss (the unborn baby's grandma) got the midwife's phone number so she could call and complain.
i asked - how old is your daughter?
her daughter is 27!!!
i didn't say a word cus i'm sure she wanted me to say how awful that was and how she should complain. i was really thinking, "why in the hell is a 27 year old woman having her mommy speak for her?"
they don't have the guts to say anything so grandma says it for them.
my boss where i work right now has a daughter who is pregnant. she was telling me that the midwife told her daughter to stop eating fast food so much and to exercise more, etc. my boss (the unborn baby's grandma) got the midwife's phone number so she could call and complain.
i asked - how old is your daughter?
her daughter is 27!!!
i didn't say a word cus i'm sure she wanted me to say how awful that was and how she should complain. i was really thinking, "why in the hell is a 27 year old woman having her mommy speak for her?"
MarinaVanessa 09:57 AM 07-29-2010
Originally Posted by Chickenhauler:
Call her bluff-hand her the phone. Then look her in the eye when she hesitates and say "Do I have to dial it for you, too?"
Calling her bluff for this and also having her call licensing to report you are good options. Obviously having her try to explain to the police or licensing that you are torturing her grandchildren by having them do their homework or some other nonsense and then being told by someone of authority that there's nothing wrong with that is what she needs to hear.Call her bluff-hand her the phone. Then look her in the eye when she hesitates and say "Do I have to dial it for you, too?"
And speaking of licensing. Call them to report the incidents as they happen and tell licensing that you are going to talk to the parents about it. This just keeps you safe in case the parents or grandma get upset at you and try to make a false claim in retaliation. It'll be a record to show that you were having problems with them and were going to speak to them about it and are now just miffed at you and trying to get back at you. You just never know. Type up your concerns in an official sounding letter. Give them a copy and keep one for yourself but have them sign your copy and date it as confirmation that they have both received it.
I agree with those that say that you need to talk to the parent's about this issue and have it corrected or not have her come to your home at all. I wouldn't let her come into my house after being treated this way, especially if my contract isn't with her.
Chickenhauler 11:20 PM 07-30-2010
Originally Posted by QualiTcare:
some people have no backbone - if the grandparent is complaining about all these policies - it makes me think the parents are complaining about them to HER! how else would she even know?
they don't have the guts to say anything so grandma says it for them.
my boss where i work right now has a daughter who is pregnant. she was telling me that the midwife told her daughter to stop eating fast food so much and to exercise more, etc. my boss (the unborn baby's grandma) got the midwife's phone number so she could call and complain.
i asked - how old is your daughter?
her daughter is 27!!!
i didn't say a word cus i'm sure she wanted me to say how awful that was and how she should complain. i was really thinking, "why in the hell is a 27 year old woman having her mommy speak for her?"
Because they never grew up, that's why.some people have no backbone - if the grandparent is complaining about all these policies - it makes me think the parents are complaining about them to HER! how else would she even know?
they don't have the guts to say anything so grandma says it for them.
my boss where i work right now has a daughter who is pregnant. she was telling me that the midwife told her daughter to stop eating fast food so much and to exercise more, etc. my boss (the unborn baby's grandma) got the midwife's phone number so she could call and complain.
i asked - how old is your daughter?
her daughter is 27!!!
i didn't say a word cus i'm sure she wanted me to say how awful that was and how she should complain. i was really thinking, "why in the hell is a 27 year old woman having her mommy speak for her?"
They never had their parents look them in the eye and say "You made your bed, now lie in it".
Along those lines, when I first got my drivers license, my father sat me down and told me "If you get arrested, hauled off to jail, thrown in the drunk tank, or for whatever reason are detained by the law, don't waste your one phone call dialing this number thinking I'm going to come bail your butt out, because I'll laugh, hang up on you, roll over and go back to sleep"
professionalmom 08:49 AM 07-31-2010
Originally Posted by Chickenhauler:
"My policy is that vulgar language is not to be used in this child care facility due to the impressionable nature of the children. This is your first and final warning on the subject. If you fail to heed this warning you will no longer be permitted on the property."
I know that we are business women, but we also have to remember that this is our HOME and we have the same rights to EXCLUDE people from our property whether we are conducting business on that property or not. And honestly, I don't have to have a reason to refuse someone from stepping foot on my property. But, in this case, there are plenty of reasons: vulgar language, impressionable young children present, personal preferences, religious preferences, common decency, etc. "My policy is that vulgar language is not to be used in this child care facility due to the impressionable nature of the children. This is your first and final warning on the subject. If you fail to heed this warning you will no longer be permitted on the property."
Remember your home is still a home - your home. So, Chickenhauler is right, tell her that it will not be tolerated and if it happens again (even 1 more time), you will revoke her permission to enter onto your property and any trespassing from that point on will result in law enforcement involvement. Protect your home, your kids, you DC kids, and yourself.