Greetings all...
The corporate world had beaten my wife and I to our knees and we have searched high and low...and within, and we have concluded that we would like to start our own day care facility here in our home. I am able to convert the available space and add more since I am a contractor as well.

We are parents of 4 children, ages 13, 6, 5, and 2, and we have been exposed to daycare centers, home facilities and just about everything else in between since we became parents in 1998.

While we are quite aware of the stringent guidelines, red tape, and over head that will come with such an undertaking, I think our biggest concern is...well...me.

Let's face it...I am a man and this is an industry that is dominated by female providers, teachers, and owners. While I am an upstanding citizen with a squeaky clean past and an active volunteer in the community from little league on down to food drives and a devoted father of 4.....I am still a man.

Is there an inherited stigma that comes with a male being involved with the day care daily business? Will this hurt enrollment due to prior conceived notions and prejudgment?


Are there any other father/men who can chime in here? Any female providers with opinions on this?

Thank you for your input and time.

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My husband had, and on occassion still does, assist me with daycare. So far, it has always been viewed as a plus.

He attends all interviews so that people have the opportunity to meet him and feel comfortable with him providing care to their children. I make sure that prospective clients know he has attended all of the appropriate training and is licensed, as am I. If I get any vibe that they are uncomfortable, I make sure to suggest that they discuss his presence when checking my references. All my daycare families love my hubby.


There will always be a few people who are prejudiced against male caregivers, but you probably don't want those clients anyway.

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My husband works a 4/10 split shift, so 8:30-1:30 and then 5:30-10:30 four days a week. He's here all afternoon and all day on Thursday, so he's a big part of the daycare. He does everything from changing diapers to giving bottles, playing, taking kiddos outside, preparing and serving meals, whatever.

In the one year I've been open, I have only encountered a small bit of reticence on the part of one (very uptight) set of parents regarding his involvement. DH is always here for interviews. We always make it VERY clear from the VERY first interview that he's a big part of things--we make sure to play up the benefits: he's more willing to play the wrestling-type games, he's a built-in back-up provider if I am sick so we don't have to close for sick days, he's a second pair of hands so some kids can stay in and some can go out, he's a great dad and going back to school to be a high school history teacher.

Of the parents who didn't choose to use me, none of them cited DH as the reason (or a reason) why they weren't going to use me. All the parents I have seem to like DH as much as they like me. The kiddos love DH, too.

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My husband is very active in my daycare as well, and the moms (Especially single moms) find it to be a huge plus. He adores kids and doesn't do much "work" but he loves to crawl around on the floor and play so the kids like him way better than me! lol

My husband tries to be at interviews, but if he can't due to work, then he meets the parents whenever he's available too.

I personally wouldn't be concerned at all!

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My DH is my backup for Doctors appointments, illness and emergencies...so far no problems here. 17 years and holding.

Honestly if they choose not to come to your center because of your being a male, then they would have been a difficult family, most likely, anyway. It may actually benefit your wife in working as a PITA filter....

Good luck with your new joint venture!

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I agree 100% with Catherder!

My husband is very involved with the kiddies. He takes them outside to play, reads them stories, helps me to get them up from naps etc. He is always the one who stays with my daycare children when I have appointments or emergencies as well. He is ALWAYS at all of my interviews and we go through the interviewing process together. I think it works very well with the parents as I have never had one PITA! My daycare children love him and so do all of our parents. At this time we are full with no openings in sight for quite some time. My daycare runs better because he is here! As another bonus he is also great at fixing things!

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I love seeing men being involved in childcare and lots of families do too! Good luck to you and your wife!

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A male being involved in providing quality childcare is rare, which makes it unique and should draw in more clients out of respect. Men can be excellent providers too. Someone in our town advertises their home daycare as "Mr. & Mrs. [insert goofy name here]" and it shows in the title that it is a husband and wife business. They also have a picture of them so you don't think they are fish since their goofy name is a fishy name. Enjoy your new business and career as a couple.

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My husband has worked with me full-time for 13 years. We have always been full and are licensed for 14 children.

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WOW....what an out pouring! I had expected some mixed feedback, but the optimism is contagious. I can not thank you all enough for your in depth replies. This will certainly help our resolve to forge ahead with vim and vigor. She will be very happy to read this. It is something I really want to be a part of with her.

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My husband helps out as well. Men care for and play with children in different ways than females. I view it as an asset to helping them become more rounded individuals. The licensor who ran my training class was a man who had owned and worked with his wife in their home daycare for 2 decades. He now works for the state, but he thought it was great there were men at our training and had many positive things to say about presence of a man in the daily lives of children. I think your idea is a fantastic one!

That being said, as a parent looking at home daycares 4 years ago I was totally creeped out by one situation. It was the elderly father of the 50-60ish woman who was the fully licensed provider. He had to have been in his late 70s. The whole place was sketchy and I never would have considered it a place for DD regardless of his presence. But he was a creepy old man rocking in a chair watching cartoons with 2 filthy poorly behaved little boys, yelling at them and reeking of smoke.

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my dh helps me with my daycare he is back up for me when needed the kids love and him and the parents love him as well. I think if you and your wife work well together this sounds like a good plan good luck to both of you

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Wow...that is conviction enough!

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My husband is my back up provider, and my families are all ok with that. On days that he has off from work, it is great to have that male energy around here (for instance, he built an ice slide for the kids this morning in the backyard). I would stress that to parents about how great it is to have balanced male/female energies around. On the other hand, i'm not sure that I would ever place my child in a daycare that was run by a man that I didn't know, if his wife was not there with him. I know this is prejudice, but it's hard to leave your kids with strangers, and i've heard so many stories. There are a few 'daddy daycare' adds that I see up on my local kijiji, who have been trying to fill up for a long time, and it looks like they are having a few problems filling spots. The reality is that given a choice between a great male provider and a great female provider, many families would probably go with the woman. I hope no one jumps on me for this post.

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My husband is also my backup. He owns his own business and often likes to stop by and play with our kids (2 and 5) and the daycare kids during the day. All of the parents are more than ok with it and the daycare kids treat him like he is a rock star.

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This is how my hubby gets treated as well. They all ask after nap if they'll get to see "husband's name" today before they leave!! They get so excited when they hear the garage door open . He gets home at 5p so gets the see pretty much all my dcks before they get picked up. He also helps out if he has a day off or I'm sick. I wish you guys the best of luck!!

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Mine too! He comes in at lunch from 11-2 and every kid gets soooo excited to see/play with him that I am totally forgotten until I have to remind them (DH too!) of the rules....I am the bad guy while he is definitely the rock star here too!!! But, the kids and parents all love him dearly and love having him be part of the kids' lives.

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You guys have really made my day!

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daycaredad,

Just a couple suggestions.

Put both your name and your wife's name on all printed advertisements. That way, you will weed out a lot of people who would choose not to have a man involved.

Let your wife make the call back to prospective parents, but make sure she talks about her full-time employee-husband who is so great with the kids, etc.

Be at all the interviews and make a point of bonding with the dad.

Stay involved in outside activities as you mentioned, so that you and your wife are not together 24/7.

My (x)husband was my employee for 19 years. Honestly, after the divorce, other providers mentioned that they had interviewed the same families, and that they occasionally got comments about "that man". They got the comments even after I had done all the above before the interview. That being said, look good, smell good, and talk with respect at the interviews. You will be scrutinized more than any woman in the business.

Good luck.

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Yes, been doing it a year. All my clients have been fine. My husband is here all the time. He has covered for appointments and even at time I was really sick. Have not had anything but positive. I am just honest up front that he is a big part of it and have them meet him at the interview. Best wishes to you guys in your new journey! Cause it is a journey

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Thank you very much. My wife and I have shared the same office in our home for the last 3 years. So we have a pretty good idea of how the other ticks. The only difference is that we have always worked on different objectives. This sole purpose will be a new venture for us.

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My husband works from home as well, and sometimes he is active in my daycare, I mean he is always here, maybe not in the daycare area all the time but always here. When he isn't busy and has his slow times, he will sit in (usually nap times it makes it easier for him) while I run an errand or an appointment. I have never had any problems with any of my families having him "around" or sitting in for me. I think it makes it easier for them actually that way if I do have an appointment I don't have to take the time off and inconvenience them so it's actually an advantage for them, at least in our case. Good Luck!!!!

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My husband is my partner as well and I don't think I could do it without him! My son has OT, preschool, and several appts a month and my daughters are involved in everything! We take turns bringing our own children to all of their activities and all of my parents are comfortable with my husband staying alone with thier children when needed.
I have had 1 or 2 parents admit to me that it made them a little nervous at first, but as they got to know him they feel completely comfortable leaving their children in his care. We also have a full enrollment and I have had to sadly turn families away as I would be over capcity. I think it is wonderful to have loving male figures in these childrens lives! If for some reason my husband is gone for the day the kids all ask where he is and when he is coming back. They love him! Good luck to the both of you and keep us posted on how things go.

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I don't (and wouldn't) include my husband in the advertising material. There are those people who won't even bother to call because it raises a flag. Unfortunately, since they didn't call you won't have the chance to show them how great your program is and how having a male daycare partner is is such an asset.

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not to rain on the parade here, but there is DEFINITELY a stigma when it comes to men and daycare. a lot of people are uncomfortable with it and it's not just "PITA parents."

i haven't researched it lately, but it's what - 1 in 4 females are sexually abused by the time they're 18? there's at least 25% of the female population that would automatically have a flag pop up by nature - not to mention the ones that would just not like it for whatever reason. then there are the children's fathers - let's face it, MOST men would not want to do daycare for a living and they would find it odd to say the least that another man would want to. i'm not talking about a woman who has a home daycare and her husband is around every now and then after work and helps with the kids. i'm talking about a male who intentionally, willingly aims to open a daycare as his sole source of income and/or to fulfill his "passion" of caring for chidren.

i worked with a male in a daycare, but we were in the schoolage classroom. everyone had to rotate and fill in other classrooms EXCEPT for him. people were skeptical about him even working there, but it seemed like it was OK as long as he was with school-age kids, but working with the younger kids didn't seem to be an option. why? because people think their kid might get molested and little kids can't talk. school agers can. if that's not the reason for the skepticism, what is? nobody cares if a male is a teacher, but a lot of people care (even if not on this forum) if a male is a daycare provider.

i'm not saying you shouldn't or couldn't do it. you can do it, but don't expect to get 100% approval like you have here. it sounds like you're already aware that there will be some negative feedback. it's not likely anyone will say anything TO you, but there will be talk about it for sure. it sounds like you're already aware of that though. if it's what you want to do, it doesn't really matter. the parents that aren't comfortable with it won't bring their kids to your daycare - it's that simple.

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I agree that there is a stigma attached to men in early childhood fields....My dck's participate in swim lessons with our local YMCA and they all loved it. The program was run because of the volunters who make it possible by donating their time....One summer, we had a male volunteer and all but 2 of my 6 kids dropped out because they felt uncomfortable having a male participate. He assisted in tranfers to and from the bus, getting to the locker rooms etc. Many of the male children had females assiting them but parents didn't complain about that; only when the male volunteer showed up did any one fuss.....

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You may want to do a bit more research...the vast majority (70%) of sexual abuse is inflicted by family members. Also, girls are truly not the only victims here... 40% of ALL children are abused by the age of 18, 40% of all females and 30% of all males. Most abuse is inflicted on children under the age of 7.

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i said, "i haven't researched it lately," but it used to be 1 in 4 girls by the time they were 18. i didn't mention boys or say that girls are the ONLY victims. if 40% of ALL children are abused by 18 - then 25% of girls seems about correct, if not LOW.

70% of abuse may be inflicted by a family member - again, not something i argued. who are the other 30% - i guarantee the majority is someone CLOSE to the child - not a stranger.

i don't know about the age being under 7 - again, not something i argued, but that only proves my point.

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I think you should go for it. Also it is not like you will be doing it alone.

I have one child and when she was in daycare I began to realize that the father of the family was home often. It made me uncomfortable at first. I did not say anything because I did not get a bad vibe, just didnt really like it.

I am guilty of having doubts about men around my children I will admit. But a few months later I was so happy he was at home often..the kids loved him. He is a great guy.

I can see why people will be a tad apprehensive but if you are confident in your abilities and show them that then most all will put aside their bad thoughts and realize the truth.

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My dh is self employed with a carpet cleaning business. He runs his business out of our home too. His slow months are during the winter so he is home much more during this time. All of my parents know he is here much of the time and I think it gives them piece of mind that there are 2 adults present. He is also my fill in and I have 3 young kiddos of my own so I am gone quite often with appointments and every once in awhile I leave to do my grocery shopping during naptime or occasionally early in the a.m. I tell my parents on the days I intend to leave so they know in advance that dh is here with the kids. None of the parents has ever had anything negative to say about it. Good luck with your daycare, I hope you enjoy it.

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Yes, 25% is low; it is close to 33%.

My point was that it is ridiculous to believe that any man who enjoys working with children is a pedophile. There are male nurses, male kindergarten teachers, and male daycare providers. When we make assumptions, such as "let's face it, MOST men would not want to do daycare for a living" we are propagating an unfair stereo-type. I don't really know how most men feel, and I doubt you do either. Plus, it doesn't matter what MOST men want to do, it only matters what the individual wants to do and what they are good at! I've known PLENTY of men who make better parents than women.

We are at a point in history where gay men are marrying and having children, we have straight men who are raising children as single Dads, we have stay at home Dads and working Moms...don't you think it is time to stop with all the discrimination?

If a man were to say, "lets face it, most women don't want to work outside the home" most of us would raise holy heck! Let's not continue to support an unfair and quite frankly, ignorant stereo-type. It only serves to hurt everyone.

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my PERSONAL point wasn't that "i believe ANY man who enjoys working with children is a pedophile." i don't believe that so i didn't say that.

my point was that PARENTS as a whole - including and especially women who have been abused (which we've established is nearly 1/3) ARE going to have a flag raised. isn't that what i said? not to mention, that the population i assume to be "most" men who have no desire to do daycare as a profession would also be skeptical. we can assume that many men have a desire to do daycare and they aren't actually doing it. based on the number of men who do daycare, and the reactions i got from men regarding a male working at daycare, MY opinion is that MOST men don't want to do daycare for a living.

i had several parents (men and women, but actually mostly men) make comments to me all the time about my male co-worker at the daycare. they thought it was weird (to put it nicely). i was friends with the guy outside of work. he was good with the kids. that's not the point.

we're not talking about single dads or gay couples. that has nothing to do with anything.

lastly, i advised the guy to go for it. if anyone has a problem with it (and some people WILL) then they won't choose his daycare - it's simple.

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Bravo. I am glad this thread took the turn that it did and showed me exactly what may be registering from both sides. I think 21st century idealism has a strong impression here, especially on the younger generation. While I am 36 and a product of the Reagan era, I think liberal, open minds will prevail. We are located in a metropolis and hopefully the numbers games will win out. We will advertise as a couple. I think the "bait-and-switch" approach would not sit well with me and our goals. I am the father of 4 well-adjusted children; I think my like resume will come through just fine and we are going to go for it.

Remember someone once said, "“Not to mince words, Sir, but we don’t like your boys’ sound. Groups are out; four-piece groups with guitars particularly are finished.”

That group? The Beatles.

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I feel that male workers as opposed to owner/operator may have a different glossiness to it when viewed on by father. While i totally agree that most men don't choose child care as a career path, many of them are small-business owner's and entrepreneurs.

There also may be value in the fact that we have lived in our home for almost 10 years and that we are well established and grounded in the community.

I can not agree with you enough about what some would think if I took a position at a day care center as a provider. I mean, when you look at me, you see a man, football crew cut, 18" arms, and shoulders that can carry his 4 kids at once. Who knows what people will think of me? I may shave my goatee and cover up tattoo of Jesus and the Virgin Mary, but other than that, I am not changing.

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Where in the world are you located? Is this a center???


I would have taken my kids to a daycare with a "dad"!

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Daycaredad; I think what your doing is WONDERFUL!! First, I would not change ONE thing about yourself!! Do you think a daycare mom that has dyed her hair, would change it back so a DCP would not judge her? haha
Covering your tattoo...WHY?? I have a butterfly tattoo on my leg and in the summer I wear shorts and I do not cover it up.

When I was in Utah (son in law in the AF) there were 7 dads on base (moms overseas) and they were childcare providers in their homes. MANY MANY women used them and they always had waiting lists. One of the great things about these daycare dads was, that many Military dads were overseas and the moms were left to be both parents and these 7 daycare days filled a void in many children's life. They could be that father figure for the Militay dad that was overseas. I had the pleasure of spending the day with one daycare day and let me tell you HE WAS AS GOOD AS PROVIDER as I am. I learned some great things from him.

Good Luck in your new position as a provider!!

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Thinking back to when my own two children were young, I used two different babysitters if and when my DH and I got a night out alone. One was a teen girl and the kids loved her because she always brought them little trinkets and stuff but we had another who was a neighbor boy and was a good kid so we asked if he would ever be interested in babysitting for some extra cash, he said yes and I have to say my children LOVED him. They always requested him first and he was absolutely the best sitter I have ever had. The house was sometimes messy but my kids told me that he played with them...like on the floor, in the middle, sleeves up, played with them. He didn't supervise them, he palyed with them. He made up games, he took them outside, he pulled them on sleds and pushed them on teh swings, he built sand castles and made tons of messes with them. I asked them what the other sitter did and they said talked on the phone and put movies in for them. I am NOT saying teen girls aren't good sitters I am only telling the great experience we had with a male sitter vs a female sitter.

A few years ago, our local high school offered an early childhood class and sent the kids out into the public sector and had the kids work as volunteers in local child cares. 99% of the students in this class were girls but there was one boy. The teacher called me and said that three other providers declined having him come into their homes because he was male...I jumped at the chance to have a male in my business...He turned out to be the most fun the kids have ever had!!!! He is now a 3rd year college student and when he is back in town, he always stops and visits, and he sends little things he finds now and then that he thinks the kids would like to the daycare. (Last week we got a board game from him) I am so glad we had that opportunity and I feel like more people should take an open mind way of thinking and include men in all aspects of life! Women are always looking for equal rights/treatment but men don't always get it either...it is sad...men have a lot to offer young children and should always be welcome in the field. Good Luck to you and never back down!!

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i don't think you should change. in fact, i said go for it - why wouldn't you? once again, the people who have an issue with a male provider simply won't choose your services. the ones who don't have an issue will - as with any business.

btw, i have a "young, liberal, open mind" enough so that i realize the group of female childcare providers you "polled" are not representative of the daycare parent population. i would be curious about the feedback you would get if you asked the question on a predominately male forum, or just a non-daycare related forum, "would you send your child to a home daycare with a male caregiver?" i could be wrong, but i'd be willing to bet the responses would not be the same as the ones you received here.

i'm not personally against males working in the profession. i just know enough to know that there are LOTS of people who ARE.

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This will be a large family day care in our home in suburbs of Albany, NY.
Thank you for your vote of confidence.

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I am very happy to say that things are in full swing. I am working on the construction while wife attacks all the other minutia of red tape.
Regardless, we are very excited to be moving forward. Updated my profile to add some pics of the family.

Hope the New Year is finding everyone well.

Best,
Day Care Dad, Rich

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I have been in school for almost 2 years and the amount of men getting into this field has really gone up...I think it is great. Think about this..
When there is usually an absent parent it is usually the dad____________not trying to be rude, but it's true most of the time....
You may be the only male figure in this child's life and just might be what this child needs to feel whole and secure..
When my son who is now 15 went to preschool, he had no dad at home. He did not mesh well with the female staff, but then found a best friend in one of the male staff members. Guess what, to this day they are still friends. The staff member is actually going to let him stay at his house this summer to take him to visit college campus....
I think this is a great thing that you are doing...There is someone for everyone.....
Best of luck to the both of you..

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My ex-husband has come to live with me and my kids (only the oldest of which is his), in a roommate-type situation. He's become disabled so he moved in here so we could help each other out. He helps with the bills. He's not so disabled that he's unable to help me with the daycare, though and does often. I'm even thinking about expanding and applying to be licensed for more kids, now that I have a permanent assistant available.

Anyway, I haven't had any negative feedback about him being here and some of parents really appreciate that he's here in the afternoons when I do my bus runs to the schools.

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I don't understand why people are so weird about men in child care?
My husband who is a paramedic and works as nurse at a local hospital is here a few days a week. I wanted to go to the doctors one day and was going to go while the kids were sleeping...My husband is the only person I know here in CA that is able to be left alone with the kids....So three of my familys said NO...and all three families have been here over a year and know my husband well....Looks like I am going to die at this rate........

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I'm in California and I'm a child care home.

My husband has been a real asset to my program. He has been Dad to many, and a blessing to those children. We have had many FATHERS choose our program because they like the idea that there will be another positive male influence in their child's life. He teaches all of the kids (that want to) how to play football, basketball, baseball. Etc.

This summer, one of our first families moved on. They were with us for 12 years. When they started, Mom was single and raising her son alone. Dad was basically absent, except to harass the Mom. My husband was there for this boy through everything. He bacame part of our extended family, camping, hiking, biking and vacationing with us. Last year Mom married and this year at almost 13 years old, it was time for them to move on. Mom and son both cried their eyes out and, as always, expressed how much they love both of us, and Mom thanked my husband for being the Dad that she couldn't give her son. Of course, he still does lots with us, but I know that my husband had a HUGE impact on his life and will always be an important father figure to him.

Dads in daycare ROCK!!!!

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