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Unregistered 06:26 AM 01-16-2014
All of a sudden My best DCK is falling apart at daycare whenever its time to cleanup. Then all I get is tears and "I want my so and so". I'm now limiting her toys as she will take out every toy in the room but refuses to cleanup. She is only allowed one set of toys and must cleanup those before using any others. Problem is she ends up whining all day for whoever and never putting away that first set of toys.

I asked mom she says it's because she doesn't want her to leave the house or go to work and she doesn't want to go to daycare. The not wanting to go to daycare apparently only happens with mom. It seems mom is projecting on the child...many times she has said to me that she doesn't want to work and wants to stay at home. Apparently that's not possible since she's in daycare. From day one I've had problems with this mom being snarky and rude in texts and emails. She's threatened to find alternate care when I took a sick day due to a gallbladder attack (not like I only had the sniffles). DCD kind of apologizes for her a lot and says she's just stressed but now it's causing behavior problems with the DCK.

DCK using crying for mommy as a way to get out of doing things she doesn't want to do, dad confirmed this is the case at home. Unfortunately, mom seems to be feeding into and says she has anxiety and it's because she doesn't want to go to daycare. From experience this isn't the only time she does it. She does it to get her way and is manipulating the mom. Mom has even taken her to the doctor for her anxiety.

How do I politely help mom understand that this is manipulation to get out of doing things she doesn't feel like doing? This is not anxiety or not liking daycare (DCK is all smiles with me until she has to clean up). This is "I don't want to do what I'm told". Mom is making it into this huge thing and DCK is very smart and knows exactly what she is doing and mom is feeding right into the manipulation making it much much worse!
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taylorw1210 06:35 AM 01-16-2014
Have you told her what you've written? Honestly, if she doesn't get it and DCD can see it but can't manage to get it through to DCM either, I am at a loss. I don't have the patience for parents who refuse to work together for the sake of their child. I had a mother like this who's 3 yo girl was rotten. DCD totally got where I was coming from, but DCM was a pushover and the little girl knew it. Eventually the mom ended up moving her, thank goodness otherwise I would have term'd her. The behavior was beginning to be far too disruptive.

As far as picking up the toys - it sounds like you're doing exactly what I would do in the situation. If the little girl got too upset I would probably sit her down to have "quiet time" until she calmed down, but then have her return to the toys to clean them up. Eventually she will clean them up when she realizes everything she's missing out on...
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nannyde 06:39 AM 01-16-2014
I wouldn't want to try to talk the Mom out of the anxiety diagnosis.

Anxiety is like diarrhea. Two bouts and you are out. Get a plan with Mom that she can have two bouts of anxiety and then she needs to go home. Tell her you will text her when she has the first bout to give her the heads up. When the second one hits then she must be there within one half hour to pick her up.

You are a regular home day care. You are not a therapist or a child psychologist. You shouldn't be working with her in ANY way regarding this mental illness she has. It's out of your league.

It's not fair to the kid to have an exacerbation of her mental illness in child care and not be cared for by professionals. A home child care is NOT the place for her as you don't have trained staff to meet her needs. Either the Mom comes and gets her or provide an aide JUST for her to manage her through her bouts of anxiety.

It's really easy to throw out the mental illness excuse but not so easy to DO something about it. Time for mom to deal with her child's mental illness.
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Blackcat31 06:40 AM 01-16-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
All of a sudden My best DCK is falling apart at daycare whenever its time to cleanup. Then all I get is tears and "I want my so and so". I'm now limiting her toys as she will take out every toy in the room but refuses to cleanup. She is only allowed one set of toys and must cleanup those before using any others. Problem is she ends up whining all day for whoever and never putting away that first set of toys.

I asked mom she says it's because she doesn't want her to leave the house or go to work and she doesn't want to go to daycare. The not wanting to go to daycare apparently only happens with mom. It seems mom is projecting on the child...many times she has said to me that she doesn't want to work and wants to stay at home. Apparently that's not possible since she's in daycare. From day one I've had problems with this mom being snarky and rude in texts and emails. She's threatened to find alternate care when I took a sick day due to a gallbladder attack (not like I only had the sniffles). DCD kind of apologizes for her a lot and says she's just stressed but now it's causing behavior problems with the DCK.

DCK using crying for mommy as a way to get out of doing things she doesn't want to do, dad confirmed this is the case at home. Unfortunately, mom seems to be feeding into and says she has anxiety and it's because she doesn't want to go to daycare. From experience this isn't the only time she does it. She does it to get her way and is manipulating the mom. Mom has even taken her to the doctor for her anxiety.

How do I politely help mom understand that this is manipulation to get out of doing things she doesn't feel like doing? This is not anxiety or not liking daycare (DCK is all smiles with me until she has to clean up). This is "I don't want to do what I'm told". Mom is making it into this huge thing and DCK is very smart and knows exactly what she is doing and mom is feeding right into the manipulation making it much much worse!
Why would you even entertain keeping a client that is so rude and disrespectful?

Her DD's behavior/attitude isn't going to change if she is feeding off of mom.

Sounds like the child is showing the same respect to you (or lack of) that mom is.

NO amount of money is worth keeping clients that treat you like crap.
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craftymissbeth 06:43 AM 01-16-2014
Could you ask dcm what she suggests you do when dcg does it? You could possibly let dcm know that when dcg becomes disruptive and refuses to do as she's asked that you will call for a pick-up. She'll probably do one of a couple of things: 1) realize that missing work because of this is a bigger problem than she thought and correct the issue (the hopeful outcome) 2) Pull and take her somewhere that will deal with her child being manipulative 3) Feed into it more, quit her job, and stay home with dcg.

I'm a big supporter of putting problems like back on the parents... when the issue is much more difficult to resolve without full support of the parents.

I'm sure someone will have a much better, brilliant idea for you, though
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Unregistered 06:45 AM 01-16-2014
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I wouldn't want to try to talk the Mom out of the anxiety diagnosis.

Anxiety is like diarrhea. Two bouts and you are out. Get a plan with Mom that she can have two bouts of anxiety and then she needs to go home. Tell her you will text her when she has the first bout to give her the heads up. When the second one hits then she must be there within one half hour to pick her up.

You are a regular home day care. You are not a therapist or a child psychologist. You shouldn't be working with her in ANY way regarding this mental illness she has. It's out of your league.

It's not fair to the kid to have an exacerbation of her mental illness in child care and not be cared for by professionals. A home child care is NOT the place for her as you don't have trained staff to meet her needs. Either the Mom comes and gets her or provide an aide JUST for her to manage her through her bouts of anxiety.

It's really easy to throw out the mental illness excuse but not so easy to DO something about it. Time for mom to deal with her child's mental illness.
DCK doesn't have anxiety. MOM has anxiety and guilt over working that she is projecting onto her very smart, very manipulative child who is using it against Mom to get out of doing tasks she doesn't want to do.

It's grown so much at home that now it's spilling out into daycare. This child was sooooo easy prior to mom dropping off last week and discussing these supposed issues in front of the child. DCK was listening the whole time to what mo. Was saying and then starting to act out these same things mom said.
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craftymissbeth 06:48 AM 01-16-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
DCK doesn't have anxiety. MOM has anxiety and guilt over working that she is projecting onto her very smart, very manipulative child who is using it against Mom to get out of doing tasks she doesn't want to do.

It's grown so much at home that now it's spilling out into daycare. This child was sooooo easy prior to mom dropping off last week and discussing these supposed issues in front of the child. DCK was listening the whole time to what mo. Was saying and then starting to act out these same things mom said.
I think that's what nannyde's saying... obviously dcg doesn't have anxiety, but if mom insists that she does then dcg will be treated like she does, kwim?
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Unregistered 06:58 AM 01-16-2014
I'm not ready to give up on this child because other than these bouts of "anxiety", She is dream, such a sweet girl and very helpful and loving! Also, I won't term over MOm because I never see or have to deal with her.
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Blackcat31 07:07 AM 01-16-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I'm not ready to give up on this child because other than these bouts of "anxiety", She is dream, such a sweet girl and very helpful and loving! Also, I won't term over MOm because I never see or have to deal with her.
You may not have to deal with mom all day but you see her at drop off and pick ups and the behavior of her child IS directly related to her.

Also you are apparently bothered enough by this mom or you wouldn't have even brought up or mentioned her rude or snarky comments.

If you are going to separate the child from the parent, the comments or statements you made about the parent then has nothing to do with this situation.

I hope you find a resolution that works for you. When parents and providers aren't on the same page or working together, it is NEVER easy and rarely successful.
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Cat Herder 07:11 AM 01-16-2014
I'd simply stop talking to DCM about the kids *age appropriate behavior* on your time. It is giving her the ammunition she needs to make you look incompetent and make her feel validated. I'd also never ask her how they handle things on their time, it is irrelevant to how I do things in group care.

Unless you are sending her home or terminating her, there is no need for Mom to be involved in this issue, IMHO. Natural consequences work and there are already expected behavior interventions in your regs.

Here: If DCK refuses to clean up, she sits out and loses the privilege to my toys. If she whines and disrupts an activity, she sits out and loses the privilege to participate in the activity. Rinse, repeat, no exceptions.

By going to her mom, in front of DCK, then having mom tell you that you are the problem reinforces DCK's behavior in that it obviously pleases her mom. The cycle will never stop this way.....

Get rid of them or shut Mom down, these are the only solutions I see....
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nannyde 07:34 AM 01-16-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
DCK doesn't have anxiety. MOM has anxiety and guilt over working that she is projecting onto her very smart, very manipulative child who is using it against Mom to get out of doing tasks she doesn't want to do.

It's grown so much at home that now it's spilling out into daycare. This child was sooooo easy prior to mom dropping off last week and discussing these supposed issues in front of the child. DCK was listening the whole time to what mo. Was saying and then starting to act out these same things mom said.
I know that and you know that but Mom doesn't know WE know that.

I wouldn't spend a minute on trying to talk Mom out of such a great excuse to send her home so she can have the mental help she needs.
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Unregistered 07:35 AM 01-16-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
You may not have to deal with mom all day but you see her at drop off and pick ups and the behavior of her child IS directly related to her.

Also you are apparently bothered enough by this mom or you wouldn't have even brought up or mentioned her rude or snarky comments.

If you are going to separate the child from the parent, the comments or statements you made about the parent then has nothing to do with this situation.

I hope you find a resolution that works for you. When parents and providers aren't on the same page or working together, it is NEVER easy and rarely successful.
You're right it does bother me that she's so rude. It's hard to separate because mom will text me asking how DCK is. I say "good, why did she have a rough night", moms reply is "no, she didn't want to go to daycare today, but I told her, 'I know you don't like daycare but you have to go so mommy can work'." This is an actual text exchange we had one morning and there's constantly texts or emails along these lines.

It's frustrating because mom wants her not to like daycare so mom can feel better about her guilt. I don't play into it. Mom seems upset that DCK isn't as badly behaved here as at home. She warned me one day, late in the day that DCK was in a terrible mood when leaving for daycare, I replied with "oh you'd never know it, she's been happy all day!" Well that seemed to piss her off bc then the next few text exchanges mom was nasty and rude.

I just don't know what to do with the mom!
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Cat Herder 07:39 AM 01-16-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I just don't know what to do with the mom!
Stop the passive aggressive texting wars.

Q. How is DCK? A. Busy with blocks.

Text: She was moody this morning. Return text: Sorry to hear that.

Don't feed the crazy...........
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Blackcat31 07:43 AM 01-16-2014
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
Stop the passive aggressive texting wars.

Q. How is DCK? A. Busy with blocks.

Text: She was moody this morning. Return text: Sorry to hear that.

Don't feed the crazy...........


YES!!! this is more what I was trying to say.

Stop playing the game with her.

The mom is going to drive you batty is you continue to let her. Let her own her own issues....it sounds like she is really struggling with the mommy-guilt but that's HER choice to do and not something you should have to deal with when you are busy trying to provide the best care you can to her child.

You are caring for the child not the parent.
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Cat Herder 08:03 AM 01-16-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
it sounds like she is really struggling with the mommy-guilt
I'd lay bets it is more anger/jealousy based. I say this from a few experiences with Mothers whose friends were financially able to stay home with their kids when they were not.

They'd take the anger to the Father first almost shaming/blaming him for not earning more... like Mom could not have saved/planned better herself.

When Dear Old Dad tells her that he is not willing to work more hours or give up more parenting time Mom turns her focus on making the childcare provider look incompetent.

If the provider is incompetent all providers must be the same so now Mom must be the martyr and stay home forcing Dads hand.

I have seen this play out more than once or twice.... Anyone else??? The big issue is that they are not afraid to take your reputation to fulfill their goal. Be very careful giving ammunition.
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Blackcat31 08:09 AM 01-16-2014
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
I'd lay bets it is more anger/jealousy based. I say this from a few experiences with Mothers whose friends were financially able to stay home with their kids when they were not.

They'd take the anger to the Father first almost shaming/blaming him for not earning more... like Mom could not have saved/planned better herself.

When Dear Old Dad tells her that he is not willing to work more hours or give up more parenting time Mom turns her focus on making the childcare provider look incompetent.

If the provider is incompetent all providers must be the same so now Mom must be the martyr and stay home forcing Dads hand.

I have seen this play out more than once or twice.... Anyone else???
".....and BINGO was his name-o!"
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nannyde 08:26 AM 01-16-2014
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
I'd lay bets it is more anger/jealousy based. I say this from a few experiences with Mothers whose friends were financially able to stay home with their kids when they were not.

They'd take the anger to the Father first almost shaming/blaming him for not earning more... like Mom could not have saved/planned better herself.

When Dear Old Dad tells her that he is not willing to work more hours or give up more parenting time Mom turns her focus on making the childcare provider look incompetent.

If the provider is incompetent all providers must be the same so now Mom must be the martyr and stay home forcing Dads hand.

I have seen this play out more than once or twice.... Anyone else??? The big issue is that they are not afraid to take your reputation to fulfill their goal. Be very careful giving ammunition.
Yeah that and....

Believe me there are a TON of people who work because they have to not because they want to. Just because you sprog out a kid doesn't make you like having to work.

She may not want to stay home with little Missy so much as she doesn't want to work. I've seen just as many deals where mom is home... refuses to work AND sends the kid to day care.

I've seen a TON of State paid parents who have a job during the time they apply for day care and then once it is granted for six months quit their job and still send the kid to day care.

It may not have anything more to do than the Mom wanting to stay home all day and not work. Little Missy or no little missy... just no work.

They can't justify it with Daddy to quit the job so the target is the child care experience. Once Daddy says yes you can quit the job for the happiness of the kid then soon enough the Mom wants the kid in preschool or in day care for socialization. In the end... she gets to not work.

I would just agree with her. YES she doesn't like day care. I don't know many who do. YES she fights you to come. Who could blame her? She needs Mom and she needs love... and she needs her Mom's love.

Next?
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daycare 08:33 AM 01-16-2014
I have had this parent and child. The apple does not fall far from the tree.

Hope I said that the right way....lol
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Cat Herder 08:47 AM 01-16-2014
Originally Posted by nannyde:

It may not have anything more to do than the Mom wanting to stay home all day and not work. Little Missy or no little missy... just no work.

They can't justify it with Daddy to quit the job so the target is the child care experience. Once Daddy says yes you can quit the job for the happiness of the kid then soon enough the Mom wants the kid in preschool or in day care for socialization. In the end... she gets to not work.

I would just agree with her. YES she doesn't like day care. I don't know many who do. YES she fights you to come. Who could blame her? She needs Mom and she needs love... and she needs her Mom's love.

Next?
I have no doubts that will come next, being a SAHM only looks like fun until you have to do it. 100% home, child and spouse care tends to come with that gig. I have never worked at a job as hard as I work at home.

My fear is this Mom taking the providers reputation with her when she goes, though.... I'd not kick the hive and let Mom move on to the next issue in the hat.... Kid has Anxiety and needs special mom care. She is already halfway there......
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Unregistered 11:21 AM 01-16-2014
I used to give daily updates on all activities and give very detailed daily curriculum updates which I stopped doing because of the summer and that none of my parents were reading them (this mom included, she admitted as much). Now the mom is demanding I give daily updates on the curriculum and all activities bc she wants to make sure I'm still doing the curriculum. I said id be happy to do weekly curriculum updates. But that's not good enough, she said she wants it done daily. I'm just ignoring the demands for now andyold her ill send home another copy of the newsletter for jan/Feb which outlines the curriculum for those 2 months.

How should I handle the demanding?
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Cat Herder 11:36 AM 01-16-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
How should I handle the demanding?
"No. I no longer do daily sheets. I will be more than happy to give you another copy of the curriculum guide for January and February if you have lost your original copy."

Long awkward silence. Let her break it.

If she says that does not work for her, say:

"I am sorry to hear that. Should I take that as your 30 day notice then?"

Long awkward silence.

Proceed from her answer... do not justify, argue, defend or explain your decisions (JADE ), simply state and restate them until she runs out of "but's".

She will leave or stay on your terms....
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Heidi 11:42 AM 01-16-2014
"Well, now that dcg is old enough to tell you about her day, I'm sure it'll make very nice dinner-table discussion."

How about a bulletin board near the entrance where you just write it once? Not make copies for each parent to line the bottom of their cars with.
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Heidi 11:42 AM 01-16-2014
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
"No. I no longer do daily sheets. I will be more than happy to give you another copy of the curriculum guide for January and February if you have lost your original copy."

Long awkward silence. Let her break it.

If she says that does not work for her, say:

"I am sorry to hear that. Should I take that as your 30 day notice then?"

Long awkward silence.

Proceed from her answer... do not justify, argue, defend or explain your decisions (JADE ), simply state and restate them until she runs out of "but's".

She will leave or stay on your terms....

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nannyde 11:57 AM 01-16-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I used to give daily updates on all activities and give very detailed daily curriculum updates which I stopped doing because of the summer and that none of my parents were reading them (this mom included, she admitted as much). Now the mom is demanding I give daily updates on the curriculum and all activities bc she wants to make sure I'm still doing the curriculum. I said id be happy to do weekly curriculum updates. But that's not good enough, she said she wants it done daily. I'm just ignoring the demands for now andyold her ill send home another copy of the newsletter for jan/Feb which outlines the curriculum for those 2 months.

How should I handle the demanding?
Just charge a five dollar fee for daily curriculum updates, 3 for weekly, and free bi-monthly newsletter update. Make sure they understand that is for both verbal and written updates.

Put up a sign up sheet and collect fees on Friday for the upcoming week.

Your problem is that you are doing it for free. If she values it she will pay for it.
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Unregistered 01:12 PM 01-16-2014
Originally Posted by Heidi:
"Well, now that dcg is old enough to tell you about her day, I'm sure it'll make very nice dinner-table discussion."

How about a bulletin board near the entrance where you just write it once? Not make copies for each parent to line the bottom of their cars with.
I will use the first line about dinner time conversation. As for a bulletin board, I never actuallysee mom, she never drops off or picks up.
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Unregistered 01:30 PM 01-16-2014
I want to confront the mom about all the hostility. Or should I just keep playing nice and allow her to speak with me any way she wants?
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Unregistered 10:33 AM 01-17-2014
Wow, mom just threw a complete tantrum through text to get her way. She kept asking multiple times to get daily updates I kept repeating that I'm wiling to compromise by giving bimonthly newsletters and weekly written curriculum updates then she got nasty and started threatening to pull her child. I just spent the last 2 hours responding to her nasty texts.

Unfortunately, I need the income and had to give in. Even after giving her her way she continued to beat a dead horse about me not meeting their needs and I'm too strict and I shoot down their requests for special treatment and to not have to follow my policies. Then her last text was basically "see, that conversation didn't have to be so bad if you'd just met my request". Like, "if you gave me what I want I wouldn't have had to get nasty".

Ugh! I feel sick that I just let this mom back me into a corner. I have a new child starting in a few weeks and then I will be giving this family their walking papers due to the moms hostility. I'll be very sad to see them go as I absolutely adore the child and the rest of the family but I will not tolerate this mother's demanding attitude, rudeness, and entitlement.

Also, she said one thing that bothered me...she said every other daycare gives daily detailed curriculum updates (the updates I used to give listed every single activity and toy the child did that day). I don't believe this to be true, is it?
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Blackcat31 10:49 AM 01-17-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Wow, mom just threw a complete tantrum through text to get her way. She kept asking multiple times to get daily updates I kept repeating that I'm wiling to compromise by giving bimonthly newsletters and weekly written curriculum updates then she got nasty and started threatening to pull her child. I just spent the last 2 hours responding to her nasty texts.

Unfortunately, I need the income and had to give in. Even after giving her her way she continued to beat a dead horse about me not meeting their needs and I'm too strict and I shoot down their requests for special treatment and to not have to follow my policies. Then her last text was basically "see, that conversation didn't have to be so bad if you'd just met my request". Like, "if you gave me what I want I wouldn't have had to get nasty".
The above bolded part is what is wrong with this relationship.

You are being held financially hostage by this family but ONLY because YOU are allowing it.

I would skip a ton of things in my life to save the missing money from this family before I continued to put up with such blatant disrespect.

NO AMOUNT OF MONEY IS WORTH CLIENTS WHO TREAT YOU LIKE CRAP.

I'd stand in line at the soup kitchen before keeping this family.

Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Ugh! I feel sick that I just let this mom back me into a corner. I have a new child starting in a few weeks and then I will be giving this family their walking papers due to the moms hostility. I'll be very sad to see them go as I absolutely adore the child and the rest of the family but I will not tolerate this mother's demanding attitude, rudeness, and entitlement.

Also, she said one thing that bothered me...she said every other daycare gives daily detailed curriculum updates (the updates I used to give listed every single activity and toy the child did that day). I don't believe this to be true, is it?
If every other daycare gives curriculum updates, then why isn't she attending one of them?

I'm sorry you are having to deal with such a crappy situation but in all honesty, it is 50% your fault too because you are allowing it.

Even if you don't want to, you are and THAT is what is what is giving this mom the impression that she is in charge.

I wish I had better advice for you but I don't. I could just never allow someone to be so rude to me in regards to my business.
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Heidi 10:56 AM 01-17-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
The above bolded part is what is wrong with this relationship.

You are being held financially hostage by this family but ONLY because YOU are allowing it.

I would skip a ton of things in my life to save the missing money from this family before I continued to put up with such blatant disrespect.

NO AMOUNT OF MONEY IS WORTH CLIENTS WHO TREAT YOU LIKE CRAP.

I'd stand in line at the soup kitchen before keeping this family.



If every other daycare gives curriculum updates, then why isn't she attending one of them?

I'm sorry you are having to deal with such a crappy situation but in all honesty, it is 50% your fault too because you are allowing it.

Even if you don't want to, you are and THAT is what is what is giving this mom the impression that she is in charge.

I wish I had better advice for you but I don't. I could just never allow someone to be so rude to me in regards to my business.
Yeah, holy crap!

OP...this will be smooth for a few days or a couple weeks, and then she will find the next thing to complain about. In your shoes at this point, I would have a term letter ready. The next time this happens, term on the spot. NO ONE should treat you like this!
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nannyde 11:04 AM 01-17-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Wow, mom just threw a complete tantrum through text to get her way. She kept asking multiple times to get daily updates I kept repeating that I'm wiling to compromise by giving bimonthly newsletters and weekly written curriculum updates then she got nasty and started threatening to pull her child. I just spent the last 2 hours responding to her nasty texts.

Unfortunately, I need the income and had to give in. Even after giving her her way she continued to beat a dead horse about me not meeting their needs and I'm too strict and I shoot down their requests for special treatment and to not have to follow my policies. Then her last text was basically "see, that conversation didn't have to be so bad if you'd just met my request". Like, "if you gave me what I want I wouldn't have had to get nasty".

Ugh! I feel sick that I just let this mom back me into a corner. I have a new child starting in a few weeks and then I will be giving this family their walking papers due to the moms hostility. I'll be very sad to see them go as I absolutely adore the child and the rest of the family but I will not tolerate this mother's demanding attitude, rudeness, and entitlement.

Also, she said one thing that bothered me...she said every other daycare gives daily detailed curriculum updates (the updates I used to give listed every single activity and toy the child did that day). I don't believe this to be true, is it?
The lesson here is to know your bottom line before you go to war. If you want the money then you do as you are told. If you are willing to loose the money then go to war. A lot of providers believe that they can talk parents into doing the right thing by using words with logic. They are upset when their technique doesn't work.

Best thing is to know when you are doing what you are doing JUST because you want money. When you write out the curriculum and do the adnauseam parent conferencing that comes along with it... just run a reel to reel in your head that says... I do this because I want money... I do this because I want money... I do this because I want money.

When she has you cornered to do this... then the next demand will come. Then you have to decide the bottom line before you go to that war. Rinse and repeat.

When you have gone to war too many times then you will say no more. When you say no more you say to yourself: I don't want the money.

It's really that simple
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Unregistered 11:35 AM 01-17-2014
I am absolutely ready to term as soon as my new DCK starts. Please help with the term letter? I want them to know the reason I'm letting them go is because of moms disrespect and demands for special treatment.

I know it's my fault...I am allowing this to happen because I need the money (which I really do, ATM my enrollment is down because I just had a baby and we are paying off a large amount of hospital bills due to my son being in the NICU and children's hospital for a week). I want to have a letter ready for as soon as mid February rolls around I'm giving them notice!
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Blackcat31 11:49 AM 01-17-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I am absolutely ready to term as soon as my new DCK starts. Please help with the term letter? I want them to know the reason I'm letting them go is because of moms disrespect and demands for special treatment.

I know it's my fault...I am allowing this to happen because I need the money (which I really do, ATM my enrollment is down because I just had a baby and we are paying off a large amount of hospital bills due to my son being in the NICU and children's hospital for a week). I want to have a letter ready for as soon as mid February rolls around I'm giving them notice!
I hope you didn't think I was being harsh because I meant everything I said with a kind heart but seriously Hun, this lady is walking all over you and I am steaming mad FOR you!!!!

If I were you and you are ready to term, I would simply hand her a letter that says

Dear DCP

This is written notice of termination of our child care arrangements.

Over the last few weeks, it has become increasingly clear that my program is not the right fit for your needs.

The last day I am willing to provide care is xxxxx, 2014.

Enclosed is the number to the local Child Care Resource and Referral to aid you in finding care arrangements that better suit your needs.

Sincerely,

Provider.


I would NOT negotiate or discuss anything more with her and if you feel she is going to be tough to deal with the final few days/weeks (whatever your requirements are) I would term on the spot for outright disrespect.

I sure hope this comes to a close quickly and soon for your sake.

This women has me bent out of shape and I am pretty hard to piss off.
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Annalee 11:53 AM 01-17-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I am absolutely ready to term as soon as my new DCK starts. Please help with the term letter? I want them to know the reason I'm letting them go is because of moms disrespect and demands for special treatment.

I know it's my fault...I am allowing this to happen because I need the money (which I really do, ATM my enrollment is down because I just had a baby and we are paying off a large amount of hospital bills due to my son being in the NICU and children's hospital for a week). I want to have a letter ready for as soon as mid February rolls around I'm giving them notice!
You are a kind-hearted-soul. Don't think any amount of money would make me keep this parent.
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Unregistered 12:02 PM 01-17-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I hope you didn't think I was being harsh because I meant everything I said with a kind heart but seriously Hun, this lady is walking all over you and I am steaming mad FOR you!!!!

If I were you and you are ready to term, I would simply hand her a letter that says

Dear DCP

This is written notice of termination of our child care arrangements.

Over the last few weeks, it has become increasingly clear that my program is not the right fit for your needs.

The last day I am willing to provide care is xxxxx, 2014.

Enclosed is the number to the local Child Care Resource and Referral to aid you in finding care arrangements that better suit your needs.

Sincerely,

Provider.


I would NOT negotiate or discuss anything more with her and if you feel she is going to be tough to deal with the final few days/weeks (whatever your requirements are) I would term on the spot for outright disrespect.

I sure hope this comes to a close quickly and soon for your sake.

This women has me bent out of shape and I am pretty hard to piss off.
No, you weren't too harsh! You were honest and I appreciate that! This woman is taking advantage of me and playing on my emotions and blaming my new baby for the quality of her daughters care going down. Quality of care has not gone down! This kid doesn't want to be here bc mom doesn't want her to be here. In one of her texts she said she even considered quitting her job to stay home because of the stress my daycare is putting on her family is not worth it. Lol, that's the whole plan is to make daycare look increasingly worse to her SO so she can stay home. Problem is she's tearing me, my business, and my family down in the process.
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Heidi 12:23 PM 01-17-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
No, you weren't too harsh! You were honest and I appreciate that! This woman is taking advantage of me and playing on my emotions and blaming my new baby for the quality of her daughters care going down. Quality of care has not gone down! This kid doesn't want to be here bc mom doesn't want her to be here. In one of her texts she said she even considered quitting her job to stay home because of the stress my daycare is putting on her family is not worth it. Lol, that's the whole plan is to make daycare look increasingly worse to her SO so she can stay home. Problem is she's tearing me, my business, and my family down in the process.
You know what, I am not an instigator, but I wouldn't be able to stop myself in this situation.

When dad comes, I would ask him for a minute of his time. If possible, have dcg out of earshot (an older child or dh would be handy at this time). Then, I would say. "Look, we have a problem. I adore dcg, and I've always gotten along great with you. But, lately, things have been really bad with (wife's name). I'd like to show you something". Then, show him the texts. "Honestly, dcd, it seems like dcm would like to stay home with dcg. I think that's wonderful, but I can't be put in the position of taking the blame, and I certainly don't think that upsetting dcg is fair to her. So, either you need to have a talk with dcm, or as of February 1, you are going to have to work out something else for childcare. I feel like I'm being bullied, dcd is acting out, and I honestly just can't take it, no matter how much I care about her".

Up to you, and it's a little underhanded to bring dcd into it, but at least you know you've said your piece, and then HE can deal with dcm. Maybe you're doing her a favor by laying the cards on the table.

If you give a two-weeks notice now, and have a new one starting mid-February, then it's only 2 weeks without the income. Somehow, things will wait 2 weeks.
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Unregistered 02:50 PM 01-17-2014
Notice of Termination

Over the past few weeks, correspondences from DCM have become increasingly hostile and disrespectful. As much as I have enjoyed providing care for DCG over this last year, and as much as it pains me to see her go, I will not tolerate any more disrespectful behavior towards myself, my business or my family.

This letter will serve as the 4 week notice of termination of childcare services. I will no longer provide care after ______________. Your 2 weeks deposit will cover the last 2 weeks of care, however you are still responsible for 2 weeks tuition, due on _________ and __________.

Sincerely,
DCP
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Heidi 05:09 PM 01-17-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Notice of Termination

Over the past few weeks, correspondences from DCM have become increasingly hostile and disrespectful. As much as I have enjoyed providing care for DCG over this last year, and as much as it pains me to see her go, I will not tolerate any more disrespectful behavior towards myself, my business or my family.

This letter will serve as the 4 week notice of termination of childcare services. I will no longer provide care after ______________. Your 2 weeks deposit will cover the last 2 weeks of care, however you are still responsible for 2 weeks tuition, due on _________ and __________.

Sincerely,
DCP
awesome! Good job.

Normally, we are encouraged to avoid giving reasons in our letters, but I think you did a really good job of laying it out in a firm, but kind (to dcg) way.
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Tags:deaf ears, enforcing policies - consistency, mommies day out, passive aggressive
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